Chapter 28: 2: what madness?
"Ladies and gentlemen! We are pleased to present the main dish of the evening—the Wabbajack!"
Wade's ears perked up, a mischievous grin spreading under his mask. He turned to Elena and the fat man, his voice dripping with playful excitement. "Oh, would you look at that? They're calling me!"
Both Elena and the fat man turned toward him, their expressions hidden beneath their masks, but Wade could feel their confusion through their body language.
Before either of them could react, Wade shot up from his seat, standing on the cushioned chair with a dramatic flourish. "Now, if you'll excuse me, folks, it's time for the grand finale! And what better way to celebrate than a little strip tease!"
A few scattered gasps echoed through the room, followed by a wave of confused murmurs. The auctioneer on stage, visibly struggling to keep the attention on the Wabbajack, threw a glance of disbelief toward Wade. "Ahem, ladies and gentlemen—please focus on the item at hand—"
But Wade was already in full performance mode. With a loud laugh, he began unzipping his suit. "Come on, don't pretend you're not interested!" he shouted, tossing his jacket aside with a flourish. "Who needs the Wabbajack when you've got this level of entertainment?!"
Elena's laugh cut through the room, amused by Wade's antics, while the fat man groaned under his breath, his suspicion now mingling with sheer bewilderment. "What the hell are you doing?"
Just as the room began to devolve into chaotic whispers, two Talons appeared from the shadows, their movements swift and silent. They lunged toward Wade, their intent clear: remove the disturbance before things escalated further.
But Wade was already prepared.
As the Talons closed in, Wade yanked two swords from his belly—literally pulling them out of his torso like some kind of grotesque magic trick. He twirled them expertly in his hands. "Surprise! And you thought I was just hiding love handles!"
In a flash, Wade slashed through the first Talon, his sword cutting cleanly through the assassin's armor as the Talon collapsed in a heap. The second Talon swung at Wade, but he sidestepped, bringing his other sword down in a brutal arc. "What can I say? Slicing Talons is a hobby of mine."
The room erupted into chaos as masked guests screamed, ducking behind their chairs. Elena's laugh was no longer playful, but filled with excitement. "This is definitely more entertaining than the auction," she mused.
Wade, now fully in the moment, didn't stop there. With a quick motion, he reached behind himself, pulling out a grenade from... well, somewhere it definitely shouldn't have been stored. "And for my next trick, a little bit of explosive entertainment!"
He yanked the pin from the grenade and lobbed it into the crowd, sending chairs, masks, and high-society guests scattering in all directions. Without missing a beat, he followed it up by flinging an entire belt of grenades at the remaining Talons who were rushing toward him from the sides. The resulting explosion rocked the room, sending dust and debris flying.
As the smoke cleared, Wade—now standing in the middle of the chaos he'd created—glanced over at the auctioneer. "Wabbajack, huh? Lemme just grab it~
With the room in disarray and the Talons either dead or incapacitated, Wade strode toward the stage. The auctioneer, clearly flustered but still maintaining an air of authority, watched in disbelief as Wade reached for the ancient staff.
"hahahahaha!" the auctioneer laughed, his voice cutting through the madness. "Touching the Wabbajack will kill you instantly!"
Wade paused, "Instantly? Like how dead? On a scale of 'paper cut' to 'nuclear meltdown?'"
The auctioneer, regaining a bit of his composure, smirked. "Anyone who touches it dies....instantly"
Wade's hand lowered onto the staff, gripping it with a flourish. "Well, let's find out, shall we?"
The room fell silent. Every eye in the place was on him, waiting for the dramatic outcome. Seconds ticked by. Nothing happened. No explosion, no curse, no instant death.
An awkward silence settled over the auction hall.
Wade blinked, glancing around as if to confirm that he was, in fact, still alive. "Uh... did I just break your murder stick? Because I feel... pretty alive right now."
The auctioneer's smirk faltered, confusion flickering in his eyes. "Impossible..."
Wade twirled the Wabbajack in his hand, grinning. "Guess I'm immune to whatever magical deathtrap this thing was supposed to be."
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