Chapter 5: Unnoticed danger
Disgusting.
What Jeanne meant by it was not her vomit. She used that word to describe the attitude of the people, her acquaintance, and a few of her.
Jeanne is sick of their lies, arrogance, how they lick the shoes of richer people, and the nonsense about their so-called kindness to the poor.
She wants them to disappear from her life but she knows, such a thing will never happen or come true.
Kill them?
It was something she couldn't do now. If she did it badly, she would be a suspect directly. And more than that, she had no clear reason or desire to do it.
"Should I change schools now?" Jeanne asked herself as she fix her appearance in front of the mirror.
The decision had been in her head for some time. She had also found another school that she considered suitable to her liking. However, she continued to delay this decision for one thing.
She is afraid she won't have friends at her new school.
Even though her friends in this school were so disgusting as rotten trash, she still needed them.
Jeanne doesn't want to be alone. So she tries to keep a hold on this unpleasant environment. Truthfully, she wanted friends or someone who could give her warmth, kindness, or something like that. Sadly, she never found or meet that kind of person.
With the stress, she gets every day and her simple desires that were never come true, her mind became more chaotic with each passing day.
Right now, she was within the border of losing her sanity.
Jeanne had gone to great lengths to protect her mind but if days like this continued, she will drown in madness within a few days.
Looking a little haggard, she left the toilet to go to the parking lot. By the time she got there, a maid, a driver, and of course, a car, was already waiting for her.
She did not pass through the car door opened by the maid and went inside the car, she passed them with a weak wave. "Wait for me in the park. I want to take a walk to refresh my mind."
The maid and the driver bowed. They didn't say anything because they didn't want to worsen their young miss' mood.
The not-so-fresh air was inhaled by Jeanne as she walked down the sidewalk. She does get a little fresh air but after she arrived at the park that was her destination.
She walks for a while before sitting on a bench. In there, for some time, she observe the people and what they were doing.
The envy colored her heart as she saw the people around her had a lot of happiness and gave affection without demands.
A smiling little boy held his parents' hands as the three of them walked.
Jeanne was jealous of it because her parents never held her hand. Instead, they will hit her hands if she makes a mistake while using them.
Moments later, she saw lovers who feed each other. Every once in a while, they'll laugh when something silly happens.
Never once did Jeanne's parents feed her and even laugh with her. Her mother will continue to refine the way she eats even though she has followed her mother's directions correctly and gracefully. Meanwhile, her father would laugh at her if she was failing at doing something. And that will be accompanied by a few insults.
No feeding or laughing together for Jeanne.
Cycling together? No.
Eating together? No.
Shopping together? No.
As long as she lived, she doesn't remember episodes where she did anything with her parents. What she always remembered was doing whatever her parents said.
She has to do everything they said perfectly.
Failure will result in pain and misery.
She have a family but she was alone in it.
And if she recalled again, both of her parents never praised or felt happy when she managed to do what they said perfectly.
"It's so stifling," she whispered as she tried not to cry. But enduring all the pains in her heart is an impossible thing to do.
So, tears fall on Jeanne's cheeks.
When this sadness came off, she felt better, more comfortable, and calm.
Unfortunately, all of that she could only feel for a while. She had to wipe away her tears as people started giving her attention or a glance.
A beautiful girl crying in a public.
No doubt, the people who saw her would pause to take a look. They'll wonder, what happened to her? Is she okay? Or can I comfort her?
When there is no more tears drenched her cheeks, the people who saw her were gone. The park is back to how it was as if nothing had happened.
Being seen by people when she cried made her slightly good mood go bad again. She didn't like it and decided to destroy it by crying in her room when she got home.
She does feel comfortable showing all her emotions and feelings when no one is looking at her. And in retrospect, doesn't everyone agree with this too?
Jeanne left her bench. However, before she took the first step, her attention was stolen by someone.
That someone was Ilia, a boy who declared his love for her a few hours ago. She didn't know why she was attracted to him right now. Therefore, she decided to follow him to seek the answer.
From afar, she saw Ilia care for others.
She saw him helping a grandma to find her family, picking up a balloon stuck in a tree for a little girl, and that boy did not hesitate to climb a tree for a second time to save a cat.
Ilia has and is willing to give his kindness to the other but why, "why didn't he give me such kindness!?" Jeanne exclaimed.
She recalls that when they do a class assignment or a teacher's errand together, he never helped her. He will only tell her what to do and nothing more.
The memories made her angry.
Time passed and at this moment, they were standing in front of a fountain. Of course, they were on opposite sides. Ilia didn't see Jeanne. On the other hand, Jeanne could observe Ilia clearly.
Jeanne doesn't approach Ilia because she doesn't want to be found.
Her blood-red eyes were fixed to him. She was surprised to see him throw all money in his wallet into the fountain.
Upon seeing Ilia make a prayer posture, Jeanne realizes that this fountain - which had these beautiful angel statues - has characteristics that same as 'Wishes Come True Fountain' that she heard several times from her friends.
Throw your credits at the fountain, say your wish in your heart, and your wish will be granted. She heard that series of words repeatedly as they told tales about this place.
"Awfully silly!" She said to curse nothing.
But then, a moment later, she threw a coin into the fountain without care.
"If your miracle is real, let me find someone I need!" Jeanne said sincerely and then looked back at Ilia. She was disappointed when she saw him leave without even glancing at her for once!
"I'm here but why can't you see me!" She grumbled with hatred.
Jeanne wanted someone who would give her affection, something she had never had before. So she knew, that boy, Ilia wasn't the person she was looking for.
"How can a person who doesn't see me after he says he loves me able to give me affection!? He's like everyone, disgusting liars, they're actors' counterparts of trash! I promise I'll make him pay for what he did to me!" After muttering the threatening words, she walked away.
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