A short distance from the dorms.
I was standing by the shadow of a vending machine letting out a breath of fog.
«It's still so cold~».
It was morning and time to go to school. A cold morning in March was inviting the coming of spring. I had wanted to talk to a certain person so much this morning so I decided to wait until I could see his back.
It would have been warmer to wait in the lobby but I felt it would have been embarrassing to ambush him. In the end I decided to lay it low hiding instead.
«… Being called out by my other friends would be… a bit».
With this excuse, I had already waited about ten minutes.
Can he come over quickly please? With these thoughts in mind, I felt my pulse steadily rising along with the time ticking away.
U—
If I knew it would be like this, I wished I'd rather contacted him and asked to meet up in the first place.
The thought that I should so suddenly and coincidently call out to him was a mistake. My bad.
Maybe I should stop with the ambushing thing and just do it normally? Well then, where and when should I call out to him then?
But…
I wanted to meet and talk to him today, no matter what.
Remembering the exchange with Nagumo-senpai yesterday, I felt I wanted to overwrite it somehow.
Then in the corner of my line of sight, I discovered my objective walking by. It was Ayanokouji-kun.
«Good morning— Ayanokouji-kun!».
Leaving it up to flow of events I walked closer while greeting.
«Ah. Good morning, Ichinose».
Noticing me voice, he turned around and replied. Despite his blank look on his face, seeing his usual self, I…
I stiffened up.
«Hmm?».
Yahoo—! A greeting pose followed with my body stiffening.
I remembered I hadn't decided what to talk about at all.
Usually I went with the flow or the mood when I talked with my friends after all.
However, today have been the only day I thought about deciding on a topic beforehand.
But that's way too late now. Having already called out to him, I just have to make it work somehow.
«What is it?».
Showing some worry from seeing me standing there as if petrified, Ayanokouji-kun called out to me.
As if breaking out of a movement restricting spell, I decided to start with a certain template I've been using frequently.
«Yaa, well, it's cold today, right—?»
The topic being about the recent weather due to this March being unusually cold.
«Sure is».
The weather was somewhat weird, making it easy to mistake that one was living in Snow Country.
«Did you plan to go to school with someone?»
Wanting to confirm it, just in case, I asked him.
«No, not at all. I'm basically alone in the mornings».
That was a relief. If someone was going to just show up impromptu here and now, Ayanokouji-kun would probably be troubled.
«Well then… Want to go together?».
Hearing this Ayanokouji-kun nodded without hesitation.
Ah—that went well.
«...…»
Ah— it should have anyway…
The topic, I can't find anything! Realising how I wasn't being my usual self, his expression showed how troubled he was.
I felt talking like we usually do was getting harder. There was a strange change going on within myself.
As expected, deciding to talk with him proved to be the right choice after all.
With these firm thoughts in my head, I began walking by his side.
He walked past me and stood in front of Kouenji-kun. It seems they were talking about something in low voices. I didn't hear what they were saying though. I saw him leaving the classroom, seeing his back I felt something I couldn't express inside me. Before I noticed, I was standing up from my seat and followed after him. Ayanokouji-kun was walking further down the corridor. His walking pace wasn't especially fast, but it felt like I would never reach it no matter what. Rushing it, I grabbed his hand without thinking. I didn't have confidence my words alone could stop him somehow. He turned around. His pupils had no colour. But he was someone who didn't show his emotions at all, black nor white. During the span of one year beside him, I couldn't see anything.
«Ayanokouji-kun. You… since when and how much did you know?»
So I asked him. What I wanted to know. What I needed to know. He didn't seem to worry, nor did he change his facial expressions when he answered.
«Haven't I said it before? I haven't participated in this special exam in the literal sense».
No matter how much I knocked on his door, the knock coming back was the same as always. That's why I have been distancing myself slightly from him lately. Since I feared getting closer to him.
«… But…».
I don't know.
I can't see the person behind Ayanokouji Kiyotaka-kun.
«I'll leave then».
After his reply, I didn't manage to hold him there any further. I could only watch him going farther away.
I felt I managed to grow up a bit during this exam. But in the end, I couldn't grab his existence itself.
«By the way».
I heard a voice coming from behind me which surprised me before I turned around.
It was my classmate Karuizawa-san.
«…What is it?».
«Nothing. I was just wondering what you were talking about».
«Not much. It seems he isn't trusting me, that's all».
«Hmm…»
She then looked at Ayanokouji-kun once just like I did moments earlier.
«It seems like he is trusting you, far more than me».
«What makes you say so?».
Of course I didn't have any proof.
But, I somehow knew it from seeing Karuizawa's eyes.
«Since it looks like you are trusting him, perhaps? I can't seem to trust him no matter what though».
That was the only answer I could come up with. I wonder what she would say after hearing that.
«You cannot trust someone who isn't trusting you, right?»
«!…»
I flinched from the unexpected, yet precise and obvious words directed at me.
«If I really start to trust him… One day I feel I will witness something scary. I feel like I will be betrayed».
«Ah is that so? I can't understand since I no longer have anything to fear anymore».
Karuizawa didn't seem scared at all.
«I thought you were really amazing yesterday. You got a bit of my respect, seeing you take the initiative for the class. But Kiyotaka is a different matter altogether. If you are that scared, your relationship with him will never begin».
Karuizawa answered before returning back and joining her friends.
Her word would remain deep in my heart forever. Together with the existence of an invisible neighbour.
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