Chapter 156: Separation
-Meredith! Meredith! Please come and play with us on the dock- a young and cheerful voice spread through the large and bright room where she was, together with Charles, her son, her newborn baby.
In that morning the twins had managed to enter the room, seek attention and time from the woman, who, however, inevitably she could not have, as she herself was too busy taking care of the baby.
The strong morning light entered through faint rays inside the large window of the room, illuminating with it the pale face of the woman, the very long brown hair, her lips, as well as the large green eyes of hers.
Meredith was holding the child, her Charles, in her arms, watching his little face, his little reddened cheeks, his brown hair, which on his little head was continuing to grow, he was small, still too small to be completely out of danger.
Lady Mary had proposed several times to the new mother to entrust the baby to a nurse, so that she could take care of the newborn, even during the night, when the baby cried and screamed the most.
But Meredith had always refused: it was her responsibility and it was her job to raise him and then hand him over to his legitimate father, prince Aleksei.
Of course she admitted, everything was simpler when the baby was not yet born, when she still did not recognise his face and was not yet fond of him, she remembered, in her childhood, Meredith had always wanted to become a mother one day, and after Olivia's death, when Charles was also born, she felt she could not let him go so easily.
-Meredith, please come with us?- Cassidy asked, pulling slightly on the bottom of the woman's dress, she knew the little ones were still too young to understand, but she really couldn't at that moment.
She smiled faintly, caressed the children' heads lovingly, she hoped they understood, she always had a hard time saying "no" to someone, but she hoped they understood that in that moment she really had to do something more important.
-Now I can't my dear, but I'm sure, if you kindly ask your guardian, she will surely take you- admitted Meredith patiently guiding the twins out of the room, gently, she was very sorry, she had now become like a mother for them and on the other hand she felt a strong affection toward them.
But she wanted to be alone at that moment, alone with Charles and think, think about her life, its events, with nostalgia, she didn't know what to do, not since a couple of days before she had received the letter, written by a certain Nathaniel Nox who admitted the relationship between him and Diane, her dear Diane.
What would become of her? Meredith, who has always been waiting for her...Was Diane tired of her yet? What would have been if she decided never to come back? On the other hand, she had found company in England.
Meredith observed the face of her baby clinging to her breast to drink the warm milk, she was proud of him, so proud of him, that she really felt she was the happiest woman in the world with him.
Just in that moment perhaps, she realised that she could not separate from him, not after having already lost a daughter, she could not send him away so easily.
-Drink my child, my little Charles, you will have to grow strong to rule one day, but for the moment you are still small, too small- admitted the woman smiling at the child, placing her loving lips on the sweaty forehead of the little one -remember Charles, just one thing...remember to always be yourself, remember to never be ashamed of being who you really are, this you will have to promise me, baby- Meredith admitted hoping that even in his inexperience the newborn could learn the words of his mother.
She wanted Charles to know all this, she wanted with all her heart that he grow up being happy and loved, because there would always be someone in the world to love him, because love was like a magnet, an equal opposite effect, the more you gave and more you received back.
Meredith had made the mistake of giving too much love to the wrong woman, but she was sure that in the world, even in Russia, there would be someone with whom to exchange love.
-Hey...- she heard a voice, it was a familiar voice, came out from behind the door of the room, away from where she herself was with her baby in her arms, she recognised her, but she did not feel as much love as she imagined or hoped -...hey Meredith, it's me, I'm back home...-.
Diane came out from behind the door, she did not walk calmly, but on the contrary, to do this she needed the help of a wooden crutch, in order to walk well.
She was covered on the abdomen with bandages, many of which were still stained with blood, it did not surprise her, Meredith knew her girlfriend almost by heart and as she well knew it would not have been strange that she had come home injured and limping.
-Diane...- Meredith slowly raised her big green eyes towards her face, she didn't show too much enthusiasm, something had changed in her mood since she finally received that letter that had broken her heart in half -...I didn't wait for you to come back, no more now...-.
Diane looked down, she realised something was wrong and she also knew what and why she had started acting so coldly with her.
-You have received the letter then...- admitted the lady, lowering her big and humid blue eyes completely and in embarrassment towards the cold and white floor -...I just wanted to tell you one thing, I'm really, really sorry... - admitted her slowly sitting on the large and comfortable bed, made available to the guest and the child.
Diane looked at the ceiling from the mattress, it had a pale but beautiful colour, and the mattress, soft, under her body, had been so long that she hadn't had a chance to lie down comfortably to rest.
But despite being tired she couldn't rest, she couldn't, not after what she had done to her poor Meredith, not after having lied to her and betrayed her in such a selfish way.
-Hear me out, Diane...- admitted the woman slowly raising her gaze from the cold floor to the lady body, lying on the bed, watching her from a distance, she saw her face full of worry and tiredness, Meredith knew her fears well and most likely what she would say would be the end of something great between them.
-...I usually forgive many things, but I cannot forgive that you have lied to me all the time, while here I pined my heart day after day in the hope of seeing you again one day...I cannot accept it, nor forgive it- the young woman clearly admitted, pushing away from her bare breast the child, who by dint of drinking, had fallen asleep in her arms -...I'm sorry to hurt you, Diane but it's over, I simply can't, I'm sorry...-.
Diane heard how her girlfriend's firm and calm voice changed into sobs, she knew that goodbyes always hurt and she didn't even feel so much better, but she imagined, she thought, that was all her fault.
If only she had waited to see her again, if only she hadn't broken her heart and lost her trust, this whole situation would never have happened.
Diane's soft, black curls caressed her face, scattered on her soft mattress, it was good they could stay there to warm her cold face and dry her tears but not now, not in that moment where she had to stay strong.
-It is fine for you to feel that way, Meredith, just...tell me what your plans are- Diane asked coldly from the surface of the mattress, stretching her limbs over the covers, slowly trying to regain strength.
-I will wait for Aleksei to end the war and I will ask, as an independent woman to follow him to Russia, at court my love will certainly be reciprocated by some other girl and in this way I could be close to my child and observe how he grows, because I could not bear to lose him now...-.
This was what Diane imagined, she understood it, after all the love of a mother was very strong, and the love that was once born between them was tragically dead.
On the other hand, Meredith was still young and beautiful and she was sure that in Russia she would find her happiness with another woman, who maybe would be able to love her more than she ever did.
Was Diane really that blind? She just wanted to wake up from that nightmare, go back in time to give up the revolution and the causes that she had always blindly followed only to spend more time with her beloved and her children who almost no longer recognised their mother.
She understood Meredith's anger, accepted it and wouldn't force her to stay with her, because deep down she still loved her, but she would ask for one last thing before it all ended.
-Meredith, I ask you only one favour and I will ask you just one more- Diane asked, wearily turning her deep gaze towards her girl sitting on the comfortable and precious chair, holding the child in her hands -the doctor says that it will be impossible for me completely recover, so only one thing I ask of you, in this matter of time that could separate me from death, stay with me up to that point, assist me until the end...be near to my children, would you?-.
Meredith could not believe what was happening, seriously? Was that supposed to be goodbye? Was that the cruel ending of a tragic story? At that moment, perhaps a thousand different ideas created in her head, a thousand and more, in her desperation.
Perhaps in this world there was no good and evil, perhaps this world was inhabited only by defenceless people who made weapons out of their weaknesses and who made absolute justice with their hearts.
The world was not a fairy tale for children, the world was difficult and complicated, even good-hearted people died, total justice did not exist, perhaps it had never existed.
-You will not die Diane...- admitted her slowly rising from her seat so as not to wake up the little Charles sleeping in her arms -... I made my choices, but this does not mean that the past must be deleted, positive or negative aspects, I no longer love you Diane but I will not let you die alone for any reason...-.
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