Chapter 57: [LVI] - Heart of Delusion
It was as if the part of my vision that was always obscured, got erased all of a sudden. The black, blank canvas magically dissolved into thin air, making the surroundings unusually... Real.
The unknown feeling grasped me by my heart. That the life you've been living hasn't been an effect of your will at all.
"What are you... Talking about?" — Silent words got out from my squeezed lungs. They were filled with despair.
It was as if the flood of strong currents wanted to kidnap your body. You wish you could withstand that, but there is no force inside of you that can oppose the great wave. The wave of the puzzle pieces unraveling from the shadows, multiplying in numbers.
The words of his that got into my mind, they've unlocked the new colors of the reality I've never seen. That behind it all, there are multiple layers. Another person who seemed to hide the truth before me. The name of my aunt like a red siren was ringing in my thoughts. It hurts.
"What... Do you mean?" — Asking him once again, after no response, I wanted to instinctively push him away. But his embrace was so strong I couldn't open the lock.
Making us... Dead?
Taking... Pills?
Me and him... Meeting again... Have I ever mentioned that... I've met Paul? Did they... meet?
It's all so confusing. Everything getting to me at once, it made my head dizzy, with the reality spinning in my head.
I can't understand. I don't even want to. Why?
"Get off me... You... What's the meaning of all of this?!" — My voice was trembling, with my nails pinning into his back.
"It's too late to do anything now. They..."
"You knew all along. That there was something wrong... And it all involving me?!"
I finally pushed him away. Grabbing his long, sleek hair, I pulled him violently, making his face appear right before mine. His eyes were first surprised at the force I grabbed him with, but then, it was as if he realized that my strength comes from negative emotions. The bags under his glassy eyes were red from crying, his lips turned down were clasped, his gaze staring at me with approval, yet his eyebrows frowned from the pain of me pulling his hair. The cat observing us with curiosity from nearby, jumped back and hissed loudly at us both.
"Even if I don't understand what is happening... Why did you all hide it from me!? You knew... Something I didn't." — The misery in my voice poured all out.
"Curiosity can have bad sides, you know that well." — He muttered out with uneasiness in his voice.
"You... Why you... What exactly do you know?!" — I pulled his head closer towards mine so that our noses almost touched each other. The droplets of tears falling from my eyes were flooding my cheeks.
We stared at each other for a long while. Me being agitated with fury, shaking with anger. Him being unsure of his own emotions, his slim hands shivering around my waist.
"I know that I should never have let you alone anywhere. You are just so... Precious." — The last word was filled with... longing.
He lifted his hands up to my hair, curling it between his fingers. The fingertips touched my ears, making it tingle.
Both of our stares were filled with emotions. Both of our eyes cried tears when nobody watched. Both of our heart were filled with doubt and confusion, fear towards the unknown future, and that we might never see each other again.
So why... Do I feel like...
He slowly pulled my face towards his, the color of lavender filled my vision. I could feel the warmth growing on my cheeks, the delicate touch of his emerging deeper into my skin.
He knew everything, yet he didn't tell me. No one told me, that in the future I might be the doom of all around me.
And he tried... To throw all of the fault on me... Despite knowing well... Better than me what was happening...
As I read in the book, in the ancient Greek society, there was a telling.
"The more you know, there's more you realize how much you don't know."
Would it change anything, if I knew I hold a ticking bomb inside of me? One in hundreds of millions, a walking threat.
The place I am in, a month ago, it was my home. Now it's empty. The people I knew, they are now all gone.
Those who knew about me... The truth...
How dare he... Why...
"Why is everyone hiding the truth from me? Even you..."
Before his lips attempted to touch mine, I shoved my hand between our faces, and pushed him away.
He fell on his back, with his eyes widely opened in a sudden surprise.
Only after that, I realized he tried to kiss me.
The scarlet blush spread across my face, with every of my breath becoming faster and heavier.
The creature's eyes were opened widely, as if witnessing something grotesque.
"What?!" — I covered my face with my hands, asking him in a raised up voice.
He...!
"I wanted to give you a goodbye... I'm eager to take you away, but I can't. I can't run away. I can't abandon anyone else I'm responsible for. If I take you in... Everyone will be found and... I can't take the burden of another person dying because of my fault... I don't want to choose... But... I don't want to leave you..."
He wailed desperately into his hands, as his body lied on the cold, concrete floor.
Why is it like that, despite my heart hurting from his long lasting betrayal and lies... I still have great amount of sympathy for him?
The face of the man before me, a one I thought had no secrets to hide from me, now fills me with confusion. I feel like I shouldn't forgive, I want to avoid being hurried anymore. Yet...
I never knew he was so emotional. The joyful appearance he kept as a facade before me, was so well made. Inside, he was just like me. Anxious, a chaotic mind having a hard time coping with reality. Maybe that's why we went on with each other really well. Both hiding what's real inside.
The despair grew, as I tried to get rid of the thought, that it can all be fixed. Seeing him again, could this ever happen...
I don't want another person from my life disappearing in grief towards me.
I wanted to insist on me going with him, but the faint rational voice in my head wanted to scream. I can't. I can't take him deeper into that swamp I was drowning in.
"I... Am delusional. Thinking that if I found you... It would be finally okay. After all, they are pursuing me at all of the times. I don't really know what they want... But... From the start... I knew..." — The words got stuck inside of my itchy throat. — "That... If I found you... I would only bring danger upon you..."
I don't want that. I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me. Never. I don't want to lose another person. Even if he hid the truth before me... Even if I wouldn't see him again, knowing that he's safe...
I just can't.
"Will we ever meet again, Icto? Do you promise me... Not to die... Until I fix this world?" — I crawled towards him. — "If the world is falling apart... Would there be anything stopping you from telling me the truth?"
My hair was hanging above his face, touching his cheeks. Glaring deep into his lavender eyes, I've tried to find the right word for the feelings I had for him.
His eyes were always calming, filled with positivity and energy. His smile was beaming through the darkness at all times, finding a way of a bad situation. But now it wasn't a teenager dream anymore. Life is cruel, and before we realize, it falls on our heads. There are decisions one can't choose between, without losing anything.
I appreciate his existence, the happiness he brought into my life. The lifeguard he was when the times were dark. The help he gave when the world was against me.
Glaring into someone's face, you rarely realize that they are... The same human being as you. Feeling, thinking. When someone is silent, gazing into the unknown... What are they wondering about?
The one you deserted years ago... Do you still hope to see them? What if you never do, never have a chance to say what you wanted.
I like him. The violet-haired man staring dreamily at me from below. Spending time with him is nice, talking filled me with hopes. But...
Love takes on different forms. If I could say I love him, it would be in a different kind of way. It's not desire that rules upon my heart when I see him, but rather compassion and respect. A guardian angel that had me in its arms.
I hoped he would tell me, everything everyone was hiding from me all my life. Would it enlighten me in any way? Would this change my life for worse or for better? Would this knowledge be just another thing... I would despise myself for?
Before I could give him the hope to live, until we would meet again, a single noise disrupted it all. The cat sitting next to us hissed loudly, ruffling it's fur.
The air in the room became chilly, as if the temperature dropped a few degrees. A shadow that grew over us from nowhere. The silent clacking of a metal weapon in this person's arms.
I glared into Icto's eyes, widely opened, as if he never wanted to lose the sight of me again.
He would, quicker than expected.
Weekly Power Status
-- Power
Ranking 
-- Power
stone