THE FINAL TEST would be the next day. The rest of the student body was busy gobbling down their dinner when I, Horikita Suzune, made contact with a certain someone inside our room. With everyone else in the cafeteria at the time, it was simple for the two of us to make contact.
"Look, Horikita-san. To be honest with you, I don't think you're seeing the current situation for what it is."
Standing before me was Kushida-san, a serious look in her eyes. In the cramped confines of the camp school, with eyes and ears everywhere, I couldn't neglect to keep tabs on her—even though it was her public-facing persona that stood before me now.
"I'm not seeing the current situation? What do you mean by that?" "You forced me to be in the same group as you, for the purpose of
keeping me under surveillance…or to have me acknowledge you as a
comrade. Is that right?"
She spoke in her normal, friendly tone of voice, clearly operating on the assumption that someone might enter the room at any moment. But there was something more forceful than usual to the way she said it, almost certainly because she felt secure that I couldn't pull any tricks like recording our conversation with my smartphone in our current situation. Personally, I welcomed her honesty. If she always kept her true nature hidden, we'd never move forward.
"I won't deny that those objectives are part of it," I said.
I made sure to emphasize part quite strongly, but Kushida-san ignored
it.
"You seem to be acting on your personal feelings. I wonder how that
will work as a strategy. It's certainly true that you and I don't get along, Horikita-san. But if you were thinking about the group's scores…no, if you
were thinking about your class, shouldn't you keep your personal feelings out of it?" said Kushida-san, crossing her arms with a sigh, as if thrusting her honest opinion at me. "You've made me, and me alone, your priority.
Winning and losing are just secondary concerns. Am I wrong?" "I can't deny that either."
"So you admit it."
Frankly, there was no way I could deny it. Ever since the Paper Shuffle, I'd considered Kushida-san my primary concern. I even invited her out for tea during winter vacation. I was doing things I'd never done before.
"It doesn't matter what you do," she said. "Enough already. I want you to understand that."
"Unfortunately, I'm afraid I can't let this go."
So long as my problems with Kushida-san went unresolved, I couldn't move forward.
"Look, it's not my place to say this, but have you forgotten about how you dragged me out in front of the student council president and made me swear I wouldn't do anything? Putting aside my own feelings, which I will not get over, I promised I wouldn't do anything to sabotage you, Horikita- san. I thought you'd at least trust me that much. Or did you think I'd break my promise right away?"
I couldn't answer her question with words. Kushida-san probably understood my feelings. What she said was half correct; even though I expected she'd keep her promise, however reluctantly, I also thought she might be working behind the scenes to get me expelled. Those two instincts clashed within me.
If I truly trusted Kushida-san, I wouldn't feel the need to stick by her all hours of the day. Moreover, while my brother isn't the sort who would say anything to anyone else, once he graduated, the oath she swore would be meaningless. If I were to take action, it would have to be soon. Time was of the essence.
"I want you to trust me," I told her, deciding to get straight to the point. "Wow, you're blunt."
Despite apparently taking what I said at face value, Kushida-san wore a
thin smile on her face. But it wasn't a smile of agreement. I couldn't let myself be mistaken on that count.
"No matter what, I will not say anything to anyone about your past.
What do I have to do to make you believe me?"
"Unfortunately, there's no way you can convince me," replied Kushida-san flatly.
"I gain nothing by telling people."
"You're certainly right about that. If I did find out you told someone, I'd show no mercy. I might even destroy the entire class, just like I did back in junior high. As someone who's aiming for Class A, you obviously wouldn't put yourself in jeopardy. At least, that's what you'd assume," said Kushida-san.
She seemed to understand. So what was the problem?
"But if you ask me, our current environment's a little cramped." "Cramped?"
"For example, would you obey a stranger who puts a knife to the back
of your neck and says he'll hurt you if you don't cooperate? There's a difference between a situation where you can't be hurt even if someone tried to and a situation where someone could hurt you if they wanted to. You understand, don't you?"
Kushida-san didn't trust anyone. She didn't make her decisions based on whether they advantaged or disadvantaged her; she simply couldn't stand anyone else holding power over her. That's why she wanted to eliminate me. The problem was I couldn't let go of the knife, even if I wanted to.
"Aren't you just strangling yourself with your own two hands then?" I said. "As a matter of fact, the number of people who know about you are slowly but surely increasing."
"That's right. I will admit that the situation has gotten more dire." "You're clever. You're above average in both academics and athletics,
and you have the best communication skills in our grade level… No,
depending on how you look at it, you might even be able to say you're the best in the school. Even talking to you now, I'm impressed by your quick thinking. You could be an incredible asset to our class if you simply
cooperated with us. You'd be even more beloved by your peers too."
"Do you honestly not get that your know-it-all tone irritates me more than anything else? You're talking this way because you know my true personality. I can't stand that. If you didn't know anything about me, you wouldn't be saying these things."
"That's…"
She would never accept anyone knowing about her past. Her resolve was clear.
"You're smarter than me. Wouldn't you do just fine even at another school? Besides, you came here so you could be at the same school as your older brother. Right, Horikita-san? But your brother will be graduating soon, so you won't need to force yourself to stay. You could study at a different school, go on to college or land a job. Wouldn't that be fine?" asked Kushida-san.
She was trying to cut our conversation short, as though saying that trying to talk to her any longer would just be a waste of time. I let out a quiet sigh.
"I'll be quiet for now. But I will never trust or cooperate with you, Horikita-san. Until either you or I are gone from this school, we'll never be okay. No matter how many times we have this conversation. You'd do well to remember that."
"I understand. I'll leave things for today." "Not just today. This is the last time."
Kushida-san walked out of the room, leaving me with those parting words.
"I really am powerless, aren't I?"
I had very few comrades I could trust. Ayanokouji-kun seemed like the one I could most often rely on, but he and I had grown more distant of late, probably because I forced him to talk about the student council in front of Kushida-san. But I couldn't back down. I had to keep her close to protect myself.
Even if it cost me his cooperation, I would choose Kushida-san. No—I
must choose her.