Chapter 3: 3. Starting from Square Zero.
Childbirth.
Childbearing.
Delivery.
Labor.
The act to giving birth to an offspring.
This is my current situation. I witnessed childbirth. Unfortunately, firsthand. Victimized. It was total bullshit. To hell with those guys who call this the miracle of life. This isn't a miracle it's total hell. If I hadn't surpassed my limits I'd definitely be dead.
Just what the hell are philosophers thinking when they call it the cycle of life and all that shit. It's more like the trials of death. Is this what babies feel when they come out??
I have no interest in witnessing another miracle of life, so for now, I'll just stay away from women incase one swells up out of nowhere.
There were cases in the clover kingdom, where nobles had kids with random people and then abandoned them.
Nobles, royals, in the end, with a few exceptions, all of them were stuck up dipshits. They gave me too much trouble. So much work. Sometimes they called me on a Saturday. A SATURDAY!
Imagine the disappointment when the wizard king himself calls you up on a Saturday, to solve a problem he can't take care of, and it turns out you have to solve a puzzle with annoying nobles on who cheated and shit.
Anyone would start feeling important until they knew what the job was. And they'd also expect a handsome reward, not that I did. Exactly. I never expected money for gambling. I was a great captain who did what he did selflessly, never expecting a reward.
All the way till Julius said he needed my help solving an affair caused by those stuck up nobles. Then I demanded my rightful remuneration for having ruined my Saturday for crap I didn't even get.
Why the hell did that dumbass call ME of all people anyway. Call bangs for this shit will you.
Moving on to my other problems, currently there's two people staring at me with strange faces and one of them, spouting crap like, "Oh my sweet baby, say 'dada'.
No.
"Ou".
Great. Just great. I can't even crush this annoying dumbass' head. These annoying tiny hands can't even crush his hand.
"Awww, look dear he tried to say dada!!", said my...'dad', to my...'mum'. I DID NOT! DO YOU HAVE HEARING PROBLEMS YOU OLD FOGIE?? Someone get me a damn cigarette!
The old coot, who needs a reality check, is my so called father. I have a mother too. Yes. Mother and father. I have a brother too. Yes. I've been introduced to these annoying people about 11 months ago, a few days after the trial of hell.
They're all weirdos. We'll get along great as long as they don't get too touchy.
I wonder how it came to this point. It all started with the trials. The trials where I surpassed my damn limits. That dangerous fight with destiny, a life or death struggle. Then I came out. This was one scenario I had never experienced. 'Childbirth'. My own childbirth.
The whole world was too bright but I had a vague idea of what was going on since those pesky chatterboxes wouldn't stop going on about what to name me.
*Flashback*
Yami. Name me Yami.
*UAAAHH* *WAAAAAHHHHHH*
Oh. Great. So I still can't speak.
"Hmm. The new moon tonight sure is dark. How about we name him, Ameterasu?" a woman asked.
The hell kinda name is that?? If I start cramming the name it'll take me at least three years to remember all those syllables. Give me an easier name damn it! And a cigarette too while you're at it.
"The hell kinda name is that?"
I can speak. I CAN SPEAK. *UAAHHHHH*
WHAT?!? DIDN'T I SPEAK JUST NOW?? WHY CAN'T I DO IT AGAIN???
"It's gonna be ten years before he can speak all those sounds. We need an easier name. And one that goes with tonight's darkness. It has to be cool too. Kuragiri. Yes that's perfect!!"
So the voice wasn't mine. It was some other guy's. He actually voiced my thoughts, maybe he's a mind reader. And no, old coot, Kuragiri isn't perfect. NAME ME SOMETHING LESS OMINOUS!!
"Dear I don't know how to put this, but, are you too dumb to think of a less ominous name?" This time the woman spoke my thoughts. And damn, lady, dial down on the sass. The old guy was holding his chest like someone had Death-thrusted him in the heart. I almost feel bad for him but I really couldn't care less.
Then another voice squeaked from the side. A voice that made me hopeful.
"If you want to name him something convenient, cool, less ominous and lining up with tonight, why not Yami? It means darkness, or moonless night. It sounds cool too".
YEEESSSS!! NAME ME YAMI, I SWEAR PEOPLE YOU'VE GOT A DEATH WISH IF YOU REJECT THIS NAME!!
"Good job son! Yami. That's even more perfect!! As expected of MY son!!" The old man said loudly.
"Indeed, Yami does sound good. Karasawa Yami. And dear, please stop casually claiming 'our' son as your son, lest you want to sleep on the streets again", the woman said.
The moment I could feel again, the first thing I did was try to use ki. I could barely do it like before, but I could faintly sense myself. And, barely, people who were in direct contact with me. It's also how I knew that I was a baby, other than all those obvious hints. Exactly, I had always known what was going on. I definitely knew what the void actually was. Definitely. Always. Knew.
*Flashback end*
That aside, I was really a baby. An actual freaking baby. Annoying, small, useless, poopy, grubby hands, I was now one of my most annoying nightmares. I don't know how it happened. I was supposed to be dead. But here I was, being fed mushed peas, GET THIS SHIT AWAY FROM ME!
I was 'Starting from Square Zero'. I don't know why it happened like this. Was this me being given a second chance? Does God exist and did he pull the strings? Does everyone reincarnate after death? Is this whole thing an illusion of death? No it feels to real to be an illusion.
Oh well, I'll leave all these questions to Answer Yami. But there was one question I couldn't leave to Answer Yami. It was too twisted. A question that will stay in my head all the way until two minutes later, when I forget about it, cuz I don't give a crap. The question...
What exactly is... Life?
End of chapter.
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