Chapter 29: Busujima - The Sword of my Lord
After arranging with Yuriko and Saya what had to be done in the near future, Ryo began walking towards a certain person who was probably drowning herself in self-hatred and depreciation, while struggling with her actual emotions.
Ryo thought back to the day he met the woman who killed zombies with a bokken, until it was red instead of the usual wooden brown. Her figure was elegant, but he could tell how lonely it was behind that cover of total numbness. Saeko was a broken woman who, as much as he didn't like to admit it, couldn't live without someone telling her she is worth it.
And now that he made up his mind, Ryo couldn't allow her to suffer so much. Not when he was sure Saeko was supressing herself beacuse of her own biased way of thinking. He was about to rock her world upside down.
*
Saeko was training with the Murata-Tou to supress her grief. Saeko was sure that, had she not been the way she was, she would be now happily hanging off his arm. But she was not someone who deserved to be loved, and much less by someone like Ryo. In Saeko's eyes, Ryo was a man among men. Someone who didn't doubt to act, took decisions and even when he was in pain and his emotions in turmoil, he kept his head high. He had his moments, yes. But even she, who was raised to be a perfect lady and wife, had her moment too.
Just like right now. Slashing her sword for the two-hundredth time, she stopped to clear the sweat from her face. She was tired of being this way, unable to help herself from her grief, but also unable to stop her innermost desires.
When she was about to continue, she heard a few steps close to her. Looking away from her sword for a moment, she recognized the lone figure walking towards her. He had clearly announced his arrival like that, since she knew that if he wanted, no one would hear him walking around.
Hashimoto Ryo, the reason of her current predicament. She was marveled by him. Ryo was not only a natural leader and an exemplary man, but also at the peak physical state a human could be. He could kill a hundred zombies and go on, albeit a bit tired. It was something that even she couldn't do, which clearly told her one thing. Ryo was a man more than worthy of the life of an emperor. And that was why she felt like she wasn't worthy at all to be by his side. That and her more... dark, tendencies.
Saeko was expecting an order to move out, after all, that was all the man ever truly said to her. She knew she was overthinking, but her insecure side couldn't help but think that he had no interest in her. After all, he got with Yuriko almost right after they met, then with Miku and then with Rei. And he had clearly accepted Shizuka and Saya too, but one didn't feel any need to hurry while the other was just too shy to act boldly.
But the words she heard left her with her mouth open wide and her eyes confused.
"You and I are going on a date, so follow me"
Saeko couldn't understand what those words meant until at least a minute later. She had been staring at him just as he had been staring at her, but all she could see in his eyes was care and, surprisingly, worry. Her mind wasn't working properly, so she didn't emit any sound. Ryo, apparently, thought she hadn't heard him.
"Come one, we're going on a date, didn't you hear me?"
Saeko finally answered...
"Eh?"
*
Ryo said that it was a date, but they were walking through the streets outside of the Estate, killing zombies as they came. Saeko was enjoying it deeply, but supressed it. The last person she wanted to see that side of her, was him. What if he felt disgusted by the kind of thing she took pleasure in? As confident as she was in herself, Saeko couldn't help but be afraid. He hadn't said a single word since they left the Estate and the few words he said were short and concise.
"Let's go in this direction"
"Don't get too far from me"
"Follow me"
"I need you here"
When she thought about it more attentively, she realized all his words were pretty much the same thing, just said differently. It was an overall simple message he was giving her in a very roundabout way.
"Stay by my side"
When she heard those words, Saeko couldn't keep killing the undead. It was a small group, not more than ten. Usually, she would've just killed them ruthlessly, but right now they looked more human to her than herself. He was trying to tell her to not leave his side, but she hadn't even shown her true self.
As much as it scared her, she'd rather die than see him feel disgusted at her. So she thought that perhaps, if he killed her before she became one of them, she could die happily in the hands of the man she loved. So she closed her eyes and waited.
But the bites never came, and pain never reached her body. When Saeko opened her eyes, she saw Ryo's back in front of her, covering and protecting her body from any kind of harm that came in her way. For a moment she felt so small compared to him. Then he turned around and told her something she expected not to hear.
"We need to talk"
*
They had entered one of the houses outside of the Estate. Ryo was focusing on Saeko, only shortly taking a mental note on the fact that the houses were habitable. They were on a living room, sitting in front of each other around a tea table. Ryo was the one to break the ice.
"What is going on with you?" he asked. He already knew, but he needed her to tell him, or else he wouldn't be able to achieve his goal for the day. Saeko felt pressured under his gaze. She knew he did it because she cared about her, which actually hurt her even more. But she also knew that he wouldn't allow her to not talk. He was commanding her to tell him. And the worst part is that she knew it was for her own good.
"I... can I tell you my story?" Saeko asked with trembling lips. Seeing him nod, she sighed slowly and began speaking.
"A few years ago, when I was younger, I was attacked by a man on the way home. I was able to beat him thanks to having my bokken with me at the moment, but that isn't what is important. When the police arrived at the scene, the man was a broken shell. I had beaten him up half-dead and the worst part is that... I took pleasure in it" as she said those words, she looked at him to see his reaction. Ryo was impassive. He showed no expression or reaction to her words, bar his usual caring smile, the one he always used when he looked at them. Sighing once again, she continued. "I realized at that moment that I loved that feeling. Having someone's life in my hands and do what I wished with it. I... I'm not someone who deserves love. I don't deserve to be loved, being such a twisted woman"
For the first time, Ryo spoke, clearly not happy with her words. She was ready to be insulted, denigrated and perhaps even ostracized. But that never came. Instead, she was surprised.
"And who the hell said that you aren't worthy of anything?" Ryo said. He was annoyed when he heard that. All of that suffering just because she hated her own nature. "Have you hurt innocent people?"
Saeko shook her head in denial. Of course she hadn't and wouldn't. She had her own morals and she knew that she couldn't enjoy something like that. She even had a hard time killing child zombies, but pushed through when she saw Ryo doing it even with a pained expression on his face.
"Then so what if you enjoy hurting or even killing scum? Didn't you see what I did to Shido? And Soichiro? Or the guy who tried to r*** Shizuka?" He recounted each moment he had gone above and beyond her own doings. Now that she thought about it, Ryo was extremely violent with those who angered him... "Exactly, I took pleasure in what I did to them, but I did it because they deserved it. Doesn't that make you just like me, Saeko?"
When she heard his words, she realized just how stupid she had been. She thought back on all the negative thoughts she had and then tried to combine them with him, but just couldn't. She then understood that he didnt' care.
"If there is a woman who is worthy, then that is you, Saeko" Ryo said terminantly. He didn't care if she took pleasure in killing zombies and hurting people. She wouldn't hurt innocents, so he didn't care. "So what if you are crazy or broken? I'll take it all in stride. I, Hashimoto Ryo, want you, Busujima Saeko"
Those were the words that finished blowing her mind. She felt giddy and there was a weird, fluttery feeling in her stomach. She was sure that it was what everyone referred to as having butterflies in the stomach. She knew it was a release of dopamine caused by the sudden acceptance of her feelings and love for him, but she couldn't help herself. She really was in love.
As such, she did what she knew how to do best. Act like a proper lady and follow the samurai code her father had taught her. She kneeled in front of Ryo and, with her blade on her lap, did a dogeza.
"I, Busujima Saeko, promise my sword will ever only move for your benefit. I will be the sword of my lord, Hashimoto Ryo"
Ryo only smiled warmly seeing Saeko doing such a thing, since he knew how important it was. She was basically offering herself in marriage. He told her to get up and, when they were already standing, she was about a almost a head shorter than him. Ryo hugged her and, with pain in his voice, spoke.
"Please don't treat yourself like that ever again. You are precious to me and I can't stand the sight of you suffering like that. You have no idea how long I've waited for a moment to talk to you"
Saeko just buried her head in his chest, drowning in the feelings of comfort, safety, warmth and love his hug brought her.
"Un"
Finally, she was free from her own demons.
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Took a while didn't it? But here you go. A full chapter for samurai waifu. I fucking loved writing this.
The reason I delayed it for so long is because I wanted it to feel even better when I finally released it and, being honest, I think I did a good job.
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