"It's just... you didn't love me back... I understand. I actually thought about giving up before, but couldn't accept it. After all, I've loved for so long, always thinking just a bit more effort, being a bit nicer to you, then you'd fall for me," Lu Jingqiu said, tears rolling uncontrollably in her eyes. Who could she blame for all the suffering she endured for her?
Suddenly feeling sorry for herself, she just looked at him, her pretty nose turning slightly red, tears falling like beads off a broken string, unable to stop: "Gao Shu, this life, I chase you no further, I wish you happiness!" Having said that, she tilted her head back to stop the tears, wiped the tear beads from her face, and the heavy feeling in her chest was suddenly swept away.
She turned around with mixed feelings in her eyes as she thought about her previous life – a bit contemplative, a bit saddened, and a bit relieved. Not knowing what to say, she smiled, turned around, wiped her tears, and left without looking back.
Gao Shu was left with a belly full of persuasion, a belly full of warnings that were buried in his mouth. Hearing her words, seeing her lonely departing figure shook him to the core. His gaze was filled with pain, guilt, and a hint of relief, all condensing into one sentence: I'm sorry!
Alas, the person had already walked far away!
After leaving Gao Shu, Lu Jingqiu didn't return to the dormitory but took her flashlight and went to the crooked-neck tree on the back hill.
The sky was still faintly bright; Lu Jingqiu glanced down the steep slope to the south but didn't see him.
She felt a sudden relief in her heart, which meant he wasn't dead. Although she hated that man, she didn't have the courage to deal a deadly blow.
It's just that there had been no news for the past few days, so she came to check.
When she got back to the dormitory, the lights were out. Not wanting her roommates to know she had been crying, she didn't turn on the lights and groped her way to bed in the dark.
The other two on the bed weren't asleep, but by unspoken agreement, they didn't ask.
...
After a heavy rain, the weather in June heated up again.
The next day, Lu Jingqiu got the introduction letter from the team leader; it was still a one-month leave, and she had begun packing her things.
She had decided if her father could find a way for her to stay in the city this time, she wouldn't come back.
So she took everything she could, but the quilt was hard to carry.
Bringing home a quilt for a family visit could easily arouse suspicion.
"Jingqiu, are you buying tickets in advance or going straight to the station? When are you leaving?"
Yun Yuzhi saw her so happy and quickly reminded her.
Jingqiu cheerfully replied, "I'll go directly to the county's station. Once there, I'll call my dad, and he'll pick me up."
Li Yinger, seeing all her belongings, said, "You are just visiting for a month; why are you taking all your winter clothes too? Just pack a few summer garments. Bring some local specialties from here; you don't need the winter clothes."
Lu Jingqiu looked at the three large bundles on the ground and quickly made up an excuse, "I don't like these winter clothes anymore; I'll take them back for my niece to wear. Don't worry, they're very light; I can carry them. And, I can't take this half can of malted milk; I'll leave it for the two of you to drink."
Yun Yuzhi said, "If you can't take it, just leave it here. It won't spoil in a month. Lock it in your cupboard, and we'll watch over it for you."
Li Yinger said, "Exactly, keep it for yourself."
Lu Jingqiu replied, "It's for you two, don't be polite with me. Also, after I leave, don't forget to keep reading during your free time. Sister Yuzhi, I think Zhang Yumin is good; don't hesitate anymore. And Sister Yingying, actually, Comrade Li Qing is very smart and attentive; he's not just able to smile foolishly."
Li Yinger laughed at her rambling, "What's gotten into you today? It's only a month at home, and you're making it sound like a final goodbye."
Yun Yuzhi smiled, "She's excited, I guess. After all, she hasn't seen her parents in two years. I was the same when I went home for a visit.
Let's go send you off tomorrow, Jingqiu; I need to mail a letter to my family anyway."
Li Yinger nodded, "Right, I need to make a call too."
"Sure."
...
On the tenth day since her return to Ten-miles Village, Lu Jingqiu was finally leaving.
Early in the morning after breakfast, a few male comrades from the Educated Youth Spot helped carry her luggage to the brigade's ox cart.
Because Yun Yuzhi and Li Yinger were going to the county town to see her off, Zhang Yumin, not feeling comfortable with just the women going, decided to follow, and Li Qing naturally couldn't be left behind.
Shen Mu said he needed to buy some things in the county town, and pulled Gao Shu along with him.
Xia Lin, knowing that Lu Jingqiu was going back to her hometown today, came to see her and, hearing that Gao Shu was headed to the county town, she followed suit.
Just their group was enough to nearly fill the ox cart.
"Kid Mao's mom, I heard your eldest cousin was hospitalized?"
On the cart, an auntie was chatting with another woman in her thirties, Jingqiu had an impression of them but did not know what to call them.
"Indeed, he was running around the back hill the other day and ran into a wild boar. Luckily, he had the good fortune to fall into the gully under the crooked-neck tree."
At the mention of the crooked jujube tree, Jingqiu's body jolted, she bowed her head and listened intently.
"How is he now?"
Kid Mao's mom sighed and shook her head, "My uncle's savings over the years aren't enough to cover his medical expenses, and he's still in the hospital. That's why I'm going to see him."
Kid Mao's mom was also upset. Her uncle was such an honest man, how could he have raised such a wayward son? To outsiders, they said he stumbled upon a wild boar, but looking at that wound, it was clearly inflicted by a person.
It's a mystery who he had offended.
Upon hearing this, Jingqiu secretly breathed a sigh of relief; it meant that the man had not seen her face clearly. Yet she also felt that she had been too lenient, as her intention had been to leave him crippled.
The ox cart took them directly to the bus station in the town, heading for the county town.
It took forty minutes to get from the town to the county town.
Once they reached the county town, transferring to the bus station took another half an hour of hassle.
Jingqiu had previously been worrying about lugging three big parcels by herself on the bus, but fortunately, they had come along.
Though tired, the thought of being close to home had Jingqiu bubbling with excitement, "You all rest here for a bit, I'll go buy a ticket."
Before she could get up, Gao Shu stood up beside her, "I'll go. I know the next bus is passing by around this time, and don't you need to call Uncle Lu? You better hurry."
Jingqiu had intended to refuse, but Xia Lin grasped Gao Shu's arm, "I'll go with you. Comrade Shen Mu, could you accompany Comrade Lu to make the call? We should save time."
Seeing Xia Lin's look that could barely conceal her wish for Jingqiu to vanish in the next second, Jingqiu did not stand on ceremony with them, and took out two Great Unity RMB from her pocket, handing them to Gao Shu.
Gao Shu at first did not want to take it, but seeing Xia Lin next to him and fearing a misunderstanding, he silently accepted.
Jingqiu did not dally either, following Shen Mu to a telephone booth.
She dialed her father's office number.
After two rings, a familiar and long-missed voice came through, "This is Lu Xianrun, who are you looking for?"
Hearing the familiar voice, Jingqiu couldn't hold back her tears and, with a choked voice, she said, "Dad, it's me, Jingqiu."
Lu Xianrun hadn't received a call from his daughter for two months and said excitedly, "Qiuqiu, why haven't you called in these two months? Your mom has been missing you."
"Dad, I miss you guys too. I have some good news—I'm coming home for a visit. I'm at the station right now. I want to surprise Mom, so Dad, don't forget to pick me up at the station in three days. Oh, I still haven't gotten my ticket. After I get on the train, I'll have my friend call you to let you know the time."
"Alright, alright, my daughter is coming back. Dad will pick you up. Be careful on your way, be very careful."
"I know, Dad. I have to go now; I need to catch the train."
Lu Jingqiu could hear the excitement in her father's voice, but she was in a hurry and worried she might miss the train.
After hanging up the phone, Lu Jingqiu borrowed a piece of paper and a pen from the person at the phone booth, wrote down a phone number, and handed it to Shen Mu who was behind her, asking, "Comrade Shen, could you help me make a call later? Just tell my dad the time."
Shen Mu took the piece of paper, glanced at it, and said, "Okay."
Seeing that he had agreed, Lu Jingqiu took out fifty cents from her pocket and handed it to him.
Shen Mu pushed the money back to her: "It's not necessary."
Lu Jingqiu insisted, "This won't do, take it, otherwise I'll ask someone else for help." She then stuffed the money into Shen Mu's hand.
Shen Mu didn't decline further.
As they hurried back, Gao Shu and Xia Lin came over with their tickets: "The train will arrive in ten minutes; let's hurry to the platform."
Lu Jingqiu took the tickets and change from them, glanced at the time, and turned to have Shen Mu take a look as well.
Zhang Yumin and a few others helped carry her luggage to the platform, and when the train arrived, they helped get her luggage aboard.
Because it was the busy farming season, there weren't many people coming and going, and she was fortunate to get a seat.
Gao Shu somehow bought several eggs and passed them to her through the window: "Eat these on the way. Keep an eye on your luggage, and don't sleep too deeply."
The atmosphere felt as if last night's words hadn't been meant for him, but then again, in her previous life, Gao Shu had always reacted this way whenever she confessed her feelings—as if nothing had happened.
Lu Jingqiu nodded, wondering whether she should give him money, when Yun Yuzhi and Li Yinger came over to say goodbye.
As the train started moving, Lu Jingqiu's eagerness to return home surged, and she waved goodbye in high spirits: "Sister Yuzhi, Sister Yingying, goodbye. You all go back now; I'll write to you when I arrive."
"Be careful on the journey."
Several educated youths waved back at her, including Gao Shu, though his hand had just been raised when Xia Lin pulled it down again.
Gao Shu looked down at her, saw Xia Lin's playful expression, and smiled affectionately.
Watching this scene, Lu Jingqiu felt no waves in her heart any longer.
As for Gao Shu, she had let go of him last night.
Or perhaps, she had let him go on the final night of her previous life.
"Is this Uncle Lu? I'm Comrade Jingqiu's teammate, Shen Mu. Comrade Jingqiu asked me to tell you that she will probably arrive at West City Railway Station around three in the afternoon the day after tomorrow, on train number..."
"Comrade Shen, thank you. Uncle has noted it down; thank you for your help with Jingqiu. If there is an opportunity in the future, you are welcome to visit our home."
"I will certainly visit if there's a chance, goodbye Uncle Lu."
While Shen Mu was on the phone with Father Lu, Xia Lin teased Gao Shu from a distance, saying, "Ah Shu, Comrade Shen Mu seldom speaks to female comrades, right? It seems he treats Comrade Lu Jingqiu a bit differently. He couldn't possibly like Comrade Lu, could he?"
Gao Shu shook his head with a smile: "How could that be, Shen Mu has no thoughts in that regard."
Xia Lin said, "Are you a worm in his stomach to answer so definitively?"
Gao Shu replied, "Anyway, such a thing is impossible. Let's go; it's not easy to come to the county town, I'll show you around."
Gao Shu was an educated youth, and after marrying Xia Lin, he temporarily lived at the Xia Family.
Gao Shu had come here since graduating, and the work points he earned in a year weren't enough to cover one person's expenses, but Uncle Gao would occasionally send him some money.
Aunt Gao didn't just send money; she had never let him lack material support.
So, Gao Shu had a few hundred yuan on him. He might not have enough to complete the three big items for Xia Lin, but buying a wristwatch was still possible.
Lu Jingqiu was more experienced; she kept her valuables hidden in her sock and sewed her money into her pants.
She only kept enough for meals over the next two days on her person.
Her seat was by the window, and the woman sitting beside her seemed like a comrade, which greatly relieved her mind.
As the beautiful countryside scenery outside the window grew more distant, Lu Jingqiu's heart slowly calmed.
The car wasn't crowded with passengers, but there was a lot of luggage; traveling far was not easy in those times, and many were visiting family, so they brought many belongings.
The person in front had even brought along two live ducks.
Nobody struck up a conversation during the journey; by noon, an attendant was pushing a cart selling items.
Lu Jingqiu glanced at the few eggs Gao Shu had given her. Seeing the woman next to her buy two buns, she followed suit and bought two vegetarian buns for a total of forty cents.
No matter when, things were always a bit more expensive on the train.
For lunch, she ate the two buns with some cool boiled water, and at night, she ate two eggs.
She had lost track of how many stations the train had stopped at throughout the day. People came and went, and now the carriage seemed to have more passengers.
As dusk fell, Lu Jingqiu gazed out at the night sky, so brightly lit with stars that the memories of her past and present life intermingled in her mind, becoming a tangled mess. The thought of her mother leaving her so early weighed heavy on her heart, nearly suffocating her.
She was finally roused by feeling stifled and looked around to find the carriage silent with most people fast asleep.
Awake, Lu Jingqiu couldn't fall back asleep for a long time. She was grateful to heaven for allowing her to return to her twenties but lamented why she couldn't have come back a few years earlier.
If she had returned earlier, she surely wouldn't have followed Gao Shu to the countryside again; she would have found a job in the city, taken good care of her mother's health, and perhaps her mother wouldn't have succumbed to cancer and left them.
She knew that life was never perfect. What she could do now was to stay by her mother's side and make her remaining days as painless and regret-free as possible.
...
In the West City Military District Compound, at the far southwest row, counting from the south, the third house was where Lu Xianrun had returned early today, a rare occurrence.
Seeing his wife busily working in the kitchen, he entered with a smile, "Lanping, tidy up Qiuqiu's room, will you? Buy some extra treats these next few days, and let's have a lavish dinner the day after tomorrow night."
Zhou Lanping put down her spoon and looked at her husband's smiling face. It seemed to dawn on her, and she asked hesitantly, "Why the sudden need to tidy up Qiuqiu's room? Is she...is she coming back?"
Lu Xianrun didn't hide it from her, "Yes, she called today to say she's coming back to visit."
Zhou Lanping said, "She called today? How come I didn't get the call?"
"She called me. She even asked me not to tell you because she wanted to surprise you."
Zhou Lanping laughed: "That child, if she came back without telling me, I'd really be mad." As she laughed, tears welled up in her eyes.
Lu Xianrun hugged his wife and quietly patted her back. Both spouses had missed their daughter dearly, day and night, and now that she was finally returning, their excitement was undeniable.
"Is she coming back alone, or with Gao Shu?"
"By herself. Lanping, when the child comes back this time, we should really talk to her. Gao Shu isn't right for her."
"Your daughter is just as stubborn as you are. If we could have persuaded her, she wouldn't have sneaked off to the countryside."
"The two of them must have endured a lot out there. Maybe she's gained some perspective."
"Let's hope so. I don't want our daughter to leave us again."
"Mm-hmm."
...
Lu Jingqiu had been on the train for three days and two nights. Since she was in a hard seat, she hadn't slept well on either night. Maybe that was for the best since it meant the thieves didn't have an opportunity to strike.
Her seatmate, a woman who seemed careless, had her pocket slit open during the night without realizing it. Luckily, there was only ten cents in her pocket, so the loss wasn't too significant.
After arriving at West City Station, Lu Jingqiu slung one bag over her shoulder and carried another in her hand.
She squeezed through the crowded exit off the train.
From a distance, Lu Xianrun spotted a petite figure stumbling out of the crowd. The figure, burdened with several large bags, moved not clumsily but with the nimble agility of a squirrel darting through the throng.
Seeing his daughter like this, Lu Xianrun's eyes uncontrollably reddened. He hurried forward with the guards, calling out, "Qiuqiu."
"Daddy."
Seeing her father, who looked thirty years younger, Lu Jingqiu felt a surge of excitement and affection, yet a thousand words stuck in her heart, not knowing how to express them.
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