Chapter 4: 4. Returning
Suffering. The very situation the human mind and body desires to stay away from. A myth for the natural man. A mirage. A lie.
Valerian suffered. Was tormented, not only by the fire but also by the feeling of regret. He had never gotten the chance to say goodbye to his parents and friends. There had been no closure to his life. He wanted more, but he understood he would never get the chance.
That mere thought caused him heartache. His torment had seemed to last for weeks even if he had only been there for mere hours.
He never stopped screaming from the fire that burnt his skin. But shockingly he managed to have thoughts. Clear but also chaotic in nature.
He desired to speak to someone while he writhed in pain and agony of levels that made him wish he had already died, but the others were separated from him.
He could not have conversations nor could he have the chance to speak.
His deepest regret was the fact that he had not listened to the many words of humans who believed in a certain entity that they thought ruled over everything.
Sure he had never made fun of them as some even existed in his school, but he had never bothered to listen to them, and now he had landed himself in the place everyone dreaded.
The place where suffering existed for the sole purpose of punishing those who had decided not to believe.
Truth be told he had been tempted to blame the very existence that created that place, but he recalled the many individuals that had spoken saying it had never been created for man.
He found that he was unable to blame anyone but himself. His memories of the past were clear as though he had experienced them merely minutes prior.
Valerian couldn't even find solace in his memories since they were filled with regret. Only that detail had been enough to make him desire a finality, but reality wasn't so nice.
Flames continued to rage all around him, but the fire didn't go past the tip of the pit which was how dark the environment was.
However, he couldn't bother himself with that detail, his suffering was already enough.
Sadness, fear, anguish, pain. These attributes were things that place consisted of. It was the most horrible of places he had ever been, he wished no one ever came there.
It had taken Valerian a while to come to that conclusion. He wished his brother never got there. He couldn't even begin to process the thought that his brother was somewhere there.
He desired to search, but it dawned on him. There was no way he could search. Even he had barely any skin left. He would be unable to recognize his brother.
The mere thought tormented him, but he couldn't even shed tears. Pain made his head want to explode, even if his skeleton remained in one piece.
The environment had very toxic air and of course fire. He could barely breathe. The air there smelt bad and felt like it would choke him. Yet he remained alive, suffering more. It was strange how fire and air could exist in the same position.
Valerian continued in that endless trend of pain and more pain and more pain.
He could never get used to it even after what felt like months had passed. At some point fatigue hit, and he desired sleep, but he couldn't.
The pain was too much. Yet he felt sleepy. Nothing made sense in that environment.
It seemed a list of the things he considered impossible were simply stacked up to create something that sent chills down the spine of anyone that heard.
Seeming years passed and he had long since stopped hoping for a break. His body never broke down completely, meaning he could continue to endure the pain.
The screams of millions reached his ears, but he didn't care. None of them mattered to him, nor did he matter to them. They were just numbers in that horrible place. They would be forgotten forever, and that reality broke his heart.
Sheol was pretty dull. It had a monotonous series of events that had no real purpose. Those there were needlessly suffering as their pain achieved nothing in particular. Not even pleasure.
Valerian began to leave his memories as they only served as painful reminders of his bad decisions. He had long since wished he had never done some things, and the worse of them was desiring to kill himself.
Something changed after what felt like decades had passed. He had no way of calculating the passage of time due to the chaos that surrounded him, so he could only base it on how he felt. Now that was only pain.
Suddenly a blinding white light appeared high above that place and a gaze like he had never felt before fell on him, and he felt it.
With intense pain still filling his senses, he managed to glance at the light, and the outline of a man standing within the light which shone even brighter than anything he had ever seen, unfolded in his eyes.
Even from that distance, he could swear that was the holiest radiance he had gazed at. And surprisingly, he knew who it was, and he knew that person was the only way he could leave.
"One more chance!" Valerian managed to scream amid his screams of agony.
"Please give me one more chance! I promise I'll use it wisely!" He cried out loud unsure of not whether the person had heard him.
Suddenly a force capable of making even the intense flames burning him around him feel cozy, caught hold of him, and in the next instant, Valerian found himself being pulled up a tunnel, the man in white light high above him.
Gradually his senses began to calm down. And the first feeling that entered his mind was gratitude. Intense gratitude filled Valerian's being as he found that truly he was leaving that place.
The person suddenly stopped however and turned to face him.
Valerian couldn't see the individual's face, but he felt him smiling at him.
What happened to cause the next event remained unexplainable to Valerian, but he went limp, as though dead.
The smile carried everything he wanted. It was etched into his memories. The sheer feelings that simple action had radiated made him lose consciousness for a while and when he returned to consciousness he found he had the figure gazing at the earth from high above. It looked like outer space.
Unlike what he recalled from pictures; the earth wasn't only round, but it featured tunnels, and horror reached Valerian's mind when he saw people falling into the tunnels that lead to the horrible place.
Literally, every second someone entered. Soon he found himself capable of speaking.
"Why?" He questioned the figure.
"Because they chose it," a male voice reached Valerian's now healed ears, and he felt shaken by the sheer sadness that simple line contained.
The blinding figure a bit distant from him turned to look at him again.
"You're returning. Do not forget your words," The figure spoke, and Valerian's world twisted until he couldn't even his eye open. "My love is capable," the being whispered, and he finally went unconscious.
Valerian eventually dared to reopen his eyes. But rather than slowly, he snapped them open and immediately began to shake violently.
Horrible memories of his suffering flowed into his head and they caused him to go into shock.
During that moment Valerian managed to note a beeping sound and the familiar layout of a hospital room.
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