Chapter 12: Setting Boundaries

Jakes work in therapy had given him new insights, but the next challenge was putting them into play- especially setting boundaries. For most of his life, boundaries had been a foreign concept to him. He feared that setting these limitations would push people away or make them feel unloved. Dr. Lane helped him see that healthy boundaries weren't walls, they were ways of protecting him and his peace as well as prioritizing his well- being. One of the biggest areas where he struggled most regarding his boundaries was his family. Conversations with them often left him feeling drained and finding himself taking on their emotional burdens at the expense of his own mental health. He knew he had to make a change, but even thinking about setting boundaries filled him with anxiety. One weekend, jakes mum called him asking for advice regarding family matters. Normally, Jake would drop everything and listen to her, letting himself get wrapped up in all the family dynamics. But this time , he took a deep breath, reminding himself of what Dr. Lane had taught him. He didn't have to be responsible for everyone else's emotions. "mum," Jake said carefully "I really care about you and our family, but right now i'm working on focusing on my own needs right now, i cant be involved in any of this right now." His mum was surprised, maybe even hurt, but Jake remained firm, reminding himself that it was okay to say no. He didn't have to absorb everyone else's stress and emotions. After the call, he felt a mix of relief and guilt, but ultimately a sense of pride for protecting his own energy for once. Another challenge arrose with Jules, they had been spending quite a bit of time together, and though Jake valued their connection, he found himself emotionally and physically exhausted. He worried that needing space would hurt Jules, but he also knew that without that break, he wouldn't be able to maintain a healthy balance. One evening, he decided to bring it up with Jules, speaking about his need for personal space. "Jules, i love being with you, but i need time to myself. it's not about you, it's just something i need to do to stay balanced right now." Jules listened nodding with understanding. "Thank you for communicating that with me jake, i understand and I support you and whatever you need to do to take care of yourself." His response reassured Jake, reminding him that the people wo truly cared about him would respect him and his boundaries.Over the next few weeks, Jake practiced boundary-setting in different areas of his life. With friends, he learned to say no to last-minute plans when he needed downtime, and with work, he stopped answering emails after hours. Each boundary was a small victory, a step toward valuing his needs without feeling selfish.