Chapter 190: Shopping
"Yeah... Problem... - I thoughtfully examined the aircraft's dashboard with a bunch of switches and super-modern holographic panels.
Surprisingly, getting inside the transport wasn't too difficult. The Sculptor's spell, along with the auric telekinesis from Simon's book, could really work wonders, and it took about fifteen minutes to break through the hatch in the tail section of the plane. Most of the time was spent trying to disarm the alarm system, though it wasn't clear if there was one at all. Telekinesis could transmit very faint tactile sensations and was limited only by the limits of the aura, so it could be used to reach right inside objects and find foreign inclusions. Finally, I covered a couple of suspicious notches at the base of the hatch with a thin layer of metal, and then cut the locks off.
"Sun, do you happen to know how to fly the Batsamplane? - I was a little nervous, because at any moment the Gloomy Mouse could come with a sudden inspection, and then goodbye to a well-deserved vacation in the company of two charming cuties.
"Nope, I only know how to fly a regular helicopter a little, - answered my faithful companion, comfortably seated in the co-pilot's seat. - But I think we should turn on the power first of all.
"Maybe we should just go to the airport and get a ticket to Egypt. - Abby made a rational suggestion, standing behind the chair and watching me flick switches, trying to find the right one.
"No, that's not interesting... Oh, I think I found it!"
On the upper panel on the left side there is a rather large toggle switch with a safety cover, which beckoned to move it to the upper position.
As soon as it was activated, a slight shudder ran through the hull of the airplane.
"So, what's next?"
Given the low hum of the aircraft, the minutes really counted. I don't believe that Bats doesn't have a hijacking alarm.
"Now we need to turn on the fuel pumps," Harley said, poking her finger a couple of times at the holographic panel, which began to show a general scheme of the transport with a bunch of incomprehensible multicolored lines.
"We should start the engines first," Alfred's nonchalant voice suddenly came from the speaker.
"Oh, for fuck's sake! - Harley and I exclaimed at the same time, and immediately, under the cover of the magical purple mist, tried to escape like a couple of fifth graders caught smoking in the bathroom.
"Are you all right? - The dryad said calmly as the fog cleared.
The Guardian of the Forest didn't even think about hiding, and she watched me with interest as I tried in vain to fit my body into the batsuit closet. I was doing so well, frankly speaking, and all because the time to make a decision was incredibly short, because the illusion lasted less than three seconds. I invested a minimum of energy, and the weave was made incredibly crookedly and in one piece. It was interesting, though, because usually I create structures in sequence and supply their key nodes with prana for greater stability. It was spontaneous, and the spell worked only because of its primitive structure and the fact that I use it almost every day. As Zee had said, mana would eventually take on its own form, and I couldn't forget the recent "upgrade" that had given me a little more control.
"I tried to look nonchalant, climbing out of the closet and borrowing a pair of electric batarangs. My faithful and most beloved companion crawled out from under the briefing table in the next compartment with the same nonchalant look."
"Joker, sir, did you try to hijack the Batship? May I ask why?"
"I wanted to go on vacation to the Red Sea with the girls," I answered honestly.
"Weren't you recently on vacation in Rio de Janeiro?"
"There's so much going on, a little more rest wouldn't hurt."
"I've heard about it..." Alfred said, and then stopped talking, apparently assessing my appearance. I didn't have time to clean myself up, at most I managed to clean up the blood, but all the damage to the suit was still there, including the torn sleeve that Arkane had grabbed when he'd tried to rip my arm off, and the big hole right in front of my heart. Harley's uniform was in a similar condition, despite its very high quality and sturdy materials, for her magical protection extended only to the surface of her skin.
I was about to disgracefully leave the plane as the butler suddenly continued talking:
"Then I'd recommend that you get back to Gotham through the portal first," I felt a chill run through my body at this point, a hint of trouble, "and grab your friend before you go on vacation. The Master said he'd be in Africa for a while, so he wouldn't need transportation anytime soon."
"Hmmm... You wouldn't happen to know if Superman had time to deliver the diamonds to the warehouse, would you?"
It was unlikely that the superhero immediately flew to fight Black after returning to Earth, at the very least he needed to scout the situation, and the only normal informant who was up to date with the League was Alfred as Oracle.
"As far as I know, he visited Gotham before contacting me and traveling to your aid, but I don't know the exact reason for that action."
Oh, so my package has arrived after all!
The gloomy thoughts faded into the background like clouds dispersed by a sharp gust of wind. So I'd take the gems and Mouse, and then I'd organize an orgy with Abby to pump up the young superheroine's reserves. Though it's not certain that the last adventure will go smoothly, because it requires a resonance of auras, which can only be achieved with complete trust between all participants. Any negative emotion or attempt to instinctively close, and the easy pumping of the seventh Element can be forgotten. However, nothing prevents me from just trying, especially since Harley was all for it, and Abby didn't care about the number of participants, as long as I didn't forget to share divine energy with her, which I now have more than a thousand and a half. The points for defeating Arcane did come, it was worth it to return to the world of the living. But in the end, the dryad did not return to the city, and decided to wait for our return in Africa, because she had no way through the portal, because her auric imprint had not yet been entered into the database of the Shadow Peak, and there was no sense in it. The green-skinned beauty needed a new, powerful beacon on the black continent, which she began to grow somewhere outside the city, while I left the dome and began to set up the spatial transition. Although Zi's father had weakened the barrier, but I was not going to suddenly turn into mincemeat during the spatial transition. I didn't think my gut was just reacting to Alfred's words about returning to Gotham through the portal.
Zee was still out, which was a good thing in a way. At least, I didn't have to be late to tell her about the encounter with Black and about the meeting with her father, though my faithful companion was a little upset, because she was planning to invite a sorceress to a joint vacation. That's what it is, but in such an arrangement we can definitely forget about the reserve pumping: the sorceress is too negative to the idea of a harem. From the Shadow Peak we went straight to the rented warehouse, where a large dumpster filled to the brim with gems was waiting for us. It was ironic, but I didn't care about the container, because the diamonds ranged in size from quite small, about twenty hundredths of a carat, to monsters, the size of Harley's fist, and different colors due to impurities.
Eh, it's times like this when you begin to envy Superman's abilities, and then you remember that despite all his strength, he's incredibly vulnerable to magic, and also to kryptonite.
"By the way, Sunshine, is that sex shop with the kryptonite dildos in this neighborhood?"
"Uh-huh," the blonde beauty with a happy smile was rummaging through a pile of gems, picking out the most beautiful one.
"Then we should go there right now to replenish our arsenal against flying men in loafers."
The Dildo Room was located in the northwest area of Somerset Island, in the semi-basement of a small shopping center. Given the seven-hour time difference, it was already nighttime in Gotham, so there were relatively few people in the building. A couple of stores had even closed, and most of the others were lazily shifting merchandise, mentally praying that some late-night freaky customer with no sense of tact and a desire to stock up on local merchandise for the next couple of years wouldn't stop by. Luckily, we had a really serious business, for kryptonite dildos are not on the road, so we quickly changed into the clothes we had bought on the way, and Harley confidently led me to the down escalator. A couple of turns, and here our incomparable duo stood in front of a glass door, playfully covered with a red heavy curtain and a garland with an invitingly twinkling garland.
A small speaker at the entrance wailed erotically, announcing the arrival of customers, and immediately a stout black woman with a familiar appearance and a very disgruntled look that conjured up associations with multiple rocket launchers emerged from behind a counter with multicolored, multi-caliber "equipment" of interesting shapes. At first I even thought that in this extravagant way Amanda Waller decided to meet on neutral territory and recruit Joker and Harley Quinn into her gang, but then I noticed that she weighed considerably more, had long curly hair, while the original prototype preferred a short male haircut, and she was about fifteen years younger. Hmm, though if Amanda had actually suggested a sex shop as a meeting place and had come in casual attire, I would have been intrigued at the very least.
The local lord of oblong (and not only) objects at first obviously wanted to send the unexpected visitors away, but, noticing the blonde, immediately changed her anger into mercy and smiled happily.
"Oh, Harley, hi! Good to see you!"
"Hello, Leota," said the faithful companion, giving her a ringing slap, and then changing to a conspiratorial whisper. - Listen, I'm here on very important business. Mr. J and I need those cool green dildos that glow in the dark. And we need three different sizes of anal plugs.
"А?" the dark-skinned girl shifted her interested gaze to me, did a quick analysis, and apparently decided I wasn't her type.
And thank the Creator! Riding the waves may be more fun than hitting the rocks, but I'm not a fan of surfing, and the rocks are actually incredibly shapely and soft to the touch.
"So, can you help me out? - Harley made her presence known, seeing that the saleswoman was a little shaky.
"That's the thing..." Leota answered a little sadly. - A man bought all the remaining goods just a couple of hours ago.
"Oh, really? Really?! - My favorite and I said the last word in unison.
"Uh-huh," the girl looked away, carefully hiding her eyes and rubbing a strand of thick, curly hair.
"Hmm... You're obviously hiding something," Harley looked at the black woman suspiciously. - Come on, spill it. I can see that you want to share something very interesting,
"Uh-huh."
"Come on, come on," the blonde hurried, bouncing a little on the spot with impatience. "Mr. J and I won't get any further than that. Will it?"
"Yes," I confirmed the blonde beauty's words.
"The manager swears when I gossip about customers. Everyone has different preferences, but here..." the woman began to speak uncertainly.
"Come on, come on," Harley hurried on again, seeing the girl's doubts.
"Mm-hmm, okay," the flimsy defenses finally fell.
I could see the excitement in her eyes, and she eagerly began to share spicy details.
"A handsome man came in. Strong arms, broad shoulders, perfect posture, tall, handsome face with a strong-willed chin and blue eyes like the clearest lake... I could have sat on him... Ahem," she was a little embarrassed, but quickly pulled herself together. "And guess what, he bought all our green dildos and anal plugs. Why the hell would a handsome guy like that choose to play for the other team?!"
"How did you know he was gay?" I asked, beginning to guess the identity of the mystery buyer. There's just no such thing as coincidence.
"When I showed him Big Jim, he literally fell to his knees in ecstasy!" the woman was genuinely indignant. "I offered him a good time, and I'm ready to work with my hands," she shoved her chubby fist into the ring of fingers, "or with my feet. But he seems to prefer only men. I could see his face twitch."
"Yeah... It's not pleasant..." Harley patted her friend's shoulder sympathetically.
"Uh-huh... I feel like it's easier for me to have relationships with girls," the brown eyes looked at Harley intently. "And you..."
"I'm sorry, but no. I'm one hundred percent straight!" the blonde shook her head negatively, her voice full of sincerity. The most interesting thing was that the aura was also in no hurry to show signs of lying. True sight really isn't a panacea when dealing with individuals who have alternative thinking.
"I've heard something about Poison Ivy. Pamela Isley, who's supposed to be with you," Leota said uncertainly.
"Well, Mr. J. takes turns with us. We even have a schedule on the refrigerator. Monday, Wednesday and Friday, me. Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday Ivy. Sunday is a rest day, but sometimes we flip a coin if Mr. J isn't busy," my favorite companion continued to ramble. "Oh, why don't you try hitting on Kie? I saw you two chatting last time, and she had some pretty interested looks on her face when she looked at you. That's the way a predator looks at its prey."
"Really?" the girl asked hopefully.
"I swear on Darkseid's balls!"
"Mmm... I'll give it a try... Maybe really something will come of it."
***
"Home now? - Harley asked as we left the hospitable walls of the adult store, wishing Leota well in her amorous endeavors and promising that she'd put aside a couple of kryptonite sex toys for us. There was, of course, the option of contacting the supplier, but only the management was in contact with him, and to fish them out for such information was too crazy even for Delirum's champions. The image of me as Bats shaking a puny man over a precipice and asking in a serious voice: "Where do you get green dildos?" came before my eyes. I'm afraid that after such a performance Bats will definitely sulk.
Better to go to Smallville and search the surrounding forests for green shards, or carefully browse the assortment of flea markets, because surely someone is selling items with a beautiful green stone as jewelry.
"No, we're gonna try to get the tape first."
I just had to make sure of my assumptions, and get some possible dirt, so I had to leave the mall and come back in an hour, but this time by sneaking through the roof. Despite the fact that the equipment for breaking into the store remained at home, there were no problems with the penetration: Sculptor, plus telekinesis, plus a little preliminary reconnaissance, and here the alarm system is neatly taken out of service. It took a little longer to get into the computer because of the password, but thanks to Babs, all the necessary programs were already loaded on the tablet, and all I had to do was plug in and press a couple of buttons.
"Heh-heh-heh, here comes the dirt.
On the screen was an image of a Superman in the image of Clark Kent, dressed in an ordinary office suit and horn-rimmed glasses. He was kneeling, as if in ecstasy, in front of a half-meter thick green ribbed dildo, with a pile of boxes with obviously racy contents around him.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone