Chapter 83: Chapter 79: Confession
"Hina, you must know that I..." Kai tried to speak, but every time his words attempted to escape his mouth, they got stuck.
It was something he couldn't say so easily.
Hina, however, interrupted him.
"Kai-Kun..." she said in a very soft whisper, while continuing to look at him with wide eyes.
Kai raised his gaze toward her and saw Hina with a blush on her face, as if she already knew what her boyfriend was about to say.
"You have the same desperate expression of someone who has done something terrible, Kai-Kun..." Hina added, with a hissing, tempting voice like that of a slithering snake.
Kai's eyes widened as Hina seemed to peer into his soul.
Involuntarily, Hina kept rubbing her legs together, perhaps caught between excitement or the anticipation of what Kai wanted to confess.
Kai was confused by her behavior.
The person in front of him was acting strangely.
Usually, Hina always helped or comforted him in difficult moments, even with small gestures like when she used to stroke his hand with a loving smile on her face.
But now, her demeanor was... strange.
So much so that even Kai couldn't decipher it.
"So... What have you done?" Hina asked, her voice again a soft whisper.
Kai took another deep breath and summoned more courage before speaking.
"Hina... I... killed a man." Kai said, then turned his gaze downward, ashamed and regretful of the action he had taken.
Hina's eyes widened, and her body "froze" as an awkward silence fell between the two.
Kai was shocked, but at the same time, he felt like a huge weight had lifted off his body.
He did his best to control his emotions as his anxiety consumed him from within.
"Are you serious, Kai-Kun? You're not joking, are you?" Hina asked, her voice shaky.
Kai couldn't look her in the eyes. He just nodded his head.
"Yes... I'm not joking... I did it when I was saving Yuna... A man attacked me, and... and... If I hadn't killed him, I wouldn't be here talking to you now..." Kai said, his voice filled with sadness and regret.
"..." Hina didn't respond, but her breathing became faster and more shallow, as if she were agitated.
"I had to do it... and I constantly have nightmares and horrible thoughts that eat me alive and make me want to leave this world. I feel sick every single second, Hina. What should I do?"
Kai said, clenching his fists.
At this point, crying was pointless.
Despite all the sad feelings overwhelming him, he knew perfectly well that tears wouldn't change anything.
Yet, his voice was full of pain.
"Am I a bad person, Hina?" Kai asked, lifting his gaze toward her, closing his eyes, and smiling.
Another moment of silence fell between the two.
Hina continued to look at Kai with wide eyes, her breath fast and uneven, and her body began to tremble slightly as he awaited her response.
"Hahaha..." A soft, quiet laugh came from Hina.
It was small, gentle, but also somewhat frightening.
Kai was taken aback by her reaction.
He expected her to rush over and embrace him, to comfort him.
But instead, she didn't.
"I knew it... I knew it... Hahaha..." Hina whispered, her tone almost... crazed.
"No... Kai-Kun... You're not a bad person... Actually..." Hina said, staring straight into his eyes without looking away for even a second.
"...Now you're perfect... I've been waiting for this..." Hina said, taking a few steps toward him.
Kai opened his eyes, surprised by Hina's reaction.
It wasn't one of sadness, anger, or disbelief.
It was as if Hina had been waiting for this moment for a long time.
The fact that Kai's innocence had been, in some way, tainted was something that awakened deep, carnal desires in Hina.
She had eagerly awaited the moment when Kai would resort to violence.
Maybe it was because she wanted someone who would do anything to save her... or maybe because she always wanted a partner in crime.
"Hina... what are you talking about?" Kai asked with a trembling and scared voice.
The way she was looking at him made him uneasy.
He had never seen her like this before.
Hina's expression softened, her strange laughter subsiding into a small smile.
But there was something off about it.
She looked at him with a mixture of affection and something deeper... something unsettling.
"Kai-Kun, you don't understand, do you?" she said, her voice low, almost like a whisper. "You've done something that most people wouldn't dare to do. You've crossed a line. And now… you're just like me."
Kai took a step back, startled by her words.
"Like you? What are you saying, Hina? I'm nothing like you." Kai said instinctively.
All he wanted to say was "I'm not a killer."
Hina took a step closer to him, her eyes gleaming with an intensity that made Kai's heart race.
"You've killed someone, Kai. And it wasn't out of hate or anger. It was out of necessity, survival. That changes a person. It makes them see the world differently."
Her voice dropped even lower as she leaned in slightly, her breath brushing against his skin. "You know what that feels like now, don't you? That rush, the fear, the thrill of having someone's life in your hands."
Kai shook his head, horrified.
"No… I hated every second of it. I didn't want to do it. I was just trying to protect Yuna." His voice cracked as he spoke, the weight of the memory threatening to suffocate him.
But Hina didn't seem fazed. In fact, her eyes only sparkled more. "That's what makes it so perfect, Kai. You did it because you had no other choice. And yet, deep down, a part of you knows you would do it again if you had to."
Hina is basically trying to say that another person would've been dead.
If someone kill in every circumstance, it means that the person who commits the murder was already capable of doing so.
So, for Hina, she thought that Kai was only restraining his true self, saying that his soul was just like hers.
Kai's chest tightened, his breathing becoming erratic. "Stop it, Hina. You're scaring me."
Hina tilted her head, watching him with a kind of fascination. "Scaring you? But I'm just telling the truth, Kai-Kun. You're not a bad person, not in the way you think. But you've awakened something in yourself, something you can't ignore anymore."
Kai's mind swirled with confusion and fear. "What are you saying? That I'm some kind of killer now? That I enjoyed it?"
Hina chuckled softly, but this time there was no humor in it. "Not a killer, Kai… but someone who understands. Someone who knows what it means to take life and give it meaning."
Kai stared at her, completely lost. "Give it meaning? How can killing someone have meaning?"
Hina's smile faded, and her gaze grew more serious. "Because in this world, especially mine, it's kill or be killed. It's something I learned a long time ago. The weak fall, and the strong survive. But you… you're different. You were strong enough to make that choice, to protect the people you care about. That's why I've always known you were special."
Kai's heart pounded in his chest. "This isn't right, Hina. None of this is right. I don't want to live like this. I don't want to be a murderer like you, Hina... I just wanted everyone to be safe..."
Hina's expression darkened for a brief moment, her eyes narrowing slightly. "You're already like me, Kai. You just don't see it yet. You probably killed that man without hesitation, right...?"
Hina said, with a very low and tempting voice, while her wide eyes were locked into Kai's.
The room seemed to grow colder as the silence between them stretched.
Kai felt trapped, as if the walls were closing in on him.
His thoughts raced, his emotions spiraling out of control and his heartbeat grew a lot.
Hina stepped even closer, her hand reaching out to gently touch his cheek.
Her touch was warm, yet it sent a shiver down his spine. "It's okay, Kai. I'm here. I understand what you're feeling. I've been through it too. But you don't have to be afraid."
Kai flinched at her touch, pulling away from her. "No, Hina… you don't understand. I don't want this. I don't want to be part of this."
Hina's eyes softened again, but there was a hint of disappointment in her gaze. "You're still trying to deny it, aren't you? That's okay. You'll see the truth eventually."
Hina perfectly knew that the people talking to her wasn't Kai, but his weak and false side.
Kai couldn't take it anymore.
The suffocating weight of everything he had been through, combined with Hina's cryptic words, was too much.
He needed to get away, to clear his mind.
"I need some air," he muttered, his voice shaky as he turned toward the door.
Hina didn't stop him. She just watched as he left the room, her expression unreadable.
"You can't run from who you are, Kai-Kun," she whispered softly, though he was already gone.
The poor guy walked trough the corridors of his house to reach the garden.
As Kai stepped outside, the cold night air hit him, but it did little to calm the storm brewing inside him.
His mind was racing, his heart pounding in his chest.
He couldn't understand what was happening.
Hina… she wasn't the person he thought she was.
Or maybe she was, and he had just been blind to it all along.
He had too many things in mind.
But more than that, he was terrified of himself.
Hina's words echoed in his mind, haunting him. "You're already like me, Kai."
Was it true? Had he become like her?
Kai collapsed onto a bench in the garden, burying his face in his hands.
He didn't want to believe it, but the memories of that night... of the blood, the fear, the man's final breath that played over and over in his mind.
He had killed someone.
And no matter how much he told himself it was to protect Yuna, the truth was that the act would never leave him.
He didn't know how long he sat there, lost in his thoughts, but eventually, the silence of the night surrounded him, offering him no comfort.
Kai knew one thing for certain: nothing would ever be the same again.
Hina gave him some free time to clear his mind... not caring about the words he was saying.
She perfectly knew that he would've returned back to his room, and she was eagerly waiting for him.
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