Lilith
When I was younger, I met this boy.. he always had a smile on his face, it looked kind of.. forced, but I didn't really mind it. What I really liked about this boy, was how he was really kind to me, always helped me out, and always smiled, comforted me, he always told me.. "A smile is the best makeup any girl can wear, so smile for me! Because you know, I love girls who always smile" That was the thing that always made my day light up, I continued thinking of him everyday, every afternoon, every night, I would message him every time I was able to, I would always think of him and get myself in trouble whenever i'm in class, but that didn't bother me, not at all. As long as I could see him, think of him, remember his smiling and beautiful face, I would always be happy
I would always go to bed whenever he told me to, he told me it was bad to stay awake just for him, I would always listen to his words, that were.. a bit empty and.. it sometimes didn't make sense, if I were to be honest, he always smiled, with beautiful words, but all of that just seemed.. forced, made up, fake, but.. I keep pushing that thought away, I don't wanna think like that again, but.. I can't stop it, I just keep thinking it's fake
I always listened to his advice, and did everything he told me to, it was because.. I trusted him, I tell myself I trust him, because I believe I do, but I don't believe that I do as well, everything is mixed up, I can't properly explain myself, but, he would never betray me at all, I think, he would smile all the time, and I would always get shy most of the time, especially around him, I would always be the one to be with him the most, until, the other girls started going to him, this happened when I was 13 and he was 14, he would always get crowded by the girls, and I would get pushed away, they would always talk to him a lot, and get him to ignore me, badly enough that he doesn't even want to hang out with me anymore
Tears started flowing down my cheeks as I watched him being with other people, different people, people that I don't even know, he never really talked about himself much, but I still believed in him, waiting for his answer, was all I could do, I was oblivious, I was.. not thinking at all.. I loved him.. with my heart
But
Those thoughts.. all faded.. extremely fast, in that one moment, that one moment I wish I never experienced, that one moment that hurt me extremely badly, that one moment, that I saw him, with another girl, smiling, genuinely? No, fake.. I thought he.. I thought..! Well..
I thought wrong
I still love him.. I still believed he would accept me.. I was naive.. I knew that.. deep down.. that wouldn't happen..
He kept ignoring me and avoiding me, he didn't try to atleast.. talk to me, he would ignore my calls, and leave my messages on seen, I decided that I had enough, so I ended up.. trying to expose him
Tokyo Japan, 11:23 PM
"Hehe, i'll see you later then"
"Byee Kirito~!"
I continued watching over them, what was I thinking?! Why would I follow them all over until night?! I'm supposed to be studying right now! But in the end.. I want to get my revenge on him! Expose him! I know that-
"Who's there?"
Wait.. he could see me?..
"Who are you?"
Oh shoot.. gotta run!
I decided to run away, like a fool I was, I couldn't run any faster than I did, I was slow. Pathetic, and stupid, I didn't think any of this through, and he ended up catching me
"What are you doing here, Lilith?!"
...
I can't say anything
My mind was messed up, I had nothing to say, I was terrified, scared that.. scared that he would hate me, but.. I swore to myself to get revenge, so why am I feeling this way? Right, i'm pathetic.. I can't even get over him, after all.. it's not easy for your feelings to disappear, when you've had it for a long time, 8 years, that's how long I've liked him, I hate that girl, I was first, I was first to be with him, yet.. why did he choose her?! Why did he..
"Why are you crying?"
Eh?
"I'm not worth your tears, i've ignored you completely, i'm terrible, huh?"
Damn right you are, jerk! But.. I can't say that to him..
I decided.. to finally build up my courage..
"I won't let you reject me!"
"What?-"
I pulled him closer to me, I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, then I went in for a deep kiss, it doesn't look like he hated it, after all, he didn't try and stop me, and kissed me back, but he pushed me away, blushing hard
"W-What- Why did you-"
"I like you Kirito!! I won't let you reject me! I'll make you like me!!"
"...."
Long pause
"Whatever"
I sighed, why did I do that?! I know that.. it's impossible to make him like me, but... I just won't give up! I'm not a loser! I already said it, i'm not giving up!
A few days have passed
I said that I won't give up but..
Why are me and him still avoiding each other?!?
I mean to be honest, that's common.. usually people who like each other are shy when they kiss, but.. DOES HE EVEN LIKE ME??! No, obviously, he had no reaction to what happened, all he said was "whatever" what happened to the positive child I knew?! Right, he's gone, he's different. Right right, I feel stupid now
I wish everything would go back to where it was, even if he was smiling fake, and everything he did wasn't real, and even if all of it was fake, atleast I could be with him, that's all that matters.
Author's note: Was this too weird?! Should I change it? Please tell mee!
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