Chapter 1: Trying my best to adapt to society.
Attending Washington State University, Voidne was isolated from the rest of the people due to the cultural gap. Voidne who came from a religious part of the world could never fit-in on how open the people were, and whenever he tried, the people would always make fun of his effort, or perceive him as a creep. Two years living in isolation only contacting with people when they need him, Voidne grew tired of the society, and started having suicidal thoughts.
Voidne knew better. After all, his religious believes stopped him from committing suicide and inflecting self harm upon himself. Trying to find a way to release his frustration, Voidne started watching anime, but soon got bored; repeated plot, so much filler, and a stupid ending for each plot, Voidne really hated Japanese anime. Reading manga filled his hollow heart a little, but it couldn't contain his resentment toward all the people who chose his life choices in his stead. An unenjoyable childhood supplemented by high expectations of his family, and then followed by getting his life controlled; it was a miracle for him to endure so much without having a mental breakdown even once.
Voidne finally got bored from reading manga and started reading novels. They were more creative, and with the strong imagination of Voidne, they were more colorful, at least for Voidne they were. Throughout a certain time interval, Voidne started thinking of finally facing his family and telling them about the things that he really wanted to do. Voidne wanted to be a writer, to inspire people and make them happy when they feel low just like him.
Confronting his family about his dreams, they started devaluing his ideas, and denouncing him in front of even strangers to discourage him from following his dream to be a writer. Being pushed against a hard wall by his family's disapproval, Voidne had two choices. The first was to surrender to the pressure like he always did, and the second was to rebel against his family's wishes for the first time. Voidne thought about the two options, the first one wasn't paying off for his sadness and pain, but the second one is an option that he never considered before, because in his religion it was said that if he wasn't good to his parents, then he will most likely go to hell. Suiciding meant a 100% chance to go to hell, but not being good to his family has a high chance, but not 100%. Thinking that way, Voidne finally decided that he would rebel against his family to take his own freedom, and to control his own life.
Being rebellious for the first time, Voidne decided to change his scholarship and return to his home country which he missed so much during the last 2 years. Hearing the news of Voidne changing his scholarship without their permission, Voidne's family finally revealed their true unloving nature and disowned Voidne, leaving him no place to go when he arrived at his home country.
Thankfully Voidne had good friends who lent him money and supported him when he was in need. After a short period of time, Voidne started attending his university. Using his high intelligence and his hardworking nature, Voidne started selling homework answers to the students, and even sometimes teach them privately for money, all of that just to sustain his livelihood. Paying for the food, rent, and bills, Voidne was so stressed out that he didn't have time to form healthy relationship in the university despite all his efforts to integrate into society.
Voidne tried to befriend people showing more efforts on teaching them than others, even talking comfortably in front of them, which ended off with them trying to use him for their own benefits instead of befriending him. Disappointed in the people of his own country, people who share the same religion as him, Voidne finally understood one thing, that society is driven by benefits and nothing else, only those friends he made since childhood are the ones who might help him a little, but they would also expect something in return.
Voidne became more isolated than before, using all his time to either gather money or write, he soon stopped trying to communicate with others, and cut all connection he had with the outside world that are not business related. Desperate to communicate, he spoiled the story he was writing by mistake, cutting the amount of his readers by third, leaving him really depressed.
No one cared what happened to Voidne, despite trying his best to ask for help, no one was there to help him anyway. Soon, all the bad thoughts developed a severe case of anxiety. Desperation for communication caused depression, and Voidne finally became delusional. Skeptic of his own reality, Voidne started asking himself extreme psychological questions such as "If god exists, why did he have to create me in such an environment?" "Is my life really worthless?" "How can god be fair when all what is happening to me is unfair!". Just to arrive at his final conclusion, "There is no justice in this world, only benefits after benefits. Those who benefit me are heroes, and those who harm me are devils. God is not but a concept that encourage people to follow a certain morality, but such a concept is a failure since all the people around me do not have a cell that is moral in their whole body. So why did I play it morally? Why did I treat people nicely? Giving them the benefit of the doubt!?".
His face became distorted, his tears started to flow, and that was the day that signatures Voidne's long awaited death... The cause, suicide... The means, self torturing until death.
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