[Part 2: Finally Holidays!!! I need a break from all the fuckery going on!]
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After reading all the letters, I made my way to the Room formerly known as the Room of Requirements, to see what the founders wanted to talk with me about.
As I stepped into the familiar halls of the big-ass room, a sense of foreboding washed over me. It had been some time since I was last here, and the room did not look how I remembered it. The echoes of my footsteps seemed to reverberate off the walls as I made my way in; the portraits of the Founders had disappeared from the walls, as well as their working stations.
I made my way to the center of the hall, trying to find out if they had left behind a clue as to what I was supposed to be doing here.
"Welcome!" I heard someone's voice sound from behind my back, and I nearly jumped six meters into the air while cursing. With my senses, it was impossible for someone to get close to me without my noticing, and these old bastards had done it!!
I looked around and saw them, and I was shocked, like really shocked, in a way that I had not been shocked for ever. I mean, I had gotten used to some really insane shit. I was not bothered by one big-ass snake slithering around anymore, neither was I bothered by being surrounded by low-level reality warpers, nor was I surprised that the people around me were idiots, but this shit that I was now seeing was shocking.
These motherfucking founders had somehow pulled a Jedi force ghost!
"How the fuck are you doing this?!" I asked as I went around them and observed them, and I may or may not have checked out Rowena Ravenclaw's arse and chest in greater detail, which she most certainly took note of.
"Haha, this, you imbecile, is just the tip of our collective powers," Salazar Slytherin's annoying voice boomed, echoing off the stone walls. "It was the main reason and intended purpose of why we actually invented this whole room!"
"Yeah, but how are you doing it?!" I replied, inclining my head as if I were looking at an idiot who does not get your question. "You've already explained and boasted about how great this room is, but how have you become ghosts?!"
Rowena Ravenclaw nodded sagely, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "Well, we discovered long ago the true nature of 'ghosts.' You see, child, the soul and will, or as some call it, your sense of self, are separate entities," she said. "When your sense of self achieves a certain enlightenment or passes a certain threshold, and with enough magical saturation, you'll be able to produce and leave behind what is known as a ghost. While the soul has to move on to the afterlife, our will, our sense of self, can remain in the mortal realm if it wishes to do so under the right circumstances."
I raised an eyebrow, intrigued by this new piece of information. "So, I assume you've broken down the procedure and artificially recreated the right setting, right? You've created portraits and infused a part of your wills within them and used this room, or rather Hogwarts's location, to saturate that part of yourselves. And I further assume you would have been able to pull this trick centuries ago, but either you did not care enough to actually do it, or you are unable or unwilling to leave this room for some reason, right?"
Godric Gryffindor stepped forward, a respectful glint in his eye. "Wow! I did not get it the first time those two explained it to me, but you somehow managed to analyze it on your own."
Again, Rowena intervened and started saying, "Actually, it is a combination of everything. See, like everyone who has ever had a working brain, we all aspired for immortality, and we found out that ghosts, if powerful enough, retain most of themselves."
I couldn't help but chuckle proudly at being called a genius in a roundabout way and the sheer fuckery of this absurd situation. "Anyway, why have I been called here?!"
As for their choice of becoming ghosts rather than vampires or something else, well, honestly, I do not give a flying fuck. It is their life, and they must have thought long and hard about this particular choice. But nonetheless it is interesting how much Magic has in common with the Force maybe in a few millenia this world becomes the World of Star Wars.
"The audacity of this kid!" I hear Slytherin mumble under his beard, but still, he looks happy that I am not a moron and that I am from his house.
Helga Hufflepuff chuckled softly, her expression warm and welcoming. "We have devised four challenges, each designed to test your wit, courage, cunning, and loyalty. We believe that you possess the qualities necessary to succeed."
I sighed, running a hand through my short hair. "Very well, then. What are these challenges?"
"Huh?! No arguing back?!" Slytherin asks.
"What would be the point of that?" I question the bald ghost man. "You guys want to train me, but you need to be sure that I am worthy of calling myself your student! So you need to test me!! I would do the same if I were in your position! Can't have an idiot running around and ruin my reputation by calling himself my student and pull one stupid stunt after the other!"
The portraits exchanged knowing glances before finally smiling happily.
"Well, boy, you have already passed my test!" Slytherin says with a smirk.
"His test was the most insidious, and I thought you would fail at it, but apparently I underestimated the nature of one of his house's students," Godric says with a heavy chuckle.
"He wanted to test you by asking you if you know why you have been tested. But you show quite a deep understanding of other people's thoughts and actions," Rowena says.
"True cunning is to understand your enemies better than they themselves understand themselves. Understanding their motives, concluding why they act the way they do, and act based on these, and you have shown that you are worthy of my house," the baldy says proudly.
"BlaBlaBla!! Just confess that you hoped he'd fail! Only someone without a sex life would waste his time thinking about how he can scam some other dudes!" Godric says.
"What would you know about my sex life, you moron?! Unlike you, I did not jump on every person that was breathing and dick them down no matter what their gender was, or if they're even willing or not!" Slytherin throws back.
"You wanna fight, Baldy?" Godric shouts at Slytherin.
"A savage!! Even after death, you still remain a savage!" Slytherin says, and next thing I see, Godric's ghost tackles Slytherin, and they both start fighting like muggle children, rolling on the ground and throwing punches at one another.
I ignore the two idiots and refocus on the two remaining, hopefully sane people in the room, and ask, "What are the other three tests?!"
"Well, mine is coming up with a few ingenious new spells that I have not seen yet! Surprise me!! And don't think about going to the library and stealing from other people; we already know every spell in there!" Rowena says with a smirk, already expecting my first idea.
"Mine is 'Opening your heart,'" Helga says, which makes my eyebrows scrunch.
"How will that be working?" I ask.
"Well, I will peek into your mind and heart to see what kind of person you are, but you have to be willing to open up yourself," she says with a smile.
"And his test is besting him in a fight!" Rowena says as she points at the man on the ground who has the baldy in a headlock and is pulling his beard.
"Confess that you are my bitch and I will release you!" Godric is shouting at Slytherin.
"Your mom was my bitch!" Slytherin replies through gritted teeth.
"Well, your grandma was mine!" Godric retorts.
"I fucked your sister!" Slytherin says.
"I have no sister, you moron, that was my brother, and he was gay!" Godric says.
"Haha, my dick turned him gay!" Slytherin replies, and I see Godric starts giving the man his knuckles.
Well, this explains why the dude has gone bald if he has always gotten his head massaged by Godric's knuckles.
"Well, ...
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Hello everyone,
I am still stuck with writing exams, and as such have no time to write any chapters, but just so that you do not drop this fic here is a chapter do enjoy it!
Yours truly the BIG BAD WORLD I mean WOLF!
"Well, I accept the challenge, and I will start by inventing some new spells. I will challenge this guy afterwards, and I will take the heart test last because honestly, that one is scaring me the most," I reply.
"Great! I am looking forward to seeing what you will come up with!" Rowena says with a bright smile, and Helga simply smiles knowingly.
After I was done meeting the founders, I went back to my room and started contemplating what I should be doing about the letters I received. I decided to use the Goblins for something useful instead of holding a grudge for the whole inviting and attacking me bullshit their King came up with. I penned down a letter informing them that I would need some trustworthy Curse Breakers, and that entering an alliance would only be an option if the job I have for them goes through without any troubles.
Seeing how there are three Goblin Kingdoms and how Goblins literally give no fuck about their race as a whole, I decided to use them to destroy the other two Kingdoms and leave only a single one behind, one that works with, or rather for, me. I will not solve the Goblin problem permanently because, why should I?! It has no benefit for me except that I will be rich, but that's it. And the next thing it will lead to is some idiot opening his own bank, and in a few generations, he is the King of the world.
I could open my own bank, but that shit is so damn tedious. I do not want to be stuck behind a desk managing a bank and other people's finances. Sure, I could find some asshole to do that job for me, but again, what would be the point?
Yeah, fuck that!! I will have them fight! Conquer one another, and for the next century or millennia, they'll be busy hating one another, and won't think about fucking Wixen kind over. And by then, some other reincarnator or transmigrator can come along and fuck them over once more!
I sealed the letter with a quick spell and summoned Slavone. "Take this to Gringotts," I commanded, handing over the letter. The elf nodded and disappeared with a pop.
I leaned back in my chair, thinking about the challenges set by the Founders. Inventing new spells for Rowena would be pretty easy and interesting because I have already a few ideas. Besting Godric in a fight—well, he's a ghost! How the fuck is he going to challenge me? And opening my heart to Helga... well, that one would be the most difficult. I wasn't keen on exposing my vulnerabilities to a woman, especially one I don't know shit about.
[Timeskip: Maybe some weeks...]
The winter holidays are finally here, and I find myself sitting on the train, taking the ride back home. I've always had a fondness for trains before I became a wizard—the rhythmic clatter of the tracks, the scenery rushing by—but now I only find it tedious.
As for my life in general, well, it sucks. Regina has gotten way too clingy, and it's driving me up the wall. I'm contemplating faking my own death just to get away from her. I can't deal with her always trying to be by my side, hovering around me like some jealous wife. God, woman, give me some space to breathe, or I shall bring down vengeance upon you.
Aside from my issues with women, my life has been pretty chill, and there are even some good news: the Marauders have finally backed down. It seems like even the densest of idiots learn their lesson after you bitch-slap them enough times. After I gave them their well-deserved lesson during our last encounter, they've gotten the message loud and clear: I am out of their league, and I am not beyond pushing past their perceived limits. These days, the most they do is gossip and bitch behind my back, but that's all they can manage. It's almost amusing how quickly their bravado deflated. I didn't even get to have Sirius get fucked by a group of dogs as I planned. Well, lucky him.
Lily Evans has also received the message, though I can feel her jealousy whenever she sees me laughing or enjoying myself with other girls. Her eyes betray her, even if she tries to mask it with indifference or by dating Potter.
Then there's Malfoy, strutting around as if he owns the world, parading Narcissa like she's some kind of trophy. It's pathetic, really, how he treats her as nothing more than an accessory to his own inflated ego. By now, it is public knowledge that all Black daughters are engaged!
Before the train ride, I was even approached once more by Regulus, who handed me a formal invitation. "I hope you will be attending Lord Black's party," he said, his tone almost urgent.
I considered it for a moment. "We'll see, Regulus. It depends on how things go during the holidays." The truth is, I haven't decided yet. If I do attend, it's just to get my petty revenge. If not, it's because I either didn't have the time or forgot about it.
The train rattles on, and I glance out the window, watching the snowy landscape blur past. Despite the annoyances, there's a sense of anticipation in the air. The holidays are going to be eventful, to say the least, because I have much to prepare and even more to take care of.
As soon as I exited the train, I called for Slavto and had the elf take all my stuff back to Prince Manor. Meanwhile, I apparated back home, even before meeting my grandparents, I left because I had decided to deal with some of the piled up crap, otherwise it would just annoy me for Merlin knows how long. I used several portkeys to check on all of my locations before I went on to meet the idiot who is responsible for overlooking my operations in my absence.
And I was pissed for several reasons, but the first and foremost one is that the idiot wrote directly to my person, making me a target. Aside from that, there is also the problem that he has not secured the locations as I have instructed the man.
I arrived at the office's location, an old warehouse by the docks in New York City. It was eerily silent, the kind of quiet that makes your skin prickle, but this is just the Wards doing their job. I moved through the shadows, my wand at the ready. But as I searched, my frustration grew. All I found was...nothing. No signs of struggle, no bodies, not even a hint of the chaos that had been reported.
*Sigh*
'Well, seems like Conrad is dead! Good for him or I'd have killed him myself!' I thought, annoyed and relieved that at least one of my problem has taken care of itself in a way.
But I did notice that these attackers were professionals. They left no trace, no clue as to who they are or how they operated. The warehouse was spotless, almost too clean. I scanned the area with every detection spell I knew, but there was nothing. It was as if my operations had been erased, like they never existed.
*Grin*
I portkeyed to the next location where I keep my stash of Product, a supposedly secure safehouse in the countryside. The rolling hills and picturesque landscape, and the only downside being that it smells like cow shit, but the scenery did nothing to calm my rising annoyance. Inside, the safehouse was just as empty as the warehouse. There was nothing! My supplies were gone, as well as all documents and money, everything gone without a trace. Whoever was behind this knew exactly how to hurt me, and they were doing it with surgical precision.
'Oh, I will enjoy ripping out your heads and using them as my pissoire while I bind your souls into them!' I thought angrily.
My mind raced. This level of efficiency and discretion meant only one thing: magic. I had assumed that I wasn't the first criminal to use magic, and this proved it. They knew our world, our secrets, and our ways. Normal muggles would never have been able to do such a thing with all the precautions I had in place.
'Seems like this was ordered by the Godfather!' I thought angrily.
I do not think this was done by the Church because they would have burned everything down, neither was it done by the Humans because although they do have a reason to be pissed, seeing how I am flooding their countries with cheap drugs and crime is at an all-time high, but they should simply not be able to come after me unless they've asked for help.
The Volturi are immortal freaks and don't care for muggle problems, and I did take precautions against Vampires, but they would not come after me. In fact, they should be thanking me because they love chaos! The more chaos there is, the better from their perspective because then it is even easier to feast on prey and blame it on crime.
So those motherfucking weak-ass muggles have gone to the only guy I have no information about, and kissed his ass to fuck me over!
'Seems like I need to up my game if I want to stay in the game.' I thought.
I returned home, my thoughts dark, tumultuous, and bloody. The whole house vibrating under the pressure of my magic. I could smell my grandmother's cooking wafting through the air, but I couldn't focus on anything but the feeling of wanting to rip someone to shreds. The beast within me felt challenged.
I finally met with my gramps, who looked at me with a mix of curiosity, concern, and pure Schadenfreude. "Well, you've been busy," he said, a hint of amusement lacing his voice.
"Yeah, and not in a good way, old man!" I replied, sinking into a chair, and summoning the bottle of Firewhiskey to myself. "We've got a problem. Someone's targeting our operations, and they're using magic to do it."
His eyes narrowed. "Magic? That narrows it down, but not by much. Got any leads?"
I nodded. "Yes, it is the Godfather! It can only be him. They're the only ones good enough to pull this off. They cleaned out our bases without leaving a single trace."
He sighed, rubbing his temples. "Well, I am too old for this shit! You need to find out for yourself how you want to deal with this problem. If you want blood, then find and recruit the right people, and if you want peace, then find and contact the man! Either way, you will have access to all the resources of the family to support you in your endeavors, my boy!"
I thought for a moment. "I will need some time to think. I will tell you what my next steps will be once I have decided."
He nodded. "Do that! I'd recommend you start with our contacts in Knockturn Alley if you want any leads on this Godfather guy. See if anyone's heard anything. And be careful. Whoever this person is, they've been playing the game much longer than you have."
I stood up, my burning anger replaced with a different kind of anger, one that burns beneath the surface—a cold anger. "I'll get to the bottom of this, Gramps. And this bastard will not know what hit him."
As I am about to leave the room, I see my Grandma skipping in, throwing herself at me and hugging me.
"Oh, Little Sev, how I missed you!" She says excitedly.
*Cough*
"Hello, Grandma! Gramps, here, this is for you!" I say as I make the invitation float to him, using the lapse in my grandma's attention that is now focused on the Black's invitation to sneakily escape.
This old lady is a hug monster! She just does not know about boundaries and that some people are not so open about showing their affection, or even comfortable with doing so!
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Hello everyone,
Exams are over and I failed them, now I am officially out of university and have wasted five years of my life for absolutely nothing. Enjoy the chapter, and if you feel like supporting me so I don't end up homeless think about becoming my patron! It would surely help with the bills, and my self respect -.-' Current mood: I feel like shite...
Yours truly the BIG BAD WORLD I mean WOLF!
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GOT IT