Chapter 31: Chapter 31
"W-why the sk-skulls?"
"It's the only flask I had in the correct size."
"Oh." That didn't, of course, answer the question of why he possessed such a flask in the first place. It looked more suited to holding the blood of sacrificial maidens than medicine. Well, no matter, Milo could just cast Detect Poison on it as soon as he left the office to see if it was dangerous.
"Oh, before you go, make sure you don't drink more than your prescribed amount," Snape warned. "That's a powerful poison in large quantities." Well, Milo thought, there goes that plan. It would just register as poisonous anyways. The safest option is to just toss a teaspoon of it down the drain every night and hope for the best.
"And make sure you don't miss a night, either," Snape said. "Or the venom could relapse, and you'll most likely die." Oh, come on.
"Oh. Um, thanks," Milo said. "I'll just, ah, go now. Bye, Professor." Milo fled the room, and didn't stop running until he was in front of the Fat Lady.
"Password?" she asked.
"Squeak," Milo said, and the painting swung open to reveal Gryffindor Tower.
Milo found Ron and Harry sitting at a table by themselves playing Wizard Chess. Harry had evidently returned from his weird flight earlier, but still looked a little shaken. Milo was no chess expert, but judging by the fact that Harry only had two pieces left, Ron was winning.
Milo collapsed into an overstuffed armchair and slammed the accursed flask on the table.
"Detect Poison, Detect Magic," he started casting rapidly.
"Bloody hell, mate," Ron said, staring at the skulled flask. "What's in there, You-Know-Who's tears?"
"Identify, Ancient Knowledge, Appraising Touch," Milo continued casting uninterrupted.
"What's that you're muttering?" Harry said. "Are you sweating? What happened?"
"It's poisonous and apparently nonmagical," Milo said to himself. "But that broomstick didn't appear to be magical, either. It could have a Magic Aura cast on it to conceal it from detection," Milo said, "or something more powerful. Otherwise I don't know at all what's in there... And it could really be poisonous, and Snape was just saying 'it's poisonous in large quantities' as an excuse to make me ignore the results of Detect Poison. Although Snape can't have known that I could do that, could he? Nobody here knows what my capabilities are, right? Unless he can read minds... Nah. Will is my highest save, that would never work. But Detect Poison only detects, like, actual, literal poison," he continued. "It wouldn't say anything was wrong if this were say, a Potion of Bestow Curse or Potion of Horrid Wilting... No, potions only go up to 3rd-level spells... so the worst it could be is, say, a Potion of Inflict Critical Wounds, maybe, which would still be more than enough to kill me. Or whatever the closest analogue is in this world."
"Sorry, what?" Ron asked.
"But if Snape is telling the truth and I don't drink tonight it I'll die." Milo ran his fingers through his hair. "Did Snape really give me an antidote that's technically poisonous just to fool my Detect Poison spell? And then make it into a lethal, but technically non-poisonous potion of some horrendous instant death spell once I'd concluded it wasn't really poisonous, at least in small doses, and therefore it's safe? Surely nobody's brain is that twisty..."
"Yours is, mate," Ron pointed out.
"But if this is going to kill me, why did he put it in such an over-the-top flask?" Milo asked.
"Uh," Harry said, "I'm not really sure what you're talking about, but maybe he gave you that flask of doom so you'd think 'surely no-one would put actual poison in something like this' and then you'd drink it."
"Ah!" Milo exclaimed. "You could be right! I'm going to die I never should have tried to speak to this useless rat!"
Over on the other side of the common room, Hermione rolled her eyes, put her book aside, and stood up exasperatedly.
"I couldn't help but overhear your anguished shrieks of, well, anguish," Hermione said walking over. "And why would Snape poison you with something everyone knows he gave you?"
"So you do think Snape's evil!" Ron said.
"No, dimwit," Hermione said, rolling her eyes again. "I said 'assuming your half-brained theory is correct and Snape is evil,' first. Remember?"
"You did?" Ron frowned. "I don't remember that, actually."
"Then try listening, next time, maybe?" Hermione asked testily. "Anyway," she continued as if Ron hadn't spoken, "if you drunk that and died, everyone would know Snape did it."
"I'd still be dead!" Milo protested.
"What I meant is, he wouldn't do it if it would reveal himself. Obviously."
"No, because he explicitly stated it would kill me if I either didn't drink it or if I drank too much," Milo countered, speaking rapidly. "So say I do drink it and I die, he could just say, 'oh, that poor stupid boy, he must have overdosed himself by accident, what a tragedy, oh, me, I'm so sorry, he showed so much promise, mwa ha ha, we're all worse off for his untimely death, oh, the humanity.'"
"So, ask Madam Pomfrey," Hermione said.
"Ask her what?" Milo asked, perplexed.
"If that's actually the antidote," she said.
Milo blinked.
"Why?"
"Because she'd tell you. She's a mediwitch; she knows what she's doing."
"I don't understand," Milo confessed. Asking adults for help was not something he, as an adventurer, had ever considered doing before.
"I'll use short, simple sentences so that even you can understand," Hermione said sharply. "Take this flask. Go to the hospital wing. Say, 'Madam Pomfrey, can you check that this is really acromantula antidote? I'm worried Snape gave me the wrong flask by accident.' She'll look at it and say, 'yes, this is the antidote, it's very dangerous so follow the directions precisely,' or, alternatively, say, 'no, that's distilled nightshade, among the deadlier poisons known to man.'"
"That's... a little unorthodox, but it just might work," Milo admitted. "But how do I know I can trust Madam Pomfrey? Actually, what if Snape assumed I would ask Pomfrey and deliberately made this here elixir of death to pass whatever test she would think of?" he asked. "Because he certainly outsmarted mine."
"No," Hermione said. "You outsmarted yourself. Just drink it."
"On the plus side," Ron said. "If you do drink it and die, that will prove you were right and Snape's evil and Hermione will help us stop him! It's a win-win."
"...but I'll be dead," Milo said.
"Can't have everything, mate," Ron shrugged.
"I've been outsmarted," Milo decided. "Whatever I decide, I'm probably falling for Snape's evil plan. I'll just... I'll flip a copper piece. Emperor, I drink it; Hydra, I don't."
He pulled out a copper from his Belt, and flipped it. It twirled four times in the air, and landed with a heavy thud on the table.
The four of them stared at it in disbelief.
"Blimey," said Ron. "I... I didn't think that was even possible."
"It is, without a doubt, highly improbable," Hermione conceded.
The coin was sitting on the heavy wooden table, balanced perfectly on its edge.
o—o—o—o
Snape leaned back in his leather chair, smiling. He knew he wasn't supposed to use Legilimency on students for his own amusement, but...
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