Chapter 138: Just disappointment
-Well done, Samuel... - a hiss of sarcastic irony came out quickly from Walter's thin lips -now thanks to you we don't have our sister but we have two children that we should take care of-.
For some time, at least since the three hours that had followed the departure of the three Stanley brothers from the coasts of central England, an embarrassing despondency had followed, which mostly were aimed at the youngest member of the three.
The sun was beating down during that hot summer day, beating strongly on the skins of the brothers, who in the light and the glare highlighted their different characteristics even more.
It was hot that August day, so hot that of the three half-brothers who were traveling on the boat, most had stripped their bodies of the shirt and jacket, necessary for a true lord and were left bare-chested under the scorching heat of that day.
The scene was actually different, under the eyes of each of them: Walter, the eldest, sat on a barrel pressed solidly against the right and outermost side of the ship. His wavy brown hair fell damp on his forehead and his normally pale skin was red and sweat-filled.
Marcus, the middle son, held his face close to a basin filled with cool water, rinsed his face along with other parts of his body in an attempt to cool his body temperature. He kept his straight black hair tied behind his neck in a short ponytail, although of the three brothers, he seemed the one who suffered the least from the hot August.
Samuel, on the other hand being of nordic origins from his mother's side suffered more than anyone from the heat, he kept his blond wavy hair untied on his shoulders moistened by sweat and his face had begun to take a reddened complexion and invariably started to ache.
But he didn't have time for that now, not when it was something else that pined him most in that situation.
Since his brothers had ceased to speak to him, enormous feelings of guilt had begun to melt the man: he felt he had made the wrong choice in freeing Diane, he knew her on the other hand and he knew well that even if she had been bound and carried by force to Man, she would run away again.
Diane was not a lady, she was rebellious, wild, she had her own way of thinking and in order to reach her goal she would have given up on it all, he knew this.
She had left her two children of just four years in the custody of her half brothers and had preferred to stay there to risk her life rather than follow them and save herself.
Samuel looked up, his cold blue eyes for a few moments towards the twins: Logan and Cassidy, they were still small, too small to understand what was happening but strangely in the eyes of the little ones, in their actions he saw a way of do almost identical to Diane and some resemblance to her.
The two children were at that moment at the upper end of the boat, where there was directly a magnificent view of the sea and the fresh and transparent water in front of them.
Their faces were splashed by small drops of fresh water, their eyes were immersed in the infinite amount of water in front of them.
Having grown up on a farm they had not yet seen the sea and perhaps for that very reason that whole feeling was strangely new and immensely special.
-They are only four years old, they can't understand what is happening...- Marcus retorted, who in a moment of stillness had raised his face from the basin of fresh water to turn it briefly to the youngest of his half brothers -...who will explain to them where their mother is at this moment?-.
-In any case, I think I should go and talk to them...- Samuel admitted briefly raising his tired and heated gaze towards his brothers, passing it from one to the other, scrupulously observing their every movement.
It was terrible having to sail in the early afternoon sun, even worse when he, overcome by guilt, knew that the fact of having lost their sister would never be forgiven.
He imagined all the different alternatives, what would Lady Mary do with him?
On the other hand, he and his half-brothers had been raised by the woman as her own children from an early age, as infants, after the death of their respective mothers, Lady Mary Morley had raised them in spite of herself as her own children, she had made sure they received hot meals and education, each of them, along with their respective rooms in the Stanley mansion.
It was striking how the woman cared for children that were not hers more than their common biological father.
Of course, after putting them in their mothers' wombs and after their birth James Stanley had brought them all to Man, on the other hand he could not do anything else and leaving them in an orphanage seemed something too demanding for the lord.
He had decided to bring them home but for nothing else, James Stanley had always been quite detached and disinterested towards his children, he had always been away for bureaucratic and work matters that as viscount Lord Stanley could not miss.
So his direct wife had been responsible for their growth: lady Mary had raised four adopted children plus Diane, who was her biological daughter and for that they were quite grateful.
So Samuel still thought that a woman who raised him could never have him imprisoned or killed.
He suddenly felt an acid smell, a particularly strong stench, noticing Walter, his eldest brother had begun to throw up on the woody floor of the damp ship.
Marcus had therefore left his position from the cool water that by now had become hot under the sun to help the other in difficulty or at least to move the damp and sweaty hair away from his forehead.
It must have been from seasickness or from the heat of that day that suddenly Samuel's stomach also began to turn and tremble.
-Seasickness?- asked Samuel sarcastically observing his brother's reddened face in an attempt to get rid of that sudden feeling of nausea.
It was difficult for Walter to respond as he continued to vomit, his lips were full of that sour liquid and saliva, the sweat was now descending from his forehead until it fell quickly on his chin, through the rest of his face.
It was now clear that the man had contracted sunstroke and given those conditions they would not be able to stay in the open sea for much longer.
They had been at sea for almost four hours so it would not be long before they arrived on the island.
Samuel, after having waited a long time for an answer from his half-brothers, too busy at the moment, had decided for the moment to go and talk with his nephew and niece.
On the other hand he did not know them at all well if not for a few weeks before and since they had no longer been able to see their mother they had become of minimal communication or company.
When he reached the two children he was able for the first time after almost four hours of travel to feel for the first time the true deep essence of the sea.
In front of him lay the transparent blue and fresh water, he could feel it, perceive it from the small droplets of water that rarely splashed on the huge and woody hull of the ship and hit him in the face.
He smelled for the first time in a while the salty smell of water, now no longer covered by his brother's sour smell of vomit.
The cool wind was slowly beating in his face, that feeling was something he himself couldn't even explain because of its beauty.
Even the children were there with him observing the sea with curious silence: something in them seemed strange, it was as if something in them seemed dead, dull, too serious for children of their age.
-Logan, Cassidy...- Samuel called slowly, thus leaving both to notice his presence -what happens? Do you like the sea?-.
Both the little ones seemed to turn towards the man with an air of insensitivity, it seemed, in their big blue eyes that no emotion was felt.
Obviously they had seen very few grown men in their childhood so Samuel expected at least that the most logical reaction they could express was anguish or fear of him, yet it seemed that both of them did not feel any emotion at that moment.
-The sea is beautiful, where is mother?- asked the little girl swinging slowly on her feet as her long black curls moved here and there on her back -did you make her run away? You look like bad persons...-.
Samuel smiled, his blond hair lay on his wet forehead.
Having grown up in a large family, the man knew exactly how to be patient with the little ones and especially how to treat them on such an occasion.
It was sad though to know how those children missed Diane, their mother.
He himself had never had the opportunity to meet his biological mother, he knew what she was like from his father's stories.
She had died like the other mothers of his half brothers at the hands of their father, died of poisoning directly a few hours after giving birth, perhaps it was precisely for this reason that Samuel had never had the opportunity to become attached to her.
In any case, he imagined that he inherited from her the same hair colour and almost with the utmost certainty the shape of his face, which, albeit with masculine features possessed sweet and delicate shapes.
-Do not worry, you will meet your mother again shortly, do not doubt about it, do you have more questions?-.
-I'm kind of hungry, is there any food?- Logan asked starting to rub his small pale hands on his abdomen that had started to tremble and grumble with hunger.
He was actually right, they had eaten for the last time six hours earlier, at breakfast before setting sail, only some milk and a slice of bread and jam, it was no surprise they had not become full of it.
-Do not worry, once on land you will receive all the food you want, meat, fish or vegetables, as you prefer…-.
At that precise moment, as the man spoke those words, the tall, wooden hull of the great ship struck the shore thus letting the upper part of the ship sink into the golden sand, at that time of day glistening from the light of the sun.
Samuel was happy to have arrived there, grateful that he had finally reached his destination and grateful for the sight he had to finally see: in front of his eyes, the sea left to a vast land of grass that covered the horizon and the surface of the hill, who, from the top of the coast ruled over those lands.
On the beach, a few meters from them there was also a young woman in her thirties, a lady so beautiful but that the man himself had never met.
She had long brown hair left neatly loose on her back, green eyes full of life and under her dress she hid a belly swollen from her pregnancy.
She observed with a joyful and almost surprised look in the direction of the man still on the boat and of the two children, she observed them with an look so sweet and amiable that it almost made Samuel's heart bounce in his chest.
-What is your name, my lady?- the man asked aloud from above trying to start a dialogue with her - if you weren't more careful the ship could risk crushing you...-.
-Forgive me my lord, my name is Meredith Dustin...- admitted the woman eager for answers -is Diane there with you?-.
Samuel didn't want to answer, or mostly didn't know how to answer.
As soon as he knew the name of the young woman it was immediately clear to him that the lady who had made his heart beat so strong was in reality the girlfriend of his own half sister and rightly she too was looking for traces of her.
Her eyes, large and green were full of emotion and being pregnant, Samuel knew it would not be moral to lie to her.
-Unfortunately no, Diane wanted to stay in England...- Samuel admitted slowly lowering his gaze towards the wooden and damp floor of the ship -I am really sorry to have disappointed you...-.
It was a silent scene, it was sad, depressing almost to see how the enthusiasm and the immense joy vanished from the young woman's big green eyes.
And indeed notice how these feelings changed and reflected in the woman's gaze in the form of sad tears.
Meredith had promised herself from the day her Olivia died suffocated by the heat of the flames, that she would never ever cry, no more, for any reason.
So that even when her eyes were now full of salty tears, she tried to keep them all inside them.
-I understand you, Samuel, you know...it's not your fault- admitted the woman with a look of sadness but at the same time positivity in her voice -it was I who chose to love Diane even knowing how stubborn and rebellious she was and despite this, I would never regret my choice...- soon the trembling and thin lips of the young woman turned into an optimistic smile.
The two looked at each other for a few seconds, Samuel from above, she from below in the shadow of the boat but illuminated by the strong midday sun rays.
Meredith's long brown hair rubbed back and forth on her back, pushed by the light and fresh breeze so as to give the young woman the air of a goddess.
-I'm not afraid, Samuel, I'm sure Diane will be back and until that time comes I'll do everything to take care of her children...until again we could be a family-.
Lady Meredith was a strong woman, not physically as much as for her spirit and for the man on the other hand it was almost supportive in knowing that at least one person was not hurt by his actions.
The part of it that seemed more difficult to him, however, was regaining the redemption of his stepmother.
Once Samuel got off the boat on the warm and golden sand he also found himself in direct confrontation with Lady Mary Morley who mainly had arrived there as soon as possible as soon as the attendants had informed her of the arrival of a ship on the beach.
She had run barefoot through the fields, on the cliff that ended up descending to the beach, she had kept the skirt of her precious dress tied to one side and had come there with an almost too curious manner which did not suit much a lady.
In fact, Lady Mary was not born as a lady but as a descendant of slaves of Afro-Spanish origin who were constricted in the hard work on the plantations of their father.
She had made her way in life and among prejudices when she was still a girl she had not accepted the conditions of hard work and had fought for her people to receive freedom, she had taken an interest in books and had developed an almost unique strength and beauty an so chosen by their father, he had removed her from that modest position making a lady out of her.
In her attitudes Lady Mary reflected many of Diane's principles and characteristics, both were warriors, both fought for a just cause and nevertheless hardly gave up.
As soon as he landed on the island, the lady was about to embrace all three of her late husband's children with such affection that it almost made their hearts melt.
She began to look around her where Diane could be investigating the scene impatiently, she was looking forward to being able to hug her daughter again and finally know that she was there.
-Diane is not here my lady- admitted one of the three Stanley brothers -she wanted to stay there, in England, we could not convince her...-.
That scene seemed almost a memory of their childhood, whenever something happened within the walls of the Stanley mansion all the children were gathered in the dining room, seated in armchairs and forced to admit the truth before they could leave their seats.
Even as a child Samuel had always hated that also because the Walter-Marcus duo, his older half-brothers always tended to collaborate to get the younger ones into trouble and accuse them unfairly.
He had never had a good relationship with them because it was as if those years of difference that separated them had built too much distance between them.
Because they were the "grown-ups" and their task was to teach the little ones about life and to become part of them even Samuel himself had had to start teaching life to the little ones, often mocking Gilbert or Diane.
But that was not him, he had always known it, that was a mask of silence that he wore and that he had always worn for his own defence, because as in nature the strongest overwhelm the weakest, to survive they had to learn to be strong and decided.
-Which of you let Diane run away?- lady Mary Morley asked slowly and angrily as all the eyes of the brothers landed on Samuel with cruelty and cowardice.
She knew it, she perceived it, he lowered his gaze, his cold blue eyes, he was actually nervous and afraid for the umpteenth time in his life, he was born in fear, raised in fear and could not await for that to change.
He could feel the woman's large, dark eyes resting on his pale face in anger and disapproval, analysing him, his wavy blond hair, his sweaty forehead and his cold blue eyes.
-I understand...- lady Mary admitted after a short pause of silence -Meredith, dear, do me the pleasure of briefly bringing the children with you...Walter, Marcus, you too, leave me here to talk for a moment with your brother...-.
The scene was shy, full of anxiety and stress and for the first time when he was really left alone, Samuel realised what it really felt like to have no one to rely on.
He understood why as a child he had become cruel and had turned off his emotions to follow his brothers because with them he felt falsely protected, because he had always been a weak coward who was afraid of everything around him, because he was anything but strong.
He was just a bastard, an illegitimate son who had been given a chance and although he was very grateful for his life he felt that his fear had stopped him from being himself.
He felt the warm and sweaty hands of the woman take him arm in arm, Samuel jumped for a few seconds, that feeling was so strange he was not used to someone giving him so much confidence, especially not his stepmother.
He observed her sweet face, the dark and delicate complexion of the woman, her big black eyes, her soft and plump lips that hid a thin and small smile.
-Come on, Samuel, I just want to walk here by the sea in your company...-.
The two slowly began to walk, the sand, warm and golden moved under their footsteps.
The man briefly closed his eyes, exhaled, opened his nostrils to the sea, to the salty smell of the water, to the calm rustle of the waves which repeated itself again and again, the warm rays of the sun on his pale face.
That feeling was beautiful, it reminded him of something beautiful, calm, that perhaps unconsciously in his life he had already lived.
-Hear Samuel this sea, this sun, this calm, this day reminds me almost of the exact moment when your father introduced you to me for the first time...- admitted the woman closing her eyes for a few moments breathing in the fresh sea breeze.
-I still remember the moment: I was on the beach, sitting in one of these places waiting for your father to come back from one of his umpteenth business trips, you know...I was waiting for him here, patiently, like a good and faithful wife...-.
A brief silence was created between the two as they were still walking, no one dared to say anything, not until everything was interrupted by a calm and slow sigh.
-When I saw my husband get off the ship carrying a baby in his arms, small and desperately crying, it was no longer a surprise for me: you were tiny Samuel, a newborn with wrinkled and reddened skin and two little black eyes accompanied by a few blond hairs on your head...I reluctantly confess that, at the exact moment I saw you I wished you were dead more than anything else in the world...-.
Samuel looked away from the beach, away on the seafront, looked at the transparent water, the white foam, the salty smell of it.
He understood the woman's feelings were almost justified and natural, she hated the fact that another child not hers was presented to her, she hated the infidelity of her own husband and very likely could not bear that her calm and faithfulness were not rewarded .
He understood it, it was normal.
-...on the other hand when your father proposed to simply abandon you in some wood to let you starve to death, I refused...I refused to believe in the brutality of that man and as the years before I accepted you Samuel as I did with your older half brothers...I can't help it, I've always been like that, it's my character...-.
The footsteps of the two stopped briefly, they stood there under the hot summer sun, their faces illuminated by the rays of the burning sun, Samuel drew a quick glance at the woman's face, kept her composure, a smile on her face, despite her big eyes were now filled with tears.
-I have given you a good life, an education, hot food and a roof on your head, I have made sure that you and your half brothers follow your passions, you are and will always be part of our family...of my family, I cannot do anything about it, I've already told you...-.
-Lady Mary...- the man stammered slowly with a look of insecure sadness in his trembling voice -...are you angry with me?-.
-No, Samuel- she answered -I'm not angry with you I am just disappointed-.
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