Chapter 149: Chapter 149
「『That's right, you are in a deep and warm place』」
Within the darkness where my eyes are closed, I could hear the gentle voice of a certain grandpa who seems to be the authority of Psychiatry in the same hospital as Maeno-Sensei.
The sound of the metronome placed on the desk, the faint scent of sweet fragrance of flowers.
A space where the mind naturally becomes calm.
『I'm sure you're fed up with the usual inquiries and conversations?』 It seems the past few counselings has been something called hypnotherapy.
But, honestly speaking, with the current circumstances, I can't really say that it's been effective.
「『The sound of a phone ringing. Try picking up the phone. See, you can hear someone's voice right』」
I Imagine the situation in accordance with the voice of the psychiatrist doctor. TLN: Please be advised, Doctor and Sensei could be used interchangeably in this chapter.
However, my imagination fails to catch up to the words I gradually heard at this point.
「『What you hear is your voice.... Listen carefully to that voice. That voice is talking about things about you that you've forgotten』」
Oh, it's useless. I just can't imagine it.
As soon as I become conscious of the 『Things I've Forgotten』, my old self which is being locked up deep within my core makes an appearance.
『Wrong』. 『That's not it』, so it keeps yelling at me.
Listening to that my old nagging voice, my calm self would drown out the imagination that this is impossible at this rate.
I mean, it's just way too off.
With this calm feeling, it won't sync up.
I'm so damn sure that, this won't help me remember this dark flame that seems like it might crush me.
「... Doctor, sorry. After all I, just don't think...」
When I opened my eyes quietly saying so, the psychiatrist Doctor as well as Maeno-sensei were in the room.
Maeno-Sensei is a surgeon and, of course, not a psychiatrist, but he tended to my injuries first, and even after then, when I had a medical examination, he showed up.
Looking at me awkwardly close up the picket, the psychiatrist doctor made a slightly troubled face.
「I see, fumu, like I thought, I guess it might be that hypnotherapy is incompatible with Ukei-kun」
As the doctor says so calmly, he stops the hand of the metronome that was still swaying.
「I'm sorry」
「Oh no, Ukei-kun. This is largely due to the disposition of the person. Let's tread slowly and carefully without rushing」
As I lowered my head, Maeno-Sensei gently tapped my shoulder.
「Maeno-Kun is right, should we end it right here for today. So we can think about it carefully. Because it's not good to force something like this」
The psychiatrist doctor said so in a calm voice.
「Okay...., then, I'll see you soon」
「Well then, I'll be waiting for you at this time next week」
「Take care alright,Ukei-kun」
Even though I'm trying my best, I played oblivious to the awkwardness of not being able to show any progress, and then left the hospital room after bowing to Maeno-Sensei and the psychiatrist doctor.
I pulled myself from the quandary of an apologetic and an indescribable emotion.
While thinking about why, it is evident that I bear a certain feeling of dislike towards Maeno-sensei within me.
Sometimes, the look in Maeno-sensei's eyes, somehow, feels like that of a serpent's tongue coiling around the heart.
Makes me feel a kind of bitter nostalgia.
It especially makes the me that isn't me, a little agitated, kinda feeling.
☆
「? Mai?」
「Oh, dear brother」
After finishing the examination and leaving the hospital, Mai was waiting at the gate in uniform.
「Why are you here...」
「Why? Of course I came to pick you up. Don't you understand that much, dear brother? Please try to understand the feelings of your anxious sister who's worried about dear brother」
Mai puffed up her cheeks a little, and glared at me with upturned eyes.
「Oh, my bad. Thank you. But don't go out alone too much, it's dangerous」
「You don't need to worry too much, the police are escorting me properly. Look, they're over there, and there」
A young lady in a black suit was waving her hands over from where Mai's finger was pointed.
If that's what you're saying, then it seems I too have a bunch of old men or young bros or whatever in black attire following me, and even if that wasn't the case, no matter where you go, you can see these kinds of people in this town that is now full of police officers.
The situation of the town with the excessive number of police officers is strange, but it is also for this very reason that there's likely no chance of a fatal incident occuring.
Speaking of things that are worrying, seeing as my words also eventually find their way back to affect me like a boomerang, I raised my hands up in surrender and gave up.
「Well then, let's head home, your sister's hands are tired」
Mai having said that, sticks out a bag that seems to contain ingredients for dinner.
「Alright fine, I will carry them for you」
When I took the bag with a wry smile in one hand, Mai grabbed hold of my empty hand and walks as if it was a matter of course.
The coldness of the hand from being held tightly, got my face all blue as I walk.
After coming back, Mai always holds my hand no matter where I go.
Grasping hands is not just limited to when we go out, but even in school classrooms and inside the house, close contacts like suddenly joining hands, or coiling around my arms has been increasing.
Of course, I don't hate it. It is just quite intense for a brotherly gesture. But ...
(Continuing with this...)
One of my worries is the memories that seems like I'm about to recall but didn't.
But, I think that I have to do something about Mai.
When I saw Yuuto's room in the daytime, it made me realize that I can't keep dodging it.
Which is why, I resolved myself that this can't go on like this, and then took a single step forward.
「... Listen,Mai. Can you just, put a stop to these already?」
「? What are you talking about?」
She looks up with a strange face, and tilted her head sideways in puzzlement.
Err, that's pretty cute, but now is not the time.
While feeling the hint of refusal, still I pressed on with my conversation.
「You're not a child for goodness sake, so holding my hand every time we go out, is umm you know? Improper?」
Having said that, beyond her gaze, I realized the strength behind her grip on my arm shoot up a little.
It contained too strong an emotion to call it an expression of deep affection.
「There's, nothing improper about it. We are the only two siblings」
Mai's eyes staring at me, looks somewhat intense as if morbid, and dark...
「But you see, Mai...」
「NO!! ...No, way. Dear brother, is joining hands together with Mai」
The strength holding my hand got even stronger.
Like the grip of a mother holding her child's hand tightly, so as not to get lost.
(... No, I'm sure, this is like the grip of a mother holding the hand of a child who was once a lost child, making sure he never separates from her again)
「As long as we're joining hands, you will never leave this time. Can't you even understand that? Stupid dear brother」
「Mai...」
I could not say anything further, to Mai who said that murmuring with her face down.
「...Now, when we get back, we eat and then study. Let's pass the test with a perfect score okay, dear brother」
「Uh, yeah」
What, how do I say it.
I couldn't get an answer for Mai, who looks like she's about to breakdown from just a single touch, except to just shut my mouth.
☆
「Dear brother, let's begin studying」
As we got home, we had dinner.
Mai's dish who seems to have inherited the strangely dexterous and hobbyist's father's blood, and not the delicate mother's blood who suck at cooking.
After the meal and a little rest, it's switchover time to the study meeting in Mai's room on the second floor.
Compared to my own room, I was impressed by my sister's room that smells clean and tidy whenever I come...
「Well, studying is all good, but what's with that getup?」
「? Is it weird?」
Mai bends her head slightly to one side looking blankly.
Gachaa! And a little sound was made, which seems to have been by a fake contact lens without prescription.
And, she is wearing a light yellow suit while inside the house, and the light blue ribbon that is usually tied at the tip of her hair around her buttocks, is tied around her chest.
Yes, for some reason, my usually modest Japanese beauty younger sister who keeps her head down quietly, had been transformed into a career woman all of a sudden.
Wait a minute, when did she even change? Where did she change?
「No no, it's not weird, but rather it looks good on you」
「I already grasped dear brother's fetish, from your last week purchase of 『24 Hours Of A Competent Female Teacher, Secret...』」
「Well then, can we begin studying!?」
I didn't hear anything. I didn't ask any questions too, uh.
「Mai is not impressed with that of immoral book. It's alright, I've burned all the books that are depraving dear brother in the garden」
「I can't hear you, I can't hear you....」
While shedding the sweat of my heart from my eyes, I cried at those words that I didn't hear.
「But, Mai is not a devil. I know full well that adolescent boys tend to have savage desires and can't help themselves. So this considerate sister dressed herself in her brother's preference. Are you happy?」
「Oh please give me a break for crying out loud!? What's with this bashful play! 」
His shyness exploded before his younger sister who was showing him her nice looking breasts supported by her arms.
My sister found my erotic book stash, burned them, and now even analyzes my festish, what in the world am I to do!?
「Then, dear brother, let's study」
「... Yes」
While crying, I had no choice but to head to the desk with Mai who was smiling.
「Hmm hmm, you did good dear brother, you passed」
「Finally! 」
When he finally passed, he rolled the pencil, and then fell flat on the table.
「As expected of dear brother. I'll pat you as a reward. There there」
I had no desire to resist, and my sister stroked my head as she pleased.
I tried protesting am I a dog or something with the way she lovingly stroked my head, but I stopped.
I mean with this current Mai, she just might say something like 『Yes, dear brother is a stupid dog. And while acting all cute goes like, Mai will stay by your side forever and look after you.』 And with a straight face.
「Yes, so let's finish up and solve one more test, shall we?」
「!?」
While I was thinking about such a thing, Mai pushed another adversary onto me with a nonchalant face..
「It's all right, dear brother. Just hold out a little longer. Do your best ♪」
I wonder why. The face of my sister who looks very cute encouraging me, somehow looks distorted like that of a devil's when seen in tears, why?
That's funny, even though it's the top-grade smile that she usually doesn't show often. Why is that?
「Well then, Mai will go and make a quick late-night snack」
My sister left me alone with that same smile and went down to the first floor.
「...Somehow, isn't Mai, going all Spartan on me...?」
I entrusted my weight to the back of the chair, bent my back and looked up to the sky.
「Goddamn it, what do I do...」
The room where he was sitting alone was so quiet, that the fatigue from studying also intensified and his voice leaked out spontaneously.
Mai has been acting strange ever since I came back.
No, things have been changing even before I disappeared, so I guess it's only natural for Mai herself to exhibit some corresponding changes.
So, what I perceived as the problem were those changes.
(No matter how you think about it, she clings to me way too much..., almost like, a cracked glass)
The journey back home from the hospital today came to mind.
I felt like a tremor was transmitted from Mai's palm that I held.
The trembling was like a monster with a cold winter color that looked like it could shred off a body.
The brutish beast that would in turn hurt Mai, no matter how I try to interfere.
If I forcibly step in too far, I can't help but feel like that monster would break Mai beyond any chance for recovery.
The more I think I have to do something about it, so does my desire to do something about it.
I do not know what to do to fill my sister's broken heart.
「Huh~..., It's such a cliche, but is there nothing I can do than to leave it to time...? Huh, whoa!? whoa! 」
And as I was thinking about that, I put my weight on my back too much, lost my balance and slipped off the chair.
At that moment, the world suddenly felt as if it were moving in slow motion and my thought process started to wind calmly.
The hand that was put up against the floor with only the fingertips supported my body without practically making a sound.
「Oh, that was close..., hmm? What is this, a stain?」
What caught my eye in my disfigured posture, was a dark spot inside the hollow of the handle of the drawer.
The moment I saw that spot that would otherwise remain invisible except looked down from the bottom, my heart throbbed for some reason .
The color of the stain somehow stimulates the back of my head with an unpleasant feeling.
The middle of the three-tiered drawer, the only shelf with a lock.
「... Let's see, if she hasn't changed the location of the key, then..., there it is」
I grabbed hold of the key under the pen stand and insert it into the locked drawer.
It was not out of curiosity, nor was it for a particularly profound reason.
Just that, I somehow felt that I had to check inside.
Then, I felt like a tiny needle stabbed my fingertip that was inserted into the hollow of the drawer.
I feel like I was surrounded by dark purple smoke, and then I returned to my senses.
While wondering what exactly was going on, I still had strength in the grip of my hand.
「...? Huh?」
And then, the drawer made a sound and opened.
At first, I didn't know what it was.
「Eh, no..., no way? what the hell is this...」
My sight turned pitch black.
A kind of vertigo as if a cold slimy oil is oozing out continuously from a hole between the top of head.
As if my mouth was paralyzed, a weird sensation flowed through my tongue, it wants to deny what I saw so badly it can't help it.
「...Mai, you, what in the world...」
There is no reply to the words that dropped out of my dry mouth.
What was inside, was a common knife that could be found anywhere.
...It was a single knife with a lot of blackened human blood.
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