Chapter 4: MANIC
LEON
In my thoughts, I can already imagine and can vividly picture the police challenging us for answers as we give our statements on his disappearance.
"I recall earlier walking through the halls, maybe he wanted to tell me something, his eyes pleading for attention. He wanted to tell me something. But I talked to him when I got back home. He seemed fine then."
Each of my feet aches and scream for a pause nonetheless they still drag on. Nothing new, nothing old. Distance can't stop me, I know that it won't stop him. If I have to contact and look through every corner of Florida to find him, that's what I'll do.
Thankfully the rain has subsided, late night shops close after the long day haul, and the streets are fully silent. At least Aunt Cassidy has quit blowing up my phone. I wish it was Kaiden instead. I've still got nothing from him. The look of desperation has been permanently painted on my face, but only a few see. I rush to anyone randomly, my eyes frantically dart across populated streets, I've mistaken someone else for him at least three times. People must think I'm crazy, high, drunk even. Maybe I am. I'm starting to think I'm going in too many circles, my mind feels like it's running at one hundred miles per hour on nothing but panic. People still roam around with the low buzz of nightlife coming to an end. The chance of me finding him seems to be drawing further away and further away. I sit down on the sidewalk going over things in my mind, trying to calm everything over again.
I can't leave and go back home without him. What then? But what if he's already gone, taken that one-way ticket where nothing else matters to him, blind to the obvious, forgetting and leaving everything behind?
How am I related to such a selfish person, how could he be so unreasonably selfish, what was he thinking? What have I done to drive him to run away?
Aunt Cassidy doesn't need this trouble, and what drives me crazy is the fact Kaiden knows this. Especially with the number of eyes we have on us. Social worker visits have been routine for us since we've been young. Being adopted by my Aunt was the best thing she ever did for us so I will always be grateful. However as with every family we have ups and downs, the cracks begin to show and they've been showing a lot lately. So anything or the choices that me and Kaiden do reflect on her and the way she's raised us. Anytime the socials pick up on anything, she blames herself non-stop. 'No big deal' I always tell her, but for my Aunt, it's everything, everything to her.
'Waters thick, but blood is thicker, don't ever forget that Leon' These were the type of words that have been fed to us from the beginning.
What makes you think I've forgotten Kaiden?
If Kaiden disappears my Aunt will see herself as a failure. She won't be able to live with herself.
'Loving is easy in itself. It's persistence. Loving is something that feels like it can last forever, it can, that's the trick. When people see things falling apart, they give up, leave in a quick escape of helplessness. It's like fire, learn to keep it burning, or it'll die. Abandon it, and it'll die.'
I look up at the sky in anger feeling my skin prick uncomfortably with sweat, Roselyn. Don't think about her Kaiden matters more. Yet, she hurt me, if it's strong enough to do that, it had to mean something.
I get up distracting myself from the torturing thoughts and pace back and up the empty roads. If I was Kaiden where would I go? In his mind, it could be anywhere. He's selfish, smart, self-minded, and landmarks mean nothing to him. Which means he doesn't care where he's going. He could be miles away by now, a bag full of selfish desires.
Roselyn, Kaiden, Roselyn, Kaiden, Roselyn, Kaiden, Roselyn.
I scream into the sky feeling everything explode inside.
KAIDEN
"What are you doing out on your own this late!?" A random person shouts now blocking my path. He reeks of cigarettes and looks poorly maintained.
"Not that it's any problem of yours."
I instantly regret answering back. A wave of vulnerability comes over me, in fear that he may react violently. I've never been anywhere on my own, if I did, I'd have Leon with me. Going school I'd know I'd have other people around me. I begin to panic. I haven't thought this through, where I am going, who am I going to, do I have a back-up plan, what the heck Kaiden!?
"Let me help you." He offers calmly.
"Kaiden get away from him."
The second I hear those words I feel a familiar grip tighten around my arm, pull me back, and his piecing glare stab back into my eyes making every hair on my arms stand on end.
Standing tall, fists clenched, heavily out of breath, but suddenly seething with anger and relief, stands my brother.
For a second, I stare dumbfounded in shock unsure if I'm imagining things. A few words were spoken between him and the group, then everything flashed in seconds. Now we're running for our lives. I don't know where to, only it's further away from where we came from. We come past a field that's off limits with the warning sign pushed aside and out of sight. Reluctantly, with no choice Leon jumps over. I try to argue but my efforts are dashed away. A high electrical hum comes from the distance, as we're running we come to a fence. Leon abruptly stops frantically looking around. Seconds before I come into full impact with the fence I feel his arms pull me away. He manages to scramble over a different section in a few motions. My hearts starting to tighten. Not now.
"Come on Kaiden! Hurry."
"I can't."
"It's either this or them."
As I climb I feel a sharp stinging feeling pierce all over my skin, like a thousand bees stabbing into me. My fingers instantly stiffen, and I can't feel much. It feels like I'm fading away, black and white spots blot over my vision. I slump over the other side weakly as if it's on the other side of the world. Losing all feeling, I let out a weak sigh and relax. Leon's voice is getting further and further away from me, they seem more panicked and shadowed with desperation. My body's being dragged across the grass, I try to force my eyes open, but they're slammed shut.
Suddenly a blast of cold water hits my face. He throws the bucket to the side and pulls me to my feet. He doesn't need to tell me anything, I know his eyes are filled with silent disappointment. We run some more down more streets, I've lost counts of how many turns we've taken, we dive for the ground behind garages absolutely knackered while I try to regain control of my breathing. I sound like a dying cat wheezing in and out, coughing and spluttering as if I've inhaled fumes from a fire. My brothers' breaths are more easy settled and calm, he's used to this - having the physique of a wide receiver, the throw power of a quarterback, endurance of a long distance runner - all in one body. Compared to my skinny, scrawny figure.
He's laughing. Teeth showing, head knocking back and shaking with laughter. Trust my brother to laugh while I'm quivering with fear this close to passing out. I still imagine the day I'm hanging off the edge of a cliff and there he is, on his phone, laughing while texting just to mess with me. Occupying himself while I'm on the verge of death.
"I'm still trying to figure out how we haven't accidentally killed ourselves yet." I joke lightly.
"I'm still trying to figure out how I'm related to someone as selfish as you."
I freeze at the remark, I saw it coming a long time ago. Silence awkwardly prevails around us, I stare at him guilty wanting to stand my ground and defend my poor choices, but nothing comes out. He's staring at the sky, his eyes scatter around, that's what he does when something else is on his mind. Maybe it's Roselyn. I know all he ever talked about was her, and now all he ever worries about is the past. He's like an addict in the making. It taunts him in his mind every day. I thought he was over it, but obviously not. The second it ended for them, I felt pretty sad when I found out, I'm sure everyone was, the so called "perfect couple" weren't so perfect after all and didn't last forever. If only they knew the emotional turmoil that girl put him through. He never tried to fake how he felt, so if he was sad, everyone knew about it. Between those smiles, I know he misses her. It still amazes me how he picked himself up.
I secretly wish he never caused himself heartbreak, but all he ever did was give his heart away. If I think about it, maybe he dug his own grave.
Just as I was about to ask him his jaw clenches as his face settles back into annoyance and comes back to reality.
"What was you thinking?" He demands.
"It's not what it looks like."
"From here it looks pretty bad."
"Everything you was about to throw away, have you thought about that, do you know how damn lucky you are to have a life. I know a lot of children who'd give everything, and deserve what you have. I care for a lot of reasons. Maybe I've told you maybe I haven't. Kaiden I look strong, that's only because I've fallen harder than others. I'd rather keep it between me and myself, you don't have to feel my pain." He says.
"Why are you talking like that?"
"Cause nothing seems to be going in." He answers.
"Don't you ever want to escape?" I argue.
"That's not what growing up is about Kaiden, you have to face it whether you like it or not"
"Can you actually stop talking for a minute." I say.
"I- are you? Unbelievable." He says finally giving up.
Moments of silence passed, I knew I couldn't let Leon sway me. But he came after me after all. Or maybe he's acting like he cares and couldn't give damn if I walked away. I keep telling myself he doesn't care.
"Why are you doing this? Attention." He snaps.
"I never asked you to come after me, why does everyone have to be on my back when I put a foot wrong, but when it's you, no one could care less." I argue.
"So that's a yes then, plus jealously."
"What! Jealous... of you?" I say angrily getting up and walking away.
"I see straight through you Kaiden. Don't walk away from me."
"Or what? What are you going to do?" Colour drained out of his face when he realizes what I'm hinting.
"Just- you're overreacting. I'm your brother Kaiden, remember?" His voice suddenly softens after the statement I made.
"I'm probably not." I say.
"What makes you say that?"
And there he goes again working his magic to pull me back in, annoying, but it works.
"We're nothing alike. Like you're fun and wild as ever, and I'm too afraid--"
"Yeah, but I can be a mess, like before. Others on the outside may look at us and think we're perfect, but remember we've lost our parents."
"That's true. But." I mumble under my breath.
"What?"
"Do you expect me to feel sorry for you?" He demands.
I look up at the sky for a moment to avoid his piecing glare digging into my skin, the stars look better on this side of town. The sky is a black void endlessly stretching across Miami swallowing each building randomly. A plane flies over quite low, the roar of the engine filling my ears. I wonder where it's going, wishing I could be on it. As I'm in my peaceful own world, Leon feels the need to interrupt me.
"What?" I say in irritation.
"What are these?" He rummages through my bag and produces out all the photo albums and books I stole.
"Hey--"
"Who gave you the right to take these Kaiden! The second Aunt Cassidy sees they're missing--"
"Did you know about these?" I ask.
"Does it matter if I did?"
He really doesn't get anything, there's no point in trying with Leon.
"I just thought--"
"Just thought what? How could you be so selfish, run away with all the memories we have left of our family. Do you know how much these mean to me, to our aunt? You're so careless! Jeez, this could've been bad." He says putting his hands on his head in a dramatic way exhaling slowly to calm him down.
"See what I mean, you wouldn't even give me a chance to explain myself." I argue.
"Kaiden! Wake up before I make you. There is no explaining to do. These are valuable, what was you thinking?"
"Looks like you care more about those than anything else."
"Yeah, maybe I do."
He clenched his jaw hoping I didn't catch onto his last words, but even he knew I'd already processed everything.
"I needed to do this Leon. Don't you ever want to disappear, get away from it all?"
He stares at me in disbelief before answering: "You're fourteen-years-old! What the heck Kaiden? You don't know what you're saying. Not really."
"I know right, imagine me in a few years?" I joke light-heartedly.
He stands up in frustration looking around aimlessly in the dark.
"Where are we?"
***
Ahead of us the cars in the world have vanished, my feet stamp and drag on the floor in weighted motions, I huff in frustration and glared at Leon. His eyebrows as tense as a seam ready to burst, his head swung in disorganised motions vocalising his panic. I roll my eyes and keep my itching hand at my side before I did anything I regretted. He needs to relax. I should've just left home without him I remember my poor abused finger and nestle it the smooth palm of my hand. I'm still in a daze that I was electrocuted and I didn't feel more than a sharp sting. I stare wearily over my finger still buzzing from electricity, I sigh at my skin in discomfort at the alarming red patches along the rest of my arm. I ponder over the thought that for some, that's the reality of incoming death. The closeness. Unawareness. Imagine death hitting you that fast - Like a car crash - what my parents supposedly died in. What a cruel death; fast, painful, unexpected. I shudder and shake my head dismissively at the nerving thoughts.
Blinding white light in front of us indicates the gas station, I recognise a familiar outline of the building and feel relief. A beaten-up convenience store sits haphazardly next to a bland café on the right. Leon gives me a look of confirmation then dashes inside the convenience to get some cream for my skin, where I instead turn to the right and walk cautiously inside the café. The warm air seems comforting, the chairs are arranged in formation, unalive. I stare ahead at the abandoned counter where there're a few outdated coupons lying on the marble surface, I sheepishly find a seat when Leon suddenly enters with his arms full of other unidentified objects, smiles when he makes eye contact and places down the pile of snacks on the table. His face still looks pinched with annoyance when he sits down beside me and starts applying the skin cream. I stare awkwardly at the condensated windows when I then clear my voice before I speak:
"I only wanted to be close to Dad you know? Even if its through those books." I confess.
Leon stops suddenly, he looks at me with sudden ease, he adjusts himself to put his arm around me, surprised, I try to fling his arm away in disgust, but I let it remain around me.
"I know," Leon mutters.
Gifts
-- Gift
received Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone