Chapter 5: 5.
LEON
Counsellors keep passing us by like the night changes, there's only Kaiden to see this. He's the only one who understands my pain to the same limit. We understand each other's mystery and the number of questions we demand being answered, we're both sick and tired of the way adults look at us with pity or the reluctant way they talk to us. Or when something accidentally slips after a heated conversation about them. Same excuses when we ask questions 'you're too young to know 'you wouldn't understand'.
How hard is it to understand your parents are both murdered, with the murderer still out there, and you'll never see them again?
As we grow more information gets leaked to us, together we'd piece it all together. I never understood the secrecy of our parents passing. Murder, accident, murder, accident, murder, accident, that's all we've been hearing from different voices, if they put their own twist on the truth, or genuinely hiding the truth.
That's how it's been for the last eight years. Eight years after we lost them. That long already? The thought seems uncomfortable to think about, so I force it away. No. You said you wouldn't do that anymore. Talk about it.
"Kaiden, it's been eight years." He looks at me with the same expression of surprise I had a few seconds ago, then looks away uninterested. Maybe he's faking it. He never really understood the impact of how long it was. He was three, I was eight, I felt more emotion no matter how much he bawled in the middle of the night screaming for Mum or Dad, it's a wonder the amount of lung power babies has, never mind a toddler.
I always try to imagine what it'd be like not having that constant presence of your parents around you that young, it seems horrible to imagine. It's like you keep looking for them in this large crowd, but it keeps swallowing you in. Soon Kaiden eventually answers:
"I've been alive for that long?"
"Seriously?"
"Um, yes can I have a hot chocolate, no nuts, lots of marshmallows and chocolate syrup on top thank you."
"Um no, just give him water," I say sitting finally sitting down.
"Excuse me?! I'll have what I asked for."
"Darling don't listen to him," I stated softly.
She smiles dreamily at me, I avoid her gaze. Kaiden looks repulsed. She walks away nervously, glancing at him at random times. If only she knew I don't care.
"What are you doing? Just because you starve yourself because you're an athlete and keep to strict diets, doesn't mean you kill me too." He jokes.
"Just be quiet Kaiden! You sound like a dying whale. Just quit whining ." I snap angrily. As if he has the nerve.
"Sit down," I say.
"I'll run away again." He threatens.
"Be my guest."
He starts yelling at the top of his voice drawing attention to us, I freeze quickly alarmed by the faces now turned towards us.
"Shhh, Okay whatever, fine." I hiss.
"What's so important about these anyway?" He asks.
"They're memoirs," I say closely inspecting the pages. The book is pretty thick and well bound, maybe three hundred pages per book.
"Our Grandfather wrote memoirs?"
"What's wrong with memoirs?"
"Nothing, I just thought girls did that," He says.
"Did what?"
"You know, diaries and writing about emotions, that stuff."
"So you didn't even look at what you picked up?"
"Listen up Leon, we almost got fried alive like turkeys on a blazing hot day in a July heatwave, so close, also it's February. You know what that means. So I'm not in the mood for death threats. I'm staying home, eating pop tarts, watching whatever I like to thank you very much."
The girl places down our cups, nods her head notifying us if we wanted anything else, in immediate response, I shake my head.
Kaiden, on the other hand, is already swallowing mass gulps of hot chocolate, it's a wonder how he doesn't get burnt.
"What do you think he wrote them," I ask.
"Hmm?"
"The books, duh?"
"Can I finish this first?
"Unbelievable."
"Whatever."
I look around unsure about being here, I don't even know the time. I cast my gaze back to Kaiden.
"What's wrong? Haven't you ever seen a 12-year-old demolish a hot chocolate on a cold November night? Leon if you don't like it you can wear a blindfold." He says.
"No, it's like I've forgotten something but I can't remember."
"Roselyn?"
"Haha, very funny."
That's when it hit me like a bus, I never thought this through, the last thing I told aunt Cassidy was I went out for a walk. She's probably wondering where I am.
"We have school tomorrow!"
"So? And no, we don't. Like I'd run away on a school night. Do you know me, I'm not stupid, like have we met? Why are panicking, do you love school or something?"
"Just in case you didn't notice, I'm one year
away from my last!"
"Grrr." He teases before spluttering into laughter.
"I can't do this. I swear I'm going to have a mental breakdown if I spend one more minute with you. How are you so intelligent, and at the same time, you couldn't care less don't about your education? Do you know how many kids would kill to be where you are?"
"Not this again."
"Yes, this again, because it's time you realized."
"Just stop, I don't want to hear it." He says.
"You don't want to hear because it's the truth," I shout. Suddenly the same girl who was flirting with me a minute ago silhouette comes into view again, shuffling nervously, adjusting her hair to see if I would notice with a frown stuck on her face.
"I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
That's how we ended up dumped on the sidewalks like pieces of discarded rubbish. This is what I live for. The second one member of your family gets involved, everything gets ruined.
"The books, why do you think he wrote them?" I ask.
"I don't know Leon, who cares?"
"I think it's a puzzle, a clue, something? Do you think he's trying to tell us something?"
"They're from 1963 to the 1970s. Do you know how crazy you sound right now?"
"Why did you take them if you never cared in the first place?"
"Aunt Cassidy says it's a way we can be close. I don't know it's crazy. But it's all we have! Everything else burned in the fire, everyone else lies. I thought maybe I could find some answers."
"So you were going to run away with all of these things without me?"
"Do I have to go back home?" He asks. I don't answer but I continue to flick through the pages, concentration written on my face.
"Leon?" He suddenly sounds afraid. Good. I stood up hastily, as anticipated he follows.
"Leon, I'm not going back. Don't make me go back, do not make me go back, anything, just not that."
We walk on for some time until I found a deserted car park. I just want to know what almost made my brother throw everything important. Feeling like everything was worth nothing. What scares me the most is the fact he didn't care and still doesn't care.
I look over to him in frustration, his are eyes closed peacefully, already worn out by the escape, but creased in stress, overall innocence no one would detect the danger that lay beneath my brother.
As soon as the anger comes it washes over as fast. I can't help feeling a sense a guilt, I remember when I've been in the same place as him. Feeling lost, feeling confused - although everything on the outside looked perfect, inside I was falling apart - I needed my parents more than anything. Mother and Fathers days drive me insane, at first maybe it was nothing, then as I grew older, the frustration came through. I can remember punching walls. Parent meetings and report cards were scathing. Soon it gets easier. Finding love like that was found in my friends. Yet, if I didn't have them in the moments, I don't know where I'd be. I've been to that point in my life where one thing would get on my nerves and I'd pack a bad wanting to escape. Probably at eight years old or something.
I chuckle at the memory. But fond memories also flash in my mind, what I miss and what I've lost. He stirs in his sleep, glares round in confusion and buries deeper in his hoodie from the cold.
He knows what my eyes are telling him.
***
The taxi driver slowly pulls up to the entrance of our house, he motions to me for the fare of the transport. Without hesitation, I hand it over. He drives off ready to finish for the night.
Silence surrounds us, it's so foreign to see this once thriving place, to now be a ghost town. He's shaking and looks reluctant to walk in. There are only a few times in my life I've seen him this worried. I have no idea what he's worrying over, she'll be more than relieved to find him back home. He states guilty at the floor, and then speaks:
"She'll hate me."
"No, no she won't," I say in a comforting tone. This is what makes me angry the most. She'll let him get away with yet another thing. When in truth he couldn't care less. He was only a few hours ago from running away.
The door creaks open slowly, inside the furniture is dark shadows, the only light entering is from outside. Everywhere else is dark, no one lights on. Inside I wonder if she's fallen asleep, but the chances of that are low since she'll be up all night worrying especially after Kaiden's outburst earlier.
Just as I'm about to call out her name I notice Kaiden frozen in one spot. She was sitting in the dark, with her head in her hands, the bin nearby overflowing with used tissue sheets followed by empty tissue boxes everywhere. He fumbles for the closest lamp and switches it on. Noticing a difference in the room she sniffles deeply before looking up and studying both of us as if she's imagining things. Her eyes are already sunken and bloodshot. The areas surrounding her eyes are this nasty burning crimson colour. Instantly, I feel a pang of guilt shoot throughout me. There are only a few times I've seen her like this. I just pray that Kaiden's feeling the same.
Her eyes light up with happiness and she visibly calms down with sudden relief. Kaiden is still uneasy, maybe now on it realizing the impact of his actions. I have to lightly shake his shoulder to wake him up.
"Where did you..." She opens her arms out for him.
"I'm sorry." He says embracing her fully bursting into what sounded like half tears and half laughter.
***
"She's finally asleep," Kaiden says entering the room and diving for his bed, "I can't believe you're making me do this." He's staring at the ceiling, his expression unsure.
"Next week Kaiden, just keep it to yourself. We'll figure out the rest later."
3|....
The following morning feels like yesterday never happened as if it was just a flight if my imagination. But knowing that Kaiden and I have found this entire world seems to have more importance than anything else now. Aunt Cassidy seems to be fine and better than last night.
"So you and Kaiden are good now?" I ask.
"Of course he was just acting up. I mean, I remember clearly when you were his age. Moods swings, random tears, just craziness and all over the place." She says.
"Yeah. I know but that was different."
"Hmm, well I'm thinking of keeping him at home for a few days, I feel like the stress of school will get to him. It's the last thing he needs right now."
I exhale deeply, just what my Aunt loves to do. As if she can read my mind she exclaims:
"Have you got a problem with it?"
"Wrapping him in cotton wool won't help anything. That's exactly what he wants."
"Okay, fine. Just keep an eye on him for me, okay?"
"How am I supposed to do that? I can't watch him all the time. He's got his own mind, and I've got better things to do."
"Just try, and I'm going to pretend I didn't hear the last words you said." She says.
"Right." Despite my annoyance, I carry out a normal tradition by giving her a kiss on the cheek to say goodbye and walk out.
"Oh Leon, he forgot his lunch, make sure you get it to him okay?"
"Yeah, whatever." She tugs on my sleeve before I can make a getaway.
"What now?" I groan.
"Don't think about things too hard okay? Thank you for going after him. He's something else, isn't he?"
"Yeah." She looks around uneasily as if she was going to say something else but holds back.
"Are you okay?" I ask concerned.
"I should be asking you that... The outburst he had. What have I already told both of you about making up conspiracies in your heads? Talk to me. If you're thinking the same thing about your parents then-"
"Don't, please just don't go there," I say bluntly cutting her off. I try my best to avoid conversations like this, it's how I get by most days.
"But--"
"It's not like you've ever told us the truth. You keep hiding things. All of you. And so far, those 'conspiracies' seem to make more sense to me than anything you've ever told us." I say starting to make my way out.
"You need to understand. Leon, I don't tell you certain things for a reason. It's for your own benefit, when you're older you'll understand."
How older?! For my own good, what own good? I can't sleep at night not knowing what happened. This is my right. They're my parents. I deserve to know. Not wanting to upset her all I can force out is a deep sigh to refrain myself from shouting.
"Leon."
"I'm going to be late."
"Leon."
"Yes?"
"When was the last time you spoke to Roselyn?" My blood runs cold at her name and my mind mentally clouds out.
"Why do you ask?" I ask my voice suddenly dangerously low.
"Leon, I thought both of you settled things between yourselves--"
"It was stupid. All of it was stupid. A big mistake okay? A mistake I want to forget about quickly but when people keep bringing it up it doesn't make the forgetting easier." I mumble keeping my eyes glued to the ground.
"You don't mean that." She says.
"It's complicated."
She chuckles: "Leon, you're only sixteen years old
. You don't know the meaning.
"Look, soon I'm leaving school, it's getting more and more intense. I just don't need the extra pressure. We found it wasn't working. At first, you think it's fun, but I just can't. School, my friends, you and Kaiden is all that matters to me."
She falls silent, I know she probably won't believe a word I say but I maintain contact to sound as convincing as possible.
"Why do you ask?" I repeat.
"She came here yesterday. Asking for you."
Rolling my eyes I knock my head back and sigh in frustration. She really can't let this go.
Gifts
-- Gift
received Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone