Chapter 88: Chapter 90
Gabriel hangs back quietly as he listens to Dean and Castiel chat with Sam. Eventually, Sam won't answer immediately, and Gabriel will take the chance to hop in the conversation, just as they've been doing for the last month. It's an unspoken agreement between the two, because even after all this time, Gabriel still isn't sure he can bring himself to talk to Sam like he would anyone else.
Right now, Sam and Dean are having some sort of friendly-ish argument that Gabriel has to fight to keep from laughing at. He's not sure exactly how it started because he zoned out for a few minutes — possibly because he was staring at Sam, but you can't prove that — but it's entertaining nonetheless.
"No, I just hated that school," Dean insists. "That's it."
"Right, and the fact that that Amanda chick just happened to call you out there had absolutely nothing to do with it, I'm sure," Sam says sarcastically, a playful smile on his lips.
"You don't know the first thing about Amanda," Dean tells him.
"I know she saw through you like a piece of glass," Sam teases.
"She did not!" Dean protests. "You're just too blinded by your moment of glory with that dick that you don't remember how much that school sucked."
Castiel discreetly slips around the circle to stand next to Gabriel, asking quietly, "What's happening right now?"
"From what I've gathered, Sam was a high school hero and everyone hated Dean," Gabriel replies with a shrug.
"I would have thought it would be the other way around," Castiel observes.
Gabriel can't say he agrees with that. Dean's cool; he can't deny that. Gabriel's liked him since day one, as annoying as he's been. But Sam is something special. He can't quite describe it, but he can see why people would pick Sam over Dean. He did.
Gabriel doesn't say that, though, instead replying, "I think this was just one school and Dean was usually more popular but I could be wrong." He didn't hear very much of the conversation.
"That would make sense," Castiel says.
Gabriel's first reaction is to immediately jump to Sam's defense. Old habits die hard, apparently. But it's not his fault — Sam's the one who has to make it so hard to forget him.
~~
Gabriel is sitting in the corner of the war room, all alone yet again. It's fairly late, and all the angels are in bed with their special someones — except Lucifer, obviously, but who knows what Lucifer's been up to lately anyway?
Gabriel just wishes he had someone to talk to, but it seems he's lost everyone. He's not even sure what happened with most of them. Somewhere, things just went wrong, and he went from being everyone's best friend to having no one at all.
He can't get his mind off Sam. He hasn't been able to ever since they both started talking to Dean and Castiel. He's just like the Sam that Gabriel remembers, the Sam he fell in love with, and it's getting harder and harder not to fall for him again.
Maybe he already has — maybe that's the problem. The fact that he can't close his eyes without seeing the boy's smile in his mind certainly points to that. He hasn't gone a day without wishing he could take back that conversation where he told Sam that they're never getting back together. He knows he must have completely butchered their chances, but at the time, it seemed like the right thing to do. He never realized it would be so wrong.
But maybe it's not as bad as he thinks. Maybe they still do have a chance. It's not like it was with Jess and Kali in the picture. It's not like Sam has someone else now. Maybe if Gabriel went to talk to him, he could fix things. It's worth a shot, right? The worst that could happen is Sam turns him down, and they continue to be as awkward around each other as they are now.
Gabriel takes a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for this. He's really going to talk to Sam. He just has to do it calmly and hope for the best, because the pros definitely outweigh the cons.
Gabriel is no stranger to Sam's dreams. He used to visit the hunter at night a lot, back before his death pulled them apart. Sam used to love his surprise visits, but he knows he's not as welcome now. He knows Sam could very easily want Gabriel to leave, and he tries his best to be ready for it.
He finds himself in a house he doesn't recall ever seeing before, though he can't remember every dream of Sam's he's ever visited, so it's possible it's nowhere new. There's no one in sight, which is a bit weird, so he sets off to go find the hunter.
"Sam?" In theory, he calls it out, though it's quiet enough that it's more his typical voice. "Sam, are you here?"
He heads through the hallway slowly, glancing into each room quickly in case Sam is in there. The only room whose door isn't open entirely is the one at the end of the hall, though it's cracked open slightly. Gabriel knocks on the wall softly, just in case, but doesn't receive an answer. He gently pushes the door open, already prepared to see an empty room, so when he sees he's wrong, he accidentally lets out a forceful breath in surprise.
Lucifer has Sam pinned to the wall, not to torture him in some way like Gabriel would have expected, but kissing him. It almost seems like more than a kiss — the way Lucifer has his fingers knotted in Sam's hair and Sam's hands resting comfortably on Lucifer's hips like he's done it so many times before instantly makes Gabriel think this is more than some brief moment of weakness.
He must give himself away, because Lucifer quickly steps away from Sam and turns around to face his brother. His expression doesn't show embarrassment or shame, but rather mildly surprised indifference. For a moment, Gabriel thinks he sees a faint mocking smile on the other angel's lips, but if he does, it's gone almost as quick as it appears.
"Wait, what's —?" Sam asks, cutting himself off when he meets Gabriel's gaze. He opens his mouth, but no sound comes out. It takes him a few seconds to finally come up with something to say, settling on, "What are you doing here?"
Gabriel glances at his brother before saying, "Doesn't matter, I guess. I'm just gonna go, and you two can get back to doing..." His face scrunches up involuntarily as he gestures to them vaguely.
"Gabriel, don't —" Sam quickly crosses the room and takes his arm so he doesn't leave. "You don't have to —"
"No, trust me, I do," Gabriel interrupts.
"Gabe —" Sam sighs and glances back at the other archangel. "Luce, can you, like, give us a minute?"
Gabriel feels a pang in his chest at that. They have now?
"Sure," Lucifer replies, seemingly having no doubt things will work out in his favor. "You know how to reach me." He disappears without another word, leaving the other two alone in the dream.
Gabriel frees his arm and looks up at the hunter. "Look, Sam, you don't owe me an explanation. If you want me to leave, just say the word. You and Lucifer can go back to sucking face, and I won't breathe a word of it to anyone."
Sam hesitates, seeming to consider this for the briefest moment before saying, "No, I guess you're right. I don't owe you an explanation. But I think owe one. What are you doing here?" Realizing how this sounds, he adds, "I'm not mad or whatever, I just... I'm just confused."
Gabriel scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. "Uh, yeah, I don't — I don't really know," he admits.
"You don't know," Sam repeats slowly, clearly skeptical. "We've barely spoken in months, and you decided to pop into my dream just because, what, you could? You were bored?"
Gabriel starts to speak, but stops himself immediately. His immediate response had been, "It was a moment of weakness," but he can't say that. That would imply that this is something he's been wanting to do for a long time, and it takes a conscious effort not to, but that's not true.
Or is it? He's known since it began how tense it was when he and Sam weren't speaking to each other, but still speaking to the same people. There have been countless times he wished he could change that; he wished he and Sam were on speaking terms again, or something better. Maybe this encounter has been coming for the last month.
Of course, he never would have expected to see Lucifer here, so that's a bit of a surprise.
Gabriel sighs. "You know what? Forget it. I'll see you tomorrow." He goes to leave, but Sam takes his arm again to stop him.
"For what it's worth, Gabriel, I'm sorry," he says.
"Sorry? For what?" Gabriel asks, a slightly sarcastic hint to his voice. "For finding someone better? Twice? You don't have to be sorry about that, Sam. I'm just sorry you think Lucifer is your best option."
That last comment seems to get to him more than Gabriel would have expected, because Sam's eyes instantly go cold. "He's my option!" Sam snaps. "Don't you dare try to guilt trip me when the one who said we were never getting back together. Lucifer was the person I could talk to after Jess died, so yes, I chose him, and I'd choose him again. He held me together when you were just staring at a wall. And I'm not holding that against you because I know how you felt, but when it comes down to it, Lucifer was there and you weren't. Now, I don't know exactly what you're doing here, but if you're just here to criticize my relationships, you can leave. But if you're here for something else, tell me now, because next time you crash my dreams, I will kick you out before you get the chance. Are we clear?"
Gabriel just looks up at him for a few moments, looking for some semblance of the Sam he loved, but all he sees is the coldness in his eyes. He's not sure why he came here, but he was so sure he would know what to do when he saw his Sam. But it seems that Sam can't come to the phone right now. So, without another word, Gabriel leaves.
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