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Changing You

Author:

Chapter 1: Bailey

Bailey's POV

Can somebody please explain to me why the heck I decided to drive this thirty-hour drive instead of fly! Ugh! It is beyond me. Except of course I know why. I could not leave my baby behind. I pat the dash of my car lovingly. Only six more hours of this hell and I should reach Bumble.

Only six more hours, I continued to chant in my head as I turned up my radio.

I was nervous but mostly anxious about arriving in a small town I hadn't been to in seven years. I still can't believe Papaw Jack was gone. My heart aches for him. He died from a brain aneurysm, alone. It was so sudden that when I got the call from his brother, Leroy I dropped my phone.

This was not supposed to happen to my Papaw. He was a good-hearted man that took me in every summer. From the time I was seven until I stop going when I was fourteen. I could curse that ungrateful brat of a teenager I once was.

I remember my time with Papaw fondly. He was a refuge to me when my mother met Stan, my stepfather. She would ship me away to Papaw when they first met. I was only seven years old, only ever being with my mother it turned my world upside down. Papaw was there though, for every tear.

He was always there for me. He was there for me at the worst part of my childhood, he paid for my schooling, and always called me once a week to make sure I was staying the "good girl" he knew me to be. A tear ran down my cheek and I wipe them away. I could not believe I was not there for him. I begin to weep as I drive down the highway.

I was Papaw's only grandchild. Being his late sons only child, he made sure I was well taken care of.

Once my father Jacob died on duty in Afghanistan. -When I was two- Mom left Alabama and never returned.

"She woulda died broken hearted if ya'll had stayed." Papaw said when I was young and had asked why we'd moved in the first place. Mom never talked about my dad, but Papaw did. I loved every story, everyone.

Papaw was my only loving male role model. Aside from Stan but he more or less treated me as an obstacle than anything near how he treated his own children. My two younger siblings, Brandon and Landon were twelve and the most obnoxious boys I had ever known. I love them though they were my brothers after all. But I would be lying if I told you, it wasn't hard for me to watch my mom and Stan create a family, I felt I was never really a part of.

When I cried to Papaw about this. He would tell me that "I needed to be strong, I had him and that he would wipe my tears, always." My heart breaks just thinking of it. He never once discredited my mom or stepfather, not to me anyway.

Once I hit my teenage years though no one could console me. I felt as though I had been cheated in life, cheated out of a father, a family, that nobody understood me. I ran from anything to do with my dad, the pictures of him, the stories and Papaw.

Then came college and my relationship with Dan, college life and friends were the only things that I had sadly cared about. It makes me sick thinking about the last time I physically seen Papaw. It was when Dan had broken it off with me. I was a mess and hardly spent any time with him. Even though he drove this thirty-hour trip to see me. I was beside myself with that fact. But Papaw being the man he was wiped my tears and held me as I cried. "Telling me no man was good enough for me anyway."

I smile through my tears as I think of him saying this. The last time we had spoken, was now a week ago, just three days before his death. I had made plans to come see him. He was getting too old to travel and I knew I needed to see him soon, it wasn't soon enough.

Guilt, sadness and tiredness made this trip even more agonizing. My plan was to go help clean up the house with his family and help arrange the funeral. I was left everything, and I had no idea how to handle it. When the lawyer Roy had called me, I had almost choked on the blueberries I was eating.

My Papaw lived frugally. Never spending an extra penny on anything. When Roy told me this, what my Papaw had left for me I cried even harder. He could barely understand me over the phone. Two million dollars sat in his personal bank accounts alone, three thousand and some odd acres of land he inherited from his late father, that was now mine and a bunch of other stuff that I couldn't comprehend at the time.

You would have never known that Old Man Jack owned a million dollars. I hadn't told anyone except my best friend Emily. She could not believe it herself. I could never tell my mother or Stan what I inherited from Papaw. I was just beside myself with what my Papaw left for me, what he did for me.

After making a quick stop at McDonald's for breakfast I only had two hours left and I would finally be in Bumble. Food has always been my comfort. While other people enjoyed drugs or alcohol my addiction when I was sad was my food.

The hours passed and I finally seen the old white town sign that read Bumble in all capital letters that were a murky yellow color. A big bumble bee to the right of the sign. I let out a breath knowing I was nearly there. Only nearly 1,000 people lived in this small town. Which was much more than had when I was a child. The town was old. The buildings were just as old, only one stop light in the middle of town and two gas stations. Not even an all-night grocery stores or gas stations in sight. I was most disappointed when I didn't see a Starbucks or any other coffee chain, that I expected though.

I had never driven on an old dirt road before. To be frank, it was freaking me out! My car kept tugging in the direction of the ditch, and I prayed my baby would make it through. Woods and swamp surrounded me, and I swore I seen an alligator! I had never noticed this before! Papaw never had the issues driving this road or none I could tell when I was a child.

Ugh!

What was I getting myself into? A girl like me from San Diego, California, kissed by that Cali sun and city life. What the heck was I doing in this swamp... Papaw... I chanted to myself. This is for him! I had to do this whether I got eaten up by the alligators or not!

I knew I was getting close when an older white house came into view. The Carson's were my Papaw's only neighbors. Right across from his wooded driveway. The only thing that caught me off guard was the big, huge black truck in the driveway and a little white Honda.

Driving up the road closer to the house. I see a messy blonde-haired woman approaching the Honda in a red dress that curved to her body. A body type I would never have, with wide hips and a small waist. She waved to the porch, and I unknowingly followed with my eyes to see who she was waving to.

My eyes went wide, and I almost choked on my own spit as I came closer to view the god that leisurely stood on the Carson's white deck. Leaning against the door as he waved off the blond. He was wearing nothing but dark jeans that hung low on his hips, of his muscular body. His short blond hair clean cut, his sharp facial features prominent from here. This man was a real-life Casanova. I swallowed hard; my eyes caught the blond getting into her Honda staring at me with a glare as I pull into Papaw's short driveway. My car dipping into a pothole harshly. Papaw's old Chevy truck sitting in the drive, taunting me.

Ugh! I look up at the old brown house that I would spend my summers at. Another wave of sadness crashed over me. I slowly open my door. Stepping out as the Honda drove past me, catching my attention. I look over seeing the handsome man smile in my direction, opening the Carson's door and disappearing behind it. I look back to Papaw’s house with sadness washing over me.

I imagined Papaw rushing out the door and giving me one of his bear hugs. Excited for me to be there but I knew that would never happen, not this summer or anymore. I reach back into my car to grab my cell phone. I text Darren telling him I had arrived.

Darren being one of my many cousins. My Papaw was one of seven in his family of siblings. I had met them over the summers I had been here. Darren was a teenager and young man on the times I had visited so I never made any connection with him. Since Papaw’s passing his been in contact with me. Darren’s younger brother Timmy was my age and his sister Lily three years older than I.

Darren responded quickly.

Darren: good 2 know. Ask Bear if ya need anythin, a good buddy of mine. His ur neighbor across the road. We'll be over sometime soon. Roy should be stoppin by.

I responded with an okay. I would be a hot mess if I had to ask the man across the road for anything so I knew I wouldn't be doing that. I would have to ask what happened to the Carson's when I see Darren next. They were a lovely couple around my Papaw's age. Georgia would often watch me for Papaw. Always making me baked sweets, making me chubbier every year which drove my mom nuts.

"We all need a little fat on our bones." She'd tell me when I'd tell her what my mom would say.

Thankfully my metabolism kicked in, in my teen aged years and that chubby kid was no more. I was as skinny as rod. My butt and thighs the only part of my body that had any extra weight apart from my chest of course. I didn't have the biggest breast but enough that I never heard a complaint.

I walk up the rickety, old, brown porch that led to the old brown door. I look into the square window of the door. The inside of the old house looking so dark and empty. I felt more sad emotions bubble within me.

I turn the old brass doorknob, it opened easily. It didn't surprise me that the old brown door was unlocked. People of Bumble never locked anything around here. That was something I remembered clearly. Papaw always said “There was no need in a town like Bumble. If someone needed somethin' they'd just ask.”

Walking into the home the familiar old house scent hit my nose. It reminded me of Papaw. The stairs and entryway welcomed me. Papaw's work boots of different varieties were neatly tucked to the side of the entryway. I once again felt tears run down my face. My phone beeped and I pulled it out.

Emily: Thinking of you. Love you.

How did this girl always know? It was beyond me. I respond back, I love you too. Before I explore the home I once knew, everything clean and in its place. There wasn't much cleaning to be done. Pictures of my father decorated the walls, dad’s burial flag, many of my pictures did too. Until I was a teenager then it was only my school pictures. My mom would send Papaw one every year at his request. Aunt Donna his sister-in-law and Leroy's wife helped him clean and get these pictures up. Twice a week she would come over for a few hours to clean, she would always say.

"Your Papaw needs a woman's touch."

After my grandmother died giving birth to my dad, Papaw never remarried. He once said to me.

"No other woman could fill my heart like your Granny did!" Sometimes he would joke and say something like.

"When I go ta heaven, she'd have my head on a spike if I took another wife."

I prayed that is where he was now with Granny and dad. That gave me some comfort, I passed his bedroom, not ready for that. This huge old house was made by my Papaw's own hands. With five bedrooms, him and my Granny wanted to fill with children. That dream unfortunately never happened.

Everything was in its exact place from when the last time I was here. The old furniture, rugs, wall hangings. The only difference was the flat screen T.V that I was very surprised to see in the living room. Papaw had always told me that T.V was a waste of time. The only other thing that was different was the new pictures of me. School pictures and graduation pictures.

I take in a deep breath and go to the room that was once mine. When I entered, it seemed to be as I left it. A queen size bed with a pink handmade quilt decorating the bed, the bed in the center of the room, next to the window. The dresser I once decorated with stickers when I was a child. The small closet next to it.

Even though this room was much bigger than my side of the dorm room. It was a smaller sized room but gave me a strange feeling of home. The pink curtains old and worn sitting against the windowsill. The breeze slightly pushing against them. I expected there to be dust at the very least, but everything was as I left it. Nothing out of place and no dust in site. I sit on the dark hardwood floor, tears streaming down my face. Had he kept my room intact because he was waiting for me to come back?

Ugh!

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