Chapter 4: Freshman Party.
[A/N: '≈' will be used to indicate music.]
≈Yo, I'm the king of the friend zone, sittin' on my throne,
Spendin' all my cash just to hear her moan—
"Thanks, you're so sweet!" as she walks away,
I'm stuck holdin' bags on her shopping day.
I send good morning texts at 6 a.m. sharp,
She replies, "Hey bro," like a cold, dead harp.
I'm simpin' so hard, it's my full-time job,
She calls me her "bestie," and it's straight-up sob.
I bought her a ring, she said, "Oh, it's cute!"
Then she gave it to Chad—man, I'm just a mute.
Her Netflix password? Yeah, I'm payin' the bill,
But she's watchin' with him, while I sit and chill... alone.
I'm a simp, I'm a champ at losin' my pride,
Always here, by her side, while my dignity's fried.
I'm a simp, I'm a wimp, but I just can't quit,
Lettin' her walk all over me, like I'm her favourite pit.≈
"Isn't that him?"
"Who?"
"Him! The Ass Dragon?"
"Ass what?!"
"Ass Dragon!"
"Dude, what are you talking about?"
"The Ass Dragon! Remember the guy who fart-sneezed during orientation?"
"Wait, you mean the dude who couldn't control his anus and publicly embarrassed himself?"
"Yes! That's him!"
"Pffft! Who named him the Ass Dragon?!"
"You haven't checked the school forums, bro, it's all there!"
"But how can he still show his face here? How thick is his skin?"
"Why don't you ask him, bro? How would I know that?"
Hugo sat alone in a dark corner of the room, gulping squash like it was the only thing keeping him from bursting into tears.
His face was gloomier than a necromancer's Facebook page, and his ears were tinged pink from the relentless whispers around him.
He had been recognized multiple times and had to endure the stifled laughs and snide remarks that followed.
Despite changing his clothes, he couldn't escape his ignoble past.
His bangs were too distinctive, too problematic! They made him stand out like a sore thumb!
He took another swig of squash...
On his way here, he had learned more about the system and its uses. As expected, it was just like in the webnovels, only a tad ruder...
'System Interface,' he called in his mind. Immediately, a pink, hologram screen appeared in his vision.
[Stats] [Aura] [Skills] [Missions] [Shop] [Inventory]
With a grimace, he entered the [Stats] tab with his thoughts. He had already seen his stats on his way here, but it still amazed him every time.
No, it disgusted him!
[Stats]
Looks: 2
[With a face like that, it's no wonder your reflection tries to escape the mirror every morning.]
Charisma: 0
[Your charisma is so low, even your own shadow refuses to follow you.]
Communication: 1
[Communication skills? Barely. But hey, at least your attempts at small talk make great cringe compilation material.]
Alpha: 0
[With an alpha score of zero, you're not even the alpha of your own dreams. Maybe try knitting?]
Status: 2
[A status score of 2 means even your imaginary friends don't take you seriously.]
Not only were the numbers dreadful, with zeros in some stats, but the system's comments were downright cruel! Hugo had never felt so pathetic in his life.
He closed the tab and dismissed the interface. The only thing worth noting in the [Aura] tab was his single 'Aura of Zen' and its pitiful one-minute duration.
The only skill he had, [Aura Radiation], couldn't even be used because it wasn't compatible with his current aura.
He had one mission, the death mission, and couldn't access the shop because he didn't have enough credits.
There wasn't much he could do with the system for now.
The obnoxious song playing from the DJ's booth blared in the background. Hugo wondered what lunatic had written that song.
I'm a simp? For real?
As he glanced around, the blaring music, the smell of cheap beer, and the sight of students dancing like they were trying to summon rain made him question why he was even there.
But then he remembered his death mission. His face hardened with determination once again.
He knew why he was here...
He was here to get a nut off!
He scanned the room for any potential targets and soon found several.
He downed the rest of his drink and stood up. His face was stoic, his demeanour serious. He was a man on a mission, after all.
With the ridiculous music blaring in the background, Hugo waddled over to his first target and struck. He was going in hot!
≈Took her to dinner, yeah, five-star place,
She said, "You're like a brother," as I stuffed my face.≈
'Let's start with something light...'
Flipping through his imaginary book of pickup lines, Hugo made his choice and bared his teeth in what he hoped was a charming smile.
"Hey, I have to ask, how did you get to be so fine?"
His target, a cute blonde with a small nose, gave him a once-over and scowled. Her reply scorched Hugo like dragon fire.
"I must have been given your share."
≈I'm in the DMs, sendin' hearts and flowers,
While she's out with him, for hours and hours.≈
Hugo was undeterred. He smoothed his bangs and approached another target. This time, she was black, thick, and sexy. His heart pounded as he tapped her shoulder.
She looked over...
He opened his mouth...
"Where have you been all my life?"
Hearing his words, she actually smiled.
Hugo's mouth went dry. She smiled!
Anticipation rose, hope surged. She casually sipped her drink and said:
"Hiding from you. Looks like I failed."
≠I carry her books, I write her essays,
But she'd rather hang with that dude who DJs.≈
"Is this seat empty?"
"Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
≈She calls me "adorable," pats me on the head,
Meanwhile, she's out gettin' cosy instead.≈
"Your place or mine?"
"Both. You'll go to your place, and I'll go to mine."
≈I bought her a car, she said, "Oh, you're too kind!"
Then she drove off with him, and left me behind.≈
"I know how to please a woman."
"Then please leave me alone."
≈I even washed his car, thought it was hers,
Now I'm just sittin' here, man, what a curse!≈
"I want to give myself to you!"
"Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
≈She said she needed space, so I gave her the stars,
But now she's with Chad, driving my car!≈
"I can tell that you want me!"
"Yes, I want you to leave."
≈I iron her clothes, I clean her flat,
And all I get is a, "Thanks for that!"≈
Hugo finally gave up. He waddled to a corner of the room looking like a sick duck.
Tonight was an absolute failure. His thick skin couldn't take any more burns, so he decided to head to the kitchen to refill his cup.
He was just going to take it easy and relax.
But then he spotted her—a girl who looked as out of place as he felt, cornered by some drunk guy who clearly didn't understand the concept of personal space.
The guy was leaning in, his breath probably a mix of beer and bad decisions.
Hugo, in a rare surge of courage—or stupidity—decided he couldn't just stand by.
This was his moment. He'd save the girl, look like a hero, and maybe even score some points that would result in a fulfilling nut off!
It's time to save the damsel in distress!
[Check out my new book: Creating A Succubus Army In A Fantasy World!]
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