Chapter 240: 40. That's The Way It Is.
"Are you okay?" Adam's voice sounded worried, but I sensed he was trying to ensure I could handle things independently while he went to Mariella.
Our mission of unloading me had gone wrong from the start. Damon had called for Wulfe and the others to deal with Mariella, who had brought her white power into the mix. She was more than a handful. So, I was left with only Adam, Charles, and the boys. The four of them were no match for me.
There was no other way than Adam and Charles attack me, trying to rough me up by Wulfe's instructions to get as much power to seep out but as it needed sex, pleasure connection, it was after all emotional power, Gorefest soon became useless in means of getting power out of me. My power almost got upset by it and I had no idea what this would do for the future unloading. Why Adam and Charles did not suck the power? Easy answer. They had to spare themselves for Mariella. She came first.
The boys were unconscious, and I leaned against a massive crystal, letting my power seep into the crystal. The room was covered in my blood, and there was no pleasure, just a Gorefest as I regained control of my powers. Adam and Charles could go help with Mariella. I knew I shouldn't be disappointed, but I couldn't help it. I wasn't even fully undressed, but my clothes would be magically cleaned and mended, so there was no need to worry.
Against me, I felt the rough surface of a boulder and a slight pulling sensation as the power slowly absorbed into the crystal.
I told Charles, in my neutral voice, not letting my pissed-offness seep through, "You can go. I'll be fine. It's almost done. You're needed."
He nodded, and both he and Adam quickly left the room. I remained against the boulder, pulling my power back in and letting whatever had escaped be absorbed into the crystal. I tried not to dwell on my frustrations, but damn, Mariella always ruined everything good in my life.
It seemed to be her new hobby, or maybe it was the universe, waiting and watching for moments of true happiness to throw a truckload of shit my way. I straightened myself and surveyed the room covered in blood splatters. It had not become the nest of pleasure and fun that I had imagined, but this freaking clusterfuck that was my life.
With a sigh, I teleported to a nearby bedroom where I had been before. I took off my bloody and torn clothes, placing them in a separate spot to be repaired. Then I headed to the shower. I was exhausted, not just physically tired but also emotionally drained from constantly being the one to bear the brunt of everything. The universe seemed determined to dump all its shit on me. Even the scalding hot water and the familiar scent of my shower gel failed to improve my mood. I wasn't sure what to do next.
I needed to calm my mind, so perhaps cooking could help while Mariella took control of the whole damn pack. It irritated me to know that our pack consisted of 30 or more people, and she had to have them all to herself, excluding me, of course, but including everyone else.
After taking a long, refreshing shower that cleansed my body but did little to improve my mood, it was time to get dressed. Of course, there was the tedious task of drying my hair, which I decided to leave loose. Not that there would be anyone interested enough in me to bother with styling my hair. The whole damn day had been one colossal failure, at least what it came to me, but for Mariella, the perfect day, she got them all. Just like she liked.
My mood was sour, my thoughts bitter and sarcastic. It suddenly hit me how much Mariella has taken from me over the years. I should be this confident and badass woman, yet I let someone like her steal my love, my men, and, essentially, my life. She even dared to redecorate the rooms that were important to me, and I just kept my mouth shut.
No wonder I have this huge emotional power living in a huge cavern inside me. I really should learn how to express my opinions clearly. Despite working on this aspect of myself for decades, there is still work to be done. Instead of walking away or keeping my thoughts to myself, maybe I should just let them fly and stop restraining myself. It would be interesting to see where I end up. Though I have no hope of ending up in anyone's bed, unless Saint Mariella permits it.
God damn it, I am so messed up. But now is not the time to head to the gym. No, I'll save that for when the venerable pack is here, so they can witness just how fucked up I am. I was too exhausted to comprehend and always be the one who had to give. I walked up to my wardrobe, not bothering with my old clothes, and simply grabbed a white, form-fitting t-shirt and a pair of Damon's old jeans that I had tailored to fit me. Meaning I had cut off legs, not bother to even sew them, but used this nifty iron-on tape to fold the ends.
As I put on my belt, I was still seething with anger, but there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. So, I decided to channel my energy into cooking and baking. Let's see what I can create. Oh, I was so tired of being the protector, too. Why the fuck should I care for those who don't want me around?
I quickly put on a hairband and slipped into my slippers as the temperature dropped. The mansion where we were had uncomfortable floors, so my cozy fuzzy slippers were a necessity. I had them always everywhere where I was. I did not wear socks but slippers. I made my way to the industrial-looking kitchen, not wanting to imagine what the pack was up to with Mariella and the other females. It wasn't hard to figure out their lustful intentions.
I gathered a variety of meats for my planned dishes, making sure to taste them as I cooked to ensure their quality. With my spices and herbs at the ready, I used my electronic chopper to create different herbal mixes that I would spread onto the meats. I added a touch of nut oils and some seeds and nuts to make a modified pesto. I knew what I was doing. Despite the Pack leader's doubts, then again was it just Mariella's influence, been over the years? Making Damon show his might to her?
I couldn't help but think about the reward awaiting me - my special sandwiches. They reminded me of the time back when I was on one of the PR gigs, long before Mariella, and that the cursed coven came into the picture. Their attempt at cursing me didn't quite work due to my resistance to magic. It was amusing.
I used to take the same route to and from work, and one day, a witch hiding in the shadows attacked me. She hit me with a vial and cast a spell. However, the spell went awry, and instead of affecting me, right away, it took time to work and its effect was not what they intended. It did not hit me at the restaurant where I worked, but as I was always returning home, and going shopping before heading home, it affected me at the grocery store. It caused an obsession with one specific ingredient each day. My obsession list got longer daily, and they cursed me for a week and then gave up or someone came after them.
One day, it was a certain type of pre-sliced bread. The next was basil, followed by Balkan sausage, and then something dangerous for me - tomatoes. Each bite was poisoning me, but I couldn't resist. Then it was cucumber, ice lettuce, and finally, mint chewing gum.
That sandwich became my sole food, and I hid it for three weeks until Constantine was visiting, and noticed it. He had been after that coven. And he was the one with Dresden, who got me free from my obsession. Damon had been with Cindy during that time, one of his girlfriends, and as Constantine had called him, he had not cared. Told him to cure me.
It was time to have Constantine's awful-tasting potion. It had been one hard week that I spent as a prisoner in Dresden's lair, where they worked to remove each part of the curse. But the mental dependency remained, though I found ways to modify my bread to make it less dry without the tomatoes. Basil was the one ingredient that stuck strongly, and Damon, in his wisdom - I thought sarcastically - saw it as an excellent way to torture me by limiting my consumption to prevent allergies.
This would greatly help me. It's wonderful to have a good stock of my favorite breads. I had secretly stashed all my ingredients in one house, telling no one, so there was no need for them to control or limit me. Just the thought of making my sandwiches improved my mood slightly as I continued to prepare my herbal mixes. I started with the game meat, seasoning it and rolling it with bacon to keep it moist.
After preparing the meats, I would then make my sandwiches, enjoying a few of them before moving on to the desserts I planned to bake and taste. Cakes, buns, and everything else were on my list. It was going to be absolutely perfect, and I planned to indulge along the way. I was in great shape at 64 kilos, with a perfect physique and good health. This made everything a little more tolerable. It was true that food brought me comfort, which was ironic.
Being a creature with a basal energy consumption of about 20,000-40,000 Kcal per day, it was difficult for me to gain weight just by eating. If my body worked like humans, I could eventually become fat given the calorie-dense food available, but the fact that my body didn't process carbs made it challenging for me to gain weight. I could only process certain fats and a specific type of meat. However, this didn't stop me from enjoying my meals. In terms of calories, I wasn't getting much out of them.
Finally, I had put all my meats in the ovens and noticed that all the appliances had been replaced with subpar ones, which frustrated me. But what did they know? I also finished making my sandwiches and had quite a handsome stack of them. I put most of them in a smaller fridge to keep them fresh. I grabbed five sandwiches and a few cans of Coke and went to sit at the table.
Opening a can, I took a swig and savored the first perfect bite of my modified sandwiches. The crunch of lettuce, the cool freshness of the cucumber, the salty tang of Balkan cheese, the softness and earthiness of the bread, and the sheer perfection of basil exploded in my mouth, prompting me to close my eyes. I chewed slowly, savoring every sensation. It was pure perfection.
And another bite. After that, I took a swig from my can. My frazzled nerves were calming down, if only for a moment. I was feeling calmer, enjoying myself.
However, I couldn't help but have a bitter thought come to my mind, "At least this is something that Mariella can't take away from me."
The bitterness and anger pushed through, and I was still enjoying my last sandwich when a slightly sarcastic voice from the doorway asked, "Haven't I told you enough times not to eat those?"
Damon was looking at me, one eyebrow raised, with a slightly bored tone evident in his voice.
I replied, "I am pissed off, so you can go back to fucking."
Damon sighed and stepped closer, noticing my supplies.
He rubbed his ear and said, "Listen, it's not like that. Believe me, this wasn't supposed to happen. We were supposed to get you unloaded too, but Mariella's power mixed with white power, and it's one big mess. It takes a lot to get her sorted. We need as many people as we can get because we can't take it all in one go."
I raised my hand and sarcastically said, "Talk to the hand. I'm not interested."
Damon frowned and said, "I get it. You're pissed off, and for good reason. But baby, listen to me. We will get you unloaded too, but we have to get Mariella sorted out first. If I had known it would be this kind of mess, I wouldn't have let her unload. Her alpha power is messy too, and we have to clean it and try to separate those powers..."
I didn't want to listen, so I raised my hand and said, "Zip it, I told you, not interested. Not one bit."
I stood up and walked to my baking station, turning my back to Damon, assuming he would walk out.
But instead, he strode towards me, grabbed me by my shoulders, and turned me to face him. "Listen to me, baby."
He took my right hand and dug a ring out of his pocket. Before I could say anything, he put the ring on my finger, and with a spell, it became one more tattoo on my finger.
"Now you have faith, fiance. You know me and promises, and this," he tapped the ring, "is a promise of a wedding yet to come. You shall be my wife, believe it."
I responded to him honestly, sugarcoating nothing. "Damon, as immortals, as number two pointed out, our wedding could be thousands of years from now. That ring, as romantic as it may be, is just a promise for the future, which in our case is eternal. I am no longer affected by venoms, my pretender side is fully active. I saw and heard that you meant every word you said to Mariela. It wasn't just meaningless talk, which is why it hurt so much. That's why the others proposed to me, not as revenge for you, but because they felt my pain and wanted to ease it, even just a little."
Damon released his grip on my shoulders, his own shoulders slumping. "You know me, baby. I fall in love quickly, and I can be cruel with my words. At that moment, Mariela was everything to me. I can't deny it. But I also have feelings for you. And now this mess with Mariela..."
He looked into my eyes, his ice blue gaze still cold, devoid of any emotion towards me. No matter what he said, it was clear.
I interrupted him, saying, "You're only after power from me. But I suppose I've done enough wrong, taken enough lives for the universe to dump this load of crap on me. I know you better than you know yourself. Go be with the one you want, the one all versions of you want. There's no need to hold on to the past and try to make it work with me, because it's just not going to happen. I just hope you don't hate me so much that you continue sabotaging my friendships and love life. I hope you'll give me a chance to find happiness."
Damon remained silent, taking a few steps back before finally saying, "You...you're saying..."
I cut him off, saying, "Do I have to say it out loud? Yes, we're done. There's no 'us.' Let go of the past and be with Mariela. Let the Salvatore hive be with her, too."
He didn't say anything and simply teleported away. I didn't view what had just happened as a bad thing. It was more than that. What was the point of Damon pretending to be with me when he wasn't truly invested? Mariela was the one he wanted, just like the others. My relationship with them was in the past, and living in the past isn't healthy.
It was a new chapter for me. Despite everything, there was still goodness in my life. If only I had enough faith to remember that there were many who truly loved me, worshipped me, and wanted me for who I am now, not who I was a hundred years ago.
But when would we find our perfect moment, our perfect day? I continued cooking and baking, so it came as no surprise when Damon informed me a few days later that I was free to go elsewhere. They had to move to the castle in Ireland to work on Mariella, along with other women. Damon had taken the entire pack from me, but it was just a part of my life.
I left and entered my grand mansion in New Hampshire through the portal room, the same place where I had raised my four girls. The pack had made some changes, but I had time. My hamster storage was fully stocked, and I could always order more supplies to move forward with my life. Only time would reveal what my life had in store for me, who I would be with, and what kind of pack life we would create.
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