Chapter 9: A Shitty Situation
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Kai remained as still as possible, barely able to breathe as he felt the carriage went into motion again, The oppressive weight of his situation seemed to close in on him like a sword slowly stabbing him in the gut. Inside the carriage who originally was filled with a mix of luxury items and mundane supplies is now empty except for toilet paper adding to his growing sense of absurdity "I can't fucking believe this, why toilet paper of all things, knowing Magellan's character I'd end up in a shitty situaution, literally!" kai muttered to himself with mix of panic and fear.
"Alright, think, Kai," he muttered in his mind, his frustration evident despite the predicament. "If I'm going to survive this, I need to stay calm and use my head."
The carriage came to a halt, and Kai's senses were picking up the sounds of heavy footsteps and the clatter of items being unloaded. He continued to mentally blame himself, weighing his options: "I could cancel this spell but that also means taking out these guards and possibly alerting every big threat in the vicinity. Or I could stay here and gamble my life, hoping i won't be detected!"
His inner struggle was abruptly cut off as he realized that he was no longer in the carriage. "Wait a minute—how did I end up here? I was too busy overthinking!" He glanced around, only to see that he was already on a massive desk inside a room, surrounded by other assorted items.
Kai blinked in disbelief. "Are you kidding me? I spent all that time worrying, and I'm already here? I didn't even notice the transition!"
His absurd situation struck him hard. Here he was, transformed into a roll of toilet paper, sitting on an ornate desk in what could only be an office. The desk was cluttered with all the essentials: transponder snails, piles of papers, and various trinkets. It was the sort of office you'd expect a high-ranking official to have.
The surrealism of his predicament hit Kai with full force. "im fucked," he thought, his frustration reached its peak. "I'm a toilet paper in the Chief Warden's office. I always knew I had a knack for getting into shitty situations, but this is a new level."
He scanned the room from his position. "Well, if I'm already here, I might as well make the most of it." He noticed the large, imposing door leading to what was presumably Magellan's inner sanctum. There were no immediate signs of the Chief Warden, but the guards' footsteps and occasional sounds suggested they were nearby.
Kai's mind raced as he thought, "Alright let's assess the situation. First things first avoid detection. Second, find a way to blend in or make a quick exit if things get dicey and -" Just as he finished formulating his plan, the large door swung open . and a group of high-ranking guards entered, their stern expressions and demeanor made them seem to be a superior ranking guards unlike the common ones he had encountered. But it was the figure behind them that made Kai hold his breath.
Magellan, the Chief Warden, entered the room with a sense of imposing authority. From Kai's point of view on the desk, the sheer scale of Magellan was nothing short of monstrous. His presence was overwhelming—his massive frame dwarfed everything around him. Kai's eyes widened as he took in the sight. "This world really does have people of all shapes and sizes," Kai thought incredulously. "Magellan is like something out of a nightmare. How in the world can anyone even fight this... thing?" The Chief Warden's figure was an abomination of bulk and menace. He was an enormous giant with an almost absurdly exaggerated build his size making everything else in the room look small and insignificant.
The sight was so surreal that Kai had to hold his breath. The guards, seemingly used to Magellan's presence, began their report. "Chief Warden, please listen. Vice Warden Hanyabal is clearly hiding something. I heard a commotion not long ago in the upper floors. You should go and check things out. Staying too much in Level 4 isn't necessary. Nobody is stupid enough to do anything from here to Level 6. All the prisoners know their place here," one of them said, their voice filled with concern. Another guard added, "On the other hand, whenever Level 2 prisoners are allowed to wander for entertainment, they usually end up rioting a bunch of times." Magellan's voice, deep yet calm , could be heared all over the room. "The wild beasts are more than enough to handle them. And regarding Hanyabal, I know he wants my position, but he won't do anything unnecessary. I trust him." The guards hesitated, then one ventured, "But sir, your presence there is also—" Magellan cut him off with an impatient wave of his hand. "No buts. I'm already quite busy here. We are also expecting a bunch of new prisoners, one of them being none other than a warlord of the sea. If anything, I'll use the lift to check the upper levels once I go and welcome the new prisoner."
Kai's eyes lit up with realization. "The lift! I forgot that thing existed here in Impel Down. My memory of this world is fragile—I can't blame myself; it's a long-ass story!" He chuckled softly to himself, then quickly added, "HaHa, very well. Magellan, where are the keys?"
The guards, visibly eager to comply, responded, "Very well, sir. We will do as you command." They left, closing the door behind them, which left Kai and Magellan alone in the room.
Kai took a moment to assess his situation. "The commotion they're talking about is definitely me," he thought, furrowing his brow. "It's weird that they wouldn't know the details. Are they just bad at surveillance or something? Either way, it's good they didn't check the upper floors while I was there. But now, what really matters is that I'm right next to him." A sinking feeling of how little that mattered anymore, as the person he wanted to avoid the most was right next to him. With a heavy, exhausted sigh, Magellan let himself collapse into his chair beside his desk. "Ah, I'm spent. Perhaps I should just let Hannyabal take over the job after all. It's getting hard to manage with my stomach acting up," he whispered, his every breath sending noxious clouds of poisonous gas toward his desk.
Kai, now ridiculous as toilet paper, felt himself holding his breath for dear life. "If I breathe this, I am probably going to die," he thought with growing panic.
Magellan said outloud, "I can't tell them the real reason why I refuse to leave this place and why I choose to stay right here in the middle of the prison." He paused, then went on, "If they knew it was because of my severe diarrhea issues, I'd lose all respect."
Kai could hardly believe what he heard. "No shit!" he panicked inside his mind.
Then he looked at his desk, and his eyes stretched wide with surprise. "Oh, they brought new pairs of toilet papers. Ah, there are two pairs? Do they suspect me to be spending so much time in the toilet or are they just being overly nice?" he exclaimed over himself in wonder.
"Well, I am glad they brought them, he said, rising and snatching Kai and the other pair of toilet paper. He moved to a door not too far from his desk, mumbling to himself, "Man, my stomach is killing me. ugh."
Kai felt his heart race in his panic.
"NO SHIT! he thought frantically as he realized that being transported to an even more isolated area. Magellan reached out and opened a door to what appeared to be a personal bathroom huge structure considering his size. Kai's mind overdrive had begun. "Please put the other roll on the holder," he pleaded silently, but Magellan grunted, he set the other roll of toilet paper down beside the seat and placed Kai on the paper holder, oblivious to the chaos unfolding on the paper roll, he plopped down onto the seat with a sigh of relief.
The moment Magellan sat down, the toilet groaned under his weight. Kai watched in a mixture of horror and disbelief as the massive Warden began to relieve himself. The toilet paper rolled back and forth, bouncing slightly with each movement. The smell was so bad. Too much, even for a toilet paper roll to handle. Kai held his breath the best he could and stayed as still as possible. "This has to be totally the worst fucking situation of all time!" he said under his breath.
Suddenly, a message from the system flashed before Kai's eyes: a countdown timer in big letters from 10 seconds before the transformation he had sustained would reverse itself. Panic coursed through him. "Damn, I'd rather die now ,than stay here for another second!" he thought, shaking helplessly.
Kai shook himself aggressively off the paper holder, The roll fell free, Magellan barely noticed, much too consumed in his own discomfort. Kai scrambled back behind the toilet seat, seeking refuge from the horror unfolding in front of him.
Now that he was back in his human body, Kai managed to install the other roll of toilet paper on the paper roller, just in time. As he completed that process, his eye grew wide when he noticed a bunch of keys resting on Magellan's lowered pants. "I do not know which key to use, so I'll just take t Ihem all. suffered too much and Gods be damned if I mess up, and he's going to see me!"
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