Chapter 2: My mother
My mother was born near a ferry in Shitou Town, Lujiang County, in a family of six people. Their household was extremely impoverished.
At just under 10 years old, my mother was taken by her relatives to my ancestral home in Xiaohuying of Niu Shou commune, Lujiang County, to be raised as a child bride (Tongyangxi). Tragically, soon after her move, all five members of my mother's original family starved to death.
The boy my mother was initially destined to marry also succumbed to starvation. His family, too, was in dire poverty and couldn't look after my mother.
I heard that for a while, my mother survived on her own, foraging for wild fruits and plants, nearly starving herself.
Later, considering that my mother had no family left, the boy's family introduced her to my father, who lived nearby and shared the same surname with them. Moreover, my father was an exceptionally honest and kind-hearted man.
In the many decades I've lived, I've never seen my parents argue even once. My father was hardworking, and skilled in fishing and harvesting lotus root, ensuring my mother no longer faced the threat of hunger.
My father had four brothers and two sisters; one of the brothers starved to death. My grandmother looked down on my mother due to her humble origins, frequently belittling and mistreating her, and always favoring her other three daughters-in-law over my mother.
However, my mother was extraordinarily kind and never held any grudges against her mother-in-law. When my grandparents grew old and penniless, they had given all they had to their other three daughters-in-law and even had to where to stay, ironically, those daughters-in-law never cared about them.
My father built a house for them next to ours. In their old age, only my mother cared for them without ever complaining.
On her deathbed, my grandmother, a devout Christian, told my mother,
"I owe you, Zhou Maozi (my mother's nickname). I'll repay your kindness in heaven." Both my mother and grandmother were devout Christians.
My mother had four children: me, an older brother, and two younger sisters. I was my mother's favorite, and she greatly influenced my personality.
She was kind, upright, persistent, non-confrontational, never wanting to burden others, never speaking ill behind anyone's back, and silently bearing all hardships without complaint. Her traits deeply influenced me.
She often advised, "Don't squabble with others over something. Instead of spending time arguing, use that time to earn money and buy it."
As far back as I can remember, the only word to describe our household was "poor," a kind of poverty beyond ordinary comprehension.
Back then, I didn't have clothes to wear except a pair of underwear. When they were being washed, I had to go to school in a long sweatshirt, staying in the classroom even not daring to move around.
I didn't have shoes, either. My feet would get frostbite in the fall. In winter, I had to stand on straw.
There was no bed. At night, I would sleep on makeshift wooden boards.
There was no mosquito net, making mosquitoes the nightmare of my childhood.
On rainy days, the house would leak everywhere.
I often went hungry. All my childhood dreams and fantasies were about food. I was frequently scolded by adults for being greedy. I thought I would amount to nothing when I grew up.
Whenever I fell ill, I never saw a doctor. There was a girl living next door, everyone called her "Little Eight". I asked my mother, "She only has one sister and one brother. Why call her Little Eight instead of Little Three?"
"All the others are dead," my mother replied lightly.
Once, I fell seriously ill. My mother, feeling helpless, borrowed money from my uncle to treat me at the hospital. At that time, it was because my uncle had just lost a child and he could relate to our context. Otherwise, he wouldn't have lent the money. My mother knew him well, and never had she borrowed money from him before. My father might have been away at the time.
On the way to the hospital, a fellow villager told my mother, "Why take a dying child to the hospital? You could be scolded by the doctor, and more importantly, you are wasting money. You should just go home and bury him."
After my elder brother got married, he immediately moved out of our parents' house. But I stayed with them until their last days.
While living with my parents, even though my wife was fierce and often scolded me and insulted my parents, she always sent a share of dishes with my parents every time she cooked. However, my two sisters-in-law never did this.
Every New Year, my wife would respectfully give my parents red envelopes, saying it's better to give money to the real gods (parents) than to those fake ones in temples. My sisters-in-law never gave them a cent.
When my father was diagnosed with cancer, my wife immediately contributed over ten thousand yuan for treatment. Later on, she contributed even more. My brother and his wife, however, didn't give a dime. My brother even secretly took the medical insurance money meant for my father's cancer treatment. No matter how firmly we demanded it back, he refused to return the money. He didn't contribute to the medical expenses and even profited a few thousand yuan from it.
When my mother had a cerebral thrombosis and needed over ten thousand yuan for treatment, my brother and his wife didn't contribute at all. When I asked him to look after our mother in hospital, he refused.
My brother's ex-wife had a bad character. She said to my brother, "You go to work at someone's house during the day [as a carpenter], and go fishing with a net at night." She didn't consider my brother's rest at all.
She harbored an inexplicable resentment towards my parents. Once, my parents killed a pig they had raised and gifted them a pair of pig's feet. My brother stewed the pig feet but before he could eat them, he had to travel to Ying Shang county.
'What should we do with these trotters? Let's give them to mother and father,' my brother suggested.
'I'd rather throw them away than let that old pig couple have them,' my sister-in-law retorted. She then discarded the trotters into the weeds outside their door. She referring to my kind-hearted parents as 'an old pig couple' made my blood boil with anger, seeing red.
My elder brother's wife, whom he married later, was no good either. One time, my mother came to my countryside small shop in tears and told me that my sister-in-law had hit her with the back of a kitchen knife.
I took my mother and went to confront my sister-in-law. 'Why did you hit my mother?' I demanded.
'She was washing clothes and kept leaving them dirty,' my sister-in-law replied.
'She didn't provide me with detergent; how could I get them clean?' my mother countered.
'Well, your son runs a supermarket, and there's plenty of detergent there. Why don't you go get some?' my sister-in-law retorted sarcastically.
'It's inappropriate for me to take from my younger son's store while working for you all,' my mother responded.
'Why do you always favor your younger son? You just love him and his wife more than us, don't you?' my sister-in-law pressed.
'All my basic needs, including when I fall sick, are taken care of by him. You all don't contribute a dime. How do you expect me to favor you?' my mother said.
'You ungrateful woman! Throughout the year, you don't contribute anything, neglecting your duties, yet do you still demand to be treated well? On what grounds? If my husband were here today, I would deal with you in his presence!' I was so furious that I almost lost control and raised my hand to her.
'Go on then, hit me!' my sister-in-law challenged, fearless. At this point, a few local Christians who had heard about my mother being struck by my sister-in-law came rushing over. They loudly exclaimed,
'Your mother-in-law is so kind-hearted; how could you possibly strike her? Surely the devil has possessed you...'
Later, with the mediation of the Christians, I relocated my mother to live near our supermarket, away from my brother and his wife. She had previously lived next door to them.
After my father fell ill and passed away, my mother lived alone, residing next to my elder brother.
Seven days after my father's passing, my brother called, instructing me to come over to his place. I asked him what the matter was.
'What's the matter? It's the seventh day after our father's death, what do you think?' He hung up immediately after.
In our local customs, the seventh day after an elder's passing is significant (called "Touqi", first seven days). It involves a ritual where a local villager, often responsible for conducting funerals, makes paper models of houses, cars, TVs, refrigerators, and other items. These are burnt on the night of the seventh day at the deceased's gravesite, symbolizing gifts to the departed.
That day, I was swamped with business and couldn't visit my brother. Later in the evening, he called again, inviting me for dinner. I declined, citing my busy schedule. He informed me that my two brothers-in-law, Xiao Luo (小罗) and Xiao Pan (小潘), were present and that there were matters they needed to discuss."
I rushed to my brother's house on my electric bike, and my sister-in-law warmly invited me to sit down for a meal. Also present were two of my elder relatives from nearby and a stranger. My brother pointed to the stranger, a slim, dark-skinned middle-aged man, and said to me,
"On the seventh day after our father's passing, according to our local customs, we need to burn a paper effigy for him. Today, we invited Mr. Yan, the ritualist, to help. He worked all day to prepare it and burned it at our father's grave. We know you've been busy, so we didn't insist on your coming. The cost of the effigy was 1,800 yuan. The four of us, including our two brothers-in-law, each owe 450 yuan. You need to pay the full 450 yuan."
"You three can pay. I never asked for a paper effigy for our father, nor did I suggest it. I neither oppose nor support your decision. You keep your own opinions and have the right to make the decision. I can't represent you. But, you can't represent me, either. Whoever wanted to burn the effigy should pay," I replied coldly.
My words angered my brother. "Ah Qian, we didn't ask you to come today because we knew you were busy, but how dare you not pay?!"
I responded, "Elder brother, I'm warning you this once, if you push me further, next time I'll kick your ass. Do you understand?"
"I do, I do. Take a seat and fill your stomach. We're just trying to reason with you," my brother said, softening his tone.
The two elder relatives immediately criticized me,
"Ah' Qian[1], you're wrong. Burning an effigy on the seventh day after someone's death is a tradition here. Every family does it. Why are you against it? We thought you were reasonable. Aren't you afraid the villagers will say you're unfilial?"
The ritualist chimed in, "I've seen many situations like this. In every group of siblings, there's always one who's cunning and stingy. When it's time to share expenses, they try to shirk their responsibilities. Looking at you, Ah Qian, you don't seem deceptive, but you seem reluctant to spend 450 yuan for your father. I guess you're not someone who can achieve great things, huh? Haha."
I immediately retorted, "Mr. Yan, you're wrong. When it comes to spending money on my parents, I'm the most willing. Of their four children, I'm the only one who provides for their living expenses. From rice to laundry detergent, condiments, beer, and all other necessities, I've supplied everything.
"Whenever my mother falls ill, which is often, I'm the one taking her to the hospital and covering the medical bills. My brother contributes nothing and stays away.
"My two sisters and their husbands live far away, so I don't blame them. But my brother, who lives next to our parents, neglects them. Is that right?
"If I'm lying, ask my brother here if I've said anything untrue."
Although my wife is very aggressive, she often gives meat and clothes to my parents. Every year during the Chinese New Year, she gives red envelopes with several hundred yuan to each of my parents. These are all because my actions have influenced her.
"You can ask my elder brother and sister-in-law now, have they ever given my parents a penny in recent years? Have they given them a pound of meat, a piece of clothing, or a piece of anything?
"Just a few days ago, my mother said that the TV was broken, and I bought a color TV worth over a thousand yuan. Do I ask the three of them to share the money?"
The ritualist laughed and asked my brother, "All these things your younger brother said can't all be true, can they? Judging by his looks, he doesn't seem that generous, does he?"
My brother just coughed awkwardly without replying.
I continued, "Indeed, I'm not a spendthrift. I'm frugal, but when it comes to my parents, I spare no expense. If it's unnecessary, I save it. We should care for our parents as best as we can while they're alive.
"After they've passed, spending lavishly on ceremonies won't benefit them. Instead, it goes into the pockets of people like you, the ritualists.
"Many in China neglect their parents when they're alive but go all out in their funerals. Such hypocrisy! Most of these people have terrible character, and I greatly despise them."
I stood up without eating and headed out. As I left, I still heard the ritualist asking the two elder relatives if what I said was true. They replied, "Everything he said is true. He's a unique individual, very outspoken. Even the cadres fear him."
One night, my mother suffered a cerebral thrombosis. My daughter found her, and together with my brother-in-law, we rushed her to the hospital. Though her life was saved, she was left severely incapacitated and couldn't care for herself.
My brother showed no concern. He didn't even visit her once in the hospital, let alone contribute to the medical bills. My sister-in-law, after our stern insistence, visited my mother in the hospital with some health supplements once but then ignored her.
They always want the benefits but shirk responsibilities.
After my mother became paralyzed, I took care of her alone for five years until she passed away. My older brother never bothered to inquire about our mother. My two younger sisters, living far away and overwhelmed with their own lives and financial pressures, could only visit her occasionally.
My wife felt angry about my brother's indifference, feeling that we were being treated unfairly. Over the five years, she berated me countless times over this issue. One day, after hours of shouting, she gave me an ultimatum,
"Zhang Xiangqian, you either choose your mother or me. Decide overnight. If you choose your mother, we'll divorce tomorrow. Our daughter will be with me, the son with you, the supermarket goes to you, and I'll take the house in our hometown."
Seeing the situation turning bad, my mother-in-law hastily knelt before us, begging us to stop quarreling.
The next day, with the household registration book in hand, my wife demanded, "Have you made up your mind? It's either me or your mother. If you choose her, let's go to the civil affairs bureau and end our marriage."
I replied,
"I don't want to divorce; being single would make me the laughing stock in our village. But someone has to care for my mother. I can't just abandon her. It's not about me being extraordinarily good or dutiful; I have no other choice.
"Caring for my sick mother just proves I'm a normal human being. Ignoring her like my brother does makes one heartless. Aren't you afraid of a man who could abandon his own sick mother? If he can do that to her, how will he treat his wife? How can you sleep beside such a man without fear?"
Hearing this, my wife fell silent. Perhaps she realized that a compassionate and reliable man is truly invaluable in a woman's life.
In the last days before my mother's death, while she was basking in the sun, seeming more spirited than usual, she whispered to me, "Ah' Qian, I want to give you the money I saved."
"Keep your money for your own expenses," I replied. I was always busy making a living and didn't have time to care for my mother. To compensate, I often gave her money for groceries, but she hesitated to spend it, thus accumulating some savings. There was a time when she lived alone.
"Soon, there won't be another chance…" she murmured.
A few days later, while I was helping her dress and feeding her porridge, she suddenly collapsed on the table. By the time I reached her, her limbs had stiffened. She passed away shortly after.
My brother did not attend our mother's funeral and remained indifferent, not contributing a penny. My wife, having no outlet for her anger, unleashed it on me again.
As some relatives prepared to burn my mother's clothes, someone suggested checking them for hidden money.
Upon hearing this, my wife shouted, "Don't search! Who dares to? Just burn everything!"
It struck me as odd; my wife, who is extremely money-minded. Now did she seem to disdain even my mother's money due to resentment?
Nonetheless, her authority prevailed. The clothes were burnt, and whether they contained money remains unknown.
When my mother was taken to the Lujiang County Crematorium, seeing the smoke drift into the sky, I thought, perhaps only the wealthy fear death. For those who've suffered, death might be a relief. I wondered if my mother had truly reached heaven, where the ugliness and cruelty of the human world shouldn't exist.
Translator's Note:
[1] Ah' Qian: Zhang Xiangqian's nickname.
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