Chapter 5: Am I Waiting For Someone?
Maddie POV
I've been staring the ceiling for almost 2 hours and checking my phone every minute because of the time wherein it felt like I'm being chase by it. I don't know either for myself ever since I met that new CEO yesterday which my mom didn't even tell me unless If I didn't give her call. My mom really likes to me calling her time to time but she always asked about my blind date which it didn't work again.
My phone keeps vibrating and I thought it was from my cousin who I've been waiting to call me ever since we parted ways last 3 years ago. The last time I saw her is we went to Korea and enjoy the autumn season then a guy approach her and as expected she is my cousin best friend. What's his name again? Jomari? Jake? Jonas? I forgot it again and maybe I should ask kylie. Is she busy right now?
I don't know what happened to me. Why can't I sleep since yesterday? like I feel empty and lonely. Thoughts and emotion are filling me in no matter how I lived my own. I just realize now, some of the best moments are never captured by cameras but when you're with someone who you wish to be with
That question is still on my mind, and I keep stop thinking about it. It's just a simple question but why can't I find the answer on it
"Don't you think this is fate? or just a coincidence meeting you here?" this question is still bothering me until now and when I'm too close to him I feel like we known each other for a long time. Also, this question keeps me left hanging throughout the night that made feel anxious but at the same time as I've been waiting for someone and longing for the love that I feel for a lifetime.
I guess I'm too soft to get attached to someone I just met yesterday, and I don't know what I'm feeling because either I know him, or he knows me. I can't blame him if I can't sleep but blame myself for it because I work too much in the company and maybe it's time for me to take a vacation which I hope my mom will give it to me
I'm such an idiot. Why did I even sleep here when I can stay at my own apartment? It's been 2 years since I left this house but I'm back again. That 1 year of staying here in home made my life horrible and I keep having nightmares that almost killed me then end up sleep walking.
The doorbell ring, then I'm too lazy to stand up since I'm still laying at my bed. That person keeps doing it, but I have no choice but to go downstairs
"I'm coming!" I shouted and why this person is early to disturbed me this morning. Last time, a guy stalked me and follow me in the house. I try my best to protect myself, but I can't when someone saved me from him because he is trying to sexual harassed me. But I don't know the person who saves me that night, and how I wish I could meet him again to know that I'm thankful
I guess the person just leave because the bell stops ringing. I know my bodyguard are outside of the house keeping me safe here, but they already know if I'm close with that person they just let them in
I feel like I'm with someone here "Maddie, morning love. Come sit with me and let's have a breakfast. I cook your favorite food" he smiles at me, but I don't know why but my heart been waiting for him.
How come he knows me, but I can't see his face clearly then I try to come or walk closely. I suddenly feel devastated and broken inside then fell.
"Why do this keep happening to me?" tears started to fall again and I can't stop crying
I try to stand up, but I feel dizzy when someone approached me then carried me upstairs to my room and I can't see clearly who it was, then put me in the bed.
"Maddie, are you alright?" I hugged him and my chest feel heavy and tight
"Where have you been?" I said and I don't know what to feel now
"Maddie, why are you crying?"
I look closely then it's not what I expected and my head hurts which I don't know why? "You killed him"
"No, I don't"
"You killed him"
"Please stop"
"You killed him, you don't deserve to live Madeline"
"You killed him"
"Stay away from me please!"
"Maddie"
"Don't come near me!"
"Why did you kill him, Madeline?"
"Nicholas, save you but you kill my brother!"
I just close my eyes and ears. I don't know why he keep calling me madeline
"Madeline, you're a murderer"
"Maddie"
"AAAAAHHHHH! AAAAAHHHHHH!"
"Maddie!" my conscious went back, and I saw someone beside my bed
"Here drink this first" I hear a guy voice that handed me over a glass of water, but my hands are shivering and it slipped down then the glass broke into pieces
"Let me get you another one" I couldn't thank him that much
"Here you go" he said and give me something. It's my medicine and how did he know?
He handed me a handkerchief and didn't say anything
"I'm sorry about that" I said, and I can finally see him "Oh Mr. Haver" I tried to stand up but he let me lay for a bit
"Why aren't you asking anything?" I asked
He didn't bother and he don't want to know it "You can tell me anytime and I'll listen to you" he said and smile
I smile a bit that made me feel comfortable somehow. I can see from this distance, and he looks too young
"Actually" I said, and he is just listening at me while I'm telling him
"I don't know the reason why I'm crying, and my heart always feel pain, but the doctor already gave me the medicine I need" I said and wait for him to say anything
"Why do I feel like I know you before? Did we meet already?" I asked which made him feel surprised and look serious that's when it's taking too long for him to answer "I'm just kidding Mr. Haver. Don't take it serious" I laughed at him
"I think you're already fine since you can crack a joke like that" he said and laughed
"Not really, I'm just becoming weird right now, but I hope you wouldn't mind that much"
"Not at all, maybe you have a reason"
"What do you mean reason for that?" I spoke
"Would you tell me if I ask you?" he said, and my mind went blank which I couldn't give him specific answer on that
"I would like to Mr. Haver, but I can't it's a personal matter" I lied because I don't know how to answer him at this moment because I'm not myself now. He just smile at me
"Why do you keep smiling?" I asked
"Well people don't like me when I'm serious because they taught, I'm terrifying"
"Really? How come? I don't see it that way. You're a good person and I think you don't look terrifying to me"
"Why not? I can be but if you would like to see it then I can do that way"
"Well, I wouldn't mind that much if you do because I still know you're a good person at all"
"Seems to me, your expert on handling this kind of situation even no matter how rude the person is"
"It's been 11 years since I handle a lot of people like this"
"That's good and I hope I can work with you well"
"You can count on me Mr. Haver" I said to him and put a thumbs up
I checked my phone and look at the time. It's already 12:30pm and 30 missed calls from Janina. Is that serious? She's been calling early in the morning but all I did is to think thoughtless that feel empty inside
"What's with the long face maddie?" he asked. Did I make it? I keep ignoring things that made feel curious on my past
"Janina was going to fetch you here but I told her that I should just do it" he said
I know Janina, when every time I'm late at my own company she keeps worrying because there might something happen to me
"Since when did you start taking medicine? If you wouldn't mind and tell me if it bothers you with this question" he's a mindful person who think first if the person will agree without being hurt with simple words
"Almost 3 years" I said
"Is it really serious?" I don't know what to tell him and the answer is really something I can't find. Why am I acting like this?
"Uhm... I don't know how it started but I just suddenly feel that anytime pain will kill me" I explained even I'm not sure of myself anymore
"But my mom said that I got into an accident, but I don't remember anything at all on what really happened to me as I just found myself laying on the bed and I'm already in the hospital seeing my parents on my side" I continued
"How do you feel right now?"
"I'm feel suffocated when every time I go here, like there is a missing piece of my memory but I don't have any idea or memories at all because I stay at my apartment for almost 2 years since I left this home and let someone take care of it"
"That is sad to hear, I didn't know"
"No, it's fine and at least you ask"
"May I ask you a question? If you wouldn't mind"
"Yes sure, you can ask me anything and I can answer you honestly" I said, and he just look at me
"Have you ever loved someone?" that question is out of nowhere which I can't give an answer because this is the hardest question that I don't know how to give a specific clue to myself
"No but it feels like I did but don't know how and whom" I said and feel confused to myself that made me feel hurt right now. Here I go again crying that made me feel pathetic even now
"I feel like I'm waiting for someone, but I don't know who it is and longing for the feeling of love that someone made me feel" I said out of nowhere
Am I really waiting for someone? Because I can't seem to remember anything at all but why do I feel sad when I say it?
When my phone suddenly rings, and I saw jasmine calling me
"Can you just wait me downstairs? I'll just need to change" I said, and he went downstairs now
"Hello"
"Hey! You keep me worrying!" – janina
"You don't need to shout at me janina"
"Sorry Maddie, you know me when I get worried" – janina
"I know"
"Where did you sleep last night?"
"Ah about that"
"Where are you now? I've been looking all over for you in the apartment but you're not here" – janina
"I'm at home"
"Why did you sleep at the place again? Didn't I told you not to because you keep acting weird and having nightmares everytime you stay at home" – janina
I just keep quiet and she just nagging me
"Don't tell me you're in pain again?" – janina
How can I tell her? Because she might nag at me again which I don't like if that happens
"What happened to you last night? You went home early than I expected then you feel lost and hurt" – janina
Here she goes again, why don't she let me talk first?
"Since the new CEO join the company yesterday, you've been acting weird, and you can't stop crying when you see him" – janina
"Janina, lower your voice he might hear you"
"Don't tell me it's on a loudspeaker?" – janina
She really knows me well
"Now tell me"
"Actually, I can't sleep last night then I just want to go home that is why I left early even the welcome party is still ongoing"
I forgot to apologize to Mr. Haver for my rude attitude last night that made him uncomfortable at all
"Is there something bothering you?" – janina
Why do these people keep asking me a question which I can't give any answer and it's kind of disappointing to myself that made me feel terrible.
"Oh nothing, I'll call you later" then I end the call so that she would stop talking too much. Even she is annoying for too much nagging, but I still love her
I changed my clothes then put a light make up to make myself look normal because my eyes are swollen.
I get my things and fix my bed a little bit. I went downstairs and I can see he's waiting for me
"Mr. Haver about last night. I'm sorry for my rude attitude that made you uncomfortable. I'm just not feeling well, I know I shouldn't make any excuses" I explained it to him to avoid any misunderstanding toward our relationship in business
"No need to worry. I know you're in pain because I can see it on your eyes" he said which make me feel sorry and I'm so mad of myself for making myself look pathetic yesterday in front him because we're welcoming him, but I left early last night because I'm not feeling well at all
"If you need accompany, just tell me and I'll do it for you" my heart flutters
"I forgot to thank you for the welcome party last night. I really had fun and jasmine told me a lot of things about you" her chatty mouth can't even shut for a little bit on talking that much now my private life has been exposed
"You need to forget that makes you think feel sad and lonely. Remember only the good memories you had because life can be difficult sometimes" I find his advice a bit comforting. I thought I'm always fine, but I guess not
"I think we should go now, and you'll be assisting me on my business trip next week, but we will be discussing once we arrive on the company" I just nodded and check my schedule for next week
He didn't talk throughout the travel going to the company. He seems to be quiet person who doesn't like to talk that much. I can't stop staring at him because he really looks young to handle a busy like this. Well, I'm only 29, should I ask his age?? or maybe not?
"We're here" he said, and I didn't notice that we already arrived. He parked his car and stepped outside to open the door for me
"Oh, thank you" I said with a smile then he smiled back at me
Somehow, I'm a little bit sleepy and feel dizzy but I need to overcome it for a while since we have a meeting
"Oh, you're here Mr. Haver" jasmine said while trying to be cute in front of him
"Please kindly set up a meeting now" he ordered jasmine but still not into herself yet
Suddenly notice me then approached me and standing in front of me. She's not talking for about 3 minutes
"You are making me nervous" I said but she suddenly hugged me tight with worry expression. Her duality is on it again
"Maddie, why do you keep me waiting and worry? You almost kill me to death. Next time tell your bodyguards, okay?" can she just at least comfort instead scolding me like this since I'm not feeling well
"You already told me that, I'm fine okay and thanks to Mr. Haver who send me home last night"
The meeting will start, and we discussed the plans for next month. I just prepared with all the materials needed and went inside the meeting room
"Is everyone here? If there are still other staff not around let's wait for them until they get here" Mr. Haver said and everyone seems tp be fine with him because all of the girls here are trying to be cute
"Mr. Haver, can we ask you few questions even it's not work related?" they shyly said but he just nodded to remove the awkwardness inside this room
"Are you married?" then he just laughed because he looks young to get married yet
"No, since I'm waiting for someone" he said and looked at me which made me stop for the moment. All the staff are here and board of directors
They started to present the upcoming events for next month and what are the schedule of the sassy girl and I just check the materials and paper if there are some changes need to do. But Mr. Haver is just staring at me while listening then I tap his arm "Mr. Haver, is there something you need?"
"Ah yes, can you tell me how many sales you did in the past few months?"
"Oh, about that, its 17% sales and as it goes up this month for about 3% because there are products we need to promote and looking for new ambassadors" I said and explained to him about the company and the staff who works here because I want him to feel comfortable at less than to expect something
"Oh okay, thank you" look at the paper that I gave him
"What is my next schedule today? As of now, you're next meeting is you have a flight going to japan at 2pm to meet Mr. Kawasaki and his wife for signing a contract"
The sun is too thick, I put the blinds down so that it won't get hot inside the meeting room
"How about the ambassadors? Have you found anyone?? Also, about the audition, when will it start? I hope by next meeting you could give an update and I need one report about this meeting" he said which makes everyone nervous and I'm the only one who's very calm
"Oh, sorry about that everyone, I'm not mad and I'm still adjusting with this company" then no one respond at him
"No, Mr. Haver and I think they are still trying to become professional to give you accurate answer or to tell the report in detail" I explained to him and to make everyone here feel at ease
"I see, no need to worry. Is the presentation done?" he asked
"Yes Mr. Haver, we are still looking for someone and have a debut as a fashion editor for Vogue Korea. A model for Elle and W"
"Okay that settled, meeting adjourned" Mr. Haver said and went to his office while the other staff went to their office while me still fixing and cleaning everything here before I proceed with the other things. It's already 1:30pm
"I need to leave now jasmine, maybe I should clear my mind because I can't work at this state of situation" I said
"Why? Is there something bothering you maddie?" she asked, and I just smile
I get my car keys and drove straight to the beach. I didn't ask any bodyguard to follow me because I want to be alone since I can handle myself. I sit in the sand and let my feet feel the flow of water on the beach then there are kids playing and while couples having some barbeque.
How I wish I could be with someone having a deep talk conversation about life.
I never want anything in life, as long as I'm happy with my decision because it cause too much pain if we think of negative things. I spend most of time here in the beach that can clear my mind and have inner peace
I'm still thinking about the question of Mr. Haver until now. Did I ever love someone? I'm always unlucky when it comes to loving someone which I don't know why. I settle myself to try something so that it won't bother me, and I feel I'm lost with my own words
When every time I go here, I always think this weird question. How do I say goodbye to someone I never really had? Why do my tears fall endlessly for someone who was never been there for me? Why is it I miss someone I was never really with? And why do I feel like longing for someone I don't know who it was? I'm not sure of anything in my life and it's giving me an hard time to think of what happened to me back then
The doctor said I have amnesia then If those memories are only giving pain, I hope I won't remember them anymore to make my life peaceful but that is not what happening to me, and I keep myself thinking on how to make it up living this world. What did I just miss?
I notice someone standing and looking very deep in the ocean. Then he turns around and look at me which I walk closely from where he is standing
"Are you waiting for someone?" he asked without knowing who I am then just smile which make me feel like I've been waiting for a long time. I can see in his eyes and he feels lonely and waiting for someone to come back
Then I ask the question again in my mind
Am I waiting for someone?
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