Chapter 40: One Life For Two
I asked Janeway for a few days off duty to get used to the changes to my body. I spent most of my time meditating, except when it was time to eat, or when one of our group had time reserved in the holo-deck. My Soul Realm had expanded significantly though it was mostly empty, just like the universe it reflected, but I had more control of it now, so I reshaped it how I wanted, forming nebulas, stars, planets, and anything else that I wanted. It was good practice for controlling Soul Power, but otherwise, there was little effect from what I was doing, since little would remain after I pulled my consciousness back to reality.
My most recent change in appearance had caused a stir among the Voyager crew, but I ignored most of it, though one person was more affected than the rest. Since I had fully accepted my dragon side, the friction between L'Naan's and my bloodlines had changed from wanting conflict to full suppression of hers. This was the effect of being a True Dragon versus a mixed blood like she was, so her instincts were telling her to submit any time she was in my presence while she seemed less appealing to me.
Another thing that I had done over my little break, at Katye's multiple requests, was visit Sick Bay and have the Doctor do a full examination of me. All four of us had done a physical when we first joined the crew, and at the time, we were all 'human' with a blood mutation that could process nuclear radiation, which came from our time in 'The 100'. Now, however, my DNA was unlike anything the Doctor had seen as it was over a hundred times denser and had a triple helix instead of normal double helix for most humanoid races within the Federation. Shockingly, and I do mean that sarcastically, my Dragon-DNA proved that I was the strongest biological life-form that the Federation, and the Voyager, had encountered. While it was interesting to Katye and the Doctor, I did not really care about the changes since it made sense to me that dragons had the strongest bodies.
I got a few days of quiet while I was back on duty before I was called to Sick Bay for a problem that I had nearly forgotten about after my trial. When I reached Sick Bay, I saw Janeway, the Doctor, Katye, Echo, Harry, and a man who was not a member of the crew, yet I still recognized him. He was Tuvix, a fusion of Tuvok and Neelix done by the transporters because of the flowers that caused symbiogenesis, where an organism reproduces by merging with a second species to produce a hybrid. When the transporters broke down their bodies into energy all three patterns were mixed and fused to create one person.
"...And you recognize all of us?" Janeway asked as I walked in.
"Of course. Doctor, Captain Janeway, Captain Cox, Lieutenant Commander Katye, Ensign Kim, Ensign Echo," Tuvix said.
"My scans indicate that all biological matter was merged on a molecular level. Proteins, enzymes, DNA sequences. The man you see before you is literally a fusion of two men. But he's surprisingly healthy, considering the circumstances. All vital signs are stable," the Doctor evaluated.
"What's the last thing you remember?" Janeway asked.
"I... we... that is to say, Tuvok and Neelix, we had just finished gathering the samples. We were beaming back to the ship. The next thing I knew, I was standing on the transporter pad as you see me now," Tuvix explained.
"I'm also picking up traces of a third genetic pattern. It appears to be plant-based," the Doctor added.
"The orchids. We had collected several dozen samples of orchids. They were in our sample containers when we beamed up," Tuvix supplied an answer.
"Well, they're part of your genetic structure now. But they don't appear to be affecting your biochemistry," the Doctor summed up then closed his tricorder.
"Torres said you were having trouble with the molecular imaging scanners," Janeway remarked, looking at Harry.
"That's right," he confirmed.
"Maybe this alien plant life affected the scanners in some way," Janeway theorized.
"Possibly. I'll know more after we've run a diagnostic on the biofilters and transporter logs," Harry replied.
"Get on it," Janeway ordered, and Harry nodded then left the room. "Rebecca, is there anything that you can contribute to this situation?"
"I'm sorry, Captain, but I am also at a loss with this," I lied.
Both Katye and Echo gave subtle looks of surprise since I had mentioned this episode long ago. Originally, I had wanted to swoop in and save the day by helping the Doctor figure out what to do, but I saw things differently now. As controversial as Janeway's decision had been, it was one that would stay with her because the weight of murdering someone couldn't be easily forgotten with the nature of her character. Protecting her from this choice would only weaken the resolve that she had throughout the show, I had seen it happen many times before.
"In the meantime, I'll send an away team in a shuttlecraft to collect fresh samples of the orchid for further study. Doctor, let me know as soon as you have something more," Janeway said.
"Yes, Captain," the Doctor agreed.
Janeway dismissed me, so I returned to the Aeroponics Bay and finished my shift. I knew that there were bound to be questions when I got back to our ship, so I worked for an extra half hour to ensure everyone had arrived first. While I had millions of years' worth of memories from my trial, no one could really argue or get mad at me, so I was a little worried about facing them. The three of them were waiting in the lounge area, which was not the best sign for me, but I would stand behind my decision.
"Well, this should be fun," I said sarcastically as I sat down on my usual couch.
"Why didn't you tell Janeway or the Doctor how to restore Tuvok and Neelix?" Katye asked.
"The simple answer is that I don't remember how exactly the Doctor did it, but even if I did, I still wouldn't help in this situation. Janeway still has plenty of growing to do before she is the captain that takes on a Borg transwarp hub with just a little bit of future tech. We can't always hold her hand or things will get harder for all of us," I replied.
"And what about Kes? Is she just supposed to suffer while the Doctor figures everything out?" Katye asked.
I sighed, "I really don't remember; the best that I can give you is that he got inspiration from some medical procedure from our original timeframe."
"You've quoted their lines before. How can you not remember?" Raven asked.
"That was before I had millions of years' worth of memories crammed into my head. They are fading at a fast rate, but there is a lot left to go," I replied.
"Becca... tell us what happened in the trial. You're still you, but... you've changed. We just want to help you, or at least, understand," Raven said.
Rubbing the scales that framed my horns, I sighed, "The first couple of visions I resisted, but I fell to them quickly. My Chaos corrupted all of you, and more, which turned you into twisted shells of the people you were. I lived for a long time, lost to the Chaos, with you all through Voyager to the Endless Firmament, but it was all hollow and it got to the point that I isolated myself from everyone and everything because I could not stand the sight of what I had done which is what eventually allowed me to awaken from the 'charm' of the trial. When I did, Dystina spoke to me and explained why she gave up her life. Her family, her friends... so few were left that it was better to use her Ego to seal away the majority of the Chaos within us than to try and fail to control the Chaos."
"That's why you got a mana crystal for me instead of transferring me some of your mana," Katye remarked.
"It should still be safe for me to do so if I don't actively use my Chaos mana, but it's hard to trust myself after what I've seen," I replied with a nod.
"Becca..." Raven sighed with a sad expression as she slid over to my couch.
I chuckled as she pressed herself against me and I ran my fingers through her hair while I said, "I really am fine. I had a long time to process what I had done, and I won't fall victim to the same mistakes. The sheer fact that I get to be with the real you again heals the heartache that I went through."
"So, I guess we are just here for decoration then," Echo remarked with a teasing smirk.
Before she could react, a ball of water formed above her head and dropped. I laughed as she had been soaked, but a moment later, she chuckled too. Raven relaxed in my embrace with a smile on her face while Katye shook her head with a similar smile. We were a strange bunch, but it worked for us, and we were happy together, which was all that mattered at the end of the day.
The next few days played out the same way as the episode had gone. Harry and B'Elanna tried to figure out what exactly happened with the transporter and a way to undo the fusion, while the Doctor focused on the medical side of the problem. Katye had started researching twentieth century medicine after my tip, but there was a lot to sort through. Tuvix started interacting with the crew, first taking up Neelix's job as chef, but after a week, Janeway allowed him to return to Tuvok's position as Chief of Security.
In the show, it had taken the Doctor about a month to come up with a solution, which Katye was able to cut in half by steering him in the right direction. Despite the shortened time, Tuvix still made friends and a place for himself on the ship, so when the procedure was confirmed to work, he was not willing to die. While I had known this was coming and killed more people than I could count, I had never seen someone beg for their life.
"Mister Tuvix? I'd like to speak to you alone," Janeway requested.
"Can I assume that you've come to a decision, Captain?" Tuvix asked.
"I have," she replied.
"I think we all should hear what you have to say!" Tuvix remarked a little loudly to ensure that he drew everyone's attention.
"Please come with me, Mister Tuvix," Janeway said, trying to keep her tone even.
Tuvix refused to make eye contact with her and refused, "No."
"I'm ordering you to come with me," she stated firmly, but when he did not move or reply, she tapped her badge and ordered, "Security to the Bridge."
"Captain Cox, are you going to stand by and do nothing while she commits murder?!? You have the authority to stop her!" Tuvix demanded as he moved away from the tactical station.
I could see the desperation in his eyes, his desire to live. He was not like the mindless slaves of Iseto or the crazed zealots of the Disciples. He was just a man that wanted to live, who did not deserve to die, yet if he did not, Neelix and Tuvok would be gone forever. I knew it was the right decision, but I was surprised by how much it bothered me after everything else I had done in my past.
"Mister Ayala!" Tuvix called out when I remained silent, but the crewman at Operations did not say anything either. He did not stop there and turned to another person, saying, "Lieutenant Paris... you..."
Tom just looked at him with traces of pity and contempt in his eyes.
"Doesn't anyone see that this is wrong?!?" Tuvix shouted.
Echo and another member of the Security team exited the turbo lift and stood behind Janeway. Tuvix was obviously frustrated and tried to make a run for the corridor. I teleported myself in the doorway as Echo and the other guy rushed up behind him and grabbed him by the arms. He struggled for a moment but quickly accepted that there was no way that he could escape.
"Let him go," Janeway instructed.
They did so slowly, and he calmed his rapid breathing as he took a couple of steps forward.
"Each of you is going to have to live with this... and I'm sorry for that. For you are all good... good people. My colleagues. My friends. I forgive you," Tuvix made his impassioned speech before Echo and the other guy escorted him to the turbo lift.
"Rebecca, advise the Doctor that we're on our way to Sick Bay," Janeway said.
I gave her a nod, and she joined the others in the turbo lift. I paged Sick Bay as I was instructed and sat down in Chakotay's usual seat, since he was off duty. Things were normally quiet on the Bridge, but the heavy atmosphere just seemed to magnify the silence, while all of us thought about what was happening. When my shift was finally over, I sent a message to the Fae Dragon that I would be back late, since I wanted to check on Janeway.
While I had wanted this outcome, I did not need to abandon her as I truly did consider her a friend. I made my way to her quarters and rang the bell to let her know that I was outside her door. She did not answer my first ring, so I pressed the button over and over every two minutes and, eventually, the door opened.
"Is there something that you needed, Rebecca?" Janeway asked with clear annoyance, dressed in a pink, silk robe.
"I wanted to check on a friend," I replied.
She sighed and motioned for me to enter her room as she moved aside. I walked in and glanced around. As the captain, her quarters were the largest onboard with a big space that doubled as a dining area and lounge. Her bedroom and bathroom were hidden behind doors and walls, not that I was too interested in either location. She walked past me and sat down on the couch under the window, so I followed and sat on the other end.
"Are you here to comfort me as one killer to another?" Janeway asked.
I was a little shocked by the venom in her words, but at the same time, I could understand it. Janeway had a moment in the episode, after she performed the procedure, where you could see the pain, before she swallowed it down to keep up the façade of the strong captain. Though, this was not the show where she could just move on from the weight of her decision like it was nothing; she was a real person with thoughts and emotions all her own.
"If that's how you want to think of it," I replied.
Janeway sighed and leaned back against the couch, looking at the stars streaking by. "I've had to fight before in my Starfleet career; I've had to kill before..."
"Perhaps but doing it in self-defense is a different thing."
"That doesn't make me feel better."
"You don't want to feel better. You did the right thing, saving the lives of two men, but you hate yourself for it because you feel like you let your personal feelings cloud your decision. Am I wrong?" I retorted.
She looked back at me with a bitter smirk and remarked, "No, you're not. I know that I did the right thing, and yet, I also know that it was the wrong thing to do. I robbed him of life to get my friend and confidant back. I'm a selfish person."
"Everyone is selfish, Kathryn, but that doesn't make it a bad thing; it's selfish to live since we consume Life to fuel ourselves. One life ended for two lives to return; that is the simplest way to look at the matter. Something that my teacher taught me long ago is that we are who we are. The choices we make, shapes us, while the determination we have, defines us. That 'Will' to never give up, to keep pushing on ahead despite the pain, and not surrendering to the doubt in your heart... that is what it means to be a warrior and a leader. You may not be a warrior, per se, but I think the meaning still fits."
"Sounds like some wise advice," Janeway sighed with a weak smile.
"She was a wise woman... and had a nasty kick," I chuckled. "Her lessons are what have kept my grounded through all of my trials and changes. I was lucky to get to know her and call her a friend, just as I am to be able to do the same with you."
"Thank you, Rebecca. I feel the same way about you."
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