"We really shouldn't do this." I said, "It's going to burn bridges with people you care about and unless you are really dedicated to this working out long term, you are going to want those relationships intact. I am cool with being some fond memory of a wild youth, I've been that for lots of people. But if you introduce your literal demon giant space lizard lover to your practicing Catholic parents there is no way things go well."
"Grunt." Jean sighed, "We aren't doing this to get their approval." she shook her head, "We are doing this to give them the chance to be a part of what I want my future to be for however long they can be."
"Okay." I breathed out, then opened a portal to the front of Jean's childhood home, "You're sure that you really want to sign on for the lifestyle of an interdimensional gypsy? I know how intense the attraction is, but are you really going to be down for when we come too after the feeding frenzy, when you have to hold on to who you are so you don't get swept away by someone else's life, when we bite off more than we can chew?"
"I think we can chew a lot." Jean smirked as she walked through the portal to ruin her relationship with her parents.
"It's not always enough." I sighed while thinking about the names on my belt.
Holding Jean afterwards wasn't fun.
It was normal high school bullshit and X-chicanery until Logan and I took a motorcycle trip that got interrupted by Shield. I was fucking psyched until white Nick Fury stepped off the attack helicopter. Not that white Nick Fury wasn't still cool, just been a while since I last ran into Sam Jackson. He needed us to track down Magneto cause the guy stole a back up set up for the shit that made Captain America. Professor X nearly creamed his shorts when he found out that there existed a device capable of pumping out Captain Lookalikes. He stopped moaning long enough to use cerebro to accomplish jack shit in finding Magneto. I'd have slapped the stupid off of Logan if this wasn't required set up for Rogue to reveal that she knew the approximate location of Mags' secret base via prior contact stolen memories.
She and her pal Nightcrawler would have been able to talk their way onto the mission because of Magneto completely ensphereing his base in metal, but a quick application of demigod fire breath would get us through any metallic defenses.
We burned through Mags' defenses and found the guy inside the Captain America chamber. Sabretooth was there too, but the guy started running as soon as he saw me then Mags delivered his heartfelt plea to let him use the chamber to make himself young again.
I laughed before killing him with fire.
"This is why we don't take you on missions." Wolverine grumbled as we went home.
"Cause you guys don't like results." I chuckled, "The dude was a terrorist, and Uncle Sam will be thrilled that the dude is crispy enough to need a dental ID."
The payoff to participating in this bullshit was that I got to meet the Capsicle. Worth it.
"Grunt, I am afraid that I must inform you of a very troubling occurrence." Professor X interrupted Jean's trip to pound town to speak through my door, "May I come in?"
"I am very busy right now." I answered, "Ahh, polishing my hammer?"
"Was that a question or a statement?" Charles asked, "The tone made that quite confusing. Either way, I am coming in."
Jean managed to pull a blanket over her torso, but that left her legs exposed as they wrapped around my hips and I held her up with the strength of my erection.
"Ah, engaging in extracurricular activities." Charles graciously looked away, "How very High School. Unfortunately one of my patients, a girl who proved too unstable to allow into High School Therapy has escaped the asylum."
"And this is my problem, how?" I asked as I thrust my hips causing Jean to gasp in surprise and pleasure.
"She has developed a recent obsession with you after I informed her of Magneto's death at your hands." He sheepishly kicked his foot, "Anyway, unstable reality warper heading your way and I have an express flight to a conference on the other side of the world. Good luck, have fun!"
Charles can really book it for a man his age.
"Any plans for dealing with this?" Jean asked.
"Nut first. Crazy bitches later." I shrugged.
Everything was going great until Charles got back, had a panic attack about Wolverine going missing and invited the Brotherhood of Mutants to join the X-Men without telling me.
I made my way down to the kitchen for a midnight snack with pep in my step, a song in my heart, and the juices of sexual warfare shining on my cock. I assembled a sandwich of victory and as I raised it up for consumption a chill crawled up my spine.
"Hello beautiful." a feminine voice nearly moaned.
As I looked down to my sandwich I knew my work wasn't done. I turned to face the interloper, sword in hand and asked, "We doin this?"
"Fuck the hell yes." answered the Scarlet Witch, naked aside from her trench coat, "Now lightly choke me while you describe how you killed my father."
I sighed and impaled the crazy bitch on my cock.
The things I do for my country.
Turns out it was the right call to bring in the Brotherhood as Wolverine's disappearance was the start of the Sentinel Program. I had forgotten that and only found out on the news broadcast of the X-Men getting slapped around by a giant robot. It goes to show how little respect I get around here that Charles took the rambunctious terrorists trained by Magneto on the mission but left Team Eat'em on the bench. Or what was left of the bench after the damn mansion exploded.
The team showed back up after they beat the robot and Mystique revealed that it was her all along posing as Charles. She blew up my crib and she laughed in my face right up until an oversized blood red arm sprouted out of my back and swiped its oversized claws down her form, turning her into something resembling lasagna.
A lot of kids puked after that.
"You fucking monster!" Scott yelled, "Now we will never know where she took the Professor!"
"You win some, you lose some, kid." I chuckled as I pulled out a plasma auto cannon from the wreckage, "But nobody laughs in my face about pulling one over on me."
"There is no place for people like you with us!" Scott shouted and the sentiment was taken up by lots of other voices.
"Fine by me." I chuckled as I lifted rubble off of the Good Evening, "I was planning to hit the UK soon anyways to check up on some shit. Might as well make the move permanent.
After we loaded up all our shit in the family hover vehicle Jean and Wanda jumped in.
"Jean!" Scotts voice cracked, "Are you really going to go with this fucking murderer?"
"Does it look like I am planning something different?" She asked incredulously.
Never seen a dude look so crushed.
We ended up funding our British invasion by taking missions for Shield. It was an easy sell to get us on the payroll. After all, what could Shield possibly want with four super soldiers with advanced tech, a telepath, and a reality warper. The answer is a lot of dead terrorists and supervillains.
In mid June it was time to check out Number 4 Privet drive. According to the calendar little Harry should be locked up in Durzkaban for the summer after his first year at Hogwarts. You can imagine my immense surprise when I rolled up at breakfast time Saturday morning and the door was answered by Vernon Dursley sporting a shiner and some missing teeth.
"Oh God, it's another one!" he shrieked and fell over, likely dying of heart attack.
"Another one?" I mouthed.
Little Harry Potter did not emerge next, instead it looks like this kid ate Harry Potter and used all the meat to build his body in a temple of iron.
"You lift, bro?" He asked.
Do I lift?
DO I LIFT!
I tore my shirt off and FLEXed every glorious head of muscle in my body though a series of poses revealing a deific physique that rumbled like distant thunder with each muscular contraction.
"Nice. You might be as big as The Thick Daddy." he commented, "You guys should lift together."
Who is the Thick Daddy and why the fuck is Harry Potter so swoll? These are the questions, but I assume the answer is that this isn't a world crossed over with Harry Potter. This is a world crossed over with a fanfic.
I am pretty sure my life is a fanfic, so this means we are achieving Inception levels of fanficery here.
Fucking sweet.
I tried to withhold my existential terror when fuck mothering Thanos wracked the bar he was squatting and came over to us.
"Harry, you've brought a stranger to my gym." The purple behemoth looked me in the eyes, "I see you know of me."
This was not a fight I was ready for. Jack and I could theoretically wear this guy down with our speed and our weapons so long as the Mad Titan doesn't have a high resistance to magic, but the big purple bastard was many weight classes stronger than me. Could he out DPS my durability and healing prowess? Very likely despite him probably being the movie version from the look of him.
"We going to have a problem?" he hummed.
"I am out of this verse in six months to a year tops." I answered.
"Then we have no problem." The Mad Titan declared.
"Then let's lift!" Swoll Harry shouted.
Spending the summer lifting with Thanos and Harry Potter wasn't something that was ever on my bucket list, but it should have been. All these guys did was push iron, spar, and crush pussy. Except Harry with that last one. Guy had two girlfriends though so someday soon for the kid.
Sparing with Thanos was fucking brutal, but ultimately rewarding as few people could possibly push my skills as a warrior. The man was a perfectionist and a damn fine teacher.
Was it wrong of me to give a twelve year old a plasma pistol for his birthday? Most people would say yes and you know what I call them? Responsible adults. But those people will never feel the joy of a crisp high five after that twelve year old dead eyes all the targets at the range they set up for him.
I spent the rest of my time waiting for the Apocalypse fight doing missions and training with Thanos. Fury called the team in and briefed us on the situation with the old Egyptian super mutant and the pyramids he activated across the world to initiate his destructive forced mutation of the world's population. Each location had a mutant upgraded by Apocalypse defending the location: Professor X, Storm, Angel, and Caliban.
"I need each of you on a Pyramid Team." Fury indicated to me, Jack, Linda, and Kat, "The X-Men and their allies will provide the muscle, but we need people at each location who aren't afraid to pull the trigger."
"I call Cue Ball." Jack smirked.
"Please at least try to act like you aren't excited to kill the man who helped raise me." Jean muttered.
"I'd like to help." Wanda grinned, "All those years I spent in captivity and all I needed was a big ol' dick to set me right. Fuck that asshole."
"Lovely." Fury shook his head.
"I'm on the team going after Apocalypse." I stated.
"Then that means I'll clip fly boy and Kat will try to save your lover." Linda nodded.
"Going after a woman who can manipulate the weather?" Kat grumbled, "Sounds like an easy day at the office."
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"You are a waste of the Mad Titan's teachings." I grumbled as I smashed Caliban's freaky Apocalypse enhanced head against the Celestial pyramid over and over until his brains leaked out of his splitting skull.
Scott radioed Fury after he finished puking to have Rogue come deliver us from the plot via copying Leech's X-Gene shutoff powers.
Three fucking years wasted. Going to High School, working for Shield, training under fuck mothering Thanos himself. All in the expectation of a knock down drag out cinematic as fuck battle against the X-Gene Papa Smurf, but apparently that asshole toggled God Mode, so we were going to beat him with the mutant equivalent of yanking the power cord out of the wall.
The worst part was… I couldn't figure out how to beat him. The dude was hax.
Rogue came along the cleared route and Apocalypse ended with a whimper… or at least he would have if I didn't toast him with Ormagoden's fire till the fucker was nothing more than ashes and slag.
Fuck that guy for being to OP and arrogant for a fist fight.
"Fuck this shit." I sighed, "I'm going home and leaving this disappointing universe."
"No you ain't." Logan growled.
"You going to pull another Apocalypse out of your ass?" I asked the manlet, "Cause you don't have the firepower to stop me."
"If you leave now…" Logan looked me in the eyes, "Who is going to play sick Metal at the afterparty."
I pointed my finger at him, then put it down in defeat, "I do need to spread Heavy Metal to all corners of existence."
"Hahaha," He chuckled, "Knew you'd see things my way."
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You put me on base, Jack on guitar, Kat on drums, and Linda on the mic and you have a recipe for ascending a party to a level that makes the Titans jealous.
Afterwards I was just the right level of fueled up for interdimensional transport and Jack was giving the last chance speech.
"Alright people, you've all been briefed on the nature of existence and what we are about. This is the last chance to turn back, there is a chance that we will never see this version of reality again, so if there's anything tying you down, then you can back away judgement free." she looked around, "No takers? Good. Now lets fuck a hole through reality."
Double release on a week day. Who is this mad lad.?
Had to add another page of this chapter that didn't get copied in the original realase.
Mass Effect: Alter next! And the start of the Prepare to Cry.
You can support me and my family at
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I would have been able to wonder about the irony of Jack's speech more if Jean didn't immediately burst into tears after parsing through the week's worth of memories from our victim of this frenzy.
Spoiler alert, it was one of my rejected super krogan brothers.
I put a hand on Jean's shoulder to do the whole supportive lover schtick and she jerked back.
"Don't touch me!" She screamed.
"Huh." I grunted, "I didn't think you'd be the one to have troubles assimilating."
"I don't feel it anymore!" she shrieked, sending some warning bells jingling.
Was I about to have another abuse incident with a psychic lover?
"I don't feel the need to be with you anymore." she sobbed.
"Wow, that is really hurtful." I said in surprise, "Usually chicks go the other way on that after sleeping with me."
"It's not your dick you sex crazed lizard!" she shouted, "Every time I look at you I feel like we were meant to be together and it's just gone!"
"Huh. Now that you mention it, that little pull I feel towards you is gone." I realized that the supernatural part of my attraction to Jean was gone.
"A little pull?" Jean gasped, "A little pull? You and Jack were all I could think about. I wrecked my relationship with my parents, with my friends, left my world without even once thinking I was making a mistake."
"Ah…" I tapped my finger tips together, "I can speculate on that but mostly because the Archetypical Jean Grey is so wrapped up in cosmic bullshit and I know you don't want me to compare you to some fictional Jean Grey…"
"Fucking speculate right now!" she ordered.
"You know about that whole Phoenix BS." I started, "Chances are it's gone, and with it, whatever influence it was having on you."
"And you think it was influencing me and my feelings for you." Jean sighed.
"I'd put it in the probable column." I admitted, "It sounds like it had a much bigger hold on you than on us. I am sorry, Jean. I thought I understood how you felt."
"Just give me some time, Grunt." She looked away.
"Silver lining," I grinned, "You look great."
Jean had shot up in height after eating my brother and got the amazon express body rebuild, Wanda too who was currently looking at her hands like they were betraying her.
"My powers aren't working." She stated.
"Chthon." I told her, "From what I understand he was the source of your powers and if he abandoned you when you left the verse…"
"I'd lose my powers." Wanda nodded then grinned, "Who knew dick would fix all my problems."
"Glad to be of service, honey." I smirked, "Now let's kick up the nanobots and get them building you some new power armors for those new bodies."
"This is fucking rad." Wanda said as she threw a few punches that made her giant tits jiggle, "I can definitely get behind super strength and durability."
"Good." I chuckled and programmed the nanite hive I kept in the trunk to use the junked ships of my home world, Korlus, to make a pair of nanolaminate armors suits for Jean and Wanda, using Halo materials to building them an Elite style powered undersuit and covered it all in a top layer of Ormagoden for that chrome swag that repped my divine daddy.
Add on a pair of reconfigured plasma rifles and pistols to better fit their new larger hands and in two hours Wanda and Jean were ready to stand and bang like no one in this verse was ready to match.
"I always love cheating the algorithm by using mats from other verses to pull off shit that won't be possible here." I chuckled as I installed two Spartan style power packs to give the suites infinite energy for twenty years.
"Once I get some of schematics and software from this verse I can make our suits stupid durable." I smiled while thinking about my old tech armor, fortification, devastation mode setup that crushed this verse the last time.
"Hate to rain on the parade, but I don't think we ended up in the past at home." Jack commented.
"Why's that, babe?" I asked.
"Linda just showed me a Commander John Shepard coming our way." She answered.
I looked over at the approaching trio of Commander Shepard, Garrus, and Jack Jr.
"Ah shit." I complained, "That guy's face is lit up like a cybernetic Christmas tree. We got a Renegade for Life MaleShep... and I was excited to show you all my Mom."
Jack and I took off our helmets and I held up a hand to halt the trio.
"Hold up, space cowboys!" I shouted.
"Who the fuck are you and why do you look like me!" Jack Jr. demanded with her shotgun pointed at us.
"Well look at you, little pitbull." Big Jack chuckled, "They just bust you out of the clink?"
"Answer the damn question!" Jack Jr. shouted.
"Fuck me, I don't remember you ever being this high strung." I said in slight exacerbation.
"I had some big lizard cock keeping my stress levels pinned down." She smiled, "I'm you kid. Plus twenty years and a whole lot of multiverse travel."
"Bullshit." Jack growled.
"Oh no." I deadpanned, "She called our bluff and now we have to reveal that we are actually Christian missionaries here to spread the good news of Jesus Christ to the wayward people of Korlus."
"Keep the sass down, xeno." The Commander asserted himself, "What kind of mutant krogan freak are you?"
"The kind that can run the whole campaign against the Collectors without your xenophobic ass, you renegade dickwaffle." I growled.
"I didn't mention the Collectors." The Commander and Garrus joined Jack Jr. in pointing their guns at us.
"Fucking time travelers you insufferable assbags." I stated in annoyance, "Don't make me kill Garrus because you are being a douche."
"Hey!" Garrus barked, "I can be douche enough for myself, thank you very much!"
We all looked at him like the guy was a few crayons short of a rainbow.
"You are still the lamest cop I know." I turned and walked away.
"Hey," Jack Jr. shouted, "Don't walk away after I start believing in the whole time travel stuff!"
"Okay." the Commander nodded his head while seated on some salvage near The Good Evening, "That isn't how it went at all. Saren was my mentor and the Geth weren't under the control of some machine god Reaper. The Collectors did attack the Normandy and have begun kidnapping human colonists, but they aren't bug people."
"More of a cyberpunk aesthetic." Garrus added, "Lots of robot parts, advanced weapons, and tech."
"So we are in some wacky AU." I muttered, "The Reapers not being a thing is a big win so long as we can make sure that they aren't waiting in the wings, but hey, Harry Potter and Thanos were in our last verse and one of them definitely had no business being there."
"The timelines may not match up, but if you've been through a version of this already then my mission needs you." the Commander stated.
"We don't mind signing up again." I saw Jack nod her head in confirmation, "But I want to track down all my brothers Okeer has been dumping on the Blue Suns and smack some sense into them. It will be tight. But unless the Normandy is smaller this time then I should be able to fit them all in the cargo bay till its time to dump them on Omega. Is Aria still in charge there?" Shep nodded, "Neat. Then I'll put a baby in her and leave them there to protect it."
"You think Aria is going to let you impregnate her?" Garrus snorted.
"We had two kids last time." I responded.
"Are you being for real right now?" Garrus raised a plated eyebrow.
I nodded my head.
"Dude. Nice." he hissed the 'nice' like a bro.
"Come on mini me." Jack told Jack Jr. "I am going to teach you how to kick ass."
"Bitch please." Mini Jack scoffed, "I'm the greatest killer in the galaxy."
Jack punched her in the tit
"Lesson one:" She grinned maniacally, "Nipples are not an appropriate armor system."
We are back baby, but things are off. Jean learned the hard way that with each jump in becomes harder and harder to manipulate their minds and Jack and Grunt have been on lots of jumps. As for Wanda losing her powers, I never intended for her to keep them. Chthon intended for Wanda to get him influence on Earth again, and with her going to places he would never influence he wouldn't have a reason to keep powering her up.
The gang is now in a Mass Effect full of new shit to do and that makes it an even better thing that SeekingRaven and KroganWarlord have sponsored a pair of bonus chapters this weekend so we can see even more of what Jack and Grunt and the gang get up to in this verse.
If you want to contribute to next week's weekend bonus chapter stockpile you can do so at
ko - fi . com / jmanm
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