Chapter 46: Notification
They were silent in the beginning. Then Dean spoke, breaking the silence.
"Bruss is amazing. I know he could do that because of our interview, but his propensity for detail is amazing. You really need to give it to him, Allie. I am interested in knowing how he knew I squeezed your thigh," he said.
"I smiled," she said.
"You smiled, that's how he knew?"
"I don't smile during interviews or meetings. I always look serious; that's what I've been told. What I try to do."
"Do you want me to go in with you when you talk to Ms. Kasper?"
"I can handle it. I did 22 of these in the Marines. They thought sending a female would be comforting for the family," she said.
"That's a challenging thing to do," he said.
"You learned to compartmentalize after a while," she said, looking out the window.
"Can you do me a favor?"
"All you have to do is ask."
"Can we take the long way, go in a couple of circles or backroads?" she asked. I want to give her mother another hour of hope, keep her belief in God, and answer her prayers just a little bit longer.
"Of course, I can do that. It's truly kind of you to think about her like that."
"I guess I'm just feeling the love," she said.
She looked at him and smiled. She had fallen for him.
"Yeah, about that. Did you mean what you said earlier?" he asked.
"I said a lot earlier. Are we talking about when I called you an embezzling drug dealer?" she said with a smile.
"Wow, you dodged that question like a ball," he said. "No, not that. You said I love you."
She turned and faced him. "I guess I did," she said.
He smiled, but it was a little intimate smile.
"I can't believe you told Bruss my family sold horse sperm," he said, laughing a little.
"It's not like I lied."
"Yes, but out of context, it just sounds weird and creepy."
"I panicked. And even in context, it's a little weird and creepy," she laughed. "Speaking of horse sperm and milk cartons..."
"That made it even more weird and creepy."
"Why the FBI?" she asked. "I would think there's better money working in forensic accounting."
"What would be a cooler place to do forensic accounting than the FBI? I didn't think I would ever be a field agent."
"Do you ever question it, working there?"
"I wasn't thrilled to be transferred to Cleveland. This place has a stigma to it. I did find a nice house in a nice community. I found some AMAZING restaurants. I've made a few friends that I tolerate well, and I met a phenomenal woman," he said.
"You're putting me on a pretty high pedestal."
"Your bar wasn't exactly set low either, Allie."
"Baby, you didn't reach my bar. You stepped over it."
He put his hands on hers. They laced their fingers.
"How about Natalie? What is she doing?" she asked.
"She's the new athletic director at Mayfield High School. They are fortunate to have her."
"That's a big responsibility."
"She's larger than life for such a small girl. Don't cross her, don't insult her, and under no circumstances piss her off. She is a firework; she might look small and cute, but when she explodes, she will light you on fire."
"So, you never did tell Bruss what that scanner set you back."
"Okay, first of all, this is in American dollars," he said. Second, do not under any circumstance compare it to your car payment."
"I promise I will not compare it to my car payment," she said, her free hand over her heart.
"Eight hundred."
"That's my weekly paycheck."
"You promised."
"Not to compare it to my car payment, never said anything about income," she said.
"I got frustrated with finding these girls and not finding out who they were immediately. Even with AFIS. I just needed..."
"The instant gratification?" she asked with a smile.
He laughed.
"You know, when I get my new car, I'll transfer this to you, and you won't have to worry about car payments. This car is paid for. I'll pay off the rest of whatever you owe on yours."
"You were serious about that! No, I can't accept this. This is way too much to just give to a person. And I have two more years left on my car. I am not asking my boyfriend to pay off my loan," she said.
"I'm not just giving it to some person. I will be giving it to you. Are you saying you don't want it? You like it, don't you? And you aren't asking me to do anything. I am offering. I would love to help you out."
"Of course, I like it, I love it. It's a remarkable vehicle. But you are not gifting me a seventy-two-thousand-dollar car plus paying off my loan."
"I am not gifting you a seventy-two-thousand-dollar car; I would be giving you a One hundred-thousand-dollar car," he said. "Plus, how much you could owe on yours."
He was staring straight forward, watching the road. His face was completely serious.
"Can't wait to see what your taste in jewelry is like. Let me know when you need my ring size," she said. "It's a six, by the way."
She was joking as far as she was concerned. Yes, she loved him, but they had only known each other for several months. They were remarkable months. Her parents were married after a brief period. They met on one of his deployments with her father in the military, so it made sense to them.
"A size 6, good to know. "Now, just tell me what shape of diamond you like."
"We are not having a serious conversation about this," she said. "I should meet your parents first, don't you think? And diamonds come in different shapes?"
"Yes, we are, but not necessarily first, and yeah, they come in many different shapes."
"I thought they only came in round," she said.
"There are a lot of different shapes. Princess cut, square, marquise, oval, pearl, emerald and even round. There are four kinds of round."
"I believe I should meet your family; I know Natalie likes me, but I need to know your parents do too. And even before that, we need to have a serious conversation. One that I really don't want to have," she said. "Why don't we go get this notification done."
"We? You want me to go in with you now?"
"Yeah, she might need someone to catch her when she faints."
"You mean if she faints."
"No. I don't."
As Allie got out of the car, her feet felt like lead. Dean took her hand and helped her out. As they walked up the walkway to the door, he spoke.
"I've never had to do anything like this before."
"Don't worry, I'll do all the talking. Try not to say much of anything," she said.
"You don't have to ask me twice."
Allie knocked on the door. It took a few seconds for the door to open, and Ms. Kasper stood there.
"Detective Kingston, do you have news about Tracie? Did you get a lead? Did you find her?"
"We should go inside," she said.
They stepped into the doorway.
"Well, what is it?" she asked, hopeful.
"Ms. Kasper, I regret to inform you Tracie is dead..."
Ms. Kasper's body crumbled. Dean caught her immediately.
"You called that one."
He picked up Ms. Kasper like a sleeping child, took her to the couch, and gently put her down.
"It happens a lot. When I did notifications in the Corps, they fainted as soon as they opened the door. It was helpful when the husband was there."
It took her about 15 seconds to come back around. She opened her eyes and put her palm on her forehead. Dean helped her sit up.
"I am so embarrassed. I cannot believe I did that. I am so rude; can I get you something to drink?"
She was either in denial or lost the last few seconds when she fainted. Allie sat beside her and put her hand on her shoulder to keep her from getting up.
"Ms. Kasper, please stay seated. Tracie's is dead. We found her body in Painesville Township. She had been in a bad accident," she said.
"Oh no, I hope she is okay. I always told her to be careful driving."
"Ms. Kasper Tracie's dead body was found in the car."
"No, NO, not my Tracie. I have been praying every day the lord will bring her home."
"You can call the Painesville Township police in two days. They'll do an autopsy since she died under suspicious circumstances. Call this number and ask for the person on the card," she said, putting Lincoln's business card on the table. "Do you understand, Ms. Kasper?"
She was in a daze, just looking at a spot on the wall. Dean knelt in front of her, directly in her line of sight. She saw him and looked into his eyes.
"Ms. Kasper, will you call? Are you clear on what is going on?" he asked.
"You have beautiful eyes, young man."
"Thank you," he said. "Ms. Kasper, do you understand why you need to call this number?"
"That's where Tracie is," she said.
"And why is Tracie there?"
"Because she was killed in an accident. My Tracie is gone."
"Yes, Ms. Kasper," he said, standing up.
"Is there anyone we can call for you?" Allie asked.
"I'll call my sister. I just need a little privacy right now."
"Of course. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to call me," she said.
She nodded slowly and returned to staring at the spot on the wall.
"Detective Kingston?" Ms. Kasper called after her.
"Yes, ma'am?"
"You will find him, won't you?"
Allie went over and knelt in front of her.
"I will do all I can to the best of my ability," Allie said.
Dean knelt next to Allie.
"The FBI is dedicated to catching this person. We will get him. I promise."
"He's not a person, Agent Carron. He's an animal. He's a rabid dog that needs to be put down."
"I agree," Dean said.
"Will he get the death penalty? He will get the death penalty, right?"
"That is for a jury to decide," Allie said.
"If he doesn't, he will definitely get life. He will die in prison," Dean said.
"He doesn't deserve to live till he dies. He needs to be put down. I need to see the terror in his eyes. Helplessness, he needs to feel it all. He needs to know he is about to die. Just like my Tracie. Just like all those poor girls. He doesn't deserve to die of old age or natural causes."
Allie and Dean looked at each other.
"I want you to know your daughter was courageous. From what we can tell, she fought back. She was determined to live or to kill him," Dean said.
"Really?"
"Yes. She fought," he said.
"That's my girl," she said, her voice quivering.
"Are you sure we can't call anyone for you?" Allie asked.
"No. I will when I need to. Find him, Detective. Find him and kill him."
Allie and Dean stood up.
"Please close the door on your way out," she said.
"Yes, ma'am," Dean answered.
When they were back outside, they walked in silence to the car. They got in, and Dean started the engine. The powerful 426 Hemi awakened.
"You shouldn't have said that," Allie said.
"What?"
"You promised her that we will find him. You never tell anyone that we will find them. Hope is paralyzing Dean. It will make a person freeze and not move forward with life."
Dean wasn't sure what to say. He had never had to tell someone that someone they love is dead beyond a shadow of a doubt.
"Straight home?" he asked.
"No, I need to go back to your house and get my car."
"Actually, that's what I was referring to," he said.
"Oh, good. It's been a long day."
Allie was stoic. Dean didn't know if that was impressive or unfortunate.
"I'm sorry I promised her. I just want her to feel better knowing we would do all we could. Allie, how do you do that?" he asked.
Do what? Refrain from making empty promises.
"You were just emotionless. You came right out and told her that her daughter was dead," he said. "Wouldn't there be a better way to say it without being so direct? So curt?"
"You must be direct. They can misinterpret anything you might say. You cannot say they are no longer with us; they passed away, and they are gone. You must be direct and without question. It's the only way it should be done."
"You didn't show her much empathy," he said.
"Apparently, that's why I brought you. Didn't I tell you not to say anything?"
"I was just trying to help her understand, that's all."
"I'm not a robot, Dean. Yes, I have been programmed to execute the task at hand. I used to be nice, empathic, and emotional, but it stayed with me for too long after I left. My Lieutenant told me that I needed to detach when I do this, or it will eat me alive, like a doctor after they lose a patient. He said if I didn't, I was going to run out of tears quickly. So, I took his advice," she said.
"I can see where you're coming from. I'm sorry I got involved."
"Don't apologize. It was your first notification, showing empathy as a natural emotion. And your eyes snapped her out of her trance. You made sure that she knew what she needed to do and what was going on." she said. "Can we change the subject? I don't like to dwell on it."
"All right. When do you want to meet my parents?" he asked.
"Oh, we are back to that subject."
"I'm going up there in March. Come with me. Natalie will be there too."
"Wow. That's soon. I really don't think that's a good idea," she said. "Dean, we need to talk about certain things, and I'm not sure you would even want to talk to me, let alone take me to meet your parents."
"It's a couple of months from now. I wouldn't call that soon. And I can't imagine there is anything you can tell me that would make me not want to talk to you. If you're nervous about meeting my parents, they kind of might, maybe, know about you already."
"What does that mean kind of, might, maybe know already?" she asked. "You told them about me?"
"Don't get mad, but I had to. Natalie is not particularly good at keeping secrets. I think it's hereditary. The next time I talked with my mom, she had questions about this pretty police officer for whom Dean is bonkers."
"There is still so much you don't know, and you would never want your parents to know. I am terrified even to tell you 10% of what you should know before you decide to spend the rest of your life with me."
"You actually believe that if you told me about your past, I wouldn't love you anymore? You know that's bullshit, right?" he asked.
"I should have told you before our feelings escalated for each other."
"Wait. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me? You said before I decide," he said.
She ignored the question. She doesn't even know why she said that.
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