Chapter 72: Chapter 71: Approval Of The Past
"I quit, I F*CKING QUIT!" Ricky's scream tore through the air, a raw, visceral outburst that echoed the turmoil within him.
The scene before him had struck a chord deeper than anything he had ever felt, pushing his emotions to their breaking point.
"I DON'T WANT TO BE THE STUPID BLACK KNIGHT ANYMORE! ERNST WINS, SO LET ME THE F*CK OUT OF HERE!" Ricky screamed, his voice trembling with desperation, but no matter how fiercely he wished for an escape, the scene refused to change.
"Alright, it's a promise." Danielle offered a sad, knowing smile as Ricky covered his eyes, struggling to hold back his emotions.
The little girl, sitting on her neatly made bed, was his long-lost half-sister Danielle, now just a haunting memory.
This was one of the most painful fragments of his past he had always refused to face, desperately burying any recollection of her.
But as he turned to escape, he found himself thrown into another scene.
"Ricky, can we play go-fish-"
"I can't Danielle, I'm going out with friends, next time I promise." Ricky waved her off and walked out through the door, but the present-day Ricky suddenly jerked his head to the side, as if trying to escape the memory unfolding before him.
"Alright, it's a promise." Danielle reappeared, her sad smile lingering as she slowly lowered her head, the door closing in front of her with a quiet finality.
Ricky stumbled backward, turning just in time to see Danielle rushing forward, clutching something tightly to her chest while his past self descended the stairs.
"Hey Ricky, I found this really cool movie-" Danielle, her eyes sparkling like stars, held it above her head with a toothy smile, brimming with hope.
But his past self only sighed, letting her excitement fade into the silence as he walked towards the door.
"Nope, busy. Promise I'll play next time." Ricky waved her off once more, closing the door behind him.
"Alright, it's a promise." Danielle slowly lowered the movie in her hand, her smile fading as she watched the door swing shut in her face once more.
That same understanding, sad smile crept back onto her face, yet the past Ricky didn't even care to spare her a glance.
"Hey Ricky, do you want to play hopscotch?"
"Hey Ricky, let's just talk-"
"Hey Ricky, I found dad's old board games-"
"Hey Ricky-"
"Hey Ricky-"
"Hey Ricky-"
"Hey Ricky-"
"Hey Ricky-"
Every direction Ricky looked, he was met with scenes of neglect, the words echoing relentlessly around him.
Danielle's attempts to reach out continued, each time met with his turning away, until Ricky finally stopped moving, unable to escape the haunting repetition and finally gazed forward.
"Ricky, is it true what Daddy said before he went away?" Danielle tugged at Ricky's shirt, her voice trembling with uncertainty before he could walk out.
"Who cares about that loser anyway? Just forget about him." Ricky said dismissively, brushing her off but Danielle fidgeted with her fingers, her gaze downcast, as he walked out the door.
"But he said I wasn't his daughter." Danielle's words struck his past self like a tidal wave, freezing him in place at the doorway. In the present, his face flushed with sudden, seething anger.
"Don't you say it, don't you f*cking say it-" Ricky ground his teeth together, pointing an accusing finger at his past self.
"Yeah, you're not his daughter, so just stop thinking about him, alright?" Ricky tried to push her to move on in his own way, but his words only left Danielle devastated.
*Sniff*
"I'm not?" Danielle sniffed, her eyes filling with tears as the past version of Ricky hesitated at the door, visibly unsettled by her response.
"Y-Yes." Ricky's voice wavered with guilt as he delivered the painful news, while Danielle tugged at his shirt once more, her eyes pleading.
"Can you stay with me today?" Danielle asked, her voice quivering with tears threatening to fall as the present Ricky's heart shattered into tiny pieces, already knowing the answer.
"N-No, I've got to go." Ricky fled through the door, escaping from the problem he had created as he left Danielle standing alone, her sadness deepening in his wake.
He stood there, his face etched with heartbreak, as he watched Danielle's tears fall slowly.
Finally, he sank into a nearby chair, his face buried in his hands as he succumbed to his own anguish.
"What is wrong with me?" Ricky asked himself, his voice heavy with despair, as he confronted the reflection of his own flaws.
It was a moment of reckoning, forcing him to finally face the music and after taking a deep breath, he looked up, only to find that the scene had shifted.
"Ricky!" Danielle rushed to his side as he collapsed onto the floor, clearly having drunk himself into a state of numbness.
"Shut up~" Ricky muttered through a drunken slur before slamming face-first into the ground.
*BAM*
"RICKY!" Danielle cried out urgently, running to his side and tapping his cheek with tearful eyes but he was too far gone to stir.
Alone with only each other for company, Danielle began to push and struggle to carry Ricky up to his bed on the second floor.
She employed every method and contraption she could think of, her determination unwavering.
The present Ricky watched in heartache as his younger sister exhausted every effort to ensure he had a restful night, a gesture he would never fully appreciate.
Then as Ricky started to feel that remorse and guilt completely consumed him, the final scene played out as Ricky fell to his knees as he no longer had the strength to stand.
"Please, Ricky, can we go play at the docks?" Danielle begged earnestly but Ricky, already in a foul mood, shook his head in response.
"I'm not in the mood-"
"YOU'RE NEVER IN THE MOOD!" Danielle screeched at Ricky, tears streaming down her face as her frustration and hurt spilled over.
"I ONLY WANT YOU TO SPEND TIME WITH ME BUT YOU NEVER-" Danielle poured out her frustrations, hoping Ricky would notice her sadness but his past self merely snapped his head back, indifferent to her pain.
"WHY SHOULD I SPEND TIME WITH SOME SNOT-NOSED BRAT?" The past Ricky retaliated harshly, causing Danielle to flinch.
Meanwhile, the present Ricky shook his head in disbelief, unable to reconcile with his former self's cruelty.
"Stop." Ricky begged desperately, reaching out to anyone who might hear him, but his cries were met with silence.
But it was no use.
"But I'm your sister-"
"HALF SISTER, YOU'RE ONLY HALF MY SISTER CAUSE YOU'RE A F*CKING BASTARD!" The past Ricky yelled, and as his harsh words cut through the air, tears began to stream down Danielle's cheeks.
"Stop." Ricky breathlessly uttered the words toward his past self, knowing full well what would follow as avein throbbed on his neck as he glared at his former self with seething hatred.
"Y-Your lying-" Danielle shook her head, tears streaming down her small cheeks as she backed away, overwhelmed by the sudden news.
"WHY DO YOU THINK DAD SAID YOU WEREN'T HIS? BECAUSE HE HUNG HIMSELF WHEN HE FOUND OUT OUR MOM CHEATED AND HAD A KID WITH ANOTHER MAN!" Ricky unleashed his frustrations on his young sister, who only ever wanted to spend time with him.
*SNIFF*
"I-I HATE YOU!" Danielle screamed at his past self, but he only scoffed as he opened the door and walked away.
"STOP!" Ricky shouted, standing up in a desperate plea to his past self.
It would be a moment he would come to regret deeply, a haunting memory that lingered with him to this day.
"And I hate you too." Ricky said in a bitter, pessimistic tone, intending to wound Danielle deeply as his words succeeded, shattering her heart completely.
"FINE!" Danielle yelled, her voice echoing with anguish as she watched his past self walk away.
The present Ricky, consumed by remorse, began shaking his head fervently, unable to escape the torment of his own actions.
"Danielle, stop." Ricky breathlessly stumbled forward, watching as Danielle reached for her yellow rain jacket and paper boat, her small hands trembling with despair.
"I'LL GO BY MYSELF!" Danielle yelled defiantly, but his past self didn't even glance back.
Meanwhile, the present Ricky sprinted towards her, driven by a desperate need to stop her.
"DANIELLE, PUT THAT F*CKING RAINCOAT DOWN, DANIELLE!" Ricky roared in grief, sprinting after her as she headed towards the back door.
She struggled for a moment but finally managed to open the door, and the rain poured in torrents as Ricky's heart pounded furiously.
His pupils trembled violently, reflecting the image of her stepping outside as desperation surged through him as he leaped out the door, determined to reach her before she could disappear into the storm.
"Today, we are gathered not to mourn the loss of Danielle Freeman, but to celebrate the life she lived." The priest said somberly, standing beside a small red oak coffin adorned with a large photograph of Danielle hanging above it.
*BAM*
*BAM*
Ricky was consumed by an overwhelming wave of grief and anguish as he slammed his head into the dirt, having to relive the tragic fate of his little sister.
He later discovered that Danielle had gone down to the docks, fallen into the water, and drowned, taking her last, terrified breaths alone and frightened with her final moments colored by the pain of his earlier words, when he had told her he hated her.
This haunting event left Ricky deeply scarred, unable to form close bonds with others.
The fear of experiencing such devastating loss again prevented him from opening his heart, as he dreaded the heart wrenching pain of losing someone else just as he had lost Danielle.
After that day, if Ricky was considered broken, then after Danielle's death, he was utterly shattered.
He could never forgive himself and drifted through life, consumed by self-pity as he sought to drown his pain with any substance, woman, or can of booze he could find, trying to numb the relentless ache within.
"Would anyone like to say a few words?" The priest asked and one by one, people began sharing their stories, and Ricky's eyes widened in surprise as he turned to look behind him.
"Ricky, as her loving brother, would you like to say some parting words to Danielle?" the priest asked, gesturing towards him as all eyes turned towards him.
The present Ricky, overwhelmed, stood up and rushed toward his past self, who had also risen to his feet.
Without hesitation, his past self turned away and started running with all his might, fleeing from the funeral as tears streamed down his cheeks.
"YOU GO BACK THERE AND SAY GOODBYE, YOU BASTARD!" Ricky screamed, his voice a raw mix of frustration and hatred.
He knew he couldn't change the past, but he refused to passively witness his greatest mistake again.
Despite his desperate efforts to catch up, his past self outpaced him, the distance between them widening until he disappeared completely.
Ricky turned back to the funeral scene, now eerily silent, with empty rows of chairs where grieving people once filled.
The only presence was the departed soul and the vacant podium and after taking a deep breath, Ricky walked toward the podium, determined not to flee this time but to face the sorrow head-on.
He climbed the stairs and positioned himself in front of the podium, facing the empty rows.
As he glanced toward the supposedly nonexistent crowd, his eyes trembled with profound grief when he saw Danielle sitting in the front row, patiently waiting for him to speak, her familiar smile still gracing her face.
"I-" Ricky hesitated, instinctively turning to leave but his hands tightened around the podium, anchoring him in place as he fought against the urge to flee.
*SIGH*
"Danielle, I'm so sorry." Ricky finally found the words he had never managed to say, his voice trembling as he looked her directly in the eyes.
"I was such a bad big brother," Ricky said, his voice breaking with raw emotion. "If I could, I would've traded places with you, because God knows a piece of sh*t like me didn't deserve to live in a world where you couldn't smile." Ricky spoke from the heart, tears streamed down his face, and he choked on his breath, but he pressed on through the pain.
"I-.......I should've been there for you. There isn't a day I don't kick myself for not taking your extended hand when I had so many chances and just blew them all." Ricky began to break down, his voice trembling as the weight of his deepest regret stood right in front of him.
After her death, Ricky had always loathed himself and the crushing sense of loss that accompanied it.
Whenever that feeling resurfaced, he would instinctively run from it, just as he had all those years ago.
"You just wanted to be near me, and all I ever did was push you away," Ricky said, his voice heavy with regret.
As he spoke, Danielle stood up and began walking toward him, her presence a poignant reminder of his failings.
"You deserved so much more and I'm sorry-"
"Ricky." Danielle walked right up to his side and gently tugged on his shirt as Ricky fell to his knees, bringing himself down to her eye level, the gravity of the moment pressing heavily upon him.
"I forgive you," Danielle said softly while Ricky pulled her into a tight embrace, burying his grief in her presence, overwhelmed by the release of his long-held sorrow.
Ricky knew deep down that Danielle would have forgiven him if he had only asked for it, but that was precisely why he never sought her forgiveness in the past.
He tormented himself with grief, fearing that if he were forgiven, it would mean Danielle had died in vain.
*SNIFF*
"I love you so much, Danielle." Ricky choked out, gripping her tightly while Danielle gently patted his back, offering comfort as he let his emotions flow freely.
"But Ricky," Danielle said softly, breaking the hug to Ricky's visible grief as she gently caressed his cheek, her touch tender and reassuring.
"You need to stop running," Danielle said, her words echoing with a deeper meaning that left Ricky puzzled.
"Danielle-"
"Ricky." Danielle pouted at him, gently closing his mouth before returning to a warm smile as she stroked his chin.
"It's time for you to move forward instead of running backward." Danielle's toothy smile was bright, but Ricky shook his head, struggling with the weight of her words.
"No Danielle, I need to stay here and make up all the lost-"
"I'm already gone, Ricky." Danielle's sad smile broke his heart, leaving him staring at her in stunned silence.
"And it's time for you to finally forgive yourself." Danielle said softly, breaking away from Ricky before walking toward the last door.
"W-Wait, can't we talk-"
"No, you have to hurry up. I'll be mad at you if you don't win," Danielle said, crossing her arms and tapping her foot as Ricky couldn't help but let out a chuckle at her determined stance.
"O-Okay." Ricky hesitated for a moment, but then, with renewed resolve, he stood up and walked toward the final door.
"Brother to sister, can you give me a hint?" Ricky asked shamefully and Danielle let out a sigh, her exasperation clear as she acknowledged that some things never changed.
"Okay, fine, but only because I love you." Danielle said, gesturing for him to come closer as Ricky leaned down to her level once more, eager for her guidance.
"Just don't run away this time," Danielle whispered. Ricky gave her a deadpan expression, and she simply shrugged, a knowing smile on her lips.
"I thought you loved me," Ricky said, raising an eyebrow at the inadequate hint.
"I do love you, even after knowing how stupid you are," Danielle chuckled, her playful tone lightening the moment.
Ricky sighed, placing his hand on the door knob but pausing as he considered her words.
"A-Are you okay-"
"Ricky, I'm not real," Danielle said, her voice soft but steady as she could already see the words forming on his lips, cutting him off before he had the chance and Ricky paused, then let out a quiet laugh.
"Right, it's all just one big mindf*ck," Ricky muttered, taking a deep breath. He couldn't help but steal another glance at Danielle, her smile warming his chest in a way that rattled him.
With that, Ricky opened the door, confronting the root of everything that had twisted him into the broken mess he had become.
"Hey there, Slick."
Ricky exhaled shakily, freezing at the sight before him as his biological father, Tanner Freeman, was perched on a ledge.
This was the man responsible for it all, the one who gave him the infamous nickname that had haunted his last life.
"Come over here, take a seat, and talk to your old man for a bit," Tanner said, tapping the ledge with an innocent expression.
Ricky hesitated, remembering his sister's warning, but ignored it, turning away and opening the door.
Yet, as soon as he stepped through, he found himself back in the exact same spot, facing Tanner once again.
"Oh, come on, Slick, you know you can't run away this time like before." Tanner laughed heartily as Ricky slammed his head against the door and tried again.
*SIGH*
"I guess some people can never change; you're just like your mother in that regard." Tanner sighed, shaking his head with clear disappointment etched on his face.
Watching Ricky try to leave through the door for the eighth time, but stopped just before stepping out.
"Ha~" Ricky laughed ironically before turning to face Tanner.
"You know, you've got a lot of nerve judging me." Ricky showed a hateful smile, pointing at Tanner but made no move to advance.
"Judge you? I'm not judging you, Slick. I'm just accepting that you'll always be the child of your whore of a mother," Tanner said, his smile unnervingly warm as Ricky's disgust flared at the sight.
"W-What are you talking about dad?"
Ricky was about to speak when he heard a voice from his past and upon turning to his right, he saw his younger self, the version of him before he became the mess he is now.
"What am I talking about? I'm talking about how your mother whored herself out to other men and had their bastards, that's what I'm talking about," Tanner said, leaning back on the ledge as the younger Ricky flinched at the harsh words.
"What are you-"
"I found out that Danielle isn't mine, Slick. She's not my daughter," Tanner scoffed with disdain, gazing towards the side as the younger Ricky looked on in shock, unable to process the revelation.
"I was surprised when I learned that you're actually my boy," Tanner said, taking out a flask and taking a swig, wiping his mouth and then pointing it at him.
"You're nothing like me, you look and act just like your whore of a mother." Tanner continued to belittle Ricky over and over, his words slicing through the air as the younger Ricky stood there, stunned and unable to grasp the cruel reality being thrown at him.
"I should've never met her in Sicily, she ruined my life." Tanner said in a cynical way, throwing the flask to the side, his gaze returning to him
"You ruined my life." Tanner's voice was firm in that stance, believing it wholly as he pointed the blame at the younger Ricky who took a step back.
"She used me for that damn green card, just like how you use women to distract yourself from your own loneliness," Tanner sneered, letting out a hateful laugh while the present Ricky watched, scowling from the side.
"But we can rectify that horrible part of you, salvage the goodness I know you still have within you," Tanner said with a gentle tone, smiling as he grabbed two ropes and held one out to Ricky.
"Come on, let's stick it to her together, like father and son," Tanner said warmly, holding the ropes out only for the younger Ricky to look on in horror at the suggestion.
Without hesitation, the younger Ricky turned his back and ran, not sparing his father a single glance as he fled down the stairs and out the door, driven by a desperate need to escape.
"And after that, you never stopped running from your problems, right, Slick?" Tanner said, finally turning to face the current Ricky as he halted his movements, locking eyes with his father.
"Yeah, you really f*cked me up-"
"Oh Jesus Christ, Ricky, how about you take some accountability for once and admit that I wasn't the entire problem but your inability to face your problems head-on." Tanner scoffed, wrapping the noose around his neck and tying the rope to the side of the building.
"Fine, you can blame me for running away today, but what about when you ran away from your own bastards?" Tanner egged Ricky on, his words driving Ricky to grit his teeth.
"Or what about Cindy?" Tanner raised his gaze, Ricky's eyes turning dangerous when looking at the bastard before him.
"You better watch your mouth old man." Ricky threatened, his hate shining through his eyes as they glared at Tanner.
"How about Daneille-"
"I said shut your f*cking mouth, Tanner!" Ricky yelled out his hate filled words, but Tanner responded with a cruel laugh, his amusement cutting through Ricky's anger.
"How can you act all tough when you can't even take a step forward?" Tanner taunted, pointing at Ricky as he glanced down, realizing he hadn't moved an inch.
"Because-"
"Oh boy, here we go with your classic diversion," Tanner sighed, rolling his eyes while Ricky clenched his fist in response, the silence thickening between them.
"Nothing?" Tanner asked, surprised as Ricky ducked his head, letting out a chuckle filled with disdain.
"Alright, you're free to go," Tanner said, pointing as a door suddenly appeared behind Ricky as he turned around to see it.
"What are you-"
"You passed. I mean, you made it to the end, so you should be able to leave." Tanner said with a smile that was laced with disdain, watching Ricky turn towards the door.
"Let's save us both the awkwardness and just leave," Tanner said, beckoning him away, watching Ricky grasp the handle and turn it.
"Just run away like you always do." Tanner said, the words halting Ricky in his tracks.
"Oh?" Tanner remarked as Ricky's hand shook violently, the handle beginning to crush under his grip.
"You think I like being this way? You think I enjoy hurting everyone around me-" Ricky began, turning back around, but Tanner's laugh interrupted him once more.
"You know what, I think you do Ricky." Tanner spread out his arms, revealing his truth to him.
"I think it's your favorite excuse." Tanner said, his mocking tone silencing Ricky as the reaction only widened his bastard father's grin.
"I think you enjoy the thought of never taking responsibility for your actions after you mess everything up, get drunk, and go f*ck some whore. I think you love it!" Tanner exclaimed out, laughing heartily at his poor excuse of a son.
"That's your true love, Ricky. Never taking any accountability and blaming everyone else except yourself," Tanner concluded, gesturing toward him as if summarizing his final point with a glorious conclusion.
""Ha, I guess you're right." Ricky said, letting out a self-deprecating laugh, actually agreeing with him.
"I guess I have been that guy," Ricky admitted, his voice heavy with resignation, holding his forehead with that stupid smile of his.
"A part of me just wants to do it right because, well, it's the easy route. I mean, the door is right there." Ricky gestured to the door with a short laugh, and Tanner responded with a mocking smile.
"But f*ck that." Ricky said, surprising both himself and Tanner as he took a step forward instead of retreating.
"I'm tired, I'm worn out, and I'm sick of just doing nothing, being nothing!" Ricky yelled at Tanner, causing his father to stand up and take a step back.
"Are you finally gonna join me-"
"No, I don't want to be this guy anymore! AND YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M GOING TO DO WHAT I SHOULD'VE DONE THE FIRST F*CKING TIME I SAW YOU ON THIS GODDAMN LEDGE!" Ricky roared, rushing at the man who, in his mind, had long since ceased to be his father.
"What are you-" Tanner started, but he couldn't finish as Ricky grabbed his collar, yanked him off the ledge, and threw him down to the ground.
*BAM*
*BAM*
Ricky began pounding on Tanner, delivering punch after punch as the man tried to shield his face and despite Tanner's attempts to cover up, Ricky's fists relentlessly collided with his face.
"STOP-"
*BAM*
"I'M YOUR FATHER-"
"NO, YOU'RE JUST A LOUSY EXCUSE FOR A MAN!" Ricky yelled, pummeling his fist into Tanner's face.
Blood started to splatter on his being but Ricky was firm, letting out all his deep rooted anger and resent that had haunted him throughout his life.
Ricky's downward spiral reached a crucial point here, where he ceased to grow as a person and began to shatter throughout his life.
Though some things would remain unchanged, Ricky resolved to confront the part of himself that always ran, determined to rid himself of the feelings that had plagued him for so long.
It was his way of breaking the cycle, refusing to let the weight of his past dictate his future any longer.
Standing over his beaten father, Ricky felt a profound sense of peace for the first time in what felt like centuries and as he stood there, a door materialized before him.
*Huff*
*Huff*
"You know, a part of me still thinks that all of this isn't my fault, that I didn't lead myself to this very spot." Ricky huffed, standing over Tanner with a resolute look, wiping the blood off of his fists.
"But the real answer is that it is."
"It's my fault that I'm an idiot, it's my fault that I'm a coward, and it's my fault that I act the way I do," Ricky admitted, his voice steady and finally acknowledging that he is the problem, instead of blaming everything around him.
"But I don't want to be this person anymore, I don't want to be this weak of a man, I want to be different." Ricky declared with a firm resolve, kicking Tanner in the chin one more time and turning his back to him.
"I want to be better."
A light shone through the door, and Ricky, drawn by its warmth, instinctively walked toward it and as he approached, the warmth began to fill his barren heart once more.
"ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LEAVE? TURN YOUR BACK ON ALL OF US?" Tanner screeched at Ricky who turned back to see every person he had ever wronged, their faces a mosaic of guilt, anger, sadness, smiles, and acceptance.
Until his gaze finally settled on Danielle, who waved at him with a gentle, encouraging smile.
"I'm not turning my back on you," Ricky said with a smile, his eyes fixed on his new beginning.
"I'm just moving forward, that's all." Ricky scoffed at the pitiful excuse for a father, taking his first step of liberation and as he did, the people around him began to fade into obscurity, except for one.
Danielle watched with a smile as Ricky was enveloped in a warm, life-like glow and as the light surrounded him, her entire body began to fade away.
"Goodbye, Ricky." Danielle said, having finally achieved her last wish.
As her form slowly started to fade, Ricky didn't walk forward completely; instead, he slightly turned his head, catching the last glimpse of her farewell.
"Goodbye? That means I won't ever see you again, and that's not happening, Danielle." Ricky side-eyed the shocked Danielle, who could only laugh through her tears as they streamed down her cheeks.
"I can't play today, but next time, you have to promise to play whatever I want!" Danielle shouted at the top of her lungs as her form began to slowly trickle away into nothingness.
Ricky rubbed his eyes, stepping fully into the light, leaving her final words echoing in the space behind him.
"Alright, it's a promise."
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