Chapter 49: 第49章: Into Her Mind
Upon the opening of her eyes, Dianyu was in a completely different world. Her own mind. This was her mind. She had no idea what to think or make of it.
Her mind was a strange place to be. Or that such a place existed. She believed that it was something that couldn't be manifested. And yet here she was.
Into the realm that was her mind. The surroundings were merely grassland at this point. Nothing exceptional or really outstanding. An empty plane.
"Dianyu." Feiyu had called out. More out of necessity than otherwise. She turned back to see her.
"I'm here. What should I do?"
"Walk, find your place." Assuring her that nothing could go wrong, even as she was uneasy about it. She didn't know what might be found here. Whether this reflected her mind and what this could mean.
"Everyone's mind is different and nothing is considered a standard for normal." Even as she stepped forward. But still waiting for her to take the first move.
She stepped forward. Telling herself that there was going to be nothing wrong here. There had to be. She could face it, even as she was curious just what it was.
Her worst fear would be one where she would have no ability. But this would be something that she would be tempted by. A promise of fate to her. It could be almost anything.
But she did not want to think of it. Just as she was now looking forward at something. A gate, which was the strangest thing. Much like her home.
She opened it to enter, to find herself in her town once more. This was the strangest thing she could have the chance to witness. The girl spun around, it was like her town.
She stopped to find herself looking at Feiyu. Who had not questioned her actions? But she stepped forward, to the place which was her mother's restaurant.
Unlike before, inside was her mother. She looked, bewildered by this. "I'm only showing your greatest desire. You won't be seeing it. The mind can't be manifested."
"I took your energy, and let it create the illusion that it wanted. Anyone has this desires, and if left alone they are embedded."
It was natural, even as she watched it. She was older, in every regard. And here, happily serving. Even as the next person who had entered inside, was Yuan Shao and Yuntong. It was strange to see them.
By the side, she saw Feiyu and Qingshuang together. She knew as they were all friends. Including Yuan Shao, even as it was recent. This was all people she knew on a closer level.
She served them all at the same time. All of which thanked her, in which she carefully laid it out to them. She was not married, which had never ranked high on her ambitions. There was no whisper on her age and how she was becoming a spinster.
Indeed, it was her ideal world. Even as the next saw her leaving for extended periods of time, to lands far far away. Where they were now in the deserts. With only camels as their companions. And seeing her going with another person, Yuan Shao.
"This is the West of China. Did you ever hear of this place?"
"I might have. There were a lot of travelers, who told me tales. To even as far as the other end of the Earth. And south to Tianzhu."
And in the instant, they were now there. In the north, under the cold mountains of South China. The borders between them were rarely crossed because of the cold there. Even as Feiyu had been down that South before.
This time around it had been Yuntong. It was almost strange for her to look at this. Images which she could not fully make sense of. "This means that deep within yourself you yearn for companionship. You want to see it with someone. You would rarely travel alone."
It indeed was true that the observer had found it easier to observe this. A person who is not emotionally connected would have the best view.
But this did not fit. Even as she was now standing before another set of gates. "This is unusual. Those are the gates of fate."
What were they doing here?" She asked. One thing that Feiyu had been unable to answer. She could not fathom, other than to see her open the gates and see where it would lead her.
Inside, was a man. There was nothing special about him. He was dressed like a normal man might, with a great beard. But she could tell from within herself that it was none other than the Master of Fate. The one who had assigned them their fates when they did not know any better.
But the beginning didn't make sense. Unless this was what could lead to that life she saw. She had the feeling of wanting it but was never truly certain about it.
"There is something that I can offer you. Your fate may not be in your hands, but whenever you fall you would be able to gain a massive comeback later. There would be no long-term setbacks."
This was something that would have worked for her. She could recover from these setbacks easily enough, and that was why she would have accepted.
This was her temptation. The lack of any consequences, and the ability to break free. That fate would catch her when she needed help. And when she had failed.
Was this the life she wanted? Free from the struggles? But without the consequences. She couldn't tell anything wrong with it. It was a good promise.
Even as it ended. They were now back on the floor outside Feiyu's room. Spacious as before. Where they all had a table and a bed inside. A table where they could drink as well as read.
She stood up, having sat in the position for a while. Her feet had gone numb, as she was seated in an uncomfortable position. "Why did we come out?"
"I ended it. That was the point. To see where your desires are. Your exam might be worse than that. But that's to test how ready you are to resist."
Resisting fate as it seemed was the most important. "So, that is holding you back. A desire that each of us has. It keeps us tethered to fate, more so when they have offered us that. A reason why it has always been something like that, because it may happen to us in reality."
"That will be all for today." She left.
There was nothing else of importance to note. Even as she stepped out on her own as well. Before taking a look at the empty chess set.
She did have a couple of questions either way. Why was she being pushed for this despite being unusual?
The girl took a seat down. Even as she found herself looking at Zhixun and Yuan Shao. "Feiyu had me look at my greatest desires today."
"That fast?" Something which had baffled Zhixun. But not Yuan Shao.
"Mother had me do that when I first started, although I already been in it for years by that point of time."
"Which puts it at just strange."
"Recently I had been taught quite a fair bit by Liao Yue."
"Yeah, I remember talking to him. Even if he's a strange choice given that he would teach no one for some apparent reason."
"I'm pretty sure it's because of his daughter. You do realize that the moment he's here she's literally glued to him. Otherwise, she is on her own, either visited by Feiyu or Yin Rui."
"You're right. He doesn't want to because of his daughter." Yuan Shao raised an eyebrow. Given that it seemed untrue.
"Really?"
"I mean. You're a perfect example of why someone should not tell their child about their profession in detail. Or show them." He folded his arms. Clearly not happy being touted as an example. "You aren't the shining example of a capable person raised in this environment."
"Well, I was picked up by Mother. Not his biological daughter."
"She's his real daughter?" He looked in surprise. "Given their behavior I did think that she was just a girl he picked up."
"Well, he brought her as an infant. I was ten then, and just a year living with her. He said that she was his biological daughter. And that the mother had some unfortunate circumstances."
"Which in other words meant she died." He nodded.
"I'm not sure. But either way, he was with her and simply took her on. So far, he hasn't had it again. Otherwise, we'll be seeing him bring home more children." Which was not happening.
"But, why is Feiyu showing you that?"
"It was at his recommendation. And that she is sending me in next year."
"Which means that you'll be seeing Kaifeng in a few months or so." She nodded. Remembering something about the time limit. The necessity to be there.
"But it's in a few months. And I'm still to help him in delivering messages and gathering information. Like a glorified messenger."
"Still a better appointment than a lot of things I have gotten." The boy gave a slight grin.
"Well, it isn't too bad as I can see a lot of places around the city. Different from when I was in Chang'an." Where she spent most of her time just sitting in the estate and training. With a few times, they went around the city.
"I wonder, how was it like?"
"I had never really understood what to expect there," Zhixun admitted. One which she didn't doubt. "So, to be honest, my experience was most baffling."
Which was fair to a certain degree. At least to say. "I kinda understood what to do for the most part, and what to see. But really what happens in there usually stays there."
She nodded. "Well, she showed me that my greatest wish would be to have a way out. One where I am caught despite all the things I have done. Climbing back up each time and allowing me to do as I wish as long as I admit my fate."
Yuan Shao placed his hand on his chin. Perhaps unsure of how this could be fitted in.
"It makes sense. You have been someone who is willing to make her own choices, but are you ready to pay the price they would bring?"
Technically, she never really paid the price. She received the blessing of her mother in that choice, and the freedom to pick it. She had not lost anyone, and perhaps a few years down the road she would return. When everyone has forgotten about her.
She had only cut her ties to two men whom she had never known. One who sold her and gave her away when it suited him. It could not be said to have willingly paid the price.
"I don't know."
"For me, mine was when that I would not get caught until there was enough for me to head back to a normal life. Back to crafting instead of stealing."
"You were from a family of craftsman?"
"We used to make porcelain before our father lost the use of his limbs. And thus, we became destitute after a while."
Zhixun looked, not exactly finding it strange that this was his. It fitted his character as well and his background. As a thief, he was someone who lived uncertain about his future. And if there was anything that he would have taken, it was the certainty that he would have taken it.
Even as he sat down. "Well, the biggest wish I would have it to become a great Magistrate. Somewhere deep within me, I still have that notion. It is still ingrained even as reality has told me that it isn't going to happen."
Their desires could be impossible to fulfill, but not so to dream or to hope. Unlikely to be offered, and some could be said to be nothing short of a miracle.
"Would you jump at it? I don't know."
"In most cases, even I don't know either. On one hand, I'm tempted and in the other, I know that it is simply the wishes of a mind." And not something which they could control.
"I can't say either. That's why it's the temptation, we can't for sure say that we'll deny or accept. But it is something in which we want it, but we know for sure that it is impossible. That's the whole deal here."
He had a point and gave her quite a bit to think about.
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