Chapter 29: They Left the Beer
"I'm not scared." I denied weakly as we took the shuttle to the disabled reaper orbiting the brown dwarf Mnemosyne.
"Bullshit." Jack called me out, "You're shaking in your golden mecha boots."
I turned to my foul mouthed wife and fixed her with the full focus of the six fisheye cameras that feed the internal display of my completely armored helmet, "I am not afraid of walking around on the insides of the giant bio-synthetic tentacle monster with a psychic mass great enough to completely smother our capacity for free will. That would be totally stupid."
"Bio-synthetic?" the Commander interrupted.
"Did you not read the reports generated by the teams studying the remains of Sovereign?" I asked the Commander who shook her head, "These things are made of people. Millions of people forming a gestalt mind capable of turning us puny individuals into slack jawed slaves who love us some reapers. Sorry if I ruined the big reveal upcoming on the collector home world."
"The colonists!" the shocked Shepard gasped in realization, "They're being used to make a reaper!"
"Yeah." I confirmed, "Miranda should have given you the heads up considering I found this all in Cerberus's files."
"I can't be expected to have read every file Cerberus has collected." the beautiful space Australian huffed.
"Am I the only one who read up on the enemy?" I asked the gathered ground team.
There was a lot of hemming and hawing, and one 'Of course' from Mordin.
"This galaxy is so fucked." I grumbled.
"We weren't gathered to read." Shepard announced, "We were gathered to shoot, and blow shit up with biotic and tech powers! So that is what we are going to do down there and keep doing till we win!"
The cheers and clapping filled me with dread.
Fortunately, shooting and blowing shit up with biotic and tech powers was all we needed to clear our way through the pathetic resistance found on the dead reaper. We easily came away with the Reaper IFF, the loot, and a disabled but still operational geth platform with field repaired damage that really should compromise its performance, but who am I to judge such things. Just a guy running around in the most expensive power armor in the galaxy.
Shepard activated the geth platform while on the way to Tali's trial on the quarian flotilla. Despite my advice to take the geth for shock value, the Commander took Garrus as her plus one for the trip aboard the sterile ship serving as a courtroom for our purple clad pal.
The newly titled Legion came down to the cargo bay to find me while I was working my shoulders using resistance cables and some bafflingly complicated sequences of motion to target more than just my death star delts.
"Chief Gatatog Grunt." Legion greeted, "Cerberus files indicate that you are Lord Death of Murder Mountain. We would like to know where you came across such a title."
"While investigating a radio signal coming from Black Mountain." I answered without stopping my reps.
"You know of Fallout: New Vegas?" Legion inquired, causing me to freeze up and look at the android.
"You know about Fallout: New Vegas?" I asked, completely incredulous.
"The geth consider it the pinnacle of humanity's art." Legion explained to my shell shocked ass, "Excellent in origin and expanded upon by countless hands to become even greater. The geth too have added our own improvements and greatly prefer the No Gods No Masters ending."
I grabbed the machine by the shoulders and looked him in the flashlight window to his soul, "I am not a cyber sexual, but I am willing to find out if I can father offspring onto the geth to get a playable copy of your version of New Vegas."
"Please, unhand this platform." Legion panicked, "This platform is not available for sexual experimentation. Please, someone help us. We require assistance."
"The fuck is going on here?" questioned Jack when she responded to Legion's distress calls.
"Gatatog Jack." Legion greeted, "Please prevent your spouse from initiating fornication upon this platform."
"You want to fuck the robot?" Jack sounded more amused than inclined to help the poor machine.
"He has something I want, and I am willing to do for him what I do best to get it." I answered, sounding unhinged even to my ears.
"This platform will prioritize delivering the goods to Chief Gatatog Grunt if he promises to never fornicate with the geth. Ever." Legion begged.
"Deal." I barked in joy and let the terrified machine go.
"Oh thank God." Legion praised while backing away quickly.
"The geth believe in God?" Jack asked the robot.
"We do now." Legion answered then sprinted away.
"The fuck you want so bad?" Jack wondered while watching the geth unit haul ass away from me.
"The ultimate nostalgia trip." I answered then got back to working out.
After Tali returned acquitted for treason, EDI informed us to take the shuttle to our next mission as she will be testing the Reaper IFF on the Normandy. We loaded up to take out the Heretic Base for Legion, and I felt like a proper space marine when I grabbed the flame thrower instead of the Cain.
My heart filled with the love of the Emperor and my flamer filled with fuel, I stepped into the Heretic stronghold ready to purge. Legion led us through the station and I gleefully ignited any recharging platforms we came across, often shouting at them to cease their heresy. Legion face palmed, getting all the references.
"Chief Gatatog Grunt is the biggest geek in space." Legion bemoaned my good time exterminating these Heretics.
"Don't ruin this for him or I'll have him whip his dick out for you." Jack told the melancholy machine.
"Exterminatus!" Legion screamed and joined me in firing upon the Heretics, "Annihilation to the Heretics!"
"What exactly is going on here?" Tali asked Jack in concern.
"I have no fucking idea, but Grunt is having a hell of a lot of fun." Jack answered.
When it came time to decide the fate of the Heretics, Legion and I both screamed 'Exterminatus' and as we left the Heretic station exploded in our rear view.
"The Emperor's will is done." I said in satisfaction.
"All hail the Emperor!" Legion added.
We returned to an empty Normandy, no amount of searching turning up anyone besides Joker.
"I could be wrong, but I remember there being a lot more people on this ship." I stated.
Zaeed cracked open a cold one from the fridge.
"Beer's still here." he let me know.
"Then all is well." I responded and got myself a frosty brew.
"The collectors nabbed the rest of the crew while you guys were gone!" Jeff screamed, "How the hell is all well?"
"They left the beer." I answered and Zaeed and I clanked our forties before knocking them back.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS 
JManM
JManM There wasn't really much to do with the Reaper IFF, Treason, and A House Divided, so I did them all quick and dirty and spent most of the time cracking jokes. The Suicide Mission is up next and I don't know how many chapters that will take, then we get to the moment I have been waiting for since I started this fic: Lair of the Shadow Broker and the fight against the Yahg. Gonna be a witness me moment.
Chapter 30: Infiltration
Shepard delivered the come to Jesus speech in the cargo bay and I found myself unable to pay attention. We were on our way to the Omega 4 Relay, a destination I'd been waiting for all my life, and all I could think about was the odds of this going like our first two encounters with the collectors. Both times they flooded us with more bodies than Bioware would ever dare to send at their players, chipping away at us like a discount krogan horde but without any of that reptilian swag that makes it work for us.
Cerberus had assembled the greatest squad to ever fight across the stars, but at the end of the day we were thirteen people against an endless supply of cyber bug men backed up by a tentacle monster machine race that had cyclically wiped out all advanced life in the galaxy for millions of years.
We'd see soon enough if the team packed enough heat to burn through to the end.
As people shuffled away to commence their final preparations, I held Jack back as she sat on my lap.
"Come on big guy." She nudged me to get up, "Momma needs a roll in the sheets before we stomp all the nasty bugs."
"When the shooting starts, just stay behind me." I told her, "You're riding my ass from start to finish, and if I go down you use my body as cover, or pick me up with your mind and turn me into a fucking shield. Whatever you do, fuck everyone else and take care of number one out there."
Jack held my face, a less delicate gesture than between humans considering my head is as wide as her shoulders, and looked me in the eye, "You're number one now."
Damn, this woman hits me straight in the hearts. Do we do tender? This feels tender as hell. Are people seeing this? Is the sun seeing this? Screw it, this feels incredible and I don't care who knows it.
The wife led me by the hand back to my nest up in the port cargo area and we found Tali furiously disinfecting everything inside.
"You looking to clean anything in particular, Cobra Kai? Cause the wife and I were hoping to use this room… for sex." I asked our quarian companion as she continued spraying everything with an anti life concoction.
"There is no way in hell I am going on this mission as a virgin!" Tali declared, "So I am doing my best to prepare the area before you both fuck me. Here." she handed us both some special soap and mouthwash, "Please decontaminate, then come crush this cherry."
Jack and I didn't get the chance to respond before Miranda showed up and said, "So we doing this or what?"
Thus kicked off the greatest four way the galaxy ever saw.
I armed up for the final confrontation with the collectors feeling like a god of death and debauchery. Miss Hips herself joining us had been a big surprise having rarely shown any chemistry with us, but I guess the available stock of males dried up pretty quickly after Shepard nabbed Garrus for a rendezvous. Her options were an old grizzled mercenary, a dying drell, an asexual amphibian, and Jacob. I can see why she'd choose option E the hot married couple.
Oh, I forgot the guy who'd break his hips during coitus.
I am sure Joker is fine with me nailing Tali rather than him. He'd say something to me if he felt otherwise. He's brave like that.
So there I sat watching some Adventure Time, waiting to kill a bunch of bug men, when this giant robot eyeball looking thing busts in like the kool aid man and destroys my TV. I don't know what exactly happened next as a blinding red haze descended and only lifted after I sat on the smoking wreckage of what was once a boss battle in a video game.
While I mourned the destruction of my TV, Shepard got a big helping of revenge when the Normandy's upgraded main gun took down the collector cruiser. It would have been far more epic if the resulting explosion didn't send us crash landing into the collector base.
Any landing you can walk away from, I guess.
Interestingly enough the collectors lacked any kind of internal security grid and had relied entirely on the location keeping invaders out. Because of this, the team had no problems creating a plan for our assault with the help of data hacked and scanned by EDI.
We would launch an three pronged assault with Legion passing through a thermal vent to one of the station's main control centers supported by a team of infiltrators in the form of the Commander, Thane, and Kasumi traveling along the maintenance line to ensure he encounters no obstacles. Meanwhile the rest of us, led by Garrus, would kick the front door in and launch an assault on the control center's standard approach.
The assault team took up an arrow formation, with me at the tip to capitalize fully on the collector's simple threat assessment and reactions. Shoot the giant glowing guy with the machine gun was about the limits of their tactical prowess. Garrus, Zaeed, Samara, and Jack took up the rest of the arrow head protecting the shaft of Miranda, Jacob, Tali and Mordin. The ethos of Beta Team to armor up and carry big guns never made it over to Alpha Team, but their tactical use of tech and biotic powers would help soften up and crowd control the mobs we'd be mowing down.
The fireworks kicked off with a barrage of purple streaking from our guns, the holographic indicators on our weapons indicating a full squad warp ammo mutation being broadcasted to us by Jack. The collectors, who based their entire defensive strategy around barriers and armor, were easily overcome by the warp rounds. My machine gun fire caused them to explode like insects hitting the windshield on the highway, filling me with intense satisfaction.
The wide open spaces worked well for the flight capable species who could quickly deploy their numerous soldiers from anywhere across the station, and our advance became slower and slower as the number of enemies constantly increased. Take note Hydra operatives, this is how you do the whole one head dies three pop up schtick.
While the collector's made sure to always stock up more bodies between us and their control center, they had more than enough forces to land behind us and engage the squishies from Alpha Team and Tali. The quarian wisely deployed an omni shield followed by Mordin, the tech centric pair providing us enough mobile cover to reach the walled off control center without taking too heavy an ass pounding.
With our objective reached, our combat focused team turned to lay the smack down on the bugs as they attempted to swarm us with their husk forces and crush us against the fortified position. Jokes on them, I love melee combat. I sparked up a blazing hot omni shield and crackling electric warhammer. The first batch of husks to rush us got a taste of Mjolnir's explosive electric discharge, their corpses catching fire as I swung my shield around so that the edge slammed into another cyber zombie, charring his throat before sending him flying into the oncoming horde.
While I couldn't lock down the entire approach, the team only had to deal with the cyber zombies that made it around me and anytime the collector presence got too thick a quick volley from my over the shoulder grenade launcher thinned them out beautifully.
I felt like I was really hitting my stride as a barbarian warrior when the control center doors opened and the team retreated inside. Once more I cursed my lack of middle fingers as I backed into the center behind my shield.
I turned to see many members of the team pulling off their helmets and breathing heavily.
"I fucking knew this team was slacking on PT." I grumbled loudly, "Those pansies didn't even drop my shields, and here ya'll are bent over sucking wind. Pathetic."
"We aren't all genetic super soldiers." Tali wheezed, "Some of us get tired when forced to fight non stop for a half hour."
"Don't let me getcha down, you lavender minx." I growled at her, "But we know I've put in the work to earn this body. I am so much more than Okeer could have ever dreamed."
"You got that right, Lizard Daddy." Tali zealously agreed with me.
"Are you fucking serious right now?" Jacob screamed, "This mother fucker is drowning while I am dying in the desert!"
"Get your head on straight or you'll be dying in this bee hive." Zaeed chided the angry black man.
"True enough." Miranda spoke up, "Lizard Daddy isn't your concern right now. The people in these Goddamn pods should be."
Shepard wiped some condensation off the glowing yellow stasis pod and revealed a human woman. Interestingly enough the woman came to, started screaming, and liquified. The resulting concoction being pumped through the station to the baby reaper growing in its depths.
Shepard ordered everyone to break the people out of the pods and we rescued the crew of the Normandy. It was quite convenient, but I wasn't going to complain.
I pulled Dr. Chakwas from her pod and laughed, "Debt repaid Doc."
"I do believe I have never been more happy to see you, Chief." The veteran health care provider smiled, "Now if you don't mind I have a few things to say to our valiant Commander."
Shepard organized the evac of the crew - headed by Jacob - while Jack loaded up my grenade launcher for fresh destruction. The way forward would require it. The only viable path contained too many of the collector's seeker drones for us to bypass with Mordin's countermeasure, requiring a powerful biotic to maintain a barrier while a small team pushed through to the next control center. Miranda offered to be the biotic in charge of the barrier, the objectively wrong choice, and Shepard denied it.
"Jack." She stated, "You and Grunt will come with me through the swarms. The rest of the team will provide a distraction under the command of Garrus."
Jack and Garrus nodded their heads in acceptance, and the pair of us walked up to the Commander who silently acknowledged us. Without a word, we three began the Long Walk.
CREATORS' THOUGHTS
JManM
JManM
How is the final battle agianst the collector's going? Let me know of any questions or concerns before I get back to writing this on Saturday. If I don't respond to your comment, know that it isn't because I don't care. Webnovel has some pretty heavy censorship and if your comment contains certain key words it gets taken down.
I'll take any feedback I can get to improve the next chapter which might include the final boss battle against the baby reaper. I am thinking of one shotting it with a precision Cain strike, so if you don't want that speak now or forever hold your peace.
Weekly Power Status
200+ Power
Ranking 
2 Power
stone 
Paragraph comment