Chapter 161: HarAssed
After landing, it took at least five seconds for Duteland to realize that his lower half felt chilly.
At this moment, his mental fortitude and quick reflexes as a professional athlete came into play.
Upon discovering that his shorts had fallen off, Duteland didn't immediately cover his lower half or his face.
Instead, he lunged for his shorts without hesitation.
It was faster and more aggressive than any dive he had ever made in his career.
But how could Blake let him put them back on so easily? Just as Duteland grabbed his shorts, ready to pick them up, they inexplicably burst into flames.
The fire flared up out of nowhere, and Duteland, feeling the heat on his hand, instinctively let go, watching helplessly as his shorts turned to ashes.
Alright then, how about using a shirt to cover himself?
But just as he took off his shirt to wrap around his waist, it met the same fiery fate as his shorts!
Eventually, someone outside the court offered their own clothing to spare Duteland further embarrassment.
This time, the borrowed clothing didn't mysteriously combust.
By the time Duteland got home, videos of his naked moment were already circulating online.
The scene of him dunking with a bare bottom was even dubbed by netizens as the "most spectacular dunk in history."
Of course, netizens, being the resourceful community they are, scrutinized the footage frame by frame within hours of its upload.
They soon discovered a tiny spatial wormhole that appeared between Duteland's legs as he jumped—and two mischievous fingers emerging from it, the culprits of his wardrobe malfunction.
People had assumed that Blake wouldn't stoop to Duteland's level or, if he did want revenge, he might challenge him on the basketball court instead.
Perhaps shattering a hoop in front of him or nailing a few flawless long-distance shots—something classy, befitting a superhero.
After all, Blake was an Avenger, a superhero. Playing basketball shouldn't be beyond him, right? There had to be a more dignified way to retaliate.
But Blake's method of revenge was so down-to-earth that it felt less like something an Avenger would do and more like the antics of your goofy college roommate.
Of course, Blake wasn't done with his payback just yet.
And so began the most frustrating, disgusting, nerve-wracking, and horrifying week of Duteland's life.
For instance, after flushing the toilet, a wormhole would suddenly appear overhead, dumping the waste water back onto him.
While eating a sandwich, he would inexplicably find worms, bugs, or, most horrifyingly, half a squirming maggot.
On nights when he was sound asleep, an entire bucket of ice water would come crashing down on him out of nowhere.
And so on.
If these incidents were barely tolerable, what came next nearly broke Duteland.
It was Friday, and Duteland hadn't been harassed in days. This rare break allowed him to relax slightly.
Usually, Blake's antics occurred once or twice a day, but it had been over four days since the last incident.
In a good mood, Duteland went for a few drinks after training and even managed to charm a tall, leggy model.
However, just as he was passionately engaging with this vibrant, youthful woman—who couldn't have been older than 23—a massive snake's head suddenly emerged from thin air, less than half a meter in front of him.
The serpent hissed, its forked tongue flicking, and its enormous fangs gleaming menacingly.
Duteland swore he had never seen a snake so massive. Its gaping mouth looked like it could swallow his 7-foot-tall frame whole.
Every drop of blood in his body froze, but just as the snake was about to strike, it vanished into thin air.
The next day, after visiting a psychologist, Duteland made an appointment with a urologist as well.
Just after stepping out of the hospital, Duteland suddenly felt a strange coolness in his groin area. Moments later, that coolness turned into an unbearable burning sensation.
Terrified, Duteland quickly pulled down his pants, only to be hit by an extremely pungent smell.
Unfamiliar with the sensation and scent of medicinal balm, the panicked basketball star clutched his lower half and hurried back into the hospital.
When he emerged from the hospital this time, the towering 7-foot basketball player was completely shattered.
He uploaded a video to social media, where he sobbed uncontrollably like a heartbroken child, tears and snot streaming down his face.
Choking back sobs, he confessed how foolish and ignorant he had been, admitting that he should never have provoked a hero who had saved the world.
At the S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier, Blake was sitting back comfortably, watching Duteland's tearful apology video with a grin. Just then, Tony Stark burst into the room.
"What the hell did you do to that guy? I heard from the owner of *that* blue pill company that he went there demanding one of their new products, took five times the recommended dose, and still couldn't... you know... get things working again!"
"That's not my fault, Tony!" Blake said leisurely, crossing his legs. "I only played a few harmless pranks on him. If his psyche couldn't handle it, that's on him!"
He smirked and continued, "You should be worrying about your own issues. I'm talking about you and Pepper. Giving her the CEO position was great—she's incredibly capable—but she's also way too focused on work. I mean, you both deserve some time to live your own lives. You know what I mean, right?"
After stopping Project Insight, along with taking down Hydra and rescuing Bucky, Blake had earned 1,500 system points. He hadn't spent them yet, choosing instead to save up for an intermediate enhancement serum from the Level 2 Store to gift to Natasha.
By the timeline, the events of *Iron Man 3* should be coming up soon, so Blake had been keeping an eye on Tony's condition.
Sure enough, ever since the Battle of Wakanda and the Chitauri invasion, Tony seemed a little unhinged. He had been locking himself in his lab day and night, obsessively building armor after armor.
Initially, Blake thought Wakanda must have provided him with a ton of Vibranium, and that Tony was working on a Vibranium-powered suit.
But even after completing the Vibranium armor, Tony didn't stop. He kept building suits with different functions using gold-titanium alloys. He was clearly creating an Iron Army.
"Stark Industries has only recently completed its transition. Pepper won't be as busy in the future, and we'll have plenty of time," Tony said, walking over to the coffee machine.
He poured himself a full cup of espresso and downed it in one gulp as if it were water.
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