Chapter 170: 170. You say yes, I say no
“Good evening, Detective Beckett. Mr Castle.”
“Hello.”
“Before we begin, Detective, I suggest that we undertake the first part of this session without Mr Castle present.”
“Why?” asks Detective Beckett, with a noticeable edge. It appears to Dr Burke that she has forgotten their discussion of Tuesday. With slight trepidation, he also concludes that she is not necessarily aware that Mr Castle has undertaken a mirrored exercise. He casts Mr Castle a glance, and observes that he is displaying minor signs of embarrassment.
“I think it best that we first discuss your views without Mr Castle’s commentary. You should endeavour to understand your own conclusions without contaminating them with the point of view of the other party.”
Detective Beckett taps her fingers on the table. “Okay,” she agrees, reluctantly.
“Mr Castle, there is a room available in which you may occupy yourself. Let me direct you to it.”
Dr Burke ushers Mr Castle to a small, comfortable room. “Do I infer that you have not advised Detective Beckett that you have conducted the same exercise as she has?”
Mr Castle smiles gently. “Yes. I didn’t feel like arguing with her over every line. That’s your job.”
“It is indeed,” Dr Burke says smoothly, and observes Mr Castle’s air of very slight disappointment. Really, he has no idea why Mr Castle or Detective Beckett consider that they have any ability to surprise or irritate him. Even were they to do so, he would not allow them to realise it. “I will advise you when your contributions will be helpful.”
“Okay.”
Dr Burke returns to Detective Beckett.
“Please would you explain your overall view of your list?”
“Every time something goes wrong, Castle fixes it or compromises to work around me and all I do is weep or unload or lose it with him. I don’t give him anything back at all.”
“Mm.” Dr Burke steeples his fingers, and regards Detective Beckett. “Let us consider the detail of your list. You have mentioned seventeen occasions on which you consider Mr Castle has compromised. According to your list, you have only reciprocated on two occasions, and you have qualified both of those.”
“Sounds about right.”
“However, it is not, as you put it, right. Specifically, not only have you minimised the importance of your attendance at brunches and dinner with his family, but you have not mentioned your attendance at therapy, nor your clear statement that if you were to be forced to make a choice between your father and Mr Castle you would choose Mr Castle.” Dr Burke unlaces his fingers, and continues to regard Detective Beckett pointedly. “Do you not consider those to be actions you have taken to progress your relationship with Mr Castle?”
Detective Beckett is, not for the first time, silent. Dr Burke presses his point.
“You also do not appear to have considered that less tangible actions may be, in the eyes of the recipient, as important as any other. You have entirely omitted any emotional reciprocation.” He raises a finger over Detective Beckett’s attempt at words. “I am in no way suggesting that sexual encounters are a form of payment for Mr Castle’s actions. It is entirely obvious that such is not the case, and were it to be so I would consider your relationship to be on a highly unstable footing with a considerable probability that it is, or would shortly become, abusive. That is not the case. However, in a normal relationship emotional support is an important component. You have consistently listed Mr Castle’s emotional support for you. You have consistently failed to mention whether you have provided emotional support to him. I should like you to consider your list again, and incorporate that concept, as well as your decision to attend therapy and your choice of Mr Castle over your father when they were in conflict. I shall leave you for a few moments to allow you solitude in which to do so.”
Dr Burke collects a copy of Detective Beckett’s list, carefully made earlier in the day, together with Mr Castle’s list, from his desk, and leaves Detective Beckett to contemplate only her own list. He taps on the door to the room which Mr Castle currently occupies and enters.
“Oh, hey,” Mr Castle says absently, staring at a sheaf of pages covered in an illegible scrawl, with circles, addenda, arrows and amendments randomly distributed. This is what Mr Castle had described as a plan? How extraordinary. It is quite chaotic. Mr Castle abruptly acquires an expression of enlightenment, circles a section of ink, and draws an arrow from it to another section. Having performed this action, he looks up with more intelligence and recognition.
“Mr Castle,” Dr Burke says with some acerbity, “I wish you to consider Detective Beckett’s list, and advise me of your initial impressions.”
Mr Castle takes the list, runs his eyes rapidly down it, blinks, runs his eyes rapidly down it for a second time, and hands it back with a twist of his lips.
“You have read it?”
“Yes.”
Dr Burke concludes that Mr Castle has trained in reading hieroglyphics, and also in speed reading.
“And your impressions?”
“Pretty much what I thought already. She thinks I’m doing things I don’t necessarily want to and she’s not enough for me.”
“Mm. Are you in agreement with that thesis?”
“No.” Mr Castle regards Dr Burke with a disturbingly penetrating gaze. “Which you know, so why are you asking me?”
“Confirmation,” Dr Burke says calmly. “It would not be unusual for feelings to change on undertaking such an exercise. People have, on occasion, discovered that their relationship is unbalanced to a significant extent.”
“Oh. Anyway, no.”
“Explain, then, why you consider the relationship to be balanced?”
“She came to therapy to sort out her issues with seeing my family and to be able to come to my home. That’s not a small thing.”
“Mm?”
“She was going to change her whole view of life so she had a proper relationship with me. She could just have given up, but she’s putting all this work in.”
“You have also changed your life, however. You have asked your mother to move out.”
“I think… I think that would have happened whatever.” Dr Burke quirks an eyebrow. “Whoever it was, I wouldn’t have put up with Mother swanning in and out my bedroom.”
“Mm.” Dr Burke changes the subject. “I shall shortly share your list with Detective Beckett.”
“Don’t worry, I brought the body armour. Wanna borrow it?”
“I do not think that that will be necessary,” Dr Burke says sardonically, and adds, “for me.”
“Gee, thanks,” Mr Castle says, equally sardonically.
“I will let you know when I consider you should join the discussion,” Dr Burke notes, and departs.
“I’m sure you will,” reaches his ears as the door closes behind him. Mr Castle’s tone sounds as if he thinks that Dr Burke will need support in dealing with Detective Beckett. How ridiculous. This is a necessary step for Detective Beckett to be relieved of her unwarranted guilt. Her relationship with Mr Castle is quite satisfactorily balanced: she merely needs to be reminded of it.
“Have you considered the further points, Detective?”
“Yes.”
“What has that shown you?”
Detective Beckett chews on her lip in an embarrassed fashion. “I don’t know,” she mutters. “It doesn’t seem like enough.” Dr Burke waits. He is used to waiting for Detective Beckett, who seems only to apply her intelligence in therapy when all other possible options have failed.
“Why not?”
“I needed fixed. Castle doesn’t need fixed.” Dr Burke is not wholly convinced of the truth of the second sentence. Mr Castle had needed a modicum of assistance with the question of his mother, though that had proved to be a minor, easily resolved issue.
“Mm.” How disappointing. Detective Beckett has failed to give equal weight to her support of Mr Castle, and her choice of him over her father in circumstances where she has been used to supporting her father unconditionally and at the expense of all aspects of her life.
“Detective Beckett, I requested Mr Castle to undertake the equivalent exercise, from his point of view. I think that it would be valuable to discuss his thoughts in conjunction with yours.” Detective Beckett fixes him with a hard stare, to which Dr Burke returns a calm visage and mild smile. “Sometimes, the perceptions of others may provide important insights.” He passes over Mr Castle’s neatly typed list. “You will observe that a few lines are marked with an asterisk. Those are the only occasions on which Mr Castle believes that he has had to compromise.”
Detective Beckett reads down the list. “He’s written down all the same things I did.”
“Mr Castle informs me that he has written down all the occasions for which he believes that you will consider he has compromised. As I have just said, he considers there to have been compromise only on the occasions which he has indicated with an asterisk.”
The list receives another intense perusal. “That’s ridiculous!” Detective Beckett emits. “That’s hardly any. He’s wrong.”
“Compromise,” Dr Burke says pontifically, “is in the eye of the beholder. Mr Castle’s feelings are as valid, but no more valid, than are yours.”
“But he… I… All I ever do is weep all over him and need to be picked up again.”
“Hmm. While Mr Castle was concerned about his mother’s future residence, how did you behave?”
“Listened to him.” Detective Beckett colours very slightly.
“And, I infer, provided consolation.”
“Yes.”
“How does that differ from Mr Castle listening to you and providing consolation?”
Detective Beckett opens and closes her mouth, three times. From not one of those actions do words emerge. Dr Burke decides to change his tactics and approach the issue from the other direction.
“Detective Beckett, why are you now concerned that your relationship with Mr Castle is unbalanced? Most of what you have written concerns the normal give and take of a relationship, but you appear to believe that the support is all one way. You have not previously been concerned about this issue, correctly. What has taken place to alter your view?”
Detective Beckett finally acquires an expression of extreme enlightenment. “Martha,” she says acidly. Dr Burke internally rejoices, although he is sure that Detective Beckett’s reaction to Mr Castle’s mother does not encompass joy in any way.
“Please elucidate?”
“She hit every point. Tried to guilt trip me. It was just like how I thought I had to be with Dad.” Detective Beckett continues to explain for a moment or two.
For once, it appears that Detective Beckett has undertaken an exercise in focused thinking before Dr Burke has asked her to. Her reasoning is lucid and coherent. Dr Burke thinks with some satisfaction that she has learned, under his treatment, to apply her professional skills to her own issues.
“Indeed. Now, with that in mind, consider the question of your relationship with Mr Castle and your view that any form of support is a compromise requiring reciprocation.”
“Um… it’s not?” Dr Burke nods. “It’s another way of thinking that… that I won’t be loved if I don’t…” Detective Beckett trails off, but she has understood the key point.
“Indeed. How do you consider that Mr Castle is likely to react to the suggestion that his feelings for you depend on you behaving so?” Dr Burke is deliberately vague as to the meaning of behaving so.
“He never pushes me. He just says up to you.”
“That does not answer the question.”
Detective Beckett winces. “He’d be upset. But…”
“Do you believe that he would tell you if he were unhappy with the present position?”
“Ye-es.”
“Has he done so?”
“No-o. He was irritated that I thought that he was always the one fixing and compromising.”
Dr Burke can understand Mr Castle’s point of view. Detective Beckett is, once more, taking an unhelpfully absolutist view. She has reverted to bad habits, although Dr Burke considers that this is likely to be temporary and readily corrected. “Following your review of his version of events, and taking full account of the discussion we have had so far this evening, please consider the reasons why you might currently be taking the position which you have outlined regarding who is, or is not, compromising, and to what extent those are justified.”
A full five minutes, which have contained no words, later, Dr Burke is beginning to wish that it was not unprofessional to turn to another patient’s records whilst the immediate patient is present. A further three minutes after that, his wish has turned to an almost insurmountable desire to read his discussion paper once more. He refuses to succumb, however. Surely Detective Beckett must be able to draw the correct conclusions by now?
Dr Burke has been hard put to it not to speak or turn to another file by the time Detective Beckett ceases to think. Dr Burke assumes that she has been thinking, although he had been under the impression that she was capable of doing so with rather more despatch than she has shown this evening.
“I get it,” she says. Dr Burke is only too glad of that. It is long past time that Detective Beckett “gets it”. He merely hopes that she has “got” the correct conclusion.
“Martha triggered all the old reactions. I just didn’t string it all together. I knew she’d tripped all the same feelings about not doing enough, or doing things for someone else because I ought to, but I didn’t see that I didn’t think I was doing enough because I’m still feeling guilty about not doing enough for Dad even though I did more than enough.”
“Indeed.” Thankfully, Detective Beckett has connected each disparate thought to arrive at a logical result. “I think that it would be helpful if Mr Castle joined us, in order to explain why he believes that your efforts are quite sufficient.”
Shortly Dr Burke has, with some difficulty, removed Mr Castle from his focus on his writing, which is not the reason for him being here, and with a certain sensation of removing a small child from an imaginary game in which the child is deeply engrossed, insisted that he return to Dr Burke’s room.
“Detective Beckett, as you have seen, there are substantial differences between the matters you consider to be compromises and those which Mr Castle so considers. Mr Castle, please explain why you do not consider most of these areas to constitute a compromise?” Dr Burke has an unwarranted sensation of amusement at Mr Castle’s startlement.
Before he answers, Mr Castle slides an arm around Detective Beckett, who moves slightly towards him. Dr Burke is not at all certain that either of them had any conscious input into those actions.
“It’s just normal.” He blushes slightly. “Beckett listens to me, I listen to her. It’s mutual. Arguments happen.”
“And the actual compromises?”
“Beckett decided to go to therapy long before I did anything. She made the first move.”
“Dad suckered you into dinner.”
“That wasn’t you. And you went, even though you hated every single minute of it. You’re not responsible for your dad’s bright ideas.”
“You keep running after me.”
“You came to the Hamptons. And to the loft. And you still haven’t got an answer to the fact that you came to therapy so you could deal with my family long before I did anything except comfort you. So I think it’s about even.” Mr Castle smiles in a rather sidelong fashion. “Besides which, you didn’t shoot my mother and you didn’t let me shoot her either. Definitely evens. Otherwise I might be in Rikers.”
“It’s not a joke,” Detective Beckett snaps. Mr Castle straightens up.
“No, it’s not, but you’re so far off beam that if I don’t make a joke I’ll start to cry. I keep telling you that I’m not in a hurry, I keep telling you that it’s up to you, and as soon as my mother tells you I’m unhappy you start to believe it instead of believing me.”
Dr Burke steps in before the looming fight can begin. “Why would you take Mrs Rodgers’ words to heart rather than the frequently-expressed sentiments of Mr Castle?”
“I explained that,” Detective Beckett says angrily.
“Indeed. Now explain it to Mr Castle, who was not present.”
Detective Beckett deflates. Mr Castle, without appearing to alter his position, becomes more protective.
“Because it hit all the same things as dealing with Dad did,” she mutters, colouring ashamedly. “Not doing enough for someone…” From his expression, which is quite dismayingly smug, Mr Castle has completed that sentence entirely accurately. Naturally, he has also tightened his embrace of Detective Beckett.
“You do quite enough for me,” can only just be heard by Dr Burke, whose hearing is excellent. He is, however, content not to hear the next words, which from Detective Beckett’s suddenly flaming cheeks are sure to have been most inappropriate. Mr Castle’s voice returns to normal. “Anyway, you’ve worked it out now. You can deal with it.”
“We shall continue this topic on Tuesday,” Dr Burke notes. “We are almost at the end of the session.” He is displeased to detect a slightly hopeful note in his own voice.
“You wanted to know what happened on the murder case,” Detective Beckett says. Dr Burke infers that she has both heard and correctly interpreted his tone, and represses a slight coloration of his cheeks with difficulty. “They were running an escort ring, via the manager. Vance tried a little gentle blackmail” – her voice is sardonic – “and the manager dispensed with his services in a pretty permanent way.”
“Oh,” Dr Burke emits, unimpressed by this unpleasant series of events.
“Your input was helpful,” Detective Beckett continues. Dr Burke is most surprised to acquire a sense of satisfaction at her words. “The manager will be indicted for first degree murder.”
“Thank you.”
“Night, Dr Burke.”
Mr Castle has wrapped his arm back around Detective Beckett almost before they have exited the treatment room. How very pleasing.
Dr Burke tidies away his papers and ensures that he has placed a sufficient quantity of reading material for his journey within easy reach. This does not include Mr Castle’s book. He has already completed that. The next in the series is at home, where it is unlikely to be misplaced.
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