Chapter 4: Memory 3 | Farewell Hands
RAVI'S POV :
"Visa?"
"Checked."
"Passport?"
"Checked."
"Flight ticket?" I didn't answer that.
"Wonshik-ah! Where's your flight ticket?" N hyung poked my shoulders from behind.
"Ouch... Hyung! That hurts. The flight ticket is with Kkomae, okay? He said that I might misplace it somewhere so he's holding on to it." I answered my mother-like leader in a whining tone, expecting him to start nagging me for being absent-minded all the time. However, he didn't say a word. Instead, his face suddenly dulled as he sat beside me in silence.
It seemed as though he was contemplating something and it made him sad. Really sad.
"Hyung... Wae-yo?" I asked in the softest tone as humanly possible, afraid of upsetting the sensitive man further. For which he faintly exhaled before turning towards me. The disappointment was written all over his handsome face. However, it amazed me to see how his lips were still curled upwards despite his eyes screaming otherwise as he answered dully.
"It's just that... It's going to be different from now on, without Kkomae around... Don't know why but I think things are going to be tougher after this..." He half-whispered his last sentence as his eyes remained glued to the floor.
Well, I couldn't deny his statement either. To the world, VIXX might be just the six of us but to us, it has always been seven. Kkomae has been both our manager and big brother ever since we debuted. Although we can be quite a handful at times, he had always known the means to handle us. And of course, things are definitely going to be different from now on without him around.
Especially to N hyung, who was the closest one with Kkomae. As our leader, N hyung managed us all very well and he never stopped caring for us despite having his own responsibilities. Meanwhile, Kkomae managed N hyung and made sure he was happy and healthy all the time. So, his emotions at the moment were understandable. Gently, I took N hyung's hands in mine as I spoke my mind.
"Dang-yeonhaji! Kkomae is VIXX's unofficial 7th member and his departure is definitely going to leave some space in our hearts." N hyung leaned on me, placing his warm cheeks on my shoulder. He sighed.
"Keuchi? Ehmm... Who's going to manage us as he did after this?" His voice slightly cracked at the end and I couldn't stand seeing him down like that. VIXX was my family and I could never accept if anyone of my members is sad. Definitely not N hyung who's like the mother of our group. It broke my heart.
"Who said so? VIXX still has you! We've always had you, hyung! You've been the best leader and big brother who knows us all damn well. You wake each one of us every day, you even make breakfast for us, you know our likes and dislikes better than ourselves. You've been the #1 supporter for every single one of us, you're Taekwoon hyung's best friend, you made Jyani hyung a better dancer, you help Hongbin with acting, you're Hyuk's life guide and definitely you're the one I search when in need of comfort. So tell me now, who else can manage VIXX better than the one and only Cha Hakyeon?"
His face instantly lit up at the intense train of my heartfelt compliments. The grin that grew from his eyes till the tip of his lips was addictively adorable and I felt way happier when I saw his gloomy face bloom in bliss after hearing my words. Honestly, I meant every single word I said and I wanted to make sure that he knew it too.
"Jinja? I can't believe this is coming from you, Wonshik-ah. Am I really the best?"
He held my arm with both of his hands and stared at me with puppy eyes full of expectation. He seemed really touched by my rare but really genuine compliment. That's because, most of the time, it's N hyung who'll shower us with compliments and praises whereas all we did was simply tease him. And although it might sound mean, nothing's more fun and full-filling than annoying our dear loving leader hyung.
"Ah, ppalli! Answer me! Is hyung (himself) really the best at handling you boys?" He whined childishly as I laughed at his adorableness.
"Alright, yes, YES! You're the best! You're too good at it to the extent I think you should just retire and become our new manager instead. How does ChaMae sound like?"
"YAH!! DO YOU WANT TO DIE!" He started throwing his jelly punches at me as I laughed at his cute assault.
"Hyung, I'm going abroad for work! You don't want me to perform with band-aids on my face, do you?" I pouted with puppy eyes in an attempt of acting cute. To which the tiny man responded by throwing one last jelly punch on my biceps before continuing with the packing for me.
"It's going to be quiet around here with both you and Binnie away. Seriously? Why must your Rap Beat Show and his Jungle shooting be on the same period? I just hate it when we're all separated by individual schedules!" N hyung complained while dragging my luggage out as I followed behind him in silence. I had almost similar questions in my head too.
Almost.
Why must Hongbin and I have a different schedule on the same dates?
Why must I go alone to this show?
Why must Kkomae leave us now?
Why must I keep bidding farewell to people I care about?
Why?...
At the end of the day, it all came down to one thing.
I have always had farewell hands and they will keep bidding farewell to everyone I cared dearly for.
"Wonshik-ah, why aren't you saying anything?"
N hyung held my shoulders firmly, as he tried reading my eyes like he always did. However, I quickly covered them with sunglasses and flashed my most genuine smile at the worried man. I certainly don't want him to worry about me when he's already sending me abroad halfheartedly. So, I decided to divert the topic to something less serious.
"It's nothing much, hyung. I was just silently praying for our poor Sanghyuk. He's going to have to put up with you alone for some time."
N hyung clenched his fist, preparing to attack me again but this time I overtook him. I enveloped the tiny man in my embrace warmly and inhaled his familiar scent, saving it to reminisce later. He returned the hug immediately and began patting my back lovingly like the dearest mother he was. He clearly knew what I was thinking at that moment but I still needed to tell him myself.
"I'm gonna miss you, hyung... All of you."
"We're gonna miss you too, Wonshik-ah. Don't worry about anything and do your best at the show! We're always with you, my dongsaeng. FIGHTING!"
He crushed me in the hug, rocking our enveloped bodies sideways as I giggled at his energetic cheer. Although solo departures for individual schedules had become a norm to us, it never stopped breaking my heart like the first time. It'll always hurt really bad to leave them behind.
Even with all sorts of twisted thoughts in my head, somehow, N hyung's words found a way to soothe me like always. And as I watched his silhouette disappear into the distance, somehow, I realized that I can never get used to these farewell hands as well.
★★★
GIA'S POV:
My heart was racing in my chest and I almost had a panic attack when the announcement of my delayed flight preparing to depart next blared through every speaker in that huge airport. All the courage and confidence I thought that I had till then vanished into thin air the moment reality hit me.
I'm going to that place.
I'm going to South Korea.
By myself.
As much as I tried to look unaffected by that fact, that much pathetically paler my face became. I was awfully freaking out and my whole system gave it away. Noticing the nervous mess I became in mere minutes, Lina rushed to my side and held my hands tight. Of course, she would be worried sick too. She's my mother after all.
"Don't worry. You'll be fine, sweetie. You'll be fine..." She assured me. However, it sounded as though she was trying to convince herself and not me, which only made me feel worse. I couldn't believe I was willing to bid farewell to the only people I have ever known to find the others whom I DID NOT exactly bid farewell to before leaving.
It sounded complicated even to me. I looked at Lina and her eyes were welling with tears but she was holding them back quite well. Bracing my timid self, I stood up from my seat and hugged her tightly. After all these years under her shade, I am finally stepping out into the world to look for answers by myself. And trust me, it felt way more intimidating than it seemed to be.
After bidding farewell to my beloved family, I finally got onto that plane with a million thoughts racing in my head. In fact, I could even picture a subconscious smaller version of myself running around in my own head like a lunatic. However, after what felt like forever, the pilot finally decided to announce our arrival at the Incheon International Airport.
A huge part of me wanted to hide in the airport and board the next flight back to New York. But the other part of me wanted to find that one person I've been meeting only in my dreams.
Correction.
The one person I keep 'leaving' in my dreams.
That one person who was holding on to me as if his life depended on it.
However, my timid heart wasn't as strong as my mind was with that will.
★
Delaying whatever reality that was awaiting me outside of that airport, I took my sweetest time to slowly stroll towards the pickup lounge which was filled with people carrying name cards of the passengers they were waiting for. There was also a huge group of people, mostly girls with all types of cameras and blue banners at the entrance but unlike the intensity of the crowd, they were all pretty silent and decent while they waited there patiently. Among the boards, I finally spotted a tiny one with my name written in English and I instantly approached the person holding it.
"Hey there, sorry the flight got delayed a little. I'm your exchange student from the States. I believe you were here to fetch me?" The girl was obviously spaced out as she kept looking from her phone to that earlier crowd without even turning towards me. She had no idea I was actually talking to her. That's when I realized that I spoke 100% English. So, I immediately changed the language settings in my system.
"Oh... I apologize. I am Kang Gia. The one you are waiting for?..." This time I spoke in clean Korean and she immediately turned towards me with eyes wide open as though she was dragged out of a trance or something. After a few seconds of brain buffering, she finally flashed an adorable smile and bowed politely as she greeted me.
"That's not a problem. I do speak English by the way. Sorry, I just... sort of spaced out a little...," she threw another glance at the crowd and her phone before turning it off. "Anyways, annyeong haseyo! It's nice to meet you, Gia. I'm Yoon Sorim. You can call me Sorim and I'm one of your housemates here." She held out her hand, which I greeted happily and followed her out as we waited for the booked vehicle to arrive.
Shortly after a few common topics, our conversation became more friendly. We even started using informal speech when we realized that we were coeval. Sorim seemed to be a very sweet girl and she was also very outspoken but somehow I found that charming. She was also going to Howon University, which is where I will be attending to complete my assignment and luckily she was in the same faculty with me as well.
"Anyways what made you choose the South Korean musical industry? I'm sure you have your reasons."
Reason for choosing the South Korean musical industry, no I have none.
But South Korea, yes of course I do.
Once upon a time, I almost died from falling off a cliff here. After which I completely lost my memories but gained acrophobia instead and since then I've been reliving that nearly death moment through nightmares every single day. Plus there's this guy in that dream who calls me by a different name, whom the psychologists believe to be a result of acute schizophrenia but his presence feels too real to be considered imagination to me. I also am secretly wishing to find him and my relationship with him without any possibilities of having an anxiety attack or least probably a heart attack.
Nope.
There was no way on planet Earth I'm telling all those to the first girl that I just met in South Korea. That'll be creepy as hell. The last thing I wanted was to be taken as a troubled girl on uppers from the USA with suicidal thoughts and imaginary friends. Therefore, I said the most believable answer that I practised in flight prior to landing.
"Actually, it's my lecturer who is interested. I simply got the chance by scoring the highest grades in his classes." I said it in the most casual manner and yes. She bought it because she simply nodded with no signs of disbelief in her expression.
"Great then, do you have a scope or are you free to explore any genre and music field?"
"Well, he did give me a few options. Musicals, pansori (traditional music) and YES!," I exclaimed recalling instantly, "Korean Pop music. He's a HUGE fan of it. So, I think I'll explore the genres in that deeply." Sorim let out a burst of amused laughter at my response as I simply rolled my eyes in confusion.
"Girl, are you serious? K-POP IS A GENRE ITSELF! You see that crowd over there, they're here to send off one of the members from their idol group abroad for a show. And trust me, that's just a small fraction of the fanbase. And I'm an official member in it," she smiled satisfied with herself. "However, I'm not going to bombard you with my fangirl details right away so don't worry. We'll take this slow." She winked confidently.
I was never drawn towards Korean Pop music before whereas most of my friends and even my lecturer himself were huge fans of it. And that's all because Lina made sure that I had nothing to do with anything related to Korea at all. She even disconnected her Korean entertainment channels for me. However, Junho always said that there's no way for us to like something we don't know about. Perhaps I'll have to learn and get to know about K-Pop, the fanbases, and then maybe I'll like them too.
It's all music after all.
"Sorry, I don't know much about K-Pop, Sorim but I'd like to learn though." She smiled in consent as we spotted a car approaching the pavement we were waiting at.
"Oh don't you worry about that, Gia! You've come to the right people and even the right institution, so you'll learn in no time. I'll pass on your request to Prof Lim, he's the lecturer in charge of EPs (Exchange Participants) and he'll guide you through the perfect path." She helped me place the luggage in the trunk and gestured me to get in but I stopped her abruptly.
"Jamkkan... aren't you going to bid farewell to your Idol?" The word farewell came out a little too bitter than I expected but luckily Sorim didn't notice.
"There is still time before my Idol arrives but I'm fine. I've seen him enough in person and I've got other friends from the fan base to share his Airport fashion for the day. Have a safe journey, Ravi-yah!" She waved dramatically with one hand while clutching her heart with the other.
"Now hop on, and welcome to Daehan Minguk, Kang Gia!"
I got into the car and felt my fears beginning to slowly fade away as we drove farther from the magnificent airport. There was no going back after this. I was really at the land where I lost everything including a major part of my life and was determined to find a guy who seemed to be the only answer in retrieving them.
My heart literally stopped beating at the thought of the odd possibility of meeting him. However, the only thing that I knew about him was his deep but devastated voice that kept crying out for me. And I had no freaking idea of how or where to even start looking for him but I knew that I had to, no matter what.
Because the last time I recalled, I certainly did not bid a proper farewell to him, whereas he was literally begging me to stay.
So this time...
This time, I'm going to find him.
And we're not bidding any more farewells.
★★★★★★
| Title's Song ~ Farewell Hands (VIXX - ZELOS) |
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