Chapter 97: Rewarded Reincarnation by Taldor (Pokémon)
Summary: I get faced with reincarnation, and God thinks I've lived a good enough life to be rewarded. Personally, I think I'm an asshole and mention this. God disagrees and sends me on my way to a fantasy world I am familiar with. My big question is... why does he think being a Pokemon is a reward? How in the world am I going to become the best trainer ever as a Pokemon of all things? SI/OC
Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/13892380/1/
Word count:95k
Chapters:19
Chapter:1
I felt like a searchlight was being shone directly through my eyeballs and attempting to burn away my retina. Which was total bullshit, because I had just laid down after a full day of beach vacation and I seriously wanted my rest.
"Who in the hell…?" I started saying as I sat up and looked around, opening my eyes to find a completely blank white expanse. No landscape, no floor or ceiling, just pure retina crushing white.
"Well, wrong place for that. There's more screaming and other such things there." A voice sounded out from around me, as I looked around. Not seeing anything I just decided to look up and address the non-existent ceiling. Seemed more natural.
Gathering my nerves I quickly replied. "Well I'm not exactly what anyone would call a great person. Kinda figured I'd spend the afterlife in purgatory if the 3 options of most religions are correct." Truly, a staggering amount of religions believed in the Good, Bad, and Neutral ending for their lives. Greek, Norse, Abrahamic, Hindu, etc. Not all the same, obviously, but that there was a good, bad, and neutral option.
"Hmm, well what do you believe are the negatives of your character that would warrant you being sent there?" The voice seemed intrigued, and I got the feeling it was leaning forward. I suppose most people who die talk up their good deeds or talk about what kind of a mistake there was.
...wait shit I was dead. How the hell did that happen? I don't remember anything happening, just going to sleep like normal.
Okay wait, bigger fish to fry I can have a breakdown later over this considering I presumably have eternity now.
"Well, first of all I'm pretty manipulative and lie a lot. I'm bad at remembering or caring about people I don't know well. My personal evaluation of human life is pretty low, though I've never killed anyone. Schadenfreude is a constant with me, and I've been described as pretty apathetic towards most things. I'm sure there's other stuff, but well, I think you're busy." I rattle off pretty calmly. I mean, God was always said to be omniscient so there's no point trying to lie or hide things.
"Very interesting, those are all pretty bad things to say about yourself. Now, to play advocate, what are the positives of your personality and life." The voice seemed really amused now.
"Well… I helped out people often if they asked. Wasn't really a reason to decline after all. I never really started any problems for other people, because I preferred to be left alone with my problems. Uhhhh… I made a mean pancake if anyone asked me to?" I felt extremely awkward trying to talk about myself in a good light, at least for what I had done to better the world in my time there. Barely in my 20's after all, not much opportunity.
"You have pretty low self esteem it seems. Maybe you should see a therapist about that? It might help you. After all, you did multiple public work projects in parks for free, volunteered hundreds of hours of your time for no reward or pay, those pancakes you mentioned were for a fundraiser you went to every year as a cook."
"Hey, I have very good self esteem thank you very much. I just don't believe that those count as valid contributions towards good in the world. I fully believe in my intelligence, ability to perform actions, and achieve goals if I want to. I just am in no denial of my status as an asshole who is absolute trash with emotions." I countered, realizing I was the one talking myself down in front of God. It was pretty surreal, not going to lie.
"You are allowed to disagree, but I believe your life was good enough to be rewarded even if your personality is below average."
I would feign being offended but honestly it would be hypocritical considering I was just arguing that last half.
The voice continued to speak, and it had a tone that I recognized. That of someone who just thought of an absolutely brilliant idea that will cause me innumerable headaches.
"I know the idea of heaven would be tortuous to you. You're the kind of person that loves the struggle of living more than the idea of a cushy afterlife. Reincarnation seems more your speed… Oh, you were a fan of those stories where someone would get sent to another universe. That seems interesting, let's send you to one of them you know the best." The voice seemed overwhelmingly pleased with this. I will admit, they were right about the first part. What universes do I know the best besides my own…
Oh.
Oh no.
"I wish to Veto the one I know the best. Just… no. I'd rather sit in a cushy afterlife than even TOUCH that place."
The voice hemmed and hawed for a few moments.
"Accepted. I suppose you wouldn't like being sent to Warhammer Fantasy. That does seem like a bad idea for a reward, even if you are internally a nut for battle and conflict..."
Again, I can't even deny it. I loved weaponry and combat of all kinds and was an avid studier of battles and wars for my... Old world? The Old World. Ha, vetoed that place already technically. God I'm hilarious, should have been a comedian rather than a computer science and cybersecurity guy.
Anyways, I just kinda sat there and waited while God went through a few other options. Well, I sat on nothing.
What was I even sitting on? Imagination? Dreams? Holy energy? Is this like a pure version of the warp where imagination and belief are physical things? How the hell does this even work? Because there's no up or down, but I physically feel as if I was sitting. I could move my hand beneath where I was sitting with absolutely no problem but the pressure stayed.
"-Hmm yes I believe that does work well! Well, any objections?"
Shit I just tuned out God while thinking over something that didn't matter at all.
"Okay, not going to lie I completely tuned you out while contemplating how I was sitting on nothing and the logical function of the area I am in."
"...Why were you thinking about that when I was discussing your future and what would be done as a punishment or reward for your existence?"
"Sue me, I have ADHD. I asked my dentist if the curvature of his lamp had a specific function besides focusing the light while he was in the middle of drilling into an abscessed tooth, it happens."
There was a palpable air of silence that filled the white expanse.
"Consider the results a fun surprise then. And just for ignoring me I did something possibly amusing for me. Your favorite color is purple right? Good."
I opened my mouth to answer, but before I could even begin to speak the white expanse turned completely black in an instant.
"Hello? You still there?" I called out into the black. No response.
"Wow, God is a bit of a jackass huh? Didn't even give me a 'Goodbye'. Then again, Goodbye is just a shortened and bastardized form of 'God be with ye' so I guess technically he shouldn't have said that and instead did a 'Till we meet again'. But isn't God saying that ominous as all hell-" I quickly stop as I realize something. My voice is different, much much younger sounding.
Wait, reincarnation. That's right.
Moving on.
"What would God even use as a 'Goodbye'? Farewell? Fare thee well?"
My ramblings in the darkness continued. I made some attempts to move or escape from it, but it seems I was held fast where I was and my struggles were in vain.
Well, not quite. The more I attempted to move the easier it was to try again in the future. It was weird, I never successfully moved at all but I also felt like I was. Maybe whatever was keeping me trapped was moving?
Well, whatever the case was I'm going to keep trying until something happens. Hopefully I'm not sealed away somewhere or something like that. Quite a few of the universes I know did stuff like that...
Some time later:
Success! After an uncountable amount of time something happened.
Uncountable because unlike some crazy people, I cannot in fact count the seconds I have been here. Also I fell asleep a few times and it's not like I had a watch or a way to guess how long that was.
After a moment I begin to mumble. "Well, not quite sure what happened but I heard a cracking noise and it felt like my prison finally gave a bit, so I'm counting it as one. It's a great thing I was never afraid of the dark, and was always pretty introverted. Otherwise I would probably have gone insane. Although I have developed a slightly worrying habit of talking to myself. Maybe I should just pretend I'm doing a 'Captains log'?"
I wiggled a bit more and the cracking noise sounded off again. Light was now streaming into my prison, completely blinding me due to the sheer difference between my environment and the light.
"Shit, this feels like I just stepped outside of the movie theater in the middle of summer. That burns like hell…" I squint at the light coming in near the top of the prison as if it had personally attacked me. Pushing past the daggers of light attempting to assassinate my poor, poor eyes, I continue to wriggle and struggle against my confinement and the crack of light quickly begins to widen further.
Something finally gave and I shot out of my confinement. After tumbling a few times I was left staring up at the burning sky. Not literally, but my eyes would disagree with me on that.
"Why is everything gigantic." I ask no one. Everything around me was very large. The trees were absolutely massive, towering into the sky even though they looked like your average tree and not redwoods. The bushes were more like hedges, about 3 times my size.
And then there was my prison…
Twisting my head I looked to where it must have been, only to find out a piece of critical information that God decided to leave out.
My prison was an egg. A pokemon egg. That I came out of.
And I was 100% a Pokemon now.
"Okay God, I see you. You win this round, but I refuse to freak out over this. No way in hell am I letting some snot nosed kid capture me, nor will I let being a pokemon stand in the way of being the very best, like no one ever was." Okay that was cheesy but I had to.
Anyways, I didn't care if Arceus came down and ordered me to let Ash fucking Ketchum capture me. I agree with Pikachu, no ball for me. Well, whatever I am.
Quadrupedal, primary brown fur with cyan secondary. Only my fe-... paws(?) were cyan. Also had black neck scruff. A lot of it too.
The hell am I?
I can't just say my name because it turns out as Pokespeech and I didn't even notice, so that's out.
New plan, try to find some water to look at my reflection in. I really need to know what I am, for typing, ability, moves I know, etc.
Also so if someone mentions my species I can fucking book it in the opposite direction of where it came from. (Will I even understand the language humans use or will I have to learn it?)
After all, if I can't recognize what I am just from my lower half I'm probably something rare. And I am not about to get Hunter J'ed in my first few days here, no sirree.
Current goal: Find water.
Step 1: Stand up
Step 2: Walk with four legs
Step 3: Avoid any battles
Step 4: Locate water
Seems simple enough, let's get started.
"Okay, the front right leg goes here. Then, the front left goes next to it. Going good so far, nailing it." I shakily put some weight on those legs and they seem to be holding up fine.
"Back left leg now…" This will take some getting used to. Couldn't have at least baked the instincts in I see. "Aaand the last one."
I was now successfully standing on all 4 legs without tipping over, but I would admit I was wobbling as well.
Damnit how am I ever going to battle if I can barely stand?!
"No. Bad, bad. Stick to the plan, battling isn't in it. Already completed step 1, now to step 2." I groan to myself at this, shaking my head before refocusing.
I took a tentative step with my front right leg, barely keeping myself upright through it as lifting a leg threw everything out of whack after a second or two.
"A new question arises. What leg do I move next?" I look down at my 3 other legs and try to think about how dogs and cats walked. I tried moving each of my legs but none of them really fit smoothly or stably with trying to move.
An hour or so passes
I have achieved a semblance of locomotion. It's… really bad and janky.
Turns out I am supposed to move my back leg on one side first, then the front leg on that side. Switch sides and repeat until you have moved where you want to go.
Seems a bit counter-intuitive to move with your back leg first but it's the only way that didn't leave me lying on the ground when I forced myself to move. I also now have an appreciation for how the pokemon moved in the anime, it really isn't as easy as it looks.
On the plus side, I now really want to get to some water as soon as possible. I now need to wash a lot of dirt, grass, leaves, and sticks out of my fur and I don't exactly have the opposable thumbs to do it anymore.
I refuse to use other methods available, I am not that desperate yet. My mouth feels dirty just thinking about it.
Performing what equates to a slow shuffle, I began to "walk" through the nearby trees.
I honestly didn't know how to locate water in a random forest I've never been to, which may be my fault considering I am -was?- an Eagle Scout. So, I am going with the fool proof plan of just walking in a straight line until I see or hear signs of water. I seem vaguely canine so I will probably smell or hear it first.
So far I haven't seen any other Pokemon, which is strange considering I am in a forest. Aren't these things supposed to be chock full of assorted Pokemon? In the shows and games it seems like you couldn't walk 5 feet without hitting at least a weedle or caterpie.
Wait, am I even in Kanto? For all I know I'm in Alola or Galar. I guess I could figure this out once I finally find some other pokemon.
"Captain's log, situation FUBAR. No water in sight and I seem to have no idea where I am located." I say out loud, warily looking around for any pokemon.
I was weak, super weak.
"Seriously, a caterpie could beat me up if it wanted. A metapod could probably just sit there and wait until I fall over enough times to pass out." I reason to myself, barely catching myself from falling yet again as the offending pebble I slipped on skitters away.
…This is going to get old quickly isn't it?
"Let's try out a cadence to move to. Marching band style. Start with the back left leg and focus…" I start to move and count in a steady beat, moving a leg every number.
"One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, thre-"
"Why are you counting like that?" A loud voice asked from right beside me.
"Ack!" I try to turn and move away at the same time, facing the voice. It… didn't go so well. I tumbled to the ground for the umpteenth time and laid there for a second before scrambling to my feet.
Looking at me like I was a few cards short of a full deck, a Growlithe was sitting there.
"You know, you should really learn to pay attention around you instead of counting." It said, amused at my reaction. He? I think it's a guy, the voice sounded male.
"Well, I'm kinda busy learning how to walk. I'm very new to it, you see." I point to the broken egg that is still within sight from where I was standing.
I may have left out the fact that I wasn't actually as new as I was implying to walking in general, but that's just semantics. I also ignored how little progress I had actually made so far if the egg was still clearly visible.
"Oh wow! You're so young. Baby can't walk?" He teased, looking very amused with me.
I just gave him a look that I was hoping would convey the 'Holy shit you're dumb' feeling that permeated my soul at this.
As if blind to my expression, he continued after striking a pose. "But don't fear! The wonderful and strong Growlithe will teach you how to walk better than you could imagine! You… uh… what kind of pokemon are you anyways? I haven't seen anyone like you before."
The Growlithe just looked at me curiously, looking me up and down. He was still in the "strong" pose he took when proclaiming his grandness so it looked even more silly.
"I honestly have no idea. I was trying to find some water so I could see myself and maybe figure it out." I explain, looking around again.
"Don't worry, I have an amazing sense of direction. And I know where a Lake is, just follow me!" The Growlithe took off running at this.
"Oh god, I'm going to regret this aren't I?" I groan out as I attempt to follow him through the woods, having a lot of trouble keeping up with the energetic dog.
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