Chapter 25: Backstory of Tooru Hagakure
Everyone has a wish, A wish for something as simple as a touch or as complicated as love...
Tooru Hagakure also had a wish. Something she desires greately..
..
..
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There are questions she often asked herself, something which seem to plauge her like diseases..
"Am I..real?"
"Does my presence matter?"
"Do I truly exist?"
No one being able to see her and not even being able to see herslef....These had her question her whole existence...
And during those times, she would often look to a mirror in hopes of getting an answer, maybe a proof..
And as she looked at the mirror, gazing and staring at it for eternity..she did not find herself..
And that made here question if she was there at all...if she was really present..
It was like she was not there..Like the world refused to acknowledge her existence..it felt like reality itself rejected her...
Real..
What is real and what is not? Does real only include what appear?
Then what was she? A fleeting thought in existence? Or was she something like a glitch in reality...something which is not meant to be there..
If she was real, then she wondered what she was..everyone has an appearance, something unique to them..Something that proved that they exist and that they are not something common like air..something which made them specific..
But she had none..The only thing she could do was affect her surroundings..Only her action seem to be noticed by people, not her..
Her actions..only those are seen, only those seem to matter..
But no one had ever seen her...no one notice her..
..
No one wants to be invisible...Everyone want to matter, they do not want to be meaningless..
Everyone wanted to be known or remembered..They want to matter in this wide universe of diversity..They want to make an impact..
They want their presence to make a ripple in reality..
..
But thats hard to do when you are born invisible.
..
They did not notice her, Her parents too...
She could not blame them..imagine, having an invisible daughter..only few things were different from that than playing pretend..
Her presence was always weak, so she had to struggle to be noticed..to be present..
It was like she was drowning in the sea nothingness...
Once she stopped moving, Once she stop hanging onto something..
She would be swallowed by it and be forgotten, she would be unremembered..
Her parents loved her, thats for sure...but maybe its hard to love something you cannot see, as much as things you can see..
How can you truly love what is not there..
It breaks her heart that her presence means so little and she often cried, a sad frown present in her face..but her parents once again did not notice the things which they cannot see..
And as time passed by..she grew distant little by little..
And she had no real friends, the facial expression was important for socializing but she had none..so she could have friends but not real friends..
People wants to be secure..but she cannot provide that for anyone
Something was always missing..there was no real connection..
Words and action can only get you so far..people need to see to believe..
They need to see your loving eyes..for them to believe you love them..
They need to see your smile to believe that your words are genuine..
But she could never show those..
.
.
Maybe its because of that, she never truly have friends..
..
..
But Tooru did not give up though..even if she could not have real friends, she could have many friends..
Quantity over Quality..
She then act as the most approachable person out there..
So, she became cheerful..always forcing herself to see the positive side of things..So that people may like her.
And she did it, she had lots of friends..but the more people she surrounds herself with, the more lonely she truly felt..
No one could see her..they see only what she was able to show..
So in the end..a lot of people are familiar with her, but no one know her..
Heh....
And after a while she did not even know herself...
People need to see themself to be able to have a sense of self..their appearance was one of the major things that made them 'them'..
But Tooru could only imagine, wonder, dream what she looked like..Who she was..
Who was she??
..
And when she ask others..she realised no one knew her..
People have different guess on who she was..it was more like theories than anything..
Again, appearance was what people use and to know others..
A change in appearance could change how one person's thought on someone even if they act the same way..
And since she had no appearance..People cannot have a definite thought on who she was..
..
When she realised that..she cried tears of sadness and rejection..
They said that the face is the mirror of the heart and the eye is the window of the soul..but no one could tell anything...
She could have eyes begging for help..a face of despair but as long as she did not say so, no one can tell...
..
Then..on one fateful day, she just decided to disappear..
What was the point of constantly trying to appear like others?
So she did..she took off all her clothes and all the things which she used as an anchor to reality..
And she vanished..*poof*..
And what she found out completely send her to the depths of divine despair..
She found out that her absence does not make a difference..
How sad is that?
If her absence did not make a difference..that means..
..
..
Her presence never made a difference either..
..
..
Her parents were worried and search for her, but she found out that its hard for people to truly miss something they never see, something which seem like it was never there..
Sight was essential for people to truly be attached to something..it was a must for people to truly believe..
Loving which you cannot see was almost impossible..
She looked at her family photo..and focused on the clothes floating at the side..
And she thought about how it would be better if that was never there..
It would not make too much of a difference anyway..
In the streets, she cried..but no one noticed..She was but a ghost..
She was capable of love but incapable of being loved...
She wanted to hate herself..but she does not even know herself..so she did not know who to hate...
But, eventually she went back..her parents were relieved..the police questioned her and she made excuses..
The police cannot do much since they could not prove anything...
From that day on, she just acted as usual..cheerful and happy..
But her eyes had never been more empty, but no one could tell, not even herself..
In the end..her faint existence only amount to belief and faith..
She lived like that..for a long time until she found a way her presence could make a difference..
By being a hero..If she could make a change, make other depend on her..
Then even her absence would matter, unlike before..
So that became her goal..to be a hero, to let her presence make a difference and her absence to matter..
To prove that she was real to reality..
To prove her presence matter..
To let the world acknowledge her..
To prove that she could be love...
..
..
..
..
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Everyone has a wish, A wish for something as simple as a touch or as complicated as love...
Tooru Hagakure also had a wish. Something she desires greately..
She wish for others to notice her presence..
She wish for her absence to matter..
...
..
The invisible girl wish to be seen..
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Author : I made this because not much is known about Tooru's backstory..
This is how I imagined it to be...kinda sad
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