Chapter 9: "Masochistic Crusader?"
This story is Fanfiction, and I don't own ๐๐ผ๐ป๐ผ๐๐๐ฏ๐ฎ!, if I did, Aqua would be even more useless. ๐๐ผ๐ป๐ผ๐๐๐ฏ๐ฎ! Is owned by ๐ฆ๐๐๐ฑ๐ถ๐ผ ๐๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ป and ๐ก๐ฎ๐๐๐๐บ๐ฒ ๐๐ธ๐ฎ๐๐๐๐ธ๐ถ.
-<[๐ผ๐, ๐พ๐ง๐๐ฅ!]>-
"Team meeting!" Kazuma bellowed into the Voice chat, something that appeared when we registered as a party.
Well, he specifically contacted me, yelling into my damn ears at twelve-thirty at midnight. "Wha' the ๐ง๐ถ๐ค๐ฌ Kazuma?" I muttered angrily, "It's twelve at fuckin' midnight. ๐'๐ข ๐ฉ๐ง๐ฎ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ฉ๐ค ๐จ๐ก๐๐๐ฅ!"
I heard Kazuma grumble under his breath before speaking again, "We have a problem." He said with such seriousness that it snapped me from the grip of sleep, "What kind?" I asked.
"A masochistic crusader." He responded.
I muted my receiver before muttering to myself, rubbing my temples, "A masochistic crusader?"
"..."
"...Jenny? Are you there?" He asked.
"*gulp*...Hello?" He asked once more, this time a tinge of fear in his voice.
"๐๐ฎ๐๐๐บ๐ฎ. ("Eep!") You are going to deal with this, ๐๐ก๐ค๐ฃ๐. And if you wake me up past midnight, for stupid shit ๐ญ๐ช๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ฉ๐๐๐จ, we're going to have a problem." I stated.
"But-"
"๐ผ๐ง๐. ๐๐. ๐พ๐ก๐๐๐ง?"
"Ye-Yes Sir- I mean Ma'am!" He agreed. (Probably from fear, not quite sure.) "Good. Now fuck off."
I closed the line and rubbed my eyes. Why did I think it was a good idea to leave the damn comms open?
Oh yeah, 'cause I couldn't be bothered.
Damn it past-me.
-<[๐ผ๐, ๐พ๐ง๐๐ฅ!]>-
I swear this day is just getting more and more ridiculous.
"Let go of me, you crazy masochist!" Kazuma continued to shriek, screaming every profanity he knows- holy shit I've never thought to put those together.
Meanwhile, the Crusader, Darkness, continues to latch onto Kazuma. "Yes! That's it! Degrade me!" She yells.
Alright, that's enough of that.
I walk between them, and pry Darkness off of Kazuma, holding her by the scruff of her armor, "Alright you two, chill for a second, we don't need to make a ๐ด๐ค๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฆ." I said, looking Darkness in the eyes at the last part.
She uhโฆ she made a weird noise (More like a squeak) and fainted, and now there's a weird smell- ๐ฐ๐ฉ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ง๐ถ๐ค๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐จ๐ฐ๐ฅ.
"Am- Am I really that frightening?!" Kazuma nodded his head so fast I thought he would break his neck.
"Wowโฆ You didn't have to agree with me!" I yelled in indignation, "Lets just- *๐๐ช๐๐* Let's just go to the others. And bring Darkness, because I have a feeling you told her to take the toad quest as a deterrent."
He gave me a look, "How the hell did you know that!?"
"You have it in your hand. Dumbass." He looked at his hand, the quest paper sitting there.
"Oh."
โฆ
The walk to the fields wasโฆ I wouldn't say awkward, but it was cutting it pretty damn close. Kazuma looked like he was ready to choke someone out, and Aqua looked smug as hell. She probably did something dumb as all hell.
Megumin wanted to come along, so she was sticking close to me, occasionally glaring at Darkness, and The crusader in question kept sneaking glances at me. Wonder what that's about?... NOT!
"We're here!" I announce, "Darkness, show me what you got!" I yelled excitedly, pointing towards the slowly waking toad.
"Y-Yes, Mistre-MPHH!" Darkness attempted to say something not safe for work, before Kazuma's hand shot out like a snake and covered her mouth.
"Shut." He demanded, his features darkened. "The up." Darkness nodded slowly, her face flush.
He slowly removed his hand and wiped it on Aqua's shirt ("Hey!"). They've been bickering for a while now so I've tuned them out.
"Go ahead. kick its ass, Darkness." I said, not as excited as before. She nodded, with a resolute expression, "Yes!"
She rushed forward in a burst of speed. Then, she swung.
Hitting the rock twelve feet from the ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฎ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ต๐ณ๐บ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฉ๐ช๐ต! ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ณ๐ช๐จ๐ฉ๐ต ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ง๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ช๐ต ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฎ๐ฏ ๐ช๐ต!
"Yes~!" She yelled. I could feel my brain cells committing suicide the longer I looked. I sighed, "Damn, another useless oneโฆ" I muttered before I [๐๐ก๐๐จ๐]ed towards the toad, and started [๐๐ก๐๐๐๐ฃ' ๐' ๐ฟ๐๐๐๐ฃ'].
The toad croaked, attempting to grab me with its tongue, but forgot it had a ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ๐บ worked up and squirming darkness already in its grasp. It hit Darkness instead.
She moaned.
"Oh my GOD! ๐ง๐๐๐ฆ ๐๐ฆ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ง! ๐ฆ๐ง๐ข๐ฃ ๐ ๐ข๐๐ก๐๐ก๐!" I yelled in frustration.
In an act of final defiance, the Toad spits Darkness out of its mouth, and straight at me. I would like to keep my clothes nice and clean, thank you very much. I used [๐ฟ๐๐จ๐] to maneuver around the impromptu projectile crusader and slit its stomach open.
Aqua fell out of it.
So ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต'๐ด where she's been. Didn't even notice her absence.
"HELP US!!" Kazuma and Megumin shrieked. Kazuma was carrying a slimed Megumin, running from a yellow toad. If you had to guess, it would be something akin to paralysis, because Megumin hadn't cast an explosion yet.
So I did what every semi-competent spacefarer would do.
I shot it with my Handcannon chambered in 50 Cal.
โฆ
"I didn't know you had a gun! Why didn't you tell me?!" Kazuma complained.
I raised an eyebrow, "Have you had any training?" I held my hand up so he didn't interrupt, "And no, games do not count. You're Japanese. I grew up in Neo-Mican. Or, futuristic 'America' according to the eggheads."
He looked confused.
I sighed, for what seemed to be the umpteenth time, "What I'm saying is, I was trained to wield guns for combat. You weren't. If I gave you a gun, you probably would've ๐ญ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฌ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ข๐ณ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ญ to see if it was loaded." I deadpanned.
Darkness both looked incredibly lost in the conversation, but Megumin piped up. "What's aโฆ what's a 'Gun'?"
โฆOkay.
Do I tell the Explosion-obsessed magician about guns? Do I risk her pulling out an RPG-9 on an unsuspecting monster?
โฆ๐๐ฆ๐ญ๐ญ ๐บ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฉ.
"Okay, Megumin. Do you know what a crossbow is?" She nods, "Well, think of a gun as its superior cousin, using a series of springs and triggers, to use its own ๐ข๐ฎ๐ฎ๐ฐ, the ๐ข๐ฎ๐ฎ๐ฐ hitting its target the second you pull the trigger."
She looked even more intrigued.
Hook.
But, she had an important question, "Why do you keep emphasizing the word 'Ammo'?"
"The '๐ข๐ฎ๐ฎ๐ฐ' uses miniaturized explosions to fire the main projectile. Specifically, with a compound aptly named gunpowder."
Line.
"But due to certain issues, different types of guns were made for different situations. Which meant, if you needed an explosive option, you got one."
๐๐๐ฃ๐ ๐๐ง.
She gasped in excitement. Kazuma paled. Darkness was still confused but was at least glad she knew what that contraption was now.
Kazuma gave me a look of betrayal and terror. "Are there 'Guns' with bigger explosions!?" Megumin excitedly asked.
"Give me a 'sec sweet cheeks." She blushed again.
I opened my comms tab in my HUD and started typing.
__________________________
๐น๐๐: ๐ท๐๐ข ๐ฐ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ข ๐๐ฟ๐ถ-๐พ๐' ๐๐ ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐? ๐ผ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐.
๐ฐ๐๐: ๐ฐ๐, ๐๐๐ ๐ด๐ก๐๐๐๐๐๐๐-๐ฟ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ฃ๐๐ ๐ฐ๐๐๐-๐๐๐ฃ๐๐๐? ๐๐๐๐.
๐ฐ๐๐: ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ฐ๐๐๐๐๐ก. ๐น,๐ป๐บ๐ธ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ฟ๐ถ-๐พ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ท๐ธ ๐๐ข๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐. ๐ผ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
๐น๐๐: ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ก๐๐๐๐, ๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐. ๐บ๐๐๐ ๐ท ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ฐ๐๐!
๐ฐ๐๐: ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐, ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐โฆ *๐๐๐๐*
๐น๐๐: โฆ๐ณ๐๐'๐ ๐๐ข๐๐ *๐๐๐๐*, ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐.
๐ฐ๐๐: :(
๐น๐๐: :)
๐ฐ๐๐: ๐ณ:<
_________________________
I closed the tab and re-focused on Megumin.
"Mmmโฆ Those are called RPGs or Rocket Propelled Grenades. I have about one hundred different types in storage." She started to blush.
Do explosion-basssed things get her off?!
I mean, It was kind of expected. But it was still concerning.
"I mean, do you want to punish some Toads sometimeโฆ tomorrow?" I asked Megumin.
I probably should have watched my words because Darkness is red in the face. "Darkness can come too, I guess."
Darkness started mumbling about how I 'Completely disregarded her choice in the matter' with some 'Mistresses' plopped in.
Kazuma slowly, and wisely backed away.
"Gladly!" Megumin yelled, her fist in the air.
Heh. "Guess~ it's a date~!" got me an "Eep!" from Megumin, before she fainted from overheating.
"I'll be heading over to the Hunter, and before you get pissy Kazuma ("Oi."), I'll eventually start bunking on-planet when I can afford it."
Yeah. Turns out Toads don't pay all that well, and people are seemingly abrasive about Alrunes. A race that I am not.
๐ด๐ก ๐๐๐๐ ๐ก ๐ผ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ค๐๐๐ ๐ก๐ ๐กโ๐๐ก ๐๐ข๐ก๐๐๐!
-<[๐ผ๐, ๐พ๐ง๐๐ฅ!]>-
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Dumby_3054 Ta-dah~
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