Chapter 53: This chapter was brought to you by today's sponser Maid: Cleaning Legends.
I do apologize for my sudden outburst; this was not very MC-like. Not everything in this world was about me, no, everything in this universe was about me. These small things were not something I had to care about.
My ego wasn't the only thing that was really big, I also had a biiiiiiig harem of imaginary girlfriends. So many stories were written by me, some of them must have characters willing to marry me.
Surely they did exist, I must have forgotten about creating such a work of art. Just send me to that setting next and make me the happiest author I could ever be.
After this stressful battle has been finished, a long break was much more than deserved.
Between me and my fictional harem stood the abhorrent creature of absolute Evil. The vilest spawn of the deepest circle of hell, the equivalent of what showers were to weebs, the beast so much worse than the written English here on WN... It was Wishmoppu.
Whereas I had to navigate the gigantic level 1 nude dude wearing a fedora and a bling-bling necklace to kill the super overpowered enemy. The first attempt was rather disappointing; he was literally vaporized by a monstrous beam─not even the bones were left.
Then some p2w later, Beeg Psycho had powered up considerably, but the odds of winning were not exactly high.
Thanks to the patronage of another reader of mine, 3 more powerstones had been added to my balance.
Thus, I now could revive my Psycho a total of 16 times. Thank you, kind soul, who has the same name as the author of this story. If only other readers would be as generous as you... we could have turned this story into the bestest story evaaar instead of whatever hot mess it currently was.
Therefore please enjoy the fight, which would last for all of eternity because my trained, fused clone was so darn weak due to the lack of funding.
"System, start the new round"
[Starting new Round...Host do you wish to receive a 100% bonus of Beeg Psycho's stats?]
Was this a trap? Damn it, this must come at a high price... but looking at the pathetic naked psycho in his whack outfit, I had to strengthen him as much as possible. Risks had to be taken to win this battle.
"Yes, please provide my monster with the buff"
[Loading ads....]
...what? Ads???? You gotta be kidding me, I did not want to waste my precious brain cells staring at stupid ads about whatever stupid thing a stupid company had published. Whoever was dumb enough to pay money for this needed to reevaluate their life choices.
Regardless of my insults, on the floating screen in the sky, a video had successfully been loaded in.
"This game is sponsored by Maid: Cleaning Legends, one of the biggest mobile role-playing games of the last decade and it's totally free....aside from microtransactions! Currently, almost 10 million suckers have joined Maid over the last six months, and it's one of the most impressive games in its class with detailed maid uniforms, cleaning environments and smooth 69 frames per second animations!"
Of course, it's them, who else would sponsor literally everyone with their obnoxious ad? In the background ran the usual gameplay: everything was working perfectly fine, making it look really epic.
No viewer was paying attention to it though, cuz all of them would just stare at the boob window of the famous content creator lusting for cold, hard cash. A deep cleavage was more important than a deep story.
The simp army would unite to win over the pure maiden's heart by downloading the game.
"All the Maids in the game can be customized with unique gear that changes your strategic cleaning moves and abilities! The dungeon dirt bosses have some ridiculous skills of their own and figuring out the perfect cleaning party and strategy to overtake them's a lot of fun and even more grinding! "
Surprise, surprise, here came the sexy skins. The bikini maids, the lingerie maids, the french maids, the maid in gym wear, maids in swimsuits and every other fetish fuel one could think of.
At this point, I usually would have been able to just skip the ad and start the game...but then I would not get the much-needed buff for my Big Guy. Endure, Endure...soon the script would be over.
"Currently with over 300,000 paid reviews, Maid has almost a perfect score on the Maid store! The community is growing fast and the highly anticipated new faction, maid wars feature is now live, you might even find my squad out there in the arena!"
Said the creator in a seductive voice, knowing fully well she would not spend a single second playing this game. But whatever made the simps happy and her money made her happy.
In the end, it did not matter whether the fanboys or simps were the ones to download the game. As long as they spend money, all were welcome in the holy halls of capitalism.
Everyone's wallets were equal in front of the digitally owned content.
"It's easier to start now than ever with the maid's program for new suckers, you get a new daily login reward for the first 90 seconds that you play in the game! So what are you waiting for? Click on the video description, click on the special links and you'll get 50,000 dust particles and a free epic naughty maid skin as part of the new player program to make us lots of money. Good luck and we will see you there!"
How about, you just don't do that. Give all your earthly possessions to me instead. At least, that way you can die knowing you did not spend your entire fortune due to being a horny single.
Here was a pro tip from an old veteran of wasting money on stupid stuff....always use your parent's credit card, that's an infinite money hack.
As per usual, this was not helpful advice please use your brain.
Then came the usual zoom-in on the cleavage and the ad was finally over. Now, the battle could start...seriously, I thought it would be soo much worse.
[Starting ad (2/2)]
Why could I never just keep my darn mouth shut? I was always provoking the universe to show me the middle finger once more. And boi, did the universe like to see me suffer.
Hot, romantic audio started to play on the gigantic monitor in the sky.
" Single Mops, soaking wet, are looking for a date near you."
The cleaning tool wiped cleaning sexily, while occasionally producing moaning noises during the whole video presentation. I had no idea, why a mop was sexually objectified and I did not want to ask either.
Maybe, a disgruntled reader had decided to flirt with my arch-nemesis since I rejected him nicely. I was not dropping any names. So you better be grateful, person not named James...
No one should have to watch this softcore adult movie about these objects. Despite all the cleaning being done, it made me feel absolutely dirty.
My R-18 writing virginity had been taken by writing mop smut...
" Call now, and let us clean your browser history together..."
Yeah, I would like to commit not living, thanks. These images have burned themselves into my mind and they would never leave me. This was the worst thing I had seen in my entire life and I had seen those trashy Isekai animes.
Someone bleach my eyes... just do it.
This torture had to stop. No more advertisements about mops... I beg you.
All I wanted was a noooooormal story and yet I got them horny Wishmoppu clones getting dirty. Welp, I sure hope you guys liked the first and only smut scene in this novel.
Cuz now I was too emotionally scared to even think about anything sexual ever again.
I was ruined.
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