Chapter 11: Struggling desires

As I struggled to breathe, my breath burst into my thin trousers. I placed my heels firmly on the carpet and leaned against the inside of my front door. It posed a danger. As soon as it left his lips, I knew what it meant. Smith Mason was a significant individual who, with the flick of his wrist, could either fuck me passionately or monetarily. Before ascending to my bedroom, I locked the door behind me and double-checked the lock.

My father was dozing off with a photo album hidden beneath him. I released the book from his grasp and set it on the nightstand before giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead and shutting the door.

My stomach tightened as a result of a rush of heated arousal, and my nerves were still on edge from what had happened in the hotel room. Smith was determined to destroy every one of the strict limits I had established over the previous two years, and I was so close to allowing him. In my opinion, that is a major failure. Never would I allow a man to possess my body. Men didn't have the right to treat me like a hooker just because I worked as an escort.

I dug out a vibrator that I hadn't used in a long time and pulled the covers over my head while feeling conflicted about my emotions. The battery continued to function. I kicked my white lace panties aside and tugged my top up to reveal my midriff. I opened my mouth wide and placed the tiny device on my round, aching clit. A subtle groan escaped.

As another moan escaped, I smeared the juices to my entrance while making fun of myself. Because of Smith's ruthless temptations, I was drenched. I imagined his ravenous hand as I caressed my breast. The vibrator managed to squeeze into my small entrance. Even though I despised the harsh, cold plastic, I still found enjoyment in it.

My teeth sank into my lower lip as I was on the verge of bliss. As I screamed his name, my entire being collapsed. When the surge of hot, thrilling fluid reached my core, my body trembled and vibrated in response to his enticing blue eyes. I pulled the vibrator aside and cuddled up in bed as warmth engulfed me. Without much effort, sleep took control, and I soon found myself disappearing into the night.

When morning arrived, sunshine from Miami flooded in through the window. My arousal intensified into a rage. Again. A genuine, raw man's pulsing, engorged erection warmed my entire being. I quickly avoided the idea. Cocks have a cost associated with them. Shame was not a sensation I sought after.

A pleasant air entered the space, cooling me as it passed over my body. I combed my hair back and fastened a rubber band around my wrist to block out the memory of last night. My Spanish mother had taught me the skill. She instructed me to snap the rubber band whenever I wanted to restrain my thoughts; I'm not sure where she got that idea from. I applied the same method to her as well, forgetting not just her lovely smile and beautiful brown eyes, but also her fragile frame and sunken cheeks as she lay helpless in a hospital bed.

I would then take a shower and wash Smith away.

I walked out while still yawning and put on a pair of worn-out black trousers and a skimpy white blouse that reached my denim's waistband.

I greeted him, "Morning, Dad," as I hurried downstairs with his medications, setting them on the coffee table for him to take after breakfast.

Dad said, lifting his cheek for his morning kiss, "Morning, sweetheart.

I seated myself next to him after giving his cool, dry face a kiss.

He had a bowl of cereal in it, and next to it, a carton of milk. How was work yesterday evening? He silently watched me as I added milk to my oat bran.

I put on a fake smile. It was absolutely excellent. Did you enjoy your night?

He gave a nod. And that was your final, right?

My tummy grumbled. I had to leave, but how would I pay my bills? I didn't even have a plan or a financial assistance application ready. Savings were insufficient. That would decrease in one month. We were surviving despite the fact that it was dumb to live paycheck to paycheck.

My brain wracked for a solution. "I… I wailed, "I still have to find someone to replace me and turn in the two-week resignation letter. I rummaged about for a way to change the topic. "Did Lily stop by to see how you were doing?"

He raised an eyebrow and squeezed his lips into a fine line. She did. Didn't you tell your supervisor last week that you were leaving?

Oh, how I hate his memory. As badly as he wanted to leave as I did, he wasn't making rational decisions. How might we get his prescription drugs? I took a breath and vowed not to mention the fact that Medicare didn't cover virtually anything. It's not that simple, I sputtered. I can't just leave them stranded, as I already stated.

How much longer will you focus on someone else's dream while avoiding your own?

"I'm pursuing a dream. I explained, lifting my arms in the shape of a rainbow semi-circle, "It's a vision that you and I live happily for the next twenty or thirty years in a wonderful, spacious house.

"What makes you believe that going to college and following your passion won't allow you to have that? You enter, carry out your duties, and succeed.

My gut was pulled apart by a huge weight. He couldn't comprehend. I would have to battle the world on my own if he left. At the back of my eyes, tears gathered. "I cannot lose you as I did my mother."

Dad's shoulders dipped and heaved. Don't live for me, Olivia. I was already living a wonderful life. He clenched his jaw and focused closely on me. Be self-centered once.

My lips pulled downward towards the edges. "No. I won't."

A cunning smile emerged. "Like your mother, stubborn."

Before he could see them, I blinked my tears back into my eye sockets. "Isn't that good?" you might ask.

His mouth became limp. He added, staring at the table, "She used to say that too," in a weak voice.

After finishing our breakfast, we relaxed in the quiet.

"Here, Father. Take these," I said, handing him a glass of water and the pills. I handed the cup back after seeing him down them. "I'll clean the house while you relax. A haircut is probably in order. Do you want to visit Tim's today?

Any man's mind could be calmed by a good cut and shave—at least momentarily.

He caressed his neck's beard as his eyes shone. He presented his best pirate grin. "Do I appear to have some flaws?"

My shoulders suddenly became lighter. I wished for him to go on with his life and eventually remarry. It didn't hurt to mention to him how much of a stud he is early on. His animated voice was matched by my own animated wench accent. "No. You are the most attractive sailor going to Madagascar from here. Just have them check for scurvy, please.

He laughed and shook his head as he did so.

I lifted my head and fetched our cereal dishes while raising an eyebrow and whistling. I enjoy making my father smile.

Before I drove him to the barber, I went about my morning ritual of cleaning the home.

He smiled as he climbed into Tim's barber chair and continued their talk from last month.

I gave him a few bucks so he could pay for his desired style. It was pleasant. Everything was paid for in cash. I broke the rubber band around my wrist in an effort to disregard the source of our extra funds. It wasn't important. I completed errands all around the city and loaded up on supplies, food, and medicine. Pills. The most crucial factor was that.

My dad thanked me and went inside to rest when we arrived home.

I read a few pages of a romance novel while lounging on the couch. After opening it, I couldn't focus and noticed that my eyes were glazing over the words.

Smith.

My pelvis longed for his touch as my heart raced in response to his impending threat. He was dangerous and calculating, which is why he was so abrasive. As I thought of his heavy goal to have me beneath him, calling out his name, my heart began to race. The last two occasions had repeatedly shown his unforgiving desire to draw me into his world by exposing his raw, scary attitude.

I exorcised the idea. I could never be taken over by Smith Mason. Though my body ached for his powerful, virulent masculinity, no guy could make me submit. No one.

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