Chapter 41: How to Get to Sleep
Why does rubbing one out make men so sleepy? Why does jerkin my gerkin make me yawn and relax? Why does raising the flag on my pole in rapid succession cause such a joyous tiredness? Let's discuss.
I learned this very quickly, every guy has. When I'm having trouble sleeping I don't reach for the Trazodone or the Nyquil. When I can't sleep I don't make excuses or try to figure it out. If I can't sleep, my meat I must beat. Don't look so appalled right now. Ask ANY guy above the age of thirteen or so and he will admit it. I wouldn't suggest going to your local middle school and randomly asking little boys if they get sleepy after blowing a load all over the keyboard. You get put on a special list if you do that.
I don't have any scientific facts to back this claim up except for my 15-16 years of experience. I just pull up my favorite website, sit back and relax as much as possible, turn on some Barry White and get….it….ON!
Now if you do things correctly it shouldn't take longer than three to five minutes. However, if you can't maintain your focus on the computer screen then you'll find yourself sitting at that thing for over thirty minutes. That's when the tearing and bleeding begins for those of us that practice the dry rub.
The key is finding what you're in the mood for right away. Don't browse, just know what you need to see and get it on that screen. Make it quick, the purple headed yogurt slinger doesn't appreciate being given an Indian rug burn for so long. You don't want to be up all night, that defeats the purpose of the sleepy tug and rub.
I know what I know and now you know it too.
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