Download App
62.06% All Right! Fine! I Will Take You! [Oregairu, Poly] / Chapter 72: All Right! Fine! I Should’ve Taken You! – A Cakeverse Isekai

Chapter 72: All Right! Fine! I Should’ve Taken You! – A Cakeverse Isekai

[Author's Note: This one was a bit of a silly distraction that I cooked up one week that I was running late with the update. The idea was for me to maybe continue the misadventures of isekaied Hachiman at some point in the future when some chapter refused to cooperate and come out on time. But… Yeah. Let's just say that I've been a bit too busy with the multiple ongoing stories to indulge this particular brand of crack. I hope you enjoy it for the one-shot that it currently is.]

In recent years, there's been an increasing trend in the Japanese youth to try and emigrate to foreign countries where some of the societal issues they face in their everyday lives are somehow mitigated. Of course, we being Japanese, and with our identities so deeply rooted in belonging to our culture, such a radical drive can only be accomplished by extreme measures.

Usually, dying.

OK, some wusses who end up picking up the washboard, pinkette tsundere rather than the busty maid, the tanned redhead, or the Rei Ayanami with serial numbers filed off may get away with merely jumping through a weird glowing portal, but for most true Japanese, being away from their country and being run over by a truck are synonymous enough as to make functionally no difference. Thus, most of our migrants to countries filled with leisure and less objective danger than working for a black company end up having a temporary leave of their vital functions before the border officer of the divine persuasion rushes them to either a new life as a summoned being or turns them into a newborn baby who would have made Freud salivate worse than anything Pavlovian.

Of course, despite knowing fully well the Hell that awaits me should I ever enter the workforce, I am far from a cowardly traitor such as these men. I won't leave behind my home country just to enjoy a generic harem with no less than one token loli and a (hopefully not the same character) loyal beastgirl. No. I, Hachiman Hikigaya, shall forever remain rooted not only in Japan but in the Chiba Prefecture that saw my birth. Nothing can take me away from my homeland. Not even a cushy relocation to generic European setting number forty-two!

"Senpai! I was so worried!" Iroha Isshiki says.

Which should be par for the course from the foxy student council president, a transparent ploy to get me to drop my guard so she can squeeze a few extra favors out of me (wait, have I ever denied Iroha anything she's asked for?). Except…

Except she's [hugging me].

Yes, all right, I just had yet another reminder of why jumping in front of moving traffic to save a small, dumb animal (even if it's bipedal and doesn't have feathers) is a really bad idea, but…

But waking up in the hospital with my whole body bandaged and having Iroha, Mrs. Hiratsuka, and Yukinoshita's sister looking down at me with the kind of worry you only get when you're at the end of the line in Comiket and you see the cosplaying girl manning the table write on the sign announcing the remaining copies is kinda… Disorienting.

['Oh. Oh, fuck].'

… Why is there a voice inside my head?

['Apparently, because Brain-chan finally eloped with Self-Preservation-kun and left her apartment vacant.']

What?

['Later. Now, it's vitally urgent that you do one thing and one thing only—']

What are you even talking about—

['Pat the Iroha.']

… What?!

['Pat the Iroha! Hurry! And reassure her we're all right!']

Who's we?!

['Doesn't matter! Tell her we're fine, or she will—']

"Senpai? Are you refusing to show physical affection to your girlfriend in a public setting after having given me the scare of my life? Do you want me to persuade you? Does your silence mean that you won't acknowledge me until I go above and beyond, dress up as a hot nurse, and give you a blowjob beneath the covers? I'm sorry, Senpai, but that's impossible! As much as I'd love to give you a full physical, I forgot my nurse's cap at home! You'll have to wait until my evening visit for that."

… What?!

['I tried to warn you, man…']

What?

['Look, she deals with stress in her own way. And I'm guessing she isn't your girlfriend where you come from?']

Iroha is my [what?

'… Did you at least get both Yukino and Yui?']

When was that even an option?!

['You dense motherfucker—']

"Oi, brat, do you need me to call the doctor? We're starting to get kinda antsy," Miss Hiratsuka says.

['… You resisted the barrage of "Take me." You resisted the damn barrage of "Take me." How did you resist the barrage of "Take me?!"']

I don't know! Arousal-induced paralysis, I think!

['… OK, I can get that. Look, for the time being, just... repeat after me.']

Why—

['Because I know what is going on, and you don't. So, unless you want to deal with Haruno's equivalent of an Iroha rant, you'll shut up and—I mean, you'll speak and say what I want you to say.']

… I'll be good.

['I doubt it. And I owe Brain-chan so many apologies…"]

What the Hell is a Brain-chan?

['The voice inside my head that helped me deal with all this bullshit. Now, repeat after me—"]

"I'm sorry, Shizu, it looks like my brush with mortality left me slightly confused, and seeing three goddesses right after waking up isn't helping matters."

… What did I just say, why is Miss Hiratsuka blushing, and why is Yukinoshita's sister laughing?

['Those are all good questions, but you should ask yourself the fourth one. The actually dangerous one.']

… Which is?

['Why is Iroha's head beneath the blanket and over your crotch?']

Wha—

"Fffffffffuuuuuuuuckkkkkk!"

['Yeah, she does that. Enjoy.']

 

 

 

==================

This work is a repost of my second oldest fic on QQ (https://forum.questionablequesting.com/threads/all-right-fine-ill-take-you-oregairu.15676/), where it can be found up to date except for the latest two chapters that are currently only available on on Patreon (https://www.patreon.com/Agrippa?fan_landing=true)—as an added perk, both those sites have italicized and bolded text. I'll be posting the chapters here twice weekly, on Wednesday and Friday, until we're caught up. Unless something drastic happens, it will be updated at a daily rate until it catches up to the currently written 92 chapters (or my brain is consumed by the overwhelming amounts of snark, whichever happens first).

Speaking of Italics, this story's original format relied on conveying Brain-chan's intrusions into Hachiman's inner monologue through the use of italics. I'm using square brackets ([]) to portray that same effect, but the work is more than 300k words at the moment, so I have to resort to the use of macros to make that light edit and the process may not be perfect. My apologies in advance

Also, I'd like to thank my credited supporters on Patreon: aj0413, LearningDiscord, Niklarus, Tinkerware, Varosch, and Xalgeon. If you feel like maybe giving me a hand and help me keep writing snarky, maladjusted teenagers and their cake buffets, consider joining them or buying one of my books on https://www.amazon.com/stores/Terry-Lavere/author/B0BL7LSX2S. Thank you for reading!

 


Load failed, please RETRY

Weekly Power Status

Batch unlock chapters

Table of Contents

Display Options

Background

Font

Size

Chapter comments

Write a review Reading Status: C72
Fail to post. Please try again
  • Writing Quality
  • Stability of Updates
  • Story Development
  • Character Design
  • World Background

The total score 0.0

Review posted successfully! Read more reviews
Vote with Power Stone
Rank 200+ Power Ranking
Stone 0 Power Stone
Report inappropriate content
error Tip

Report abuse

Paragraph comments

Login

tip Paragraph comment

Paragraph comment feature is now on the Web! Move mouse over any paragraph and click the icon to add your comment.

Also, you can always turn it off/on in Settings.

GOT IT
" class="_close">

get more coins