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¿Oye vas a continuar con tu otro fic ?? ¡El de duoluo dalu! ... Creo que ese es mejor que este, ya que me encanta la personalidad de tu protagonista
Strange MC. Compared to your first fanfiction, this one is pretty bad and insignificant. Why does MC behave this way? Well, here's an example, why did he call that girl "big sister"? You should know that such an appeal is based on: personal power, and how influential the forces behind you are, compared to him, it is a frog at the bottom of the well, dirt under the hem... Well, why? Camouflage? If so, it is a terrible choice, for it will make the nonentity too arrogant or suspicious. The level of writing is also much lower than your first job.
Now my dear friend . Listen very carefully , First - Stop referring Xiao Yan as Big brother Xiao Yan . Dont't get me wrong , even I don't support , other fan-fic where the Mc kills or abuses Xiao Yan , but it is too much to call him big brother . You can create a mutual bonding , a friend like bond , or Shi Yi can be Xiao Yan's big brother . But that's it , public can only digest that much . Second - Stop using Gramerly or any other Ai app to rewrite the chapters , it really hinders the quality and realisticity of the chapter . Other wise , the story is good but since you have made him a Dou Huang already , and the story is already 3 years in future , so i suppose at best you can extend it to 200 or 300 chapters's and that is disappointing . And except that , the plot is good . But it lacks potential .
I Just want to say that MC's personality is inconsistent many times, which creates confusion. If you wanted to give him character development then having a strong background makes it difficult. Anyway, a villain MC never needs much character development. Just let him make a few mistakes then let him eat consequences of his mistakes. Then MC after eating consequences will act in a more mature way. Personally for me this 'big brother' thing is bit too cringe. Thank you for reading. please countinue for first fanfiction, I loved that fiction.
¿Oye vas a continuar con tu otro fic ?? ¡El de duoluo dalu! ... Creo que ese es mejor que este, ya que me encanta la personalidad de tu protagonista
Strange MC. Compared to your first fanfiction, this one is pretty bad and insignificant. Why does MC behave this way? Well, here's an example, why did he call that girl "big sister"? You should know that such an appeal is based on: personal power, and how influential the forces behind you are, compared to him, it is a frog at the bottom of the well, dirt under the hem... Well, why? Camouflage? If so, it is a terrible choice, for it will make the nonentity too arrogant or suspicious. The level of writing is also much lower than your first job.
Now my dear friend . Listen very carefully , First - Stop referring Xiao Yan as Big brother Xiao Yan . Dont't get me wrong , even I don't support , other fan-fic where the Mc kills or abuses Xiao Yan , but it is too much to call him big brother . You can create a mutual bonding , a friend like bond , or Shi Yi can be Xiao Yan's big brother . But that's it , public can only digest that much . Second - Stop using Gramerly or any other Ai app to rewrite the chapters , it really hinders the quality and realisticity of the chapter . Other wise , the story is good but since you have made him a Dou Huang already , and the story is already 3 years in future , so i suppose at best you can extend it to 200 or 300 chapters's and that is disappointing . And except that , the plot is good . But it lacks potential .
I Just want to say that MC's personality is inconsistent many times, which creates confusion. If you wanted to give him character development then having a strong background makes it difficult. Anyway, a villain MC never needs much character development. Just let him make a few mistakes then let him eat consequences of his mistakes. Then MC after eating consequences will act in a more mature way. Personally for me this 'big brother' thing is bit too cringe. Thank you for reading. please countinue for first fanfiction, I loved that fiction.