Chapter 6: Let go
LEON
The following morning feels like yesterday never happened as if it was just a flight of my imagination. But knowing that Kaiden and I have found this entire world seem to have more importance to me than anything else now. Aunt Cassidy seems to be fine and in a better state than last night.
"So you and Kaiden are good now?" I ask.
"Of course, he was just acting up. I mean, I remember clearly when you were his age. Moods swings, random tears, just craziness and all over the place." She says.
"Yeah. I know but that was different." I try to justify cringing in memory.
"Hmm, well I'm thinking of keeping him at home for a few days, I feel like the stress of school will get to him. It's the last thing he needs right now." She says empathically.
I exhale deeply, just what my Aunt loves to do. As if she can read my mind she exclaims:
"Have you got a problem with it?"
"Wrapping him in cotton wool won't help anything. That's exactly what he wants."
"Okay, fine. Just keep an eye on him for me, okay?"
"How am I supposed to do that? I can't watch him all the time. He's got his own mind, and I've got better things to do."
"Just try, and I'm going to pretend I didn't hear the last words you said." She says.
"Right." Despite my annoyance, I carry out normal tradition by giving her a kiss on the cheek to say goodbye and walk out.
"Oh Leon, he forgot his lunch, make sure you get it to him okay?"
"Yeah, whatever." She tugs on my sleeve before I can make a getaway.
"What now?" I groan.
"Don't think about things too hard okay? Thank you for going after him yesterday. He's something else, isn't he?"
"Yeah." She looks around uneasily as if she was going to say something else but holds back.
"Are you okay?" I ask concerned.
"I should be asking you that... The outburst he had. What have I already told both of you about making up conspiracies in your heads? Talk to me. If you're thinking the same thing about your parents then--"
"Don't, please just don't go there," I say bluntly cutting her off. I try my best to avoid conversations like this, it's how I get by most days without letting it get to me."
"But--"
"It's not like you've ever told us the truth. You keep hiding things. All of you. And so far, those 'conspiracies' seem to make more sense to me than anything you've ever told us." I say starting to make my way out.
"You need to understand. Leon, I don't tell you certain things for a reason. It's for your own benefit, when you're older you'll understand."
How older?! For my own good, what own good? I can't sleep at night not knowing what happened. This is my right. They're my parents. I deserve to know. Not wanting to upset her all I can force out is a deep sigh to refrain myself from shouting.
"Leon."
"I'm going to be late."
"Leon."
"Yes?"
"When was the last time you spoke to Roselyn?" My blood runs cold and my mind mentally clouds out.
"Why do you ask?" I ask my voice suddenly dangerously low.
"Leon, I thought both of you settled things between yourselves--"
"It was stupid. All of it was stupid. A big mistake okay? A mistake I want to forget about quickly but when people keep bringing it up it doesn't make the forgetting easier." I mumble keeping my eyes to the ground.
"You don't mean that." She says.
"It's complicated."
She chuckles: "Leon, you're only sixteen years old. You don't know the meaning."
"Look, soon I'm leaving school, it's getting more and more intense. I just don't need the extra pressure. We found it wasn't working. At first, you think it's fun, but I just can't. School, my friends, you and Kaiden is all that matters to me."
She falls silent, I know she probably won't believe a word I say but I maintain contact to sound as convincing as possible.
"Why do you ask?" I repeat.
"She came here yesterday. Asking for you."
Rolling my eyes I knock my head back and sigh in frustration. She really can't let this go.
***
"Your Aunt really said that?!"
Catching up with Marcus on the way to school is a very rare occurrence for me, so I plan on spending it very well.
"I know... can you believe. Like she has the right to lie to me about my own parents. That's her brother she's talking about by the way. Oh yeah, guess who else shows up at my house. None other than the girl herself."
"No. she didn't." He turns at me in alarm already knowing exactly who I'm talking about.
"I swear if she doesn't let this go, I'll report her for harassment," I say.
"I mean even girls that are into my brother know when to drop it when they've crossed the line. But this, this is something else," He seems to find this funny and starts laughing, "You've called it quits with her right? Made it clear for her to read?"
"Marcus. I couldn't have made it more transparent. You know I don't want anything to do with her. I've made it as clear as day."
"Some days can be cloudy."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I don't think you're harsh enough. She's searching for your 'forgiving' side. Just get with someone else, that way she'll get the message and leave you alone." He suggests casually.
"Hypocrite. No. I just can't do the 'girlfriend' thing anymore. I mean we're in school. We're only sixteen. None of it matters in the end. I' leave it till later when it matters."
"Suit yourself. And anyway, you know why I'm not allowed a girlfriend."
If I'm honest, it's like torture for him to be reminded of all the rules. He's such a wild, reckless and a free-living person I can never see him being held down in the Fernandez household. Although Marcus has stressed enough times he was no intention of following in his brothers' footsteps, his Dad is hearing no excuses. It's a wonder why he doesn't get homeschooled. 'Just to rub it in your face' he always jokes. Some days I think he's being serious. We approach the entrance of school surprisingly quicker than I thought. Which means I have to face her soon.
"Well, I don't know. I mean, she must be really into you if she's persisting this much. It's obvious Leon. She's 'disperato'. It's all in your hands my friend. Just don't give her a second chance because that's when you'll start doubting yourself. Once you've said your mind there's no going back. No rewind or fast forward, second-guessing yourself. What's done is done. You and her are finished. Zero. Straight up, if she doesn't understand that, then you need to show it." He stresses each word as his Italian accent starts to come out.
"Look at me! Ever seen me happier? And that's because I'm free, I'm in my element. I don't need any girl. Neither do you. So please, cry over your girl again, then I'll have no choice but to drive a full wedge between you and her. The stress is killing your vibe."
In a flash, I hear the loud sound of a car horn stop me abruptly by the curb, only as I was seconds away from stepping into the road and getting ran over. Careless as he is, Marcus has somehow managed to get to the other side of the road. His parents are always worrying about his security it's a wonder how he hasn't gotten run over yet. There have been some close calls. He smirks knowing he's escaped. Not caring if anyone around us hears our heated conversation, I furiously shout over to him:
"Do you think I want her chasing after me?"
Shrugging his shoulders like he couldn't care he shouts back: "I don't know, Leon. That's what it's looking like right now."
If only he knew I'm trying my best to make sure she's in the past. I know he's right not to look back.
***
KAIDEN
I have no idea how he expects me to stay quiet over these next coming days. Leon just comes crashing into my schedule like there's no tomorrow. It feels like you were told you were going on this fantastic holiday, then at last minute, it's cancelled. By now I'd be in New York if only he didn't interfere. All week it's been the same, everything to me sounds rehearsed, nothing feels authentic. I haven't been able to focus once in any lesson. The excitement is killing me inside. I'm sure teachers have caught me out more than once, zoning out, staring out aimlessly out of windows, ignoring equations and random questions. Just for the pure fact that I can't be bothered to pay attention. The desire to get out there and out of this place keeps increasing as every hour goes. I deeply regret telling Leon about any of this, it's selfish because he deserves to know, but I could've just left already.
***
LEON
"What's going on over there?"
A slow crowd forms and gathers around in the car park, loud murmuring slowly emerges. A boy walks out with his head down and arms on his shoulders. From his clothes, we can tell he's a freshman almost immediately.
"You haven't heard?"
"You know I'm the last to find out about stuff that circulates around the school."
"Yeah. It's pretty sad once you think about it. His parents got involved in a car accident on the way to meet them at the airport. He Thought they were dead until someone said they were alive and at the hospital. Turns out It was a sick hoax. They didn't make it. I don't know what's more sick but can you imagine what was going through his head?"
He studies my face for a while, maybe just realizing the parent topic. I'm over it, I had to be.
"You okay?" He asks tapping my shoulder lightly.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I say shrugging his hand off.
He sighs heavily before reluctantly answering. "I kind of forgot all about, well, you know... Your parents."
"I'm good Marcus... Funny how fast news travels."
"You know me, first to know everything." He laughs nervously.
Some people told me it was better that I lost parents younger than being older. I never saw the sense or meaning behind that. Losing any parent early or later is instant or prolonged pain. It'll come after you anyways. Maybe they were trying to make me feel better about the situation – if only they knew no words in the world will change anything. Yes, the grief is numbed. Growing older and seeing some of my classmates suffer first hand at the situation has made me realize a lot. Losing them at a young age makes you grow used to it through your teenage years, although a large void is in your life, it's easier. Whereas in your teenage years, Taking them for granted is natural so suddenly when one or both go it's this indescribable shock or pain. I mean, that's what I could tell was the look struck on this freshman.
Some people were kind enough to share their condolences, even strangers, to make Kaiden laugh, to make him happier but I'm sure he didn't understand.
I don't remember much about the funeral of my parents, just blurred memories. I'd need a photograph before I'd even get a flash of memories. There were a lot of people in attendance. Much more than I thought my parents knew. A lot of tears were shed, I remember a woman wailing.
"Shows how much they were loved and appreciated by many."
***
Last period. Geography. The last stretch of the day. I couldn't hear anything. The words disappearing. Suddenly all the sounds around me drowned out. My eyes roam around to try to distract myself, to try to remind myself that this will all be over. In that one moment, I remember everything. I dart out of the room before anyone has the chance to stop me. I stare at the windows opposite me and then to the ground.
A shadow grows near from the distance, I'm about to snap at the person when I look up. Roselyn.
"What?" I say coldly.
"Just came to check on you."
I scoff loudly and keep my head glued to the ground.
"Don't act as if you care, you stopped caring the moment you went behind my back." I regret answering her instantly. I look up into her eyes stressing each word. She goes quiet forcing her eyes away from mine in guilt and looks around. She inhales deeply before her eyes come back to mine.
"Listen to me Leon. I still care, about you. Even if it's as a friend. You were a good person to me. I just want to know if you're okay. I know losing your parents shook you quite hard growing up and left a pretty large void in your life that isn't getting replaced anytime soon. Even by me. Although you never talked about it, just know that you're not alone. I'm sure that Freshman can get some advice, don't you think? Before he goes through the same intense storms of emotions you went through?"
What she doesn't know, there's no avoiding those emotions. They chase after you, no matter how hard you try.
Stubbornly, I still refuse to look at her, her smile is something caught between sadness and happiness - maybe reflecting on our memories - suddenly she looks uncomfortable, almost like she regrets talking to me. Looking around in the 'what am I doing here' expression she mumbles a somewhat apology and goodbye before her footsteps retreat. I finally exhale, my throat tightens, forcing the lump back, I shut my eyes to stop any emotion coming out.
That was intense. She remembered.
***
Over the years people seem to forget about it, some remember or get reminded because of report cards or school agendas. Then they're more cautious about what they say around me, sometimes I wish they could talk normally.
"First assessment next week, so all of you know the drill. Get here on time, get your ID number, don't loiter in the corridors, sit in the hall in absolute silence--" the bell rings and the disruption of students getting up all at once.
"--If I were you I'd recommend leaving phones at home!"
I make my way towards the doors before I feel an arm reach out to grab my shoulder.
"You're a sight for sore eyes. I haven't seen you all day." Marcus starts.
"Yeah."
"So... are you good?" I grimace and increase the pace I'm walking clearly showing my annoyance.
"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I snap.
***
Downtown cafés.
A hotspot for sleep-deprived teens ready to go creeping back into bed, also the place rich with gossip attracting all like a fleet of moths drawn to a flame. How they manage to keep both different personalities under the same roof at the same time I have no idea. Some days there's random breaks of arguments. I've learned how to avoid all of it. Why Marcus chose this place of all places still confuses me. Maybe to further stress his celeb importance.
Small crowds of people swarm around. These are the exact type of environments that make me sick, it's almost as if Marcus brought me here on purpose knowing exactly how I'd react. I cast my gaze outside, deserted chairs are left alone and it looks much more peaceful. Without a second thought, I get up when Marcus is too engrossed in conversation, and take refuge in the cooler breezes. The tables are laid out nicely but hardly anyone sits out here on an entirely perfect day without a cloud in the sky.
"When I said, give it a try and get back to your normal, social loving self, I didn't mean isolating yourself you loner," Marcus says placing himself opposite me.
"It's too loud in there, I mean, practically the entire school is inside. Ever asked yourself why?"
"What happened today? You walked out of class. That hasn't happened in such a long time." He says ignoring me.
"It was nothing. It was loud. That's all." I answer distractedly avoiding his eyes.
"Are you sure?" He persists.
"I just realized a lot of things at once. I just froze, as if nothing made sense anymore."
"Looked intense." He says casually leaning back in his chair.
I stare away into the distance, watching cars pass by. A group of kids energetically run around, distracted and lost in their surroundings. I momentarily think back to that time in my life. Everything feels different, now that I stare at them.
Gifts
-- Gift
received Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone