Chapter 62: New Friends
The Stranded must have taken the Jury Rigging perk, cause these guys were repairing their vehicles with parts that frankly made little sense. They finished fixing their trucks and then spent two days stripping the facility for resources. I had to throw back a few Lambent incursions and a Locust probing attack during that time. I vastly preferred the Locust as they were kind enough to leave their meat behind upon death.
The 'grubs' were thicc bois made of very dark red meat that had a natural mushroom marinade taste. I guess that would be imulsion saturation. For anyone else eating Locust meat was just asking for Lambent infection, but my immune system would make a scouter explode. I am pretty sure my blood is the cure for Space AIDs, but would likely be too hardcore for anyone to survive drinking it.
Delta Team showed up at the facility already looking exhausted. They'd been fighting all day and that wasn't going to stop now. The Locust were holding the lower reaches of the drill platforms with more manpower than they had in the game. Turns out losing an elite force recon team and a repelled probing force prompted a hard response from the Horde. Who'd have thought?
"Alright everyone calm the fuck down!" I heard Jack yell as I approached the fortified encampment with the last scrapper team, "I get it. You guys are elitist G-Men working for a defunct government that betrayed its people, and you guys are pissed off scavengers not willing to piss on a COG soldier if he was on fire. I don't give a shit cause sometime in the next ten minutes my husband is going to turn up and if any of you jagoffs shoot him again I am going to stand back and watch as he ties you up and peels open your skulls one by one so he can eat your brains while you are still alive."
"Your married to a fucking cannibal!" screamed Baird in outrage.
"Cannibalism requires the participants to be equals." Jack refuted.
"Don't you dare mix philosophy with cannibalism!" Baird yelled, "That is straight up doubling down on sacrilege!"
"Holy shit!" screamed Cole, "It's some kinda super grub!"
He raised his gun to fire but Jack decked him with a straight right sending the ultra thicc boi down to the ground dazed and confused.
"Everywhere I go you humans scream and run for your torches and pitchforks." I complained, "Get some class you ignorant mother fuckers and act like you've been there before."
"The super grub is sassy as fuck." Baird commented.
"He is only like, five parts grub." Jack explained, "he is still three parts alien and only expresses whatever physical traits he subconsciously wants cause of quantum fuckery."
"That's five eighths grub, girl." Dominic stated the obvious, "And how would that even work?"
"We ate five Therons when we got here during our Post RRE Ravenous Assimilation Phase. PRRAP for you acronym loving types. Gives us the power and knowledge of the people we land on when entering a new universe." Jack answered.
"That is so many shades of fucked up." Baird commented.
"Sounds metal." Marcus stated quietly, "Listen we gotta get this Resonator down into the Hollow so we can launch a big attack on the grubs. We need someone to guide us through the facility."
"Grunt will take you boys down. He's been all over the facility the last couple of days and knows the Hollow like the back of his hand." Jack assured them, "Plus the big guy needs a new group of guy friends. The last crew didn't work out too well."
"What happened to them?" Dom asked.
"Killed by dragons." I stated glumly, "Had to gather up all the pieces for a funeral which was really hard. There were a lot of pieces and I was really hungry."
"We are going to die and be eaten by a giant alien lizard man." Baird despaired.
"Don't forget that he is a super grub hybrid." The recently recovered Cole added, "Fucking five whole Therons. Even I don't think I can eat that much."
"You people worry too much." I comforted the Gears, "This is going to be a kick ass boys weekend and when the dust settles we will all be big fucking heroes."
Delta squad didn't look convinced, just tired.
After scheduling our rendezvous for after I help the Deltas drop a bunch of WMD's on the Locust, I left Jack and the Stranded to guide the Gears deep into the bowels of the earth.
"We are going to get to enjoy the cart ride down because the Locust have pulled back to a strong defensive position on the drilling platforms after the shellacking I gave them. Remember to keep your arms and legs inside the cart at all times as this ride sure as hell wasn't made for human use."
After an invigorating bumper cart ride we arrived at the flashing yellow button that would open the door to the grub's position.
"From this point on expect heavy resistance." I told them, "It is going to be glorious."
I took point for the team, shouldering the self made stock to my modified Hammerburst Assault Rifle. I opened up with a precise stream of full auto pain and devastation on the entrenched Locust, my eyes able to see more clearly in the dark than any of theirs and without the crippling light sensitivity many of them experience. A few bullets ricocheted off of the front mounted shield on my rifle and I started to jog.
Gears of War is a series of cover shooter games, running at your enemies like you would in Halo is a fast way to die, but I am like phase three Demon of Hatred and these guys are still having trouble with Lady Butterfly. I only slowed my jog through the drill platforms long enough to kill anyone I encountered, otherwise I kept on trucking.
"Well damn." Dominic muttered as we stepped onto the weird drill elevator combo that led down into the hollows.
"If you have some brothers available, can we call them in?" Baird stated as he whistled at the destruction and broken bodies left in my wake, "I don't think we need Lightmass bombs if we can sign you guys up for the Coalition."
"I had many brothers and thousands of sons." I told them as Marcus informed their controller, Anya, of our presence on the drill platforms. "Not a one of them is as strong as me, but they could wipe the floor with the grubs."
"When you smashed that boomer to death with a tail strike." Cole said, "I liked that. I liked that a lot."
"This baby was a new addition in the last world Jack and I dropped on, and the middle fingers and claws." I shuddered, "I was born with only six fingers. Two on each hand plus the thumbs. I used to see people flipping each other off and I wanted that. I wanted it so bad. I truly came from nothing, man. Now I have glorious bird flipping fingers."
"Dude…" Cole choked up.
"Are you seriously crying right now?" Baird accused his swole as fuck partner.
"He… he didn't have no middle fingers, man!" Cole declared, "That's so fucked up."
"I… I don't get you people." Baird shook his head as the elevators started bringing us down.
"The fuck you mean by 'you people'?" Cole demanded while very black and very angry.
"The emotionally open." Baird answered, "The fuck you think I meant? You two are both like three beers too intimate and it's freaking me out."
"You know why we can do that, Baird." I looked the blonde COG soldier in the eye, "Because we aren't afraid of anything. We have lots of confidence, organization, clarity, and knowledge. With all that confidence, organization, clarity, and knowledge we can boldly say, 'Be loving and openhearted with my emotions.'"
"The fuck?" Baird requested clarification.
"I guess the wife was right about you soldier boys always needing acronyms. Cole and I have lots of COCK so we aren't afraid to say BLOWME." I explained.
"Damn straight!" Cole agreed while aggressively nodding his head, "Preach, Lizard Homie."
"I think I'd like to die now." Baird muttered.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
JManM
JManM I was planning on doing this chapter later tonight, but upped my writing time for today in honor of my first donation on ko - fi. This is for you, homie.
I can resonably do three chapters (about 4500 words) a day on weekends if people make it worth my while. The work week will be too hard for about the next month, so no multi chapter days Monday through Friday. I will track the donations over time and make sure you all get your money's worth out of me.
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Chapter 63: Double McGuffin Fakeout
"It's go time, baby." Cole stated as the elevators reached the Hollow, a system of tunnels dug out by near mythical creatures known as Riftworms.
10 miles long and half a mile wide, the Riftworms burrowed the numerous tunnels through the crust of Sera, and their feces spawned the various subterranean species of this hardcore planet. The Locust Horde worshipped the three known Riftworms as gods, their religion called the Trinity of Worms. From the shit of the great worms all life on Sera rose up, including the imulsion.
That liquid fungi was the source of the planet's greatness and its pain. Imulsion makes for some mean fuel, and like all great resources, wars are fought over it. The Coalition of Organized Governments and the Union of Independent Republics launched an eighty year war that claimed millions of lives over the stuff, all the while it infected the people until it created the lethal disease, Rustlung. On the road to the cure the amoral science team created the Sires, which they used to create the Locust, who would eventually evolve into a hive mind race called the Scions because the scientist who made them went full god complex and coded them to be able to survive extinction events by rapidly adapting and overcoming the threat.
Its like the fucking krogan on steroids, and I now had that power five times over.
Me gusta.
Basically the Locust needed to be wiped out violently, because if someone tried to Genophage them they'd be over it within twenty five years, not the thousand it took the krogan. That is why the Lightmass Offensive is so important, not just because humanity is losing, but because the longer the conflict lasts the stronger the Locust become.
"Grunt." Marcus called me over, "You, me, and Dom are going to clear the path ahead while Cole and Baird defend the Resonator."
"Nice." Baird and Cole high fived over not having to do jack shit for now.
"Fuck, man." Dom cursed, "Being underground like this gives me the creeps."
"It helps when you can see in the dark and have over a hundred years of memories navigating this place." I told him.
"How the fuck does that work exactly?" Dom questioned me as we marched.
"Basically, my species can get so drunk and fuck so good that reality can't handle it. Gapes open its sphincter and shits us out somewhere else so it doesn't have to deal with our mind blowing sexual prowess." I explained. "We adapt to the new universe by eating whoever we land on."
"That sounds like absolute bullshit." He countered.
"Some guys explode, combust, flat line, or just pass out, but the rare few become interdimensional gods who can rend reality itself with their cocks. That's what happened to me by the way. Unless this is the afterlife and I blew up on top of Jack."
"Okay." Dom sighed, "Say I accept that you have the ultra cock of destiny, why is Jack here too."
"She's half the equation, dude." I told him, "A man can't do his best work unless he has a hellcat in the sack with him."
"I have trouble getting it up when they are all crying and shit." Marcus grumbled.
"Why the fuck are the people sleeping with you crying, dude?" Dom cocked his head at his partner.
"I'm a warrior, Dom." Marcus answered.
A terrified shiver went up my spine as I looked at the ex-inmate. Maybe Hoffman was right to leave this guy in prison. No, he was definitely right.
Fortunately the pair of them slipped on a shallow stream of water moving down the side of the tunnel and took a ride down the slope like a waterslide.
"Incoming!" I yelled as they scrambled to get away in time.
"God damnit." Marcus grunted and activated his short range radio, "Baird, we hit a problem. You and Cole are going to have to find an alternate route."
"I could get us back up pretty easy." I told him.
"How?" Marcus asked.
"I'd carry you." I answered.
"Yeah, Baird, you definitely need to find that alternate route." Marcus radioed again.
As we walked ahead I saw a weak point in the floor.
"Collapse risk up ahead." I said as I stopped.
"You say something, Grunt? Dom asked as he continued ahead and collapsed the floor.
"Dom!" Marcus screamed and then dived in after him.
"Head first!" I shouted, "Why?"
After the sound of beefy guys bouncing around stone walls stopped I yelled down to them.
"Ya'll still alive?"
"Nah. We're dead." Dom snarked.
"If you don't move over you soon will be!" I yelled then jumped down the tunnel myself.
"Fuck traveling with you guys is a blast." I told them.
"Yeah, everything about this mission has been just so much fun." Marcus's tone dripped with sarcasm.
"Got you out of prison." Dom noted.
"That it did." Marcus nodded.
The path forward led us to an imulsion lake. Why the hell these people fought a war over this shit is mind boggling. It is fucking everywhere down here.
From our left came the thunderous pounding of a full grown Corpser moving through the tunnels.
"Ah, fuck." Marcus growled.
"No worries, I got this." I grinned as I took up the Hammer of Might.
"Dude, that thing is going to take a whole lot more than your edgy sledgehammer to take down." Dom stated coolly.
"I find your lack of faith disturbing." I smirked then charged the big spider centipede hybrid monster.
My demon powered warhammer met the scaly hide of the Corpse in a deafening collision that caused the beast to real back.
"That all you got you big bitch!" I shouted and hit it again, this time causing it to flee.
"Damn thing is smarter than most." I commented when I got back to the gaping maws of Marcus and Dom.
"Did that just happen?" Dom asked in shock.
"Yeah." I told him, "I do shit like this all the time."
A bit farther down the tunnel we saw Baird and Cole across the imulsion lake.
"Sun is coming up soon!" Marcus shouted, "Let's get moving with that Resonator!"
We came upon a more developed section of the tunnels and heard the hissing 'Hostiles' of a Theron Guard alerting his teammates of our presence. They were holed up on a mining structure and just looking for the chance to bring those Torque Bows they trained with so much into play. Dumb bastards didn't know they were in a duel with the Torque Bow King.
I put an explosive arrow into the chest of one of the Guards when he leaned out of cover briefly and the fight was on. His upper torso blew into chunks all over the drones he was leading, lowering their moral and making them easy pickings as they lost a key piece of their command structure. The others I outmaneuvered, knowing their steps and plays better than they ever could. They ate buckshot point blank wondering how the fuck I was so far ahead of them.
"Nice work, baby!" Cole shouted as he and Baird caught up to us.
The techy set up the Sonic Resonator to go off and map the tunnels for the attack while the rest of us worked on restoring power to a nearby lift.
"Am I the only one pissed that we didn't know about this fucking elevator shaft?" I asked, "We were some rope away from skipping all that walking."
"I am just happy we have an easy way out." Dom reminded us to be thankful.
We made it out to the surface to see the sun rise before the Resonator went off and unleashed a blue wave of sound that travelled throughout the tunnels and blew us off our asses.
"Holy shit!" I said as I got up, "The fuck were we going to do if that elevator wasn't there."
Not that anyone could hear me as their ears were all ringing.
Marcus reported our success and just after the team collapsed in weary heaps Colonel Hoffman radioed it to tell us the resonator didn't accomplish jack shit. It was a boondoggle!
Then Baird revealed that he found some other McGuffin to deliver us from this sticky situation. It was a double McGuffin Fakeout.
Classic Baird.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS
JManM
JManM
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