Chapter 7: Unrequited feelings
It was now eight in the morning and although it was particularly early for a winter day, the attendants in the castle were already beginning to mobilise. A continuous coming and going of leather soles mixed intensely with very familiar smells. The scent of lavender and jasmine with which the courtesans' hair and sometimes the white wigs of the courtiers were perfumed, the peculiar smell of the grease with which the shoes had been newly polished. The fresh smell of clothes washed with exotic scented soaps mingled in the cool morning air.
Those perfumes were followed by the smells of food, which the attendants, through the outermost courtyard of the castle brought to the kitchens. The fresh smell of vegetables that had been picked that morning from the garden, the aromatic smell of spices with which meat was treated, the nauseating and annoying smell of fish, which the young baron found hard to bear.
Although it was only eight in the morning, Juniper Whiteblossom, the young baron of the North was already prepared for this chaotic day. As usual, his four attendants showed up at six in the morning, gently awakening the young lord with the tinkling of a golden bell. They filled the bathtub and perfumed the hot water so that the young baron could wash off the sweat accumulated during the night. They had helped him to get dressed in new and clean clothes, they had polished his leather shoes with pork fat, they had perfumed his luxurious white wig with winter musk and covered the boy's natural blond curls with it.
It had been about two hours since then, and Juniper was standing there, with his body resting on the window, sill and silent as an eagle watches its prey from the top of the mountain. The young baron actually had a prey, and his small, delightful and splendid prey was his cousin, Isabelle. She was awake too, and, in her solitude, she sat on a precious marble bench situated under the porch and played with a small flower found in the garden. She took it in her little hands, sniffed it and began to pluck its white petals one by one.
Juniper sat there, silently watching the young princess pass her last few hours of freedom before making the acquaintance of her betrothed. The young man looked at her and never got tired of it. It was like a need for him, having the body of his young cousin next to his, it had become a need, and it grew more every day. The young baron had seen his young cousin grow up, he had seen her blossom, he had observed how beautiful she had become and was amazed that all those feelings he felt had come out of his heart only in that moment. It was hard to think that all this had started from a simple feeling of mutual protection and weakness.
He knew well that his uncle, this thing would never accept it. Juniper knew well that even though the king had loved him, his nephew, he would never accept that the latter would marry the cousin. Now that he was thinking about these aspects he began to put the pieces together and think that those feelings had always been there, but that what he had always felt for her were just a mask to cover how he really felt.
Juniper heard footsteps approaching his door, behind him and promptly, almost like an innate stimulus, whirled around. Since that fateful night when the assassins had entered the castle walls killing his mother, in search of the young baron, Juniper had learned to always be on the alert and also to use his dagger which he kept hidden in his chest of drawers, if any. Two solid knocks on the wooden door marked with a hard note all the silence that had been created in those minutes. Juniper grabbed his dagger with sublime agility and walked with light and quick steps towards the door that led from his room to the wide corridor.
-Who is it? -he asked as his mouth, together with his throat, became more and more dry. The young man played with the dagger, squeezed it, made it flow from one hand to the other. Juniper loved that little dagger, it was quite small, but still comfortable to touch. It had a base of oak wood, carved and precious, which came directly from the forests of the North and a very sharp silver blade.He still remembered the day he received that particular, but magnificent weapon. He remembered very well, perfectly, his tenth birthday, when his father gave that object to him, his only son.
That dagger was like a noble family heirloom, passing from generation to generation along the Whiteblossom male line. Juniper thought of his father, he had a special relationship with him. In fact, the story that characterised the Baron of the North, his late father, was quite particular and at times almost unlikely or even credible.
Juniper's father had in fact been married to a noble Northern woman for countless years. The young man did not know exactly how that woman was physically, the only thing he knew for sure was that her name was Eveline and that her father was really in love with her. Destiny wanted, however, that the man never managed to obtain any heir from the woman and once she reached her forty years, Eveline died of an incurable disease. In this way, his father, the old Baron of the North had found himself at sixty a widower and without any child.
Receiving the news that the man was looking for a new wife, Karlheinz Hannover, king of England and late father of Isabelle, needed immediate help from the northern lands at the time to fight his war against Wales. So he decided full of joy to give the old man his young sister, Ella, a fifteen years old girl, beautiful and healthy, in order to create an alliance.
That same year Juniper was born and finally his father was blessed with the birth of an only son, a male, who he could finally call his heir. The young man thought about all this, how his parents' marriage was completely forced, that there was no love or feeling in it, that it was aimed at only one purpose...
His mother, the poor young princess Ella Hannover, in her fifteen years of age, had only one duty, to give her beautiful young body to a much older man and bare him a son, and so it was, with the birth of Juniper. But while his mother had always felt very strong feelings towards her son, it was almost impossible for the woman to have any kind of love or feeling for her husband.
The late baron drank, he was not faithful. He had a neglected appearance since the only woman he had ever loved had died. He had grown plump, had let his white hair grow up to his shoulders. From the stress and old, his skin had contracted some sort of sickness, starting to create dark spots irregularly on his face and only few teeth remained in his old father's mouth. That was how Juniper remembered his father.
No voices continued to be heard until at least ten minutes later. -It's me, Henry, open up, please- the young baron grabbed the gold handle of his oak door with one hand and with a quick flick of the wrist made it rotate until the click of the bolt was heard echoing in the room. Juniper let the man enter in his room, let him sit on his wooden stool and let him remove his uncomfortable white wig from his head, showing his very long golden blond hair. The young man sat down on his window , sill, as he used to do, and began to look out the window again, to take sweet glances at his delicious, beautiful prey.
-Cousin Juniper, I was hoping to speak to you in private- the prince said, letting these words escape from his pink lips almost like a whisper, almost as if he wanted to hide that sentence from a potential enemy. -I was hoping to talk, just the two of us- the dark blue eyes of the young baron exchanged a glance with the grey ones of the prince. He did not know if it was only his impression, but Prince Henry looked more troubled and pale than usual. It was evident that something was wrong. Insidious cold shivers began to rise up the back of the young man, almost like an impulse, an innate instinct, giving him an annoying sense, a mixture of anxiety, fear and despair.
Henry was, like Isabelle, Juniper's cousin. However, the two had never had a relationship as strong or full of affection as they had over the years, developed with Isabelle. Prince Henry was eight years older than Juniper, and perhaps that considerable age difference, perhaps the distant relationships that had been imposed on him by the etiquette of the royal family, did not allow the two to be really close, but just to experience a remarkable mutual esteem.
Juniper went down from the window sill and slowly closed the woody and damp extremities of it, letting his watchful gaze slip away and letting his beloved prey escape. As his feeble legs touched the floor his knees began to move quickly, to tremble. Henry was sitting sprawled on the long wooden stool that had been carefully adjusted at the foot of the bed. The prince was scared and Juniper knew it well, he had learned to recognise fear in each of the smallest nuances.
He had learned it from his lips, which out of control began to tremble, from the hoarser voice, from the sprawling position of his legs and from the way the prince's hands were immersed in his long angelic hair.
-I noticed your gaze towards my sister, I can also recognise those kind of feelings well, you love her, don't you? -asked the prince. The young Baron stopped his body in an instant, his heart, it was as if he had stopped, he was no longer sweating, he no longer felt any anxiety or fear, he could no longer feel anything, no more emotion, as he saw on the pale face of the man with a slight smile.
Juniper took courage to speak, he felt like he no longer had to be ashamed.
-Yes, you are perceptive my prince, I love Isabelle, I love your sister and I do it with all my heart and soul- Henry thought again, thought deeply, and suddenly that smile that had once been on his face disappeared again.
-Exactly as I feared ...- the prince admitted this time more sadly. He let go of his hands from his long golden hair and almost without any force he let them fall on his lap.
-What do you mean? - Juniper asked again, this time more scared than he had been before.
-Isabelle does not want you, dear cousin, my beloved sister has long since betrothed you to the young Duchess of Belfast...- those words came out bitter from the lips of the prince, but together with this bitterness it was not difficult to notice a certain compassion and sadness.
- I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-.
At that moment Juniper's fragile heart shattered, and he felt foolish to have such silly feelings. He was feeling sad that he had lost another person he cared about. Juniper had faced worse: he had seen the death first of his father and then of his mother in the eyes, he had faced the loss of his fortress in the North, he had faced the death of the king and now, Juniper Whiteblossom, at the age at seventeen, he was facing the most tragic death of all, that of his heart.
He was no longer able to feel any emotion, he no longer felt anything, he no longer felt his body, his fear, his feelings, it was all over. Juniper slowly sat down on another bench, also made of wood and so he took off the white wig from his head, showing all his golden-blond curls.
-Has this ever happened to you?- Juniper asked staring into space with his big blue eyes, red from bitter tears -have you ever suffered for love? -.
The prince took a quick glance at the young cousin. Henry's gaze was totally struck by such a question, he was not very used to the fact that someone cared about what had really happened in his life or what kind of feelings were mixed in his heart.
-Yes- the man admitted, quickly letting those words come out of his lips -it happened to me, a long time ago, I was in love too-. Juniper looked up at him. His gaze was directed downwards, towards the floor, and a faint smile had returned to his face.
- Her name was Eloise, she was young, she was beautiful, we loved each other more than anything in the world and every time our bodies were close to each other I was incredibly able to forget all the pains of my the past-. Juniper took a quick look at the courtyard, his younger cousin was still there, beautiful as usual wrapped in her immensely beautiful blue dress.
The young baron thought about it.
Was it worth continuing to fight and melt his soul like that, with those folkloristic daydreams or maybe it was time to open our eyes to the world, accept the facts and move on?
-Only one thing was not right in Eloise- Henry's voice returned to echo in the room accompanied by a faint tone of melancholy connected to the past -she was a plebeian, the daughter of the court groom and this fact did not please my father at all -. Juniper lowered his gaze completely, he knew in every way how the story would end and all of a sudden he felt stupid and weak. He appreciated Henry, he was a man with a strong soul, he had seen things that many could only imagine in their worst nightmares: he had seen his mother's death with his own eyes when he was still a child, he had seen his love die because of his father and had always lived in the castle as a silent ghost, seen with negligence by everyone and never with a say on what he thought or how he felt.
Salty tears began to fall from the blue eyes of the young baron and his voice began to become more tremulous and melancholy. -I'm sorry, I'm really sorry ... - were the only words that came out of the young man's mouth like a weak sob -you, my prince, you are a strong person, you always know how to bear the pains of life and how to act, but I, it would be a divine miracle if I only had half your courage-.
Henry smiled even though Juniper was sobbing and trying to hide his tears, the prince felt on the one hand relieved. He felt that both he and his cousin shared the same sensitivity and were on the one hand forced to keep their feelings to themselves. This was something that made them completely unique, but at the same time more vulnerable to the outside world.
-It is not courage what I have, cousin Juniper ... - the prince spoke again -all that has pushed me to go on in these years is love, and today, more than ever I am worried about this, because I love my country and my family ... -. The young baron suddenly stopped sobbing and raised his face in such a way that his eyes met those of the prince again.
- I don't understand, what you are talking about now, Henry ... - he tried to say with desperate words - I really don't understand, your people, your homeland is here, in England ... -.
-No...- the man started talking again, this time raising his voice and starting to run his fingers through his long blond hair -I don't want to see more bloodshed, I don't want to see my two families fighting again ... -. Juniper looked away for a few moments and began to think and reflect and clutching the ledges of the marble sill, with both hands. He came to the point that Henry wished the young man to understand.
-Do you mean, cousin Henry, that what worries you now is the subject that the princess mentioned at the table? Do you mean the war against France?-. The prince nodded several times and put his white wig back on his long hair.
-I'm afraid Juniper, I hope you understand me, I only have these horrible feelings that haunt me, day after day more and more...-. Juniper came down from the windowsill, he knew he could speak openly with the prince, he knew that they were both innocent victims of their past and decision makers of their own future.
-I would do anything to help you, believe me, I would do anything to avoid a second carnage, I ... I'm just tired, tired of seeing people die- the young baron recognised this weakness of his, this internal tiredness. At the age of seventeen he had already experienced enough trauma, which would have been enough for his entire life.
He had seen blood, he had seen death several times, he had lived in a reality as a rich boy, but not being in the least satisfied. He had repeatedly as a child felt the pain of the maniacal apprehension of his noble father. He had repeatedly hated to see his mother sad, he hated the fact that his childhood had simply never been there.
-I beg you of one thing only, cousin ... - Henry finally resumed speaking after a few moments of silence, he had lifted his tall body from the wooden bench and was now in the standing in front of the young baron -only one thing, and my heart will be able to live in peace ... -.
Juniper was quite stressed, all that waiting, all that silence, almost made him nervous. -Watch up on my sister, I know that you have a very close relationship with her ... -.
-Do you mean ... - Juniper clenched his fists, couldn't believe what the prince was asking him to do, looked away -you mean maybe ... that I should bring Princess Isabelle to confess her future plans? -.
- It is the only hope ... - the prince commented placing a hand on Juniper's shoulder and looking into his eyes - I do not want anyone else to die and this is our only hope ... -.
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