Chapter 1: Boss
Low on food, low on fuel, low on morale. We've been riding for 3 weeks now. We haven't been keeping pace. We had been forced to abandon one of our tanks when an issue in the fuel main was found. Gordez determined it'd be safer to just ditch the tank. Shanzi took some minor damage that proved in time to be less minor as time passed and she was slowing the pace for us.
We were 4 strong, 5 now including Luke. It was me, Zek, Hizo, Gordez, and Luke. Chez had decided his loyalty was to his Nation first, his squad second. Nobody blamed him. Nobody was surprised either. Haz had died in the final battle with the Earth Kingdom. Or at least, we assumed so. We could never find his body inside of his scorched tank. So even with two less, there was no fitting us in one tank no matter how much we cramped. So our pace has been ground to a halt despite Gordez's best efforts to mend Shanzi's wounds.
Every day, Shanzi seemed to be doing worse. Gordez told us we could have gone back to our first tank's carcass and attempted to salvage what we needed, and it would have taken less time, but I had vetoed the decision. There were 4 possibilities the way I saw it. One, we'd backtrack for 2 weeks to find its corpse already stripped bare by scavengers. Two, we'd run into the Fire Nation retreat and be flogged for deserters. Iroh was heading south, but those heading east, ready to make the immediate voyage back to the Fire Nation, they were Ozai's loyalists, the last people I'd want to run into right now. Three, we'd run straight into the Earth Kingdom advance. They'd be eager to retake as much territory as possible following the Fire Nation retreat. That'd mean maximum prejudice. We wouldn't survive to see the next morning. And four, we'd find our tank in perfect condition, unstripped, unguarded, ready for us to strip bare. Though even in that scenario, we had no supplies to get us there. So to me at least, it was an easy decision.
I don't think I'll ever hear the end of it from Gordez. I don't even think it's because he's afraid we won't survive. I think he just hates to see Shanzi in so much pain. I'd taken note of his affinity to mechanics before and tossed it aside as a joke, but I was starting to think there really was something about industry and mechanics that just mesmerized him in every possible way. I may have to keep an eye on him once we start the next phase of the plan, assuming we even get there. Though despite everything that may be considered "odd" about his love for engineering and mechanics and such, I knew he was one of the best when it came to them. If anybody could've kept Shanzi alive for as long as he has so far, it's him.
Zek and Hizo. What exactly are they doing except for keeping morale up? Now that I think about it, nothing really comes to mind. In the first day alone, I can't think of how many times Zek had made fun of Shanzi's name around Hizo. He'd whisper comments to himself that were clearly designed to anger Hizo. Hizo wasn't helping either. He'd take the bait every time. Just to save us the headache, I'd kept them in secret tanks, but that'd only serve to rouse pent up banter between them whenever we stopped for meals.
I finally found a solution that worked when I ordered we eat midday rations in the tank and only stop driving at night to make camp. By then, they'd be too tired to stop for banter. It was a relief for the camp when the solution had been found. Then the next day, when it was determined we were out of rations and would have to start living off the land, it started all over. No more in-tank meals, just very loud hunting trips where, obviously, nothing would be caught as the two idiots' noise would drive away any and all game.
I liked to play the "loved" when it came to being the leader, but sometimes, only the "feared" could inspire change. So I did what I had to do with them. There's been no trouble since. And, as punishment for my interference, morale has dropped significantly, but we were alive. Though game was spreading thin, and we by no means had enough to feed us once phase two of the plan began.
And then there was Luke. I had no idea what the hell to do with Luke. It became obvious to me pretty quickly where Luke's strong suit was. He was without a doubt a fighter, whether by choice or sheer necessity. Something told me necessity. For fuck's sake, he was a kid, and he was a better killer than all of us combined. Not just because he was a fire bender. That kid, sadly enough, knew how to kill.
For the last 3 weeks, he hasn't said a word. I thought it was to make a point at first, maybe show his reluctance to the idea of desertion that was clear he felt. We were all honorably discharged, but we all knew that defense was worth nothing. We had deserted, by intention if not by name. Well, maybe not with Luke. Iroh had told us that he'd do whatever he could to get Luke to leave the Fire Nation, saying he wouldn't be safe in the Fire Nation. On that, we could agree, but there was something about the way that Iroh put it that unsettled even me.
I'd seen what Luke was capable of on the battlefield. Born killer yes, but having him around now was less practical. I'd say he was a waste of food except he hardly ate. He'd help us hunt, cook the food himself, but would hardly take a bite. We all knew what happened at Stone's Edge, and we'd all agree to never mention it again, but it was clear it was still fresh in Luke's mind. His regret and sorrow at what he had done was clear, and I pitied him more than anything. I knew he'd take it back if he could, but that kid, I could still see, was a warrior.
He didn't have the choice to be anything else. I still knew little of what had happened to him in Citadel, but I knew enough about that damned city to assess that it was nothing good.
And speaking of Citadel, this evening, it'd be only about 20 miles to the south, and Luke would be given a choice that I was very interested to see his response to.
I found him, that evening, sitting against the chassis of Shanzi, gazing at the forest to the north, back to the south, refusing to turn. It was safe to assume that he knew where he was.
"Luke?" I asked as I approached him. Many people had told me that whenever I addressed my men, I rarely showed emotion. I showed emotion only when I needed to. I had done just that to Luke when I tried to force him out of Squad Iron Fire over a month ago, when he still looked to me like just another underaged casualty ready to transpire under my watch: a statistic I had no deign to modify any further. I didn't do so now, show emotion that is. If there was anything I had learned about Luke in the short time I had served with him, it was that the last thing he needed was people treating him any differently, especially as though he were any weaker.
He turned around to look at me. His eyes were blank. There was nothing in them when I looked at him. No emotion, no fire, not even sorrow. It was as though I were looking at a dead man. Perhaps he already was just another underaged casualty under my watch.
I knew that he knew exactly where he was, and I spoke to him just so. He didn't need me to feign ignorance. "We're running low on supplies. We need food, water, and fuel. We're planning on taking Shanzi to Citadel, see if we can get her fixed, refueled as well as with a few more canisters, and get ourselves enough provisions to last us the rest of the journey. We could use some help finding our way around in Citadel. You up for it?
I guess I hadn't been expecting him to talk. Hell, I didn't know what I had been expecting, but it surprised me all the same when he said "No."
I had completely forgotten what his voice sounded like. I think it's because it wasn't his voice I heard then and there. I'd heard him before. I remember that he still sounded like a child last I spoke to him. Now, though, there was no semblance of childish innocence that I heard in his voice when he spoke just that one word.
Maybe it wasn't his voice that surprised me alone, but his answer. Should it have surprised me? In hindsight, maybe it shouldn't have. All the same, in that moment, whether it was because I wanted to know why or make sure that it hadn't been a fluke, I asked, "Why?"
And he was silent for a while. So long of a while that I began to wonder if he had returned to his state of deafening silence until he spoke after a long sigh, saying, "I was stuck in that city for my entire life. I only got out because I was lucky. If I go back in there, I'm never coming out."
It made sense. It did. I had thought that the chance to go back would be something he'd at least consider, but he was stronger than that. That city, for better or worse, was a drug. The life that came with it, just so. If he were to go back right now, willingly or unwillingly, I doubted he'd ever come out.
"Okay," I said. "Just checking on you. You okay?"
He didn't say anything more then. He just turned back around, facing the forest once more. I considered myself lucky to have gotten any words out of him at all, and I left to find Hizo and Zek. It was high time that they proved to me they still deserved to stick around.
I found them by the fire. By the rotation, this would be a day without dinner. They were hungry, that much I could tell. The fact they were hardly talking showed me just how badly I had messed up those days' past. Sure, we had been spared the headache, but we were worse for it overall. If I was lucky, I might still have a chance to fix that mistake.
"Hizo, Zek." I called.
They shot to attention, no doubt recalling what had transpired the last time they had approached insubordination. It still stung in my memory as well. We all had regrets.
"At ease." I said. After all, I didn't care what official records said. I was still Fire Nation even if not by name. I had served too long to cast that aside. I didn't about Ozai, but I served the Fire Nation. The real Fire Nation. And I liked to believe that the remnants of Squad Iron Fire still did as well. "We're low on food and supplies, obviously. There's a city to the south of here, Fire Nation occupied, name of Citadel. Yes, that Citadel. Orders are to take Shanzi over there, see if you can get her fixed up, refueled, and resupplied. We need fuel, food, and water, enough us to last us up to phase two and a bit beyond.
I saw the doubt in their eyes before they voiced it, but I gave them the luxury of saying it before I answered. I needed their restored faith that they could come to me and ask me anything. I was their commander, even if not by rank or title anymore.
It was Hizo who spoke first "Sir, we can do that, but about phase 2, is it still a go?"
"It is."
"Does Luke know?" Zek asked. "Not yet, but he will."
"You think he'll go along with it?"
"I do. Is that all?"
"Yes sir." They both saluted, and I returned their respect. It was the least I could do after all. I only prayed I hadn't alienated them enough to the extent that sending the two of them alone was a risk. No. I can trust them. I could. And they deserved the same choice I had given Luke, but a lot was riding on my faith. I had given them a tank, and half of the money we had. If I had played my cards right, I had given them just enough to earn more. The two best gamblers in our division in the same place. The only risk now was them getting their throats slit or leaving us high and dry.
No. I could trust them.
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