Chapter 43: Chapter 43
Sansa felt her pillow move. She opened her eyes; she was hugging her husband. The thought was abhorrent. The young woman startled and moved away from the man next to her.
She shouldn't have; her lord husband startled and woke up. "I'm so sorry." She squeaked and shied away from him. He was half naked. The girl looked away from him and hid under the furs.
"I shall give you privacy my lady." Sansa heard sounds around her. She surfaced from her shelter under the covers only when she couldn't hear any more sounds. The woman stood up and breathed easier.
She chose to wear a dark blue gown because of Roslin. The young woman did not like Roslin Frey but the dead deserved respect.
Sansa came down to the Great Hall. Lady Stark was seated, as was Tyrion. She ate quietly as Lady Stark and Tyrion spoke of the war and ravens.
She finished her meal and went to the needling rooms. Needlepoint always calmed her down. The rhythmicity of it grounded her. She thought about King's Landing and aunt Catelyn. She thought about Anna, Cassana and Alayne. She missed them dearly but it was best that she was here.
For years the young girl had been afraid of her mother. She ran away from the Eyrie hoping to find her way to King's Landing and aunt Catelyn. All came to a head when mother accused her of being Lord Baelish's whore. She threatened to throw her from the moon door if she even looked at him. Apparently lord Baelish was to visit the Eyrie. Sansa escaped then.
Lannister found her and now she was here in Winterfell. Sometimes Sansa thought about her aunt and the horrible rumors about her. It was too horrible but she couldn't help but think about it now. Father loved her very much. He used to call her little dove. Father told her something despicable the night before he died. "We have to be careful little dove. I need you to open your eyes and ears. Do not trust Littlefinger. The rumors about your aunt are true. Do not believe anyone but me. Now run along and be with your cousins. Those innocent girls; I must plead to Robert."
Those were the last words Sansa ever heard from her father. She didn't understand then but now she did. Father knew her cousins were not Baratheons as did Lord Stark and now they were both dead. So the young woman kept quiet and bid her time to leave. Lord Baelish looked at her with lustful eyes. He stayed with mother and she made all those terrible sounds. Sansa wasn't stupid. She knew about sex and what transpired between a man and a woman. She thought she would stay safe if she never spoke but she wasn't. Lord Baelish came at night and forced her. He raped her the night after she reached the Eyrie and raped her every night until he left for King's Landing. Sansa did not want to remember all he did to her. She wanted to forget. When mother threatened she hadn't been scared of the moon door. She had been scared of Lord Baelish coming back to the Eyrie of having to endure his hands groping her. His beard hurting her, his moist pants on her skin. She shuddered thinking about it. He would sneak out of mother's room and force her to be with him. She remembered panicking and thinking she wouldn't have him inside of her one more time.
She fled but was captured. It could be worse. She could be in the Eyrie with mother and Lord Baelish or starving in the King's Road.
Life in Winterfell was far more pleasant than she expected. She had a warm bed; food, shelter and everyone treated her with respect. Lady Stark was nothing but pleasant to her. She believed aunt Catelyn to be evil. Her sister in law spoke of the war eloquently or so she thought. Sansa didn't know much about war but Cersei Stark did and she spoke with her brother of King's Landing falling to Jon Stark's and his army. They spoke of Gendry Baratheon taking the throne too. Sansa used to love the prince. She thought he was dashing and brave. Aunt Catelyn hated him but Sansa and her cousins loved the boy. She really thought she would be Gendry's queen. She was the best candidate after all.
She remembered when they came North and Gendry fell in love with that little Arya girl. Sansa's hopes were crushed in an instant, as were Joanna Stark's hopes. Robbin died soon after and she grieved for her baby brother. Mother became more erratic then. Robbin kept her sane but with him gone. Sansa shook her head; it wouldn't help her if she thought about her mother and the time when Lord Baelish sullied her. Mother didn't love her, she never did and it seemed neither did aunt Catelyn.
When the Lannisters captured Sansa she foolishly thought that aunt Catelyn would send ravens asking for her release. No ravens ever came. Lady Stark made sure to casually mention that fact every other day. She should feel less contented here. She was a prisoner of the Lannisters.
Roslin made sure to remind her of her status every day. The late woman was jealous of her. Sansa knew why, lady Stark preferred her. Her sister in law talked to her and took her opinions into account. Roslin tried hard to be likeable but she wasn't enough. Sansa took pity on her and tried to be friendly with the other woman. Roslin however rebuffed every of her attempts. Sansa gave up and tried to be as invisible as possible. She had practice in that; she could stay polite and quiet for months at a time. She would try to hide and be unseen in the Eyrie. If she stayed quiet and unseen no one could hurt her. So she stayed out of Roslin's sights to avoid the woman's cutting words and glares. She didn't have to stay hidden too long for Roslin contracted the measles and died from it. Maybe if the woman hadn't refused her attempts at friendship she would still be alive.
The young woman worked at her needlepoint with steady fingers until her sister in law interrupted her.
She sat by her with baby Rickon on her arms. "Do you want to hold him?"
Sansa didn't realize she was looking at the dark haired babe. She didn't have much experience with young children. Mother refused to let her near Robbin and all her cousins were not much younger than she was.
"Oh I couldn't." She was surprised by her request. Lady Stark never asked her to hold her infant son before today.
"Of course you can. Rickon is an easy babe. He had a rough start in life but maybe we all did." Lady Stark lovingly placed her youngest son in her arms.
Sansa looked at the baby. He was a handsome boy, big grey eyes, beautiful porcelain skin and a sweet smile. Little by little Sansa grew comfortable. Her sister in law took some needles and began her needlepoint while she looked at the babe in her arms and pulled faces at him.
"You could have one of those if you wanted to." Cersei said while looking up from her needlepoint work.
The young woman blanched at the thought. "I can't." She said as quickly and dropped her gaze. She shouldn't have said anything like that. She didn't want lady Stark to hate her. Cersei loved her baby brother. She cared for him and they spoke all the time.
What would her lord husband say or do. He avoided her; she was perfectly fine with that but it bothered her that he wasn't more discrete with his dalliances. Sansa knew he kept a whore the whole castle did and so did her sister in law. The girl foolishly asked her to remove the whore from the castle.
"You'll be happy to know my brother plans to move his whore to another keep." Sansa looked up and nodded.
"He'll still visit her." Sansa said in a weak voice.
Lady Stark dropped her needles, "does that bother you?"
She briefly thought about it. It did bother her but not for the reasons the woman thought. Naively she thought that having her, as a wife would be enough for Tyrion. It was for the best if her husband was occupied elsewhere he was less likely to seek her companionship or worse her bed.
"Not at all." She replied as honestly as she could.
"Good." Lady Stark replied. Sansa couldn't help but look confused.
The blonde woman smiled sadly. "I will give you some small piece of advice Sansa. Do not grow attached to my brother, not because he isn't a good man. As far I know he cares deeply for you and wishes your welfare but the more people you love the weaker you are. You'll do things for them that you know you shouldn't do. You'll act the fool to make them happy or safe. Love no one but your children. On that front a mother has no choice."
"Shouldn't I love Tyrion?" Sansa asked a little puzzled.
"You can try. It is a wonderful sentiment to have." She smiled sadly.
Sansa was quiet. She wanted to ask if lady Stark loved her own husband but it was obvious she once had. So quiet she was. The other woman didn't push her to say or do anything. The young girl thought her sister in law was finished with her advices and inquiries when the woman spoke again.
"I was once in a similar position to yours. Only I did my duty and gave my husband heirs and heiresses." Sansa heard the tone of reproach.
"I'm sorry my lady but I can't bring myself to join with him." Sansa's eyes were downcast. She pictured Baelish's rough hands parting her legs and shook.
Rickon began to fuss about. Cersei gently took him from her arms. Sansa looked up. "My brother foolishly entertains your fancies and you're safe in Winterfell but it wont always be so. Think about our conversations." The woman left after that.
Sansa always dreamed of children, tall handsome children, not anymore. She refused to think of children or even entertain the idea of becoming a mother if she had to be forced under Tyrion or any other man.
She ate her meals quietly and then hid in one of the libraries until dinner. Sansa was a proper lady and retired early, as did her sister in law. She undressed and hid under the covers. The young girl waited in fear. It was irrational, Tyrion promised to never touch her if she didn't want to and so far he kept his promise. She despaired under the covers, willing her mind to sleep. She closed her eyes, counted sheep, told herself her favorite tales of knights and fair maidens. Sansa sang old songs and hymns but nothing could quiet the noise inside her head. Nothing could dissipate the doubt that her lord husband would demand she become his wife.
Having to suffer through the act would be the least of her worries. Her husband would learn she wasn't a maiden. He would learn of her shame. Sansa cried then. Tyrion would cast her aside. What would become of her? They would throw her out of Winterfell. Tywin Lannister was a very powerful man. He could do horrible things. Father told her about the Targaryens; queen Elia and her children.
She felt the door move and dove back to her furs. Sansa tried to breathe easier, calm herself and pretend to be sleeping.
The girl felt the bed dip a little under her husband's weight. He sighed and remained still. Sansa was as tense as ever and stayed awake half the night. Her eyes closed due to exhaustion more than anything.
She opened her eyes again but this time she met her husband's mismatched eyes. She never contemplated his eyes before. One was bright green like his siblings and the other very dark brown, almost black.
"Forgive me my lord." She said quickly and realized they were embracing. She must have slept with her head on his chest. She was mortified.
"Nothing to forgive Sansa and please call me Tyrion. You're not used to sleeping alone I assume."
Sansa shook her head. "Cassana couldn't sleep alone. She would beg aunt Catelyn to let me sleep by her side."
"The youngest one?" He asked while yawning.
"Yes, she is my favorite cousin. She liked your nephew quite a lot." Sansa said without thinking. She regained her composure and tensed. Her husband couldn't care less about her childish recollections. She almost forgot that he was in the opposite side of the war that to him her family was the enemy.
"Which nephew?" He asked and searched her face with his eyes.
"Do tell me." He prodded after a brief silence. "I shouldn't be speaking of my family. They're traitors and liars."
Her husband frowned. "My sister loved her husband very much. She hates your aunt and does not care about your cousins or your mother. I can't say I like your mother but do not fear Sansa you can speak freely with me. I am not as prejudiced as Cersei is on this matter."
Sansa loved her aunt and cousins dearly. "Tommen, the one with the fair hair and grey eyes."
"Oh yes Tommen, a very handsome boy. He looks a bit like me I think." Sansa chuckled and the gasped at her stupidity. She expected her lord husband to become angry and lash out but he laughed too. She could see the merriment dancing on his eyes.
Sansa smiled. "She thought him really dashing."
Tyrion looked sad them. "There isn't any news about him."
"I hope he's well. The gods will keep him safe." Sansa replied and thought about praying for him the next time she went to the sept.
"Thank you Sansa." He dressed for breakfast. "It is best if you dress for breakfast. I will wait for you outside."
"Of course Tyrion." Sansa replied and averted her eyes when her husband left. She heard him cough.
"The Northern weather." He said as explanation.
They walked to the Great hall in silence. Sansa believed that as long as she remained quiet she would be fine.
Sansa continued to try and be invisible for two more days. Her husband tried to make conversation and know more about her. He told her things about his childhood and Casterly Rock. Sometimes she was too lonely and would engage him but then she would be reminded of her duties either by Cersei or something as simple as the mention of babies and she would hide and become mute. Tyrion was very kind as was Cersei but they wouldn't hesitate and hurt her. They were Lannisters; they hurt people. Sansa had to be very careful.
The young woman woke up to a very feverish Tyrion two days after they had their first talk. She shook him some but her husband wasn't responsive.
Sansa grabbed a robe and ran out to Cersei's quarters. She knocked hard, "Cersei." it was the first time she addressed the other woman by her given name.
Her sister in law came out in her nightgown and half asleep. "There is something wrong with Tyrion."
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MissRias
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